I want to deny it.

[Stapler]

This is my first post after finding you all yesterday.

Some of you look awesome and some not as good.

I love the feeling, but only sexually, and it seems that the only way lately to climax sexually is to wear panties or imagine being a woman. My wife says she is "ok" with it but I am certain she would prefer not to.

I just so much want to not have these feelings. I hate myself after a climax and disgust myself having to undress from the lingerie.

I am not comfortable with it at all.

I hate it.

[EricaCD]

Hi! An initial piece of advice:

Relax.

A great many of us have been through what you are going through, or close enough so that the variations don't matter. Most of us are at varying degrees of self-acceptance, and all of us acknowledge it's a long, long, long process!

Read, learn, absorb, observe, comment! Welcome :)

Erica

[Lori SC]

Hi Stapler,

Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It's really self destructive, and probably will only make you feel worse.

A couple of questions for you. How long has this been going on? If it's only a little while ( a few months) it may go away or change.

Have you fantasized about being a woman in other situations before the sexual manifestation? If so, you'll find a lot of company here. That's common among CDs.

You might be disgusted even thinking you are similar to us, but the worst thing you can do is run and try to ignore it. If you are a crossdresser, you won't be able to ignore it forever. The need will come back. When you can come to terms with what you are and how you feel, you will be happier.

There are some who cannot get sexually aroused unless they are wearing womens clothing.

A lot more of us do not have this problem. Why the difference? I don't know. The answer may be very individual.

I can offer something. In general, wearing womens clothes tends to be very sexual when first started. As the crossdresser wear more clothes and for a longer time, the sexual element tends to decrease. It pretty much goes away for some. (Not that they don't like sex, it's just that the clothes alone don't turn them on).

A last question to ponder, do you think that wearing more womens clothes might help you change your bedroom situation? I know you might have trouble accepting this, but we have all experienced the emotions you are going through. It ain't easy as you know.

Lastly, although very trite, counseling can help. (Yeah right, like a guy goes to counseling...)

We understand! :gh:

Hugs, Lori :hugs:

[ColleenCD]

Stapler,

First of all...welcome. Secondly some of the gurls here are knockout pretty, some are slightly less. We vary in age, nationality, race and religion. But we do support eachother since we share the commonality of CDing. Lastly please re-read Erica's post. She very smart.:D

Colleen

[Billijo49504]

You can deny it all you want tooo, but it won't do any good. You are a crossdresser. For a while it a sex thing, but later it's just a being comfortable thing. I come home from work, I get a bra and a skirt on, then I feel beter. So you might as well accept it and learn to live with it. And it's great that your wife is accepting, that makes life easier. You don't have to hide it. And you will have a shopping partner. So you'll get to pay for two wardrobes, but it's a small price to pay. Take my word for it....BJ

[AmberTG]

What Lori SC and EricaCD said:thumbsup:

[Stapler]

Hi Stapler,

Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It's really self destructive, and probably will only make you feel worse.

1. Q. A couple of questions for you. How long has this been going on? If it's only a little while ( a few months) it may go away or change.


2. Q. Have you fantasized about being a woman in other situations before the sexual manifestation? If so, you'll find a lot of company here. That's common among CDs.

3. Q. You might be disgusted even thinking you are similar to us, but the worst thing you can do is run and try to ignore it.

If you are a crossdresser, you won't be able to ignore it forever. The need will come back. When you can come to terms with what you are and how you feel, you will be happier.

There are some who cannot get sexually aroused unless they are wearing womens clothing.

A lot more of us do not have this problem. Why the difference? I don't know. The answer may be very individual.

I can offer something. In general, wearing womens clothes tends to be very sexual when first started. As the crossdresser wear more clothes and for a longer time, the sexual element tends to decrease. It pretty much goes away for some. (Not that they don't like sex, it's just that the clothes alone don't turn them on).

A last question to ponder, do you think that wearing more womens clothes might help you change your bedroom situation? I know you might have trouble accepting this, but we have all experienced the emotions you are going through. It ain't easy as you know.

4. Q. Lastly, although very trite, counseling can help. (Yeah right, like a guy goes to counseling...)
We understand! :gh:

Hugs, Lori :hugs:

1. A. I have always had the desire to wear a dress or put on makeup. I am 39 now and I remember my first desire was about 10.


3. A. I am so disgusted with myself and feel like jumping off the balcony at times. I feel like I have let my wife down because she has to be with me through my confusion. I am scared to kill myself but I have considered it many times. Not over this but with a lot of stuff. I sound like a turd but I am in counceling for a few things and this is kind of up at the moment. I am horrified by the way some of the men here look. I don't want to be part of that or the scene. Shopping on the internet for a skirt or shoes to fit me. In Australia during the mardi-gras I see these creepy people in their over the top attention seeking outfits and I think I am not that.

4. A. I go to counseling. I am reminded of a joke.

A woman tells her friend she goes to the Shrink because she is embarrased to find that she answers the telephone even though it does not ring.

Her friend visited her home one day and was astounded to see that after her weekly visits to the Shrink she still answered the telephone even though it did not ring.

I thought you said the Shrink helped you hith your problem he friend asked.

He did the woman said. I am not embarrased to answer it anymore.


I DONT WANT TO BE ok GETTING PLEASURE OUT OF IT. I WANT IT TO STOP.

[Stapler]

I was hoping to get some help here.

Not EVERYONE wants to have these feelings. I know because I don't want to and I am certain I am not alone.

I want to know how to make them stop.:mad:

[Annaliese]

I was hoping to get some help here.

Not EVERYONE wants to have these feelings. I know because I don't want to and I am certain I am not alone.

I want to know how to make them stop.:mad:

We have all been there wanting it to stop.

Most of us have accepted it because we know to not accepted will be worse the feeling do not go a way it is part of who we are.

I wish I had something better for you.

you can PM me any time it you want to talk.

Anna

[Penny]

I was hoping to get some help here.

Not EVERYONE wants to have these feelings. I know because I don't want to and I am certain I am not alone.

I want to know how to make them stop.:mad:
First of all, everyone gets gender brainwashed at an early age. We learn there are certain things, such as clothes, hair, accessories that little girls wear and little boys don't. In other words, women are the pretty sex and men are the strong sex. Also, behavior is different between the sexes. So
we learn to behave according to our sex. Well what happens when a boy
desires to look pretty? After all, this is taboo. I learned this and you learned this. This is the great conflict that one has to overcome. The conflict arrises
because how we feel is in direct contradiction to how we think we are supposed to feel. As a result, we feel ashamed, guilty and generally discusted with ourself especially after
we have crossdressed.
The pain you feel is not from the crossdressing . It is from how you we taught to think. You must deal with this issue as a only one entity of an otherwise complicated you. It is good that you are in counseling and it is good that you have come here. The pain will go away when you can eliminate the shame, guilt and discust. It wouldn't have taken me half a lifetime to figure things out had I had this forum.
Welcome and stay with us. Yes some look better than others, but in actuality, crossdressing is a personal thing and privately, no one has to look good at all.

[Sky]

I was hoping to get some help here.

Not EVERYONE wants to have these feelings. I know because I don't want to and I am certain I am not alone.

I want to know how to make them stop.:mad:

Ok, let me see if I understand: you want immediate, fully effective advice on how to achieve something many of us simply can't (others don't want to), something many people getting real-life (as opposed to virtual, which is what the forum is) professional help can't achieve anyway, and you get mad because you didn't get it, right?

The key here is "realistic expectations".

[JenniferR771]

Stapler,
No one knows why crossdressing happens to some men. In my early years, I experienced great deal of disgust and shame as I undressed following my "one hand exercises". I found that lack of privacy really postponed my cd activities. Then along came marriage, and 2 children. They hung around for about 20 years. Maybe having children would help--no privacy and sure keeps you busy.
After that I had a decision to make: yes to crossdressing --or resist--after a year of counseling and purging all my dresses, I stopped the counseling. Eventually, I joined a support group. We don't look anything like the extreme drag queens you see at Mardi Gras. Actually about 50 percent of the wives accompany their husbands to the meetings. The sexual aspect is no longer important. Or maybe I have just slowed down.
Jennifer R, Michigan

[KateW]

First of all - welcome! I found that I made the biggest breakthrough when I learned to accept the dressing, not supress it. Then it no longer became an issue that I had to look for an answer to, and could finally get on with my life, and be myself without always being preoccupied about everyone else tells us we should be.

[Scotty]

I vaguely recall those days. slip into something very sexy and then take it off afterwards.

Now I just slip into something se xy and go to sleep! It's not about sex anymore for me, this is just who I am. Not that I wouldn't mind a little loving but being single and like this - well that may take some time.....and I don't get out often.

Try wearing a pair of panties to work, resist the urge and wear them all day and then you've got some anticipation for later on.....you'll get used to it....unless you REALLY don't want to then you'll have to find an alternative or suppress it!!

[Tamara Croft]

I don't think you have many replies, because it's just so hard to answer. The members here don't know how to respond to such an awkward question.

There is no easy fix, like you said, you've been doing this since you were 10, 29 years later, you're still doing it... It's like smoking, you hate doing it, you know it will kill you, but you keep on doing it anyway..... not quite the same thing, but do you get my meaning??

I have a few questions if you don't mind answering.... do you really want to stop because of the way you are feeling, or do you feel the need to stop because of the way you 'think' your wife feels about it?? Are you guilt ridden because of what you do?? do you feel ashamed??

If you answer 'yes' to any of the above questions, this is something all CD'ers go through at some point in their life. The reason - society.... and upbringing..... you are brought up in a certain way and in a way, you are living outside what society deems as 'normal'.

The way I see it, there are worst things at sea ;) there are worse people in prison, you are doing nothing wrong. Talk to your wife about this if you can, tell her how you are feeling, you never know, she may be able to help you.

[Sweet Jane]

hi stapler...

I don't know what to say to you...I'm on this rollercoaster ride as well, where one day things are great, and I allow the urge that I have to dress and make myself pretty rule, and then later on down I go...disgusted at the man in a dress, wondering why I have to be this way and wishing that my life was less complicated (and less potentially compromising).

It's been many years since dressing gave me a sexual high...its sort of a mind high now, and in a way that frightens me more...It's not so easily rationalised....there is no ending, no conclusion, even if in your case that conclusion is followed by disgust. Most men are not particularly fond of post coital cuddles, and I think afterwards you are seeing youself for what you are.

If I could I'd rid myself of this split personality, I would in a second, but I can't...my brain just seems to be wired this way. I don't flaunt it on the streets, I am not promiscuous, bi or homosexual, I am monogomous but I'm the first to agree that I am wierd(ish). But then lots of "normal" people are weird too...just guess what goes on behind some righteous peoples closed doors...it would surprise both of us....possibly disgust us too.

I don't readily accept who I am, I want to be some one else, some one "normal", but in the short time I have been here, I have found tolerence and understanding...it's not just me now, a gang of one, and for that I am just so grateful.

I suppose you will go through the cycles of purging, we all have,... the cycles of not dressing for months, we have too, but in the end cross dressing is like alcoholism, one is too many and a thousand is not enough.

So yes, I want to stop dressing, and maybe with counselling that may occur...but am I going to spill this to a shrink....no. So I will stay confused and at times a little disgusted with myself, and unfortunately horrifying you (and for that I am sorry) because I know that once the urge to dress comes along, my common sense leaves.

Peace

[Country girl]

Hi Stapler,

A lot of what the gurls have had to say makes alot of sense. However I understand where you are coming from in feeling the disgust and wanting your feelings to go away. No one knows why you have these feelings. Any number of reasons could surface. One thing is for sure, you DO have to come to terms with it. Perhaps once you accept it it won't be so overwhelming and your desires might even weaken. Then again, they might not. CDing is like any addiction, the more you try to deny yourself the harder it is to stop. If your wife is accepting, as many of the guys here will tell you, that's 2/3rds of the battle. CDing can actually be a lot of fun and has many enjoyable side effects. Again I think the most important advice any of us can give you, is to just accept it for what it is. At any rate Good Luck to you and one other thing, talk, talk, talk about this with your wife. It will help more than you realize. Communication is key! Take care.

Country girl :hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Tamara

for what its worth...your post to stapler moved me
i really identify with your words about how we are brought vs the concept of whether what i like to do is "wrong"

i've had a real tough couple of years and i've tried my best to deny who i am and what i like

i'm finding more and more acceptance of myself is helping me to be a better happier person and its also got the side benefit of enjoying my dressing as something i really like to do

michele

[Tamara Croft]

Tamara

for what its worth...your post to stapler moved me
i really identify with your words about how we are brought vs the concept of whether what i like to do is "wrong"

i've had a real tough couple of years and i've tried my best to deny who i am and what i like

i'm finding more and more acceptance of myself is helping me to be a better happier person and its also got the side benefit of enjoying my dressing as something i really like to do

micheleThat's exactly my point, you have to first learn to accept yourself, you aren't doing anything wrong. Once you have come to an acceptance level, things can only get better for you. :love:

[Kathryn Philips]

This is my first post after finding you all yesterday.

Some of you look awesome and some not as good.

I love the feeling, but only sexually, and it seems that the only way lately to climax sexually is to wear panties or imagine being a woman. My wife says she is "ok" with it but I am certain she would prefer not to.

I just so much want to not have these feelings. I hate myself after a climax and disgust myself having to undress from the lingerie.

I am not comfortable with it at all.

I hate it.

I used to feel the same disgust-after-climax thing. But now as my CDing becomes more about my inner self and less about arousal, I have found that the disgust thing goes away. Maybe the same will happen to you. But don't hate youself, we are really the lucky ones.

[Tina Dixon]

I think all of us CD's have been there, some move on some stay the same, just put your self in a diffrent mind set next time, it can be done, then you will really enjoy the feeling of crossdressing.

PS: Being on this site you will learn crossdressing is not a dirty thing but a way of life, enjoy it.

[Stapler]

Thankyou all.

I am reading your replies and you are genuinly helping.

Thankyou.

[Jillian310]

Stapler: My take on your dilemma is colored by my experience with this phenomenon we call cross dressing, which is a little different than that of most of the ‘girls’ (notice that most of us have taken female names). After my earliest experiences at @ 14 or 15, where I dressed in a cousins panties and enhanced solo sexual enjoyment, the urge lay dormant for @ 50 years or so. Then it was triggered by the urging of a very perceptive female lover who suggested I might enjoy wearing her panties, bra and hose. I quickly transitioned into getting my own undies and hose, and from there I was hooked. But having embraced the cross dressing urges and the benefits from them, I have never felt the slightest disgust or remorse. I believe that was a formidable ‘Rubicon’ from which I have never looked back or regretted. I enjoy only the most positive feelings from my dressing and the relationships that has opened up for me. I hope you too will be able to overcome the ‘wall’ that you seem to be facing, and enjoy rather than feel disgust with your experience. One specific thing in your post that struck me, was your feeling of disgust after orgasm while wearing fem articles. I have had the wonderful experience after orgasm of experiencing a more female reaction, and can continue and enjoy the experience until my partner is also satisfied. That I find to be one of the ultimate joys of my cross dressing. I hope that you will find your way to this acceptance, and if and when you do, you will find peace rather than turmoil from your cross dressing activities.

[great gg]

I was hoping to get some help here.

Not EVERYONE wants to have these feelings. I know because I don't want to and I am certain I am not alone.

I want to know how to make them stop.:mad:

What else about you do you hate? if you are in counseling, it seems to me that you are working on 'issues' that relate to self with self, self with others, and probably issues of trust. (Don't we all?) if you focus on the cd as the disgusting part of yourself, you are piling it all on one thing that you can try to reject. It won't work. what you reject comes back to bite you in the worst places. while you may not grow to love the darker unknown aspects of yourself (and yes, we all have our dark sides which are not in any way related to our sexuality) then you have a chance to integrate. An integrated person accepts all parts of themselves equally and can make choices. as long as you are invested in cutting out a part of yourself you will continue to suffer the pain of separation. . . separation from your own true perfect and wonderful self. . . complex and exactly the way you are supposed to be. another point is that wanting to jump off the balcony becasue you feel bad about your wife is a cop out. first of all, you have no clue what she is thinking./feeling unless you are talking about it, and second, you cannot base your decisions about life or death on anyone else. you do it for yourself. I hope that these words don't read harshly, because they are not written thhat way. I have counselled many people in my time and know that acceptance and embracing ALL of who you are is the only way to be at peace and balanced. and the cding is a part of that, an important part, but only a PART of who you are. if and when you come to terms with it, you may find, liike others on thhe forum, that it is the BEST part. :happy: all my good wishes to you. hang in there. there is no cure because this is not a disease.

[Joy Carter]

I wish you peace Stapler we all know how you feel.:hugs:

[sandra-leigh]

I am horrified by the way some of the men here look. I don't want to be part of that or the scene. Shopping on the internet for a skirt or shoes to fit me. In Australia during the mardi-gras I see these creepy people in their over the top attention seeking outfits and I think I am not that.

There is a wide variety of dressing styles, and any one person might have two or three different styles for different occasions or different moods.

A lot of my clothes are really "everyday" clothes -- clothes chosen so that when I am wearing them, I am apparently feminine, but in them I am intentionally "just another woman", not flashy, not intentionally sexy, not ugly -- just female. You have probably noticed yourself when you go to a shopping mall, that there are a lot of women who are... well, "average". Now as I am a guy that likes women, I happen to find that a lot of "average" women are "kind of nice looking", so by "average" I do not mean "plain" or "ugly" -- though not necessarily meeting the social consensus of "pretty" or "beautiful". A lot of women who, if you were walking in the mall or taking a bus or driving along, whatever, and had your mind on your own day to day concerns, that you would just glance at and quickly pattern match to "female, within norms of looks, within norms of fashion, within norms of behaviour"... and then you promptly stop paying attention to her because you have other things on your mind and she is neither a threat nor a particular opportunity. And a lot of my clothes aim square into that category: to "just be a woman", to just be getting along with life, not someone to pay attention to.

I have other batches of clothes that are more noticable, mostly because women do not commonly wear such things any more even though they once did; or more noticable because they happen to be particularily nice examples of common clothes. A nice skirt, or a nice dress -- they make me feel very feminine, and happy, and a number of people look over and see me in them and say, "That's really nice; it looks really good on you!". Oh, it's a wonderful feeling, just to be wearing those things and to be acknowleged as being, at that moment, radiant and womenly.

Then I have some other clothes, chosen to be deliberately sexy or deliberately "party style" -- clothes chosen with a conscious intent of displaying sexuality, or of "looking hot". Or chosen in thought of enticing people to think of sexuality when they see me -- which is not the same thing as wanting them to want sex with me personally. If a guy glances over at me and thinks to himself, "Nice!!" and that puts him in the mood to go and make out with his partner, then I would have been entirely successful. But these kinds of deliberately attractive clothes are emotionally troublesome to a lot of cross-dressers (including myself) -- we like to feel like we are desireable, but then the whole homosexuality question stomps all over us and we don't know anymore what we really want. I am still somewhat confused about this kind of thing myself; all I can say is that I know it to be true of myself that sometimes it is important to me to act sexualized; this is related, I am sure, to having gone through so much of my life without overt sexuality, and my feeling a need to express myself as a sexual being... which happens to be a lot easier when I'm in a female role.

[JennaKnots]

Boy do I know that feeling of being discusted after the climax.

I'll just say a couple of things from my own experience. I grew up in the west village in NYC and when I was single and I was in relationships with GG's that were either open to this or in a couple of cases really into it, a lot of the guilt and shame went away almost completely.

But living in the burbs with a wife who is decidedly not into it and a couple of young kids, makes it very different for me. Kind of back to when i first had these feelings as a kid when I thought there was something really wrong with me. The point being, if the act is the same in both circumstances, then the only reason my feelings changed is because of my surroundings. To me that says that I am not fundamentally at odds with the act, just how I'm perceived by others. This struggle with self-acceptance is at the core of every struggle in my life. And I think it's the deciding factor as to whether any of us will achieve any peace with it.

As far as stopping the desire? I'm not sure if it's possible. I'm not sure if you can stop it any more successfully than you can stop being attracted to women. There are various therapies which claim to be able to stop things such as this, but I don't thing crossdressing itself is the issue to explore. I'm trying to look at causes and conditions. Not to try to stop, but to try to see where I came from and where I want to go. It's a great opportunity to learn about yourself. IMHO.

[tall_brianna]

3. A. I am so disgusted with myself and feel like jumping off the balcony at times. I feel like I have let my wife down because she has to be with me through my confusion.

...

I DONT WANT TO BE ok GETTING PLEASURE OUT OF IT. I WANT IT TO STOP.

Yo dude, relax. Don't do it - jump that is. The reason everyone, your therapist included, is telling to figure out how to be ok with it is because it is how you are wired. And it's not the end of the world. You could probably put it all away on sheer will power but I think you'll find that in the long run that is worse.

Dude, don't end it over this. This is nothing. I know, and I mean I really know. It feels like the end of the world, but it is really the start of the other one where you are you and they are they and it's all good.

:hugs:

-b

[Stephenie S]

Yo dude, relax. Don't do it - jump that is. The reason everyone, your therapist included, is telling to figure out how to be ok with it is because it is how you are wired. And it's not the end of the world. You could probably put it all away on sheer will power but I think you'll find that in the long run that is worse.

Dude, don't end it over this. This is nothing. I know, and I mean I really know. It feels like the end of the world, but it is really the start of the other one where you are you and they are they and it's all good.

:hugs:

-b

Dear Stapler,

Yeah, what she said. Brianna is right. Just relax. Almost every one of us has been through the same thing. I can remember feeling exactly the same way years ago. After the sexual satisfaction I could not get those clothes off fast enough. This will pass, believe me. This is a blessing, not a curse. We are all very special people who get to see the world from more than one vantage point.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[kerrianna]

Reading these responses to you Stapler, I am reminded of why I was eager to join this forum. I hope you embrace a lot of the wisdom. Although I sometimes can't relate to some of the aspects of other's CDing or transformations, I always am heartened by the kindness and compassion of this forum.

A lot of stuff I would have liked to have said has been said, and I hope it has helped you. I'd just like to add that my experience with sex in general often seems mystifying and can feel vulgar and course, especially if it involves something that I think others will think is dirty or wrong. This is BS. Sex is a healthy vibrant life-affirming thing, and anything that gets you aroused (as long as you're not harming yourself or others) is a GOOD THING. As you can see, there are lots of men out there who enjoy the same things, and not everyone actually wants to be a girl or is gay or is anything other than who they are. And there are a lot of women out there (I have met more that like it than not) who are turned on by our kinks. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It takes a lot of bravery to put on the panties lol. ENJOY IT. Don't try to figure it out.

Relax. We're all FU'd. Have fun and play with it. It doesn't have to mean anything.

Give your wife as much back as you can when you want to be dressed. She may associate you dressing as a good thing for her and actually encourage it. If you're both on the same wavelength it can be a lot of fun. But you do need to work at it, give and take. And it takes time. Give yourself and your wife that, as hard as it may be (ok, pun intended, sorry- like I said "fun" :dance:)

[loki_uk]

If it's any consolation at least your wife knows, at least thats one burden over with

For some of us that is just too big a hurdle to dare cross, so at least you can communicate and you must have some level of acceptance from your partner

[Debb]

Stapler,

I don't really have much to add to the conversation here but I gotta tell ya, everyone here has gone / is going thru the same stuff.

I personally am at the stage where I hate myself, and I hate hating myself, and want it to end. I have not found a good way to stop this behavior permanently (other than the obvious), and have chosen to stay alive, to stay "sane", because of the people I love.

Keep in mind that you exist for more than yourself. You need to stay around, to do what it takes, in order to fulfill your obligation to your wife, kids, and other loved ones. If that means counseling .. if that means learning to accept yourself .. if that means opening up to your wife .. you gotta do it.

Sorry for the "pep talk" tone of this reply .. it's the way I've convinced myself to stick it out. Hope it helps.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

as so many others have said, no-1 can give you maybe the right answer ur searching for. but, it seems like @ some point u all go through this feeling, need, and if you fight and surrpress them, then ul hate urself further. maybe ( as has been said ), trying to talk to ur wife, explain how u feel , then asking her how she feels , and maybe meeting somewhere in between "might" be a solution as such. everyone has times when they feel bad about something they have done/doing, no matter what it is hun. but being on here, and talking thru it goes some way for you towards asking for advice :hugs:

[Sophia Rearen]

Stapler,
When I was 39, 4 years ago, I felt myself coming to terms with who I was. Seems to me, a majority do, around age 40. And yes, my feelings started around 10 years old as well. You say, you only have sexual feelings for this, but what is the driving force for these feelings? Chances are these feelings are more than just sexual. They may show themselves in your sexual desires, however, they probably run much deeper than that. May I ask, what is so wrong about having these feelings? At least half of the population has them, they're called women, and I admire women.

[Karren H]

How many times have we heard that? And welcome to the club....we've all had those feelings and until you accept that liking what you like is ok, not a bad thing, then your going to continue feel like crap forever.... So snap out of it, get over it and go buy yourself a pretty new dress and get on with life...or lives!! :D

Or buy me a pretty new dress!! Hmmmm. I like that even better..... Call it a consulting fee!! Hehehe

Love Karren

[Kimberly]

I have been through this phase, and it isn't nice... but you can't damage yourself - you've got to stop the destructive behaviour of hating yourself before it becomes to much for you.

I believe a little bit of soul searching is going to have to be done -- why do you do it? How does it make you feel? Is it just sexual?? You're partner may be able to help you.

It's down to you, though, my love. xx

[TVStevie]

I DONT WANT TO BE ok GETTING PLEASURE OUT OF IT. I WANT IT TO STOP.
The reason most psychiatrists/therapists focus upon your feelings are because finding acceptance within yourself is far easier than changing a behaviour that is ingrained and possibly innate. Be honest - I'm fairly certain that if you do, you'll see that you don't want the behaviour to stop, you want the way it makes you feel to stop.

Good luck.

[Stapler]

I think that if I accept it (which I think I am gradually doing) I will be decieving my friends which will never know the real me. I think I will not be as an open book as I am in most if not all of my life.

I tell people many personal things about me should the need arise if it helps comfort some pain they may be in.

To people who know me personally, I am a realible mate, and I have reliable mates who are bikie tough, with 'you watch my back & I will watch yours' attitudes. I value these mates. I don't want to risk losing them by them suspecting I am hiding something.

I don't give a rats ass what they do in their lives because I would still love them and be there for them anyway. But I think people say that and maybe don't really mean it.

I mean it.

If it stopped I would not be deceiving anyone important to me.

Some of you may say that if they can't accept you totally then they are not your friend. I say that everyone has good points about them and bad. I have been real selective of my friends and these folks I am proud to have a friends are great. I don't wont to decieve them.

Does that make sense?

[Stlalice]

Probably the hardest thing that most of us have to deal with is what you are going through. I've helped facilitate support groups for TS/TG people and the number one problem most have to deal with is accepting themselves for who and what they are. In short, the single most important person that you have to "come out to" is yourself. I've been there and done that and it ain't easy. Hard? Yes and painful at times as well. Part of it is that we are running counter to all the social conditioning we get as kids growing up. If as you say you have had these feelings since age ten or there about then the smartest move you can make is to go to a good therapist that specializes in gender issues. A general psychologist doesn't have the training or experience handling these issues and may well do more harm than good. A couple of places to look for one would be the International Foundation for Gender Education at www.ifge.org or at least in the US a PFLAG chapter in most any large city. I'm listed with the local PFLAG chapter here as their resource person - most chapters will have someone you can talk to as a starting point. Also, I posted a piece in the Transgender forum titled "The Monster at the End of the Book" that would be worth your time to read. In any case hang in there and don't do anything rash. You can PM me if you need or want to talk .

[x_girl]

Stapler,

Others have said this already, but many have gone through the exact same emotions. One thing to keep in mind though is that not all cds go down the same path. Some want the world to know and have distain for the unaccepting public, others prefer to keep this special part of themselves more private.

Just because you are discovering something about yourself that is unlike your mates, doesn't obligate you to discuss it with them. I'll bet that there are many things that have happened in your life that you do not discuss with friends - especially guy friends. Lets face it, conversations between guys are seldom that deep.

It is obviously a difficult time for you. I for one can relate. Just relax and take it as it comes. You do not need to make any immediate decisions. Take the time to learn more about yourself. Acceptance will take time, sometimes many years, but in the end you will realize that you are still the same person you always were. You are very fortunate to have places like this forum. I wish such resources were available to me when I struggled with this issue.

[nishababe]

Dear Stapler,
I have also had the same funny experience of climaxing then wanting to remove the panties ,stockings etc straightaway ,but now I find that if I just resist the urge to remove them and keep everything on then I settle down and the feelings go all calm and you get to enjoy the feelings of wearing the womens clothes again without the urge to remove them .
I agree with a few of the other writers that it is nice to sleep in womens panties ,silky nighties etc .
I think if you are living on your own it is a lot better as you can wear what you like and when you like which is very relaxing .
I love relaxing in the house ,perhaps watching tv ,wearing panties ,stockings ,dress skirt etc ,just sooooooooo nice !! Its even nice to slip into womens shouse as well ,funny isnt it .I think we c/d people have a female part of the brain that needs to revert to us being female ,sometimes I long to be a beautiful young woman ,complete with the whole wonderfull female body .I can almost feel as if I have a vagina sometimes .perhaps the female part of our brain Remembers being a woman in a past life or geneticaly the inner body has some way of connecting with the feelings of being the other sex ,who knows .
Just try and be more relaxed and forgiving of your self and accept that you have a strong female side that needs feeding sometimes .
It is only because society has said this is wrong ,we have been brainwashed into thinking that something that seems to be quite normal in a lot of folks is bad and must be suppressed at all times .

Love Nishababe xxx:love:

[Crisack]

If it stopped I would not be deceiving anyone important to me.


If what stopped? The desire to dress or the dressing itself? You may not consider yourself important but I'm sure your wife feels differently. If you lie to yourself how will you be an open book to anyone? You mentioned that you felt like you were letting your wife down because she has to go through this with you. I think you have a wonderful woman that actually loves you for you. She's willing to stand by your side, you'd only be letting her down if her efforts were for nothing. You've come to the right place which is a great start. There's alot of great advice found here (and some eye openers). This site has helped me alot in dealing with my own issues. It's nice to know that what I'm wearing isn't what makes me weird, lol.

[Kelsy]

:be: Stapler,

It certainly is confusing at times. For me, I constantly struggle with the push and pull thing. sometimes I am very intune with my femm side and very comfortable with it. Equally though there are times I just want the whole desire to go away. I started dressing at 10 and I believe it was an innate emotional desire at that age - pre sexual - of course with puberty my dressing became very sexually charged, I too have experienced the build up
-dressing, sexual release and revulsion. But now it is less about sex and once again it has to do more with emotional wholeness. Most of my life I was deeply in the closet and I raised kids yet they only know part of me and that's ok. everyone has a secret self and we aren't required to share everything!
If we assimilate the female aspects of our pesonalities It will make us better men ,kinder, more understanding and more sensitive. Go easy on yourself!

Huggs Jennifer

[Samantha Lough]

Stapler,
Man we all go through this in fact I am just getting through it, I can only speak for my self here but yes at first when you relies that this is not going away you fight it, I went from a nice GUY to a Total A$$ fighting this, I lost friends and family fighting this side of me then well I accepted it and started to see that I make a VERY NICE person no matter what clothes I wear or how my face looks beard or Makeup it is me. Only advice most of us can give is be you. If you do not like it well just like smoking easier to say your going to stop then to stop, you will purge and feel ok then one day you will be buying a pair of levi’s or folding your wife’s panties or clothes and whamo away it goes again, and it sneaks up on you , and you something, then you get mad and beat yourself up vowing never again!!!! Then OOPS guess what. I am sorry but well that has been my life since I was 10 also and from what I have seen here in the forum almost all of our life’s some not so drastic and some just very easy and smooth. Only advice we can give is please just find a happy ground and start there.
Samantha

[Tree GG]

Stapler,

I'm really sorry to here you're feeling so miserable. I'm encouraged you'll be OK by the fact you're in counseling, your wife is aware of your need to dress, and you're here looking for input.

So I'd like to echo the "Relax" advice. Transgender/Cding or whatever you want to call it is difficult enough - don't make it harder. Putting pressure on yourself to perform in a certain way or to someone else's expectations is a no win - especially when dealing w/ intimacy issues. And wanting to be reliable & honest with your friends & family is admirable and definitely the way to go. But what would you tell them now? Do you know what you're going to do? Not yet. So again, relax. Wait until you have an answer to give if & when the need to "tell" arises.

As the wife of a recently revealed CD, from experience I can say the best thing you can do is communicate with your wife what you're feeling, and find out what she's feeling/thinking. She may not be able to fix it, but if she feels included and respected, she can be one of your biggest sources of comfort and stability in an unstable situation. Conversely, if she feels unwanted, unloved or unappreciated, it can make the situation uglier.

Best of luck to you!

[Samantha Lough]

Oh also forgot one thing I tried this but did not work buuuuut they do make silk mens undies if that is all it is the feel of the silk and satin try wintersilks.com also you could try silk boxers like the kind you buy for valentines day these things help. But if it is the whole femine persona then well ?????

[Stephenie S]

To people who know me personally, I am a realible mate, and I have reliable mates who are bikie tough, with 'you watch my back & I will watch yours' attitudes. I value these mates. I don't want to risk losing them by them suspecting I am hiding something.

I don't give a rats ass what they do in their lives because I would still love them and be there for them anyway. But I think people say that and maybe don't really mean it.

I mean it.

If it stopped I would not be deceiving anyone important to me.

Some of you may say that if they can't accept you totally then they are not your friend. I say that everyone has good points about them and bad. I have been real selective of my friends and these folks I am proud to have a friends are great. I don't wont to decieve them.

Does that make sense?[/QUOTE]

Dear Stapler,

No, this does not make sense.

You are selling your friends short. You say you don't mind what they do, but you don't give them the same privilage.

But . . . . Why are you discusing your masturbatory practices with anyone? I should think these areas of your life would be private. I certainly would shut down any conversation about this that was started around me. Do your friends talk about how they masturbate around you? Is this common talk with you guys. For me (and EVERYONE I know), this is just TMI. (Too much information!) I haven't discussed this subject publicly since the 7th grade.

So, unless you WANT to discuss this subject with your peers, why are you worrying about it? I think if the truth came out, you would be absolutely amazed at the variety of most peoples' masturbatory fantacies. But this information is best kept private. Don't be embarassed about yours. It's pretty common, believe me.

And yes, I am aware that I am discussing this subject here, but that is what this thread is about, right?

Steph

[Stapler]

Since the first post, my wife has bought me some panties.

We are enjoying (she says she's enjoying seeing me get off) some new and lovely times together.

I still feel the need to quickly undress from the underwear, but really for the first time in our 20 year relationship we are doing something new sexually "together".

Thankyou for your responces.:sigh:

[racquel]

Good for you both.Sounds like you are well on the way to acceptance about who you are and have always been.
Hopefully you will relax and enjoy the trip because you will only be travelling this road called life once and it's up to you whether you enjoy it or not.:2c:

[Skyie]

Hey

I came to this forum with pretty much the same attitude that you have. What I did was I started to remove the temptation by throwing what small amount of clothes I had away. I don't know if it has really helped me or not as I still think about crossdressing.

Its like what a lot of people have mentioned above you have to accept what you do and what you are. By looking at a lot of the members posting styles you can tell they accept themselves for what they are and I guess start to have some fun with it.

I think if you accept it you may remove the guilt and then you can decide the way forward from there

[kerrianna]

Good for you. I hope you both can keep just enjoying it for what it is. Like I said before, it doesn't have to mean anything. We're complex creatures and everybody's got some thing that surprises, puzzles, etc. There's no right or wrong way to live life IMHO (some people will try to tell you otherwise). It's a journey, an exploration, a discovery, a freakin' fun-ride, whatever. Keep exploring together and talking along the way, and know that not everything needs to be labelled or explained.

When I was younger I thought of my crossdressing as 'naughty' 'dirty' but it sure was a lot of fun and I kept doing it, so I just treated it the same way I treated the Penthouse mags under the bed :heehee: . But I used to quickly undress too and feel ashamed a bit (I know some people who feel that way about ANY sex). I've been very lucky to have partners who also liked the kinkiness of it, and now it might not be as naughty or dirty (although I still like to think of it like that) but it's more fun than ever and I never feel ashamed or guilty (unless I should have been fixing the roof instead of playing :D ).
It is what it is :meditate: (lol), and is teaching me not to judge others and expect them not to judge me.:itsok:

So, Dress On! Stapler :^5:

[Kate Simmons]

As Tam said, just be yourself and relax. I guarantee things will get better. Most of us had "rough starts" like this. It can be confusing but bear with it and you will be okay.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[lovewomen]

hi this is my frist time hear i want to know if their is a way to tell if a am go to be a girl or should be a boy if their a way to tell what i going to be a girl whould some one let me know thank d

[dancinginthedark]

Stapler,
Just wantedt to let you know I am taking some time to write a message and will send it asap. Hang in there.

[nicolecdgal]

Stapler...I too was in the same boat as you. I am also 39 years old and the urges to dress seem to be getting stronger the older I get. I stopped feeling guilty about it about 10 years ago, and now I'm so glad that I am this way. Good luck with figuring everything out and we're here for you.

[zoe jordon]

This is my first post after finding you all yesterday.

Some of you look awesome and some not as good.

I love the feeling, but only sexually, and it seems that the only way lately to climax sexually is to wear panties or imagine being a woman. My wife says she is "ok" with it but I am certain she would prefer not to.

I just so much want to not have these feelings. I hate myself after a climax and disgust myself having to undress from the lingerie.

I am not comfortable with it at all.

I hate it.

YOU JUST KEEP TALKING AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Thats what were here for!!!!

zoe j xxx ps thats not a puffy kiss its cause i know