Giving up CD

[christina1]

My wife is so against me being a CD; I feel I have to give it up and I enjoy it so much. This really has me down. I threw away almost all my clothes. You are so lucky to be able to dress when you want to. I read these threads and am so envious of you who are married and are able to dress.

Christina

[MJ]

sorry to hear that but you can't stop it's a part of you if you purge you will buy again. can't you talk to her i think you are making a big mistake here there must be another way but i wish you well god bless ...hugs

[Sharon]

It's a shame you threw out most of your clothing, Christina. But why just "most?" If you really plan on giving up on your needs and desires, why save any of it?

That said -- I always feel so sorry for you girls who have to suffer from the misguided ideals(nice way of saying "prejudices") of your SO's. They seem to think that just doing away with the evidence changes who you are, and that they think who you are is a bad thing to begin with.

It's up to you to try to educate your wife, Christina, and I hope you find a way to do so. Show her that you are still you, no matter what you wear in the privacy of your home. She fell in love with you and you were a crossdresser when she did.

Good luck to you and I wish you well. :hugs:

[Cristi]

I am so sorry for your situation. :( I've often wondered what I would do if I were given an ultimatum. Honestly, as much as I love my wife, I don't know if I could promise her that I would stop CDing. In the end, being a crossdresser is nothing I CHOSE to do, so is nothing I can choose to NOT do. The most I could do would be to bottle it up for a while which, in the long run, would probably make things worse because of the tension and stress it would add to me and the relationship.

I hope you can find a solution that does not involve trying to 'wish' your CDing away. I suggest you try counseling so perhaps she can come to some understanding of how CDing is part of you, not just a hobby that you can give up without consequences. Maybe, instead of giving it up alltogether, with counseling you can set boundries that you can both be comfortable with.

[jenner]

I had the same problemb with my so and it was because i was wearing some of her garb!
they take that really bad!
through time she will soften
love to talk jen

[tall_brianna]

I don't know if it's impossible to quit. Seems to be for me and most of the peeps herein, but if there are people out there that have quit, they're probably not in here responding to messages. :o I'm so bummed for you but I'm sure that whatever you do is going to be well informed because you asked for help.

You're probably already looking at this information but perhaps your wife needs to see some of the information regarding recidivism of cross dressing. She obviously thinks that this is one of those things where she can just simply say, "No you can not get that Hummer H3." (or maybe the 330RX if you were feeling fem that day:heehee:).

Perhaps you guys should see a therapist who specializes in these matters.

:2c:

http://www.symposion.com/ijt/index.htm

[ravens_roost2004]

Christina

[Sejd]

Christina1
This is eventually going to kick you in the you know what. Being a CD is what you are. The longer you repress it, the more powerfulll it is going to come back. And think about the time in between, when you resent the fact that you cannot dress. Think about this again. TAlk to you SO and make some kind of arrangement which fits the both of you.
Huggs
Sejd

[ravens_roost2004]

Christina, sorry to hear about your decision to try and move away from Cross-dressing. I know that having your wife support your dressing means a lot. Mine supports me for the most part. One of the compromises we have is that I don’t dress full in her presence. She does help with the shopping and buys my makeup. So I don’t press her for more. On the flip side of this, I feel there may be some good news for you. Since you are not throwing all your clothes out, chances are you will start up again. So my guess is that you will get a new wardrobe out if this. It may be harder than you think to just quit. I hope you can afford it not only monetarily, but also emotionally. Remember we are here for you, so don’t purge us. Best of luck with your relationship and I hope it all works out to your liking. Keep us up to date hon. :be:

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I am truely sorry to hear of your situation, but I just wanted to say only what I know, based on my own personal experiences when it comes to giving up crossdressing and being married. I hope that I will not be a wet blanket on your plans, its just that realistically
Giving up something you dearly love isnt easy. When you have "given it up" after a while thoughts of CDing will creep back in slow, then consume your every thought. Just the thought of CDing will always be in the back of your mind and always and will be. Your mood will change as time goes on. You'll question whether you should stay married or pursue your CDing further. You might go for a while not CDing or not even think about it, but sooner or later IT( the CDing) will return, Rest assure it will return. Eventually you'll go out and buy a few things, then you'll be hiding your female things from your wife, your wife will eventually discover your secret stash, then life will become a lot more complicated after that. If possible seek out a mutual compromise with your wife like CDing when she isnt around and assure her that will be the limit of it. Or what ever else you feel you csn do to meet her half way.
What I am trying to convey is that giving up this part of your life will be difficult, and you should expect this. But a very few Cd's have actually gaven this up and not looked back. I wish you all the best, if this is indeed what you choose. I admire your decision to do this for the sake of your wife, but I been down that very same road myself and wanted to advise you of what you MAY face in the future. Good luck.

[Janelle_Slaton]

Christina, everyones situation is different, if it is something that you really want to do, you can walk away from it. I have quit for long periods in the past and though I thought about it a lot, I suppressed the urge. I eventually gave in and slowly started getting back into it. I am much happier when I can dress even if it is just for a little while each day. Can you find ways to dress some when your s/o is not around? Remember, you're not hurting anyone and you're staying true to yourself.............Janelle

[jill_4]

Hi Christina,I agree with the sentiments so eloquently put by Julie C,I guess the majority of us on this forum have been down this road at least once,I know I have.Sometimes for long periods but have always returned to it.I wish you luck,it is easy to say but not so easy to live without.

Best Wishes Jill:hugs:

[Dee Model]

Christina, my sincere condolences on your predicament. I fear that asking a CDer to give up CDing is like asking anyone else to give up oxygen. Ok, extreme example, but you get my point right?

Over the years i have given up dressing completely but it hasn't lasted more than a couple of months at the most. This has happened a few times and each time it ends in a frenzy of shopping for femme attire when i eventually snap.

The difference between the last time giving up and the other times is that when i restocked my wardrope i resolved never to do that again: that dressing is what i need to do.

I feel that your S/O misunderstands the compulsion we feel to dress. It is human nature to fear what we do not know/understand. She is scared because she does not understand. And fear is possibly the most powerful of all emotions. She needs to know that CDing is not choice orientated, is harmless, and is definately not unusual!:hugs:

Dee. x

[sterling12]

Well, everybody else has been very positive and supportive and I think that's great. My first thought is: "Good luck to you and a happy life, no matter what choices you make."

Now I have to add my own Reality Shocker advise. The people in AA always begin their testimonies with a simple statement: "Hello my name is _____ , and I am an alcoholic." We should also do the same: "Hello my name is _____, and I am a CD."

The simple truth, even if you may be able to "abstain" from dressing. In your mind and in your heart, "That Girl/Woman" is always going to be with you. I believe it is impossible to change that!

If you decide to preserve your marriage by refraining from dressing, you will probably get an eventual visit from "The Depression Fairy". It's like a conundrum, Doing what you want for yourself can be viewed as hedonistic and selfish. Doing what other's want you to do, may drive you crazy!

Eventually, you have to decide for yourself. My simplistic advise is: "Work, work, work, for a compromise." "Read 'My Husband Betty' (For that matter, certainly encourage your wife to read it too), and try to apply some of the ideas to your marriage." If it all doesn't work out.....then, you will have to decide if their are other choices to be made.

When I was floating around The Business World, they used to tell me a favored expression: "Let it be a challenge to you." What that really means is, "You and you alone, are stuck with it!"

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Debb]

Christina

I am deeply saddened by your post.

As with everyone else here, I've been down the path you're about to take.

I agree that some folks can completely stop crossdressing.

I also agree that those folks are not likely to be seen on our forums here.

I further agree that I am not one of those folks. I have tried, tried, tried to stop. I have done the purge a few times; I have tried to substitute other interests; I have tried the therapy route.

I think that sterling12 got it right: we have to admit (to ourselves) that we are, now and forever, a crossdresser. It just may be that we must sink lower than we have ever been to be able to admit that (I'm not there yet, I guess).

I often find crossdressing to be a "cross to bear" rather than something that I like about myself. For me, there are many inconveniences to crossdressing, due to my situation and my feelings towards myself... I am hoping to work through these issues and someday, be able to live with my "entire" self.

Christina, I am truly sorry if my words serve only to depress you further. I simply want to let you know that you are not alone. Please feel free to email me if you wish, I can't offer much help but I can offer a virtual shoulder to cry on.

[MJ]

sorry to double post but i think you should go see someone together and find a way to deal with this.. i just don't think you can quit a part of you. it's like losing an arm or leg because your S.O doesn't like the look of it. and your feeling to wards who you are will still be there. and like a pressure cooker your feeling will become so bad that the lid one day will blows off and you find your self in an even bigger mess..

as i said before i wish you well but for gods sake make sure you try everything possible first .. hugs