Maria2004
10-27-2006, 11:17 AM
Reading the various perspectives reminds me of my own journey towards enlightenment. In the past I probably would have supported some of the CDer’s points of view, but today I stand for and support what the GG’s have been trying to express. I didn’t know I had any TG tendencies until my mid forties, I just thought I was a regular guy that liked to perv out once in a great while to relieve stress, it wasn’t until long after I had retired from the military (too much time on my hands I guess) that it became something more.
My wife and I got together because we were set up by a pair of mutual friends, a fellow Marine who was dating this Army female who worked in the same office as my future wife, passing bogus notes to us about each other wanting to meet the other. I really didn’t want anything to do with her since I was informed she was older then me and divorced with 2 kids, I was divorced no kids and having way too much fun. She didn’t want to have anything to do with me since she was divorced trying to work to support 2 children and maintain her home (ex wasn’t paying child support) and attend college in the evenings. We met because we were both receiving these pitiful notes about one pining to meet the other, so we got together to give each other the polite brush off and move on.
Well needless to say it didn’t work out that way. I saw this drop dead gorgeous, hot little Latina chick (Mexican/Italian) that embodied every physical attribute I loved most on a woman, but more then that, I saw someone who had intelligence, self esteem, and tremendous courage to “stand too and deliver” in the face of adversity, and her 2 son’s (now my son’s too) were awesome and we took to each other right away. She saw things in me beyond my obvious physical charms, which she could easily have blown off, that made me a “real man” in her eyes.
“In her eyes…..in her eyes……” My wife supports Maria with all her heart and I made many false presumptions based on that support. A few months ago there was a thread about “empathy” for the GGs that are struggling with having a cross dressing husband. I went over that thread again and again, until I finally made the connection, and saw Maria through my wife’s eyes. I was absolutely and utterly devastated to feel the soul crushing pain and agony my wife felt upon discovering this aspect of who I apparently am. I felt totally ashamed, and apologized, I didn’t need to ask for forgiveness, that was already apparent. I recently asked her to write a little essay about her feelings that I could put up here on the forum. She complied but was afraid to show it to me until after I had apologized and discussed my new insight with her. Even after 2 years of outness and her support, the essay was virtually un-readable, a rushed scrawl stained with tears as she relived that trauma of finding out. Had she known I was “like this” earlier on in our relationship she would have dropped me like a bad habit, but I honestly didn’t know either until after 20+ years of marriage and it was making our relationship a living nightmare until I literally threw myself out of the closet in frustration and desperation.
Sorry this is so long, it’s pretty much a reply to several posts I’ve read over several days.
It takes 2 to tango girls and gurlz. I feel any GG that takes the time to come here give their point of view, whether I like it or not, supports us, and I support them.
My wife and I got together because we were set up by a pair of mutual friends, a fellow Marine who was dating this Army female who worked in the same office as my future wife, passing bogus notes to us about each other wanting to meet the other. I really didn’t want anything to do with her since I was informed she was older then me and divorced with 2 kids, I was divorced no kids and having way too much fun. She didn’t want to have anything to do with me since she was divorced trying to work to support 2 children and maintain her home (ex wasn’t paying child support) and attend college in the evenings. We met because we were both receiving these pitiful notes about one pining to meet the other, so we got together to give each other the polite brush off and move on.
Well needless to say it didn’t work out that way. I saw this drop dead gorgeous, hot little Latina chick (Mexican/Italian) that embodied every physical attribute I loved most on a woman, but more then that, I saw someone who had intelligence, self esteem, and tremendous courage to “stand too and deliver” in the face of adversity, and her 2 son’s (now my son’s too) were awesome and we took to each other right away. She saw things in me beyond my obvious physical charms, which she could easily have blown off, that made me a “real man” in her eyes.
“In her eyes…..in her eyes……” My wife supports Maria with all her heart and I made many false presumptions based on that support. A few months ago there was a thread about “empathy” for the GGs that are struggling with having a cross dressing husband. I went over that thread again and again, until I finally made the connection, and saw Maria through my wife’s eyes. I was absolutely and utterly devastated to feel the soul crushing pain and agony my wife felt upon discovering this aspect of who I apparently am. I felt totally ashamed, and apologized, I didn’t need to ask for forgiveness, that was already apparent. I recently asked her to write a little essay about her feelings that I could put up here on the forum. She complied but was afraid to show it to me until after I had apologized and discussed my new insight with her. Even after 2 years of outness and her support, the essay was virtually un-readable, a rushed scrawl stained with tears as she relived that trauma of finding out. Had she known I was “like this” earlier on in our relationship she would have dropped me like a bad habit, but I honestly didn’t know either until after 20+ years of marriage and it was making our relationship a living nightmare until I literally threw myself out of the closet in frustration and desperation.
Sorry this is so long, it’s pretty much a reply to several posts I’ve read over several days.
It takes 2 to tango girls and gurlz. I feel any GG that takes the time to come here give their point of view, whether I like it or not, supports us, and I support them.