why am I here?

[JennaKnots]

I got excited in the beginning when I found this forum. I've been obsessing about cd-ing far more than usual. It was starting to feel like a good outlet but now I'm feeling as disconnected as ever. When I try to reach out, I just feel like I'm annoying people.

Obviously these are my own issues and they come up periodically in all areas of my life, but right now I just feel really alone and stupid with this whole thing. Anyway, it is what it is.

[bianncats]

Jenna,

You are here for the same reason the rest of us are. To share ideas, build confidence, develop self esteem as our feminine self, and to find people who accept us, as we are, men who enjoy the emotional, spiritual and physical benefits of wearing women's clothing and the women who support our choice.

Biannca
:2c:

[Jolene]

I got excited in the beginning when I found this forum. I've been obsessing about cd-ing far more than usual. It was starting to feel like a good outlet but now I'm feeling as disconnected as ever. When I try to reach out, I just feel like I'm annoying people.

Obviously these are my own issues and they come up periodically in all areas of my life, but right now I just feel really alone and stupid with this whole thing. Anyway, it is what it is.

Welcome Jenna. You are with friends here. Sometimes we all feel alone. I usually just read the posts and live the experences and feelings that others write. This site helps me so much with feeling I am not alone with my CDing. It is something I enjoy and feel I need but can usually only share it here............... Jolene :)

[Lady Jayne]

Jenna,
You sound like your in need of a

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_67.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZS)

we all get like that sometime, the beauty of this place is that you can talk about your feelings. Thats something you can't usually do with your big macho guy mates.
Oh and just so you know, you haven't annoyed ME one bit!:happy:


http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb112&pp=ZS (http://smiley.smileycentral.com/download/index.jhtml?partner=ZSzeb112_ZS&utm_id=7920)

[Sweet Jane]

Hi Jenna

you haven't annoyed me......like you my urge to dress has been quite intense lately, and I don't know if it's because I found this forum and have had some encouragement or if it's just me in my life right now. I know that the interaction on this forum is not the smutty self destructive type found on other sites, and for that I'm very grateful. It does make me seem less of a "freak".
All I know is that I am just so much happier these last few weeks that I have been posting here, and honestly I do love you all. You have given me confidence, a feeling of self worth, but most of all I now know that lots of you have felt as I am feeling, and have got through it and are happy.

Now if only I can somehow get this right out in the open at home!!!

[ubokvt]

My experience is much like yours. I find that I am not obsessing any more. Dressing is not the number one thing on my mind because here it is normal, here i have an outlet for my obsession. It doesn't have to stay bottled up any more. Insted of constantly thinking about ideas I can share them with other like people and discuss my issues with rationaly and find answers other than just mine. Think about it when you can engage and express your obsession it disappears.

[Billijo49504]

Well You didn't whizz me off, but if you try, you might be able too. Oh, heck, welcome to the family. Don't take us to seriously, unless you ask for advice. Then you will get the best we have to offer. Again, welcome to the family...BJ

[AmberTG]

Jenna, that feeling of disconnection is probably a sign of your inner conflict with your feelings and your struggle for self-acceptance. I've gone through that for so long that I thought I'd never be happy my whole life. Finding this website helped me a lot, I could see that there are many more people who share these feelings and compulsions. Seeing a therapist really helped me to sort out all these feelings and the depression and disconnection I felt because of thinking that there was something "wrong" with me and trying to hide these feelings. I have come a long way down the road to self-acceptance and it has lifted a terrible burden from me. I realise now that the only reason that I felt bad about being transgendered and a cross-dresser was I was influenced by the narrow viewed by-polar society that we live in. we learn at a young age what's expected of us as boys or girls, and if we don't fit the standard mold we're crammed into it anyway, there's currently little understanding by society of the middle ground where we are. You have to realise that these gender variable feelings that you have are not a sickness, they're just part of what makes you a whole person.
In order to have any lasting happiness, you will have to accept that these feelings are a part of who you are, probably not even the most important part, but they are part of the whole you. You have to learn how to embrace this part of you and accept it and like yourself for it. It is actually a quite useful trait if you use it to better understand the world around you. Because of it, you have a different perspective on life than someone who's limited to just one narrow way of thinking. Value that and use it. You don't have to tell the people around you about it unless you want to, it's your gift, not theirs. You just have to learn to like yourself with it instead of wishing it wasn't there.
Amber

[JennaKnots]

I appreciate the replies, just want to know someone out there is listening. Therapy has come a long way in helping me to have self-acceptance. I grew up in greenwich village - when I was a teenager, it was drag central. I had a pretty open-minded family. I was still pretty closeted about it, but when I was in my late teens-20's, I hung out in the east village a lot - grew my hair long and died it platnum, wore eyeliner. I didn't go out in drag, but got to explore some of the femiminity in me.

I've got to experience it full blown with GG's too (in the past), often with roleplay - and it's been great. But my wife, whom I love very much, has never been into it. And now I live in the suburbs and am raising a family. She knew about my dressing a month into our dating (over 12 years ago). Seems like she was more ok with it then, than now - even did it with me a couple times. But now, she gets totally freaked. When I talk about it to her, I see myself through her eyes and I feel like the biggest freak ever.

[AmberTG]

I know how hard the bias of the wife can be to get past. My x-wife was like that, she made me feel like there was something wrong with me. It was one of the reasons for the eventual breakup.

[Sejd]

Hi Jenna
Welcome to this comunity which is like any other and still somewhat different. Here you will meet a lot of support, but also face intollerance as in any group. Just roll with it and hold on to the people who sincerely tries to help you. Hold your back straight and be proud you are here.
huggs
Sejd

[Satrana]

Seems like she was more ok with it then, than now - even did it with me a couple times. But now, she gets totally freaked. When I talk about it to her, I see myself through her eyes and I feel like the biggest freak ever.

Well do not blame yourself. Your wife's thoughts and actions are her own. The worst thing you can do is feel low about yourself because of someone else's prejudices. If your wife knew from the start about your crossdressing and still married you then it is she who has changed. This is about her, not about you.

Keep on talking even if some people want to snap back at you. Like all growing communities, moral conventions develop over time which can produce intolerance here which should not happen, but does. Just keep in mind that everything you feel and think has undoubtedly happened to many others before so in time you will find out who your real friends are with whom you can relate.

As Lacey Leigh says " Transgender is an attribute, not an identity!". Just because other people need to make a big issue over how you want to present yourself does not mean you have to respond in kind.

[Angela Burke]

I would say for support.
It's great to know that you're
not alone.
To know that there are others just like you

[Khriss]

..sometimes overthinking "IT" was my problem too...
.... it is what it is, in our lives eh ?
and hopeing others might understand such feelings is the greatest hope ..perhaps..
so many of us do ! reach out here eh ?...
bestwishes"K"