Public Embarassment

[Tesstv]

undefinedI have been a cross-dresser since I was 9 years old. Years and years of dressing up in private, feeling ashamed whilst dressing in women's/girls clothes; feeling humiliated athe tought of being caught or seen whilst sexually sroused at how I was dressed have probably caused me to associate humiliation and sexual arousal.

My early efforts at going out dressed left a lot to be desired, with lots of sniggers, laughs and bemused looks. As I got better at dressing, the looks, the sniggers and the embarassment began to fade.

Eventually I came to realise that the embarassment and the taboo of being picked as a man or boy in womens' clothes was as much, if sometimes not more, the cause of turn on than the clothes and makeup themselves.

So started to do things that made it obvious I was a sissy male.

At first I started going out shopping and to gay bars with pantyhose and no socks under my trousers and light pink nail polish. Very little reaction - I might as well not have bothered.

I summoned the courage to take progessively greater risks. Addimg light touches of makeup and some girly jewellery. I sometimes left my shirt unbuttoned enough to show of my satin and lace bra or camisole. I began to get at least a few smirks and knowing glances as I presented my purchases of female items to the shop assistants.

Once, when I was about 19, I wore a pair of tan pantyhose and a diamante ankle bracelet into a womens' shoe shop, under a pair of womens' jeans with a white loose fitting T-shirt. My white bra was vivble if you looked, but not obvious.

An attractive sales assistant in her 20's asked if she could help me. I asked her for a pair of taupe boots and white 4.5 inch stiletto courts in a size 10.

She looked at me a little perplexed and then smiled and said she would have a look. She came out with a box of each.

Here was the telling moment! Would I buy them with the possibility of them being the wrong size, or would I have the courage to do waht I really wanted to do - try thme on.

I gulped and stared at her for a few moments and then indicated that they were for me and asked if I could try them on. There. I'd done it. I stood there bright red in the face, becoming very aroused in my panties as she politely smiled and motioned me towards a seat. She said she get get me a stocking to try them on with. I lifted my left trouser leg, revealing my stockinged ankle and ankle bracelet and said quietly and ashamedly that that wouldn't be necessary.

She smiled again and complemented me on my ankle bracelet. I was in seventh heaven. As she helped me zip up the boots, her fingers gently brushed my stockinged ankles. I almost erupted there and then.

It was also highly embarassing as I paraded around the store on womens high heeld courts and the boots, an obvious male,with other women watching on bemusedly.

I bought both, thanked the assistant and let the store.

Next I started to take further risks. I started going shopping and out to gay bars dressed in white or powder blue jogging shorts and matching t-shirt or sportshirt with tan pantyhose and light blue panties underneath - usually with light pink painted nails and light mascara and light pink lipstick.

My first step into a crowded shopping mall with my leg very visibly encased in tan pantyhose had me weak at the knees

Later I graduated to wearing the same outfit with ultra shimmery lycra pantyhose, Wolford Neon 40's. They were much more noticeable - especially in the sunlight

I would delight in people, especially young, attractive females remarking things like "Hey there's a guy wearing pantyhose" or somewhat more rarely schoolgirls or boys, being a little less sensitive or discreet, would say quite loudly = look at that sissy in pantyhose. I wouls spend hours walking around shopping malls, catching trains going to bars like that. I loved sitting in outdoor malls with the sun highlighting the shimmery hose. I loved going into stores and trying on womens shoes and boots. The more sniggers and stares; the more comments the better.

I went on to wearing darker, more noticeable pantyhose, and even black fishnets with tight denim shorts or even a kilt or a skirt with womens boots and shoes - but that's a story for another day

[Wendy me]

tesstv wow welcome and may i add that was a veary nive intro..i think your going to love it here...........kick up them heels girlfreind your home

[MariaCD]

Welcome. I love your story. You have made alot of progress. Its something you have to build up.

[Vickie-CD]

Quite a story there, I started dressing in my pre-teens also, but I never felt ashamed or any negative emotions about it, it was just a natural feeling and several years later it is still the natural me.
Love you All,
Vickie

[Tristen Cox]

Thats quite an intro, and well worth the read. Welcome to the forum. I think you'll like it here. ;)

Love & hugs
Tristen

[Ashleigh]

HI Tess. Like Tristen said, that's quite an intro. Lets us know a bit about you as well. Looking forward to more posts from you. Lots of great people here.

[Fallen Angel]

GREAT INTRO!! i give any body alot of credit to go out and be your self no matter

[Ariel_TV]

Welcome Tesstv :)

Great intro, i admire your courage to live out your fantasies , it really cool.


*hugs*

[Kaye_martin]

undefined ... I went on to wearing darker, more noticeable pantyhose, and even black fishnets with tight denim shorts or even a kilt or a skirt with womens boots and shoes - but that's a story for another day

Welcome! Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to reading more about your experiences :)

kaye_martin

[Natasha Anne]

Awesome, I'm pretty much there too, except I can't find the courage to wear heels (flats I've worn to work!). I doubt I'd want to wear denim shrts and fishnets, but I've got some lovely skirts and tops I'd love to wear to work.

I've been building up the courage and will get there. I have worn women's trousers, black bootleg cut pants with a nice belt, before.

My next step is definitely a skirt or dress

[Amelie]

I have to comment on a part of your story. If I was the saleslady, it would be upseting to me if I knew you were getting aroused in your panties while I was helping you with the shoes. What if other people came to this forum, wanting to know about Crossdressing, especially the salesladies in the stores that men use to shop for their fem items. They would read that men were getting aroused while trying on shoes or whatever. I don't think they would be happy having men shop for womens items. I just think it is a little off to be getting sexual arouses in public in front of other people. I might be wrong, but this is just how I feel.
I may have read this next part wrong, but you can repy and clarify.
You said you get delite in young attractive girls remarking, or somewhat more rarely schoolgirls or boys saying look at the sissy in pantyhose.
How do you get delight in school kids saying these things?
Do you purposely walk around school kids for this reaction?
Is the delight also a sexual arousal?
I don't know, maybe I'm reading your thread wrong. Maybe you can enlighten me on what you mean with the school kids.

[Georgette]

Welcome Tesstv you will love it here . Talk about being who you want to be you go Girl.

[StephanieCD]

I have to comment on a part of your story. If I was the saleslady, it would be upseting to me if I knew you were getting aroused in your panties while I was helping you with the shoes. What if other people came to this forum, wanting to know about Crossdressing, especially the salesladies in the stores that men use to shop for their fem items. They would read that men were getting aroused while trying on shoes or whatever. I don't think they would be happy having men shop for womens items.

This is why (well, one reason) I couldn't do it - for me CDing is a fetish and associated strongly with sexual arousal. Trying shoes in a store would almost definitely arouse me, particularly if a woman helped. I'll resign to order over the Internet ;) However I understand Tess' excitement over it. The school kids would make me uncomfortable but the trying on in the store I can see.

Anyway, Tess - welcome... I used to sell ladies shoes for a major chain and you just described my fantasy from back then :)

[ChristineRenee]

First of all...welcome to the forum Tesstv. I think you will really enjoy being a part of our world here and will fit right in.

Secondly...I too admire your courage. You didn't give your age range other than stating that you have been CD'ing since the age of 9. I am 53 and have been doing this for 41 years and I still don't have the courage yet to do some of what you have already done and yet I consider myself "comfortable" with who and what I am. But it will take people such as yourself to change the stereotypes and negative perceptions of what CD's are all about. For that I admire you greatly. Many of us who have been doing this in secret for so long...because, quite frankly, the risks of exposure have always been too great, for some of us a lot more than others. I really believe that it will be up to the younger generation, who haven't experienced half a lifetime of "negative conditioning", to pave the way for the change in attitude toward CD's that society must eventually accept.

When I first started reading your story, I have to admit I was thinking along the lines of "voyaristic", but then as I continued on and started to think about what you were saying a little more, it came to me that maybe that is exactly the kind of "balls out" (excuse the obvious pun) attitude from us that it is going to take before society finally understands. That "we just don't care anymore what you think of us" kind of attitude.

Anyway, good for you tess. Thanks for the enlightenment and welcome once again to the forum. Be sure to have some fun when you're here!


Love,

Christine Renee

[Amelie]

This is why (well, one reason) I couldn't do it - for me CDing is a fetish and associated strongly with sexual arousal. Trying shoes in a store would almost definitely arouse me, particularly if a woman helped. I'll resign to order over the Internet ;) However I understand Tess' excitement over it. The school kids would make me uncomfortable but the trying on in the store I can see.

Anyway, Tess - welcome... I used to sell ladies shoes for a major chain and you just described my fantasy from back then :)

Stephanie, I know that for some, Cding is a sexual turn on, this I understand. I can even understand someone getting turned on while shopping for CD items. Men are like this, this will happen.
It might be just me, but I wouldn't like to be the saleslady waiting on a customer with a hard-on. Ok, she might not know, but if she or any saleslady reads these stories about getting aroused in front of them, then they will naturallly think other men shopping for womens' items are also sexually aroused in front of them. If it happens, it happens, it's just talking about it, that I disagree with. Like I said, this is just the way I feel, I would imagine the saleslady would feel the same.
it's no big deal, just my thoughts.
Amelie

[StephanieCD]

Agreed. That's why I don't shop... Honestly, perverts like me could give ladies like yourself a bad name. ;)

[Amelie]

Yes Stephanie, Now report to the bondage thread for your punishment. Lol

[Vallari]

Hi Tess! Welcome to the forums.

I admire you for having the courage to go out and about and shop, etc. en-femme. I go out and about myself en-femme from time to time as well, however I don't get aroused by it/turned on like you say you do when in public. I have to say while reading your story a lot of the things Amelie mentioned came into my mind as well.

But like she said you can reply and clarify if you like. I just worry Like Amelie that people may come here and get a bad impression of us (CD'rs). But anyways, again I admire your courage to go out and about. Be safe. :)

[StephanieCD]

Yes Stephanie, Now report to the bondage thread for your punishment. Lol

You are going to a bad, bad place with that one my little gothic treat. A bad, bad place.


;)

[Tesstv]

I have to comment on a part of your story. If I was the saleslady, it would be upseting to me if I knew you were getting aroused in your panties while I was helping you with the shoes. What if other people came to this forum, wanting to know about Crossdressing, especially the salesladies in the stores that men use to shop for their fem items. They would read that men were getting aroused while trying on shoes or whatever. I don't think they would be happy having men shop for womens items. I just think it is a little off to be getting sexual arouses in public in front of other people. I might be wrong, but this is just how I feel.
I may have read this next part wrong, but you can repy and clarify.
You said you get delite in young attractive girls remarking, or somewhat more rarely schoolgirls or boys saying look at the sissy in pantyhose.
How do you get delight in school kids saying these things?
Do you purposely walk around school kids for this reaction?
Is the delight also a sexual arousal?
I don't know, maybe I'm reading your thread wrong. Maybe you can enlighten me on what you mean with the school kids.

No Amelie, I do not go around deliberately seeking out young girls or anyone else. Like many cross-dressers I am largely narcissistic. I am turned on by how I am dressed and the embarrassment that I have always associated with it - not by the person making comments. I simply go about my business doing normal things , except i dress in a way that arouses me. Apart from the fact that there are still some people who might find my dressing this way offensive ( and that's their hang-up, not mine),I take great care not to behave in anyway which might be offensive.

I take it, Amelie, that you have never been privately turned on by anything that has happened to you or you have seen in public?

It is how you respond to or interact with others, not what privately goes on inside you, that needs to be repected.

Love Tess

[Amelie]

No, Tess, I haven't been aroused in public. I couldn't get aroused in front of someone who is trying to help me with my shopping, this is just me. I just think it would be unfair to the saleslady if she was to read this and come to the conclusion that all Cds who shop for fem items will be aroused while she helped them.
A while back before you came here, there was a thread called how are CDs to be precieved. How should we look to the public. I told others here in that thread that shopping with a hard-on while the saleslady was helping you was wrong for the perception we should show. If I was the saleslady, I would feel bad if I heard someone was getting off while she was helping him. I just think we have to understand how others would feel. How the saleslady would feel, or how the public in general would feel knowing Cds are getting aroused while shopping and also talking about it after, like here.
I might be in the minority here, you can do what you want here, but I don't think it is right. This is my opinion.

[LauraB]

Welcome Tess

That is a great storyu, one i have ebjoyed reading.

Welcome to the Sisterhood you will be very much at home here


Love
Laura

[racquel]

Welcome Tess.Christine58V8 made a great point,c/d's today should not have the baggage the 'older' generation grew up with.
Good God we had to get up to change the channel. :p

[ChristineRenee]

Welcome Tess.Christine58V8 made a great point,c/d's today should not have the baggage the 'older' generation grew up with.
Good God we had to get up to change the channel. :p
Now that's the way to have fun when you're here!

It really wasn't all THAT difficult was it racquel? After all, we only had about 3 channels to choose from back then too!


Love,
Christine Renee

[Man in tights]

No, Tess, I haven't been aroused in public. I couldn't get aroused in front of someone who is trying to help me with my shopping, this is just me. I just think it would be unfair to the saleslady if she was to read this and come to the conclusion that all Cds who shop for fem items will be aroused while she helped them.
A while back before you came here, there was a thread called how are CDs to be precieved. How should we look to the public. I told others here in that thread that shopping with a hard-on while the saleslady was helping you was wrong for the perception we should show. If I was the saleslady, I would feel bad if I heard someone was getting off while she was helping him. I just think we have to understand how others would feel. How the saleslady would feel, or how the public in general would feel knowing Cds are getting aroused while shopping and also talking about it after, like here.
I might be in the minority here, you can do what you want here, but I don't think it is right. This is my opinion.


Um, the general public has no way of knowing what the motivation is of a crossdressed male that they may see out and about. While the average person might not have any problems with guys that feel more comfortable dressed as women, they are very likely to have a problem with someone who does it just as a turn-on. A sexual component seems pretty common for crossdressers, especially when it coincides with teenage years, but this usually subsides over time (for most I guess). Going out dressed as a woman is obviously a big step and it's terrifying at the best of times. I totally understand the nervous energy buzz and the thrill of nearly getting caught by someone, but I'm guessing that a lot of non-cds won't understand... and might actually be scared as a result. Basically, a salesperson has no way of telling between a guy that just wants to look like a girl, and a guy just out for a cheap thrill. Human nature is to expect the worst, and that might explain why everyone is tarred with the same brush (which kinda sucks for the former group).

Sorry about the longwindedness of this but my main point is that there are always going to be (at least) two groups of cders: 1) those that do it mainly for the thrill and the turn-on... and 2) those that don't. In the same way there will always be perverts (just go into any chat-room you like) that are going to spoil the reputations of those that just want to be womanly. Of course there are other cds that just like to wear women's clothes with no attempt at appearing female (which makes a lot of sense in a lot of ways, but is still currently socially unacceptable sadly).

Crossdressing has other negative behaviors attached to it such as the stealing of underwear etc from laundry rooms and so on. These are the kinds of things that stick in the average persons mind, and in some ways I can see exactly why a person might choose to perceive us negatively... especially if they are trying to protect their kids by erring on the side of caution. It's sad but it's true. It isn't being dressed that is offensive, it's what you do while dressed that causes offense. Like Amelie said, this all links back to the crossdressing perception thread, and it's not going to go away in a hurry.

[jenna lowe]

Everyone has there own stories but I think that were all probably doing similar things.

I too started by stealing washing from the neighbours' line - panties and skirts mostly. Progressed to wearing panties under my clothes to work. Then tights. Eventually dressing up late, late at night and doing a quick dash round the block (scared stiff). Now I drive, hang out washing and that kind of stuff dressed up.

The two best times I have had that were also the scariest.

The first - I dressed in my favourite denim skirt, tights, sneakers, rainbow jumper and wig. Drove half an hour so no-one knew me (hopefully), stopped at a petrol station and went in to buy a drink. It was late evening. Shaking noticibly I went to the teller with the drink. I quickly said "I'm at a party with my friends and we all decided we can't have any beers til we have bought something from a shop wearing my friend's wife's clothes". Her reply "You look cute, and they fit you well". Happy day number 1.

The second - I saved up and found a makeup artist with a shop that would make me up - great lady by the name of Tess. After an hour long session being pampered by two ladies and being told I looked great (and they even called me Jenna - very understanding) they walked me out the front to my car and I drove to Melbourne (city centre). I spent the next hour walking around (scared again) and no-one really battered an eyelid. Happy day number 2.

For me there is no arousal - It just feels right. And I don't feel right commenting negatively on one of us who says she feels aroused by the shopping. It started as arousal for me when I was a teenager, and eventually arousal went away and comfort replaced it.

Love to all,
Jenna :)

[jenna lowe]

So you know....The washing line stealing thing......
It's hard to satisfy your urges to dress up when you have no sister, a mother who's really overweight, and no money to buy clothes. And I wouldn't have gone into a store to do that when I was 12!

What would you have done??? I mean I felt bad about doing it but when you are 12 and these thoughts are going around in your head........ :(