How healthy is this for you?

[GG Vanya]

It just dawned on me as I read the thread titles on the first page: Addicted to panties, and Obsessed with crossdressing.

Both of these titles, to me, indicate something very unhealthy mentally and emotionally.

Trudi has one thing that she says often that I think is so very profound:

I control my crossdressing, it does not control me.

How many of you feel you have reached that state of grace? How many of you feel you take outlandish risks because you haven't? How many of you feel you've caused irrepairable damage to your relationship with your SO and/or to your financial situation because your CDing is out of control?

If you've not reached the state wherein you control your urges instead of the reverse what do you feel you need to do to get there?

[Josi]

I am always uncomfortable with the "Pantie or Hose" threads .. and I so agree that it seems excessive. Actually .. oh heck .. I fear an onslaught - such threads seem puerile and pointless.
I wouldnt want to censor such threads or deny anyone the right to express their values - I just tend NOT to read such threads and dont participate in them.

[Julie York]

I think the need varies hugely in the same way that some can have a drink or cigarette when the mood takes them and others just NEED to do it. I believe the border line is that if you NEED to do it then it is genuinely part of your psyche and probably a TS inclination.

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

at the moment I feel that I'm only just in control...the urges to dress are just magnigfying themselves by the day, and honestly I'm a little scared.....no, maybe a lot scared. At the moment I am fully dressed, skirt, blouse, stockings, underwear and full makeup, and all I want to do is go out in the car, maybe to a thrift shop or something, and that is frightening me too. I don't live in a very big town and the risk is enormous, but I am having trouble resisting it.

I know that in the past, the need to dress has abated after a week or two, but I have never been in the situation that I am in now....I am very nearly being controlled by the need to dress. It just seems so very intense, and right now I just want to be femme, I want to be seen in public by strangers and I am desperate to tell my wife exactly how I feel. (she is aware that I have worn panties and bras as I have told her this years ago) I am wearing bras and panties all of the time at home, and I almost wore panties to work last night...its just crazy...

Anyhow, I suppose that I am on a knife edge...I just have to keep embracing the reality that I am just a man in a skirt...yeah

[Jenna1561]

Vanya, an interesting thread and a question I've asked myself many times, though not quite in those words.

I do at times seem to take chances that I probably shouldn't. I am in the closet to all but my wife, this forum and a support group. I think that I pass well enough to not be discovered in casual encounters, and as such, I have ventured forth in my small town (pop. 16k). Were I to be discovered, it would probably not turn out well. My wife knows of my local adventures and neither objects to or supports them; but I'm certain she would not want my other side discovered. After my last local outing which had a quite close call (passed next to a good family friend in the cell phone store - nothing ever came of it, so I guess she didn't recognize me), I've decided to limit my adventures to out of town locations. So - hopefully I am reducing those outlandish risks.

As for spending on my femme side, of course the money could be spent on other things, but I'm not putting us in financial hot water. The money I spend is disposable income that I would have spent on computers, games, and such.

The only damage I caused to my relationship with my wife was from 20 years of deceipt. I honestly thought at the time that once married the urges and desires would go away. They did for a while, but came back, then subsided, then came upon me again stronger than ever before. I believe the internet and availability of so much information and the end of my isolation has indeed increased my proclivity for dressing and behaving as a woman.

I do believe that since I told my wife (who doesn't want to talk about it) I have generally taken fewer risks and incorporated more of Jenna in my everyday life. Since I am more expressive on a regular basis, I believe that I control the impulses better now than before.

I love my wife very much and can somewhat understand her feelings. I just wish that she would be more willing to talk to me of how she feels and what she wants, but she just shuts down any discussions. It's only been 4 months since I told her - hopefully she will become more open to discussion. As a side note, she has never been one for expressing her feelings - she prefers to keep all things pent up inside, where I LOVE to get things out in the open.

I don't know if this was on topic, but thank you for letting me have a little say. Sorry if it was a little long.


Jenna

[Erica4U]

I crossdressed in the closet and hidden from my wife of 23 years and I was obsessed with it! I still am! I am seeing a shrink too! Because I kept it from my wife of 23 years it was the sole reason my intimacy with her went down the drain. Talk about strong! She stayed with me for over 10 years under that circumstance before she broke and asked for the divorce! I am married again but she knows I dress and it doesn't bother her! However it is still an obsession that has cost me thousands and thousands of dollars and it includes being hooked on Lavalife as well! I need help! Not with my sexual identity but how I abuse it! I am a crossdresser and I am leaning toward growing breasts! I am also in my early 50s and the risk factor is extreme!

[loki_uk]

My CD'ing controls me

If I don't dress I become moody and irritable and excessively prone to depression, when I dress I'm more relaxed and able to shake off having to wear the male persona I have to adopt normally

[Jenna1561]

One more quick (hopefully) note.

Today is Sunday and it is a Guy day. Guy clothes (except panties - don't own any men's underwear); no makeup; no perfume; lazy and demanding, just like she married, LOL.

But seriously, it's a day that I am pretty much the guy she married. No outward displays of femininity, aside from my long hair and the aforementioned panties.

She didn't ask for it, has never said whether she likes or appreciates it, or dislikes it for that matter, but I do it for her.


Jenna

[MJ]

hi Vanya
now i feel that i am in control of my life. it was hard because when i first came out i wanted experience everything and now. but now that i live full time i just can't be bothered sometimes .. theres a big difference between dressing once in a while and every day its like i have done a 180 turn around and sometimes i wish i could go out in drab
financial situation is OK i don't spend a lot on my fem stuff only what i need i tend to treat my self once a month to something more of a reward like i am trying to quit smoking so by end of Nov a new pair of winter boots stuff like that hugs

[AprilMae]

I've always had it under control, it's always been a prt time thing. Your point is a good one, although the wods addicted and obsessed are thrown about so flippantly these days, it's hard to recognize them in correct usage.

[Karren H]

Well I'm in complete control.....a little wackey but controlled wackeyness!! Hehehe. But mentally its very chalenging to sucessfully balance both.llives... But besides the mental side, crossdressing has had a hugh impact on my health...I've lost weight, eat better and take better care of myself. So overall, crossdressing has been a very positive effect on my life..

:)

Love Karren

[GG Vanya]

But MJ, you are TS. Doesn't this put you in an entirely different perspective? I'm sure you dress enfemme 24/7, since you now identify as female. And you don't consider what you do to be, in fact, cross dressing do you?

[GG Vanya]

Well I'm in complete control.....a little wackey but controlled wackeyness!! Hehehe. But mentally its very chalenging to sucessfully balance both.llives... But besides the mental side, crossdressing has had a hugh impact on my health...I've lost weight, eat better and take better care of myself. So overall, crossdressing has been a very positive effect on my life..

:)

Love Karren


:eek: The one who does a complete makeup and cross dress to take pictures in the bathroom stall at work, the one who the other CDs say is the biggest risk taker on the forum says she's in "complete control"????

I'm sorry, I just about spewed my Pepsi on the monitor when I read this Karren. :tongueout :rofl:

P.S. not to mention the fiasco where you left your duffle bag on or under the desk in your office with your wig in plain view when a co worker walked in? LOL, yeah I remember those things.

[trannie T]

Crossdressing is an important part of my life, it is not the most important part of my life nor does it dominate my life. I enjoy dressing, I enjoy shopping, just as I enjoy all my other hobbies. I enjoy wearing panties, writing about panties and the frequent panty threads.

[Butterfly Bill]

You could say that I have to dress all the time, at least when I'm outside, because public nudity is against the law here, and all my clothes are "women's" clothes except for my paint spattered work clothes. Since coming out, I think about dressing mostly when I am too hot or too cold, and contemplate putting more on or taking more off. Outside of that it is mostly when I see someone wearing something nice or something for sale in a store.

[Karren H]

:eek: The one who does a complete makeup and cross dress to take pictures in the bathroom stall at work, the one who the other CDs say is the biggest risk taker on the forum says she's in "complete control"????

I'm sorry, I just about spewed my Pepsi on the monitor when I read this Karren. :tongueout :rofl:

P.S. not to mention the fiasco where you left your duffle bag on or under the desk in your office with your wig in plain view when a co worker walked in? LOL, yeah I remember those things.

See. Told you it was wackeyish!! Lol. But I don't equate risk taking and out of control!! You can be in full control and just enjoy taking risks!! Right? Calculated risks!! Ohhhh. And you drink Pepsi?? Ewwww. Diet Coke drinker here. :)

Love Karren

[Colleen]

But I dont get the time to do it as I like.Its if its planned then always something comes up.Then I plan fot the next day.

[tall_brianna]

Right now it controls me, but I think that is because I only recently opened the box more than a crack and the pressure of a long time of repression is forcing an obsession.

I hope to get it back under control once everything levels out and I understand it a bit more. Right now it's not so much about dressing up for me; that is just an outward expression of my feminine feelings.

[suchacutie]

I agree with Karen when she says CDing has improved her life. I definately take better care of the body Tina shares. Exercise, eating better, and certainly more care of skin and nails and all the rest that makes us the women we are! Tina is still a high maintenance girl and there often just isn't the time to let her visit. It's just another facet of life that must fit with the rest!

Tina

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Vanya, I guess I'm guilty as charged. I'm to the point where wanting to wear panties or bras certainly doesn't dominate me. In fact at the risk of ticking some people off, I will say that sometimes I wear regular guy underwear under my gal clothes. They are just CLOTHES after all to me. You know me anyway. I'm just as comfortable mixing and matching my clothes and appearance, hence the handle "Gender blender". I kinda break all the "rules" really. Not for "shock value" mind you but because I have mixed feelings sometimes and kind of dress and look the way I am feeling. Also because I am an individual. At first my friends who accept me as Ericka were kinda shocked when I would come as "Eric" (Ericka CDing as a guy) but now they are used to it and expect the unexpected from me. If we are on the phone, they will sometimes ask:"Okay, who you gonna be tonight?" Kinda neat really because I feel I'm not "locked in" to any certain mode and can express myself in different ways. Considering all of the foregoing, I can honestly say that I control the CDing and not vice versa.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Nigella]

How healthy is this for you?

Very healthy for me, I've never had to go see my doctor about my CDing, but that is not what you meant is it?

The CDing can control to the point of destruction, both of yourself and others around you, but that depends on the strength of the individual.

I did control my CDing after I learnt how it nearly destroyed Sandra and Me. I was the typical kid in a sweet shop, I only had tuppence, but I wanted the whole shop. I had to take stock and decide what was more important to me, dressing in womens clothes or the woman I married and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was no contest, Sandra won then, and she would win now.

I was fortunate in that Sandra saw my "need" and between us WE controlled the "beast". Now my "dressing" is part of OUR lives and neither of us would change that.

[Sally24]

I think for those of us that can or do go "out" that it is easier to maintain day to day control. I go out at least once or twice a month now and the urge to dress is very small otherwise. I spend almost no time doing "fashion shows" at home now. I do have to do a photo spread every time I buy new clothes and I don't think that will ever change. Being en femme for a whole day or weekend and interacting with people seems to charge me up and enable me to be relaxed and at peace with myself. When I was not able to do this I was very agitated and tense most of the time.

I have to agree with Karen on the health matters. I've lost almost 30 pounds in the last 2 years (my wife asked me to stabalize there at 150). I exercise more, at least for my stomache and legs. And I really take care of my skin much better. I didn't even know what exfoliate meant before this!

I think I've reached a point where I am even happy with this part of myself and look forward to the next outing as another fun thing in my life. Sorry Karen, I'm not an adrenaline junkie so I don't really plan wild dressing risks. I'm more of a museum and park kind of girl. More power to you if you can satisfy the male testosterone and female outlets at the same time. Just make sure your engineers calculator has plenty of fresh batteries for the risk calculations. Wouldn't want to drop a decimal point!

Sally

[soccervixen]

I'm not sure yet - the desires are growing more intense by the day, I think about it a lot, harder to concentrate on work, etc. Yet I am controlling it, and committed to being in control. Part of the problem for me is that I am waiting for ordered items (panties, panties, panties!) to arrive, and I'm living with that anticipation, which heightens my feelings, I think.

[thea]

I wonder if one of the challenges with crossdressing being less than healthy at times is that, for so many of us, our urges and behavior started in a serious way with puberty and adolescence. Since we've had to hide the crossdressing aspect of our character, that has remained adolescent-oriented--hence (I'm generalizing here) some still do things like steal clothes (relatives', strangers', shoplifting), dress for primarily sexual reasons, go overboard with the obsession in many ways.

I know I've taken a lot of time to grow up about my crossdressing. I still have manic periods, if you want to use that term, but I've become adult about it--accepting this aspect of my life, giving it attention when needed or wanted but not taking potentially dangerous or shameful risks. The adult Thea is a better companion to my male side than a teenager with raging hormones. ANd Thea can have a lot of fun, even if she is a responsible woman.

[EricaCD]

Good question!

Fundamentally, of course, I guess it's fair to say that CDing controls me, in that I have a very basic need to dress en femme periodically, and I see no reason to suspect that will permanently abate in my lifetime.

That said, I do not obsess about dressing, shopping, etc. I love to dress and I love to shop, mind you! Still, I can control the immediate manifestation of these desires just as I can control--in the short term--my urge to eat, to drink alcohol, to make love, to play or to sleep. Lastly, I do not take unwarranted risks. Mercifully, I have never found that the riskiness of any behavior increases its pleasure. Quite the opposite, in fact. So there is surprisingly little "spill" from my fem life to my male life. Moreover, as I am professionally secure and already out to my wife, I could probably bear the consequences of inadvertently outing myself. Before I felt that way, I kept the closet door shut super-tight.

Erica

[ArleneRaquel]

Since I have been Maureen ( June - '05 ) 24/7 I feel that I have become a kinder, more compassionate person. I could never go, completely, back to dressing as a man.:love: From Maureen

[joanne_mi]

I'm going to have to say that (for me at least), it's not healthy at all. While it does ebb and wane a bit. It always comes back and runs things at certain points. This has destroyed marriages, friendships, family relationships, and I'm sure it's caused other kinds of losses to many different people.

If this is just a hobby, it's a destructive one (I don't, for a second, believe that this is a 'hobby', this is for the sake of argument), if I could, I would dismiss this one, and replace it with collecting stamps or something. We use a lot of words in our posts that signify a problem (as Vanya so adeptly puts it) 'control', 'addicted', 'obsessed', it makes me believe that this is, in fact, a problem for many (including myself).

I've considered killing Joanne off on many, many occasions. But in eternal weakness, I know I cannot. Now, I'm just trying to accept that she is me, and I am her. And, being the bitch she is, is compelled to take the reigns from time to time. So self-acceptance is the key to whether or not this is unhealthy. Sadly, I'm not there yet.

Sorry to go off on a rant like that. :D

[gennee]

I have struck a balance with Gennee. I haven't dressed in nearly two months but I'm okay with that. I love to dress but it's not an all consuming passion with me. My wife knows that I dress and we even share clothing.

Gennee


:happy:

[stacie]

How healthy is it for me. Well, Healthy, maybe not, but I do know this, I was born with these feelings. I do spend half of my time now as, Stacie. If I don't get to dress, I do get some what depressed, but there are times when I, do go a few weeks with out dressing up, WHY, because I don't feel like dressing up. Purging never works. Next thing you know your on a shopping spree and your all femme up, again. I enjoy having Male and female feelings. So I guess we have to just accept who we are and try and live with it.
Proud of who I am, Stacie

[sarahtv]

I would like to say that I am responsible for all my actions and therefore I control the crossdressing.

However, it controls me.

I find myself creating opportunities to dress, at the detriment of my work. I "work at home" a lot more than I should just so that I can have the freedom to dress as I please.

I have done many things that just do not pass the common sense test, yet cannot stop myself.

When I am DRAB I feel like I am going through the motions of life, just existing. When I dress, I feel alive.

At times I feel that I am TS in denial, maybe I am.