Fishing for feelings and viewpoints

[Lindsay Marie]

I talked to my mother last night and she said her and my brother were having a conversation yesterday about the age difference between her and her brother being similar to the age difference to me and my brother. She said my brother then asked her what she thought about my getting maincures and allowing my hair to grow out, hinting that he feels that I'm gay. Of course my mother changed the subject immediately as she has decided I will be the one to tell my brother when the time is right. Now after that exhausted opening my question is does anyone know the best way to go about probing someone's ideas and feelings without just letting them know outright about who you are, especially if they are a 13 year old. My brother has called me gay on a couple of occasions before but I just ignored it, due to the fact that I'm not really sure how to tell him aboutg my CD'ing and also due to the fact that I don't believe that he can't go without telling everyone he knows like it's news that he just hit the lottery or something like that.

[Kate Simmons]

I made the mistake of telling my younger brother in confidence. He proceeded to blurt it out to the rest of the family. I thought I knew him better. As a result, my family now has very little to do with me due to ignorance. You know your brother better than anyone else. Just be prepared if you DO tell him to face the aftermath. I've learned to deal with things but you need to consider any potential outcome and be ready to face it.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[ubokvt]

Its hard here to give advice here with so little context, How old are you, are you still in school, are you still living at home with your brother, all this and more plays into any advice, But basicly, I'd never tell a 13yr cold. They just aren't ready for it. In their peer group everthing is still black and white and anything different and close to gay is bad. He wouldn't understand. If you are still in a school situation, I would assure him you are not gay, if you're not, and you are you're exploring alternate styles of dress much like goth, or stoners, you're trying to find out what works for you. He knows goths are dressing different because they feel differnt than the rest If you want to tell him anything be honest set boundries and find out what he wants to know, beyond reassuring him you're not gay and none of this reflects on him. that hi is his own person and how you look has nothing to do with who he is.

[Stephenie S]

I would not tell him anything. He is still a child. Children ask questions when they are ready. Childrens' questions should be answered with honesty but until he asks, I would not volunteer any information If you are not gay, this will be evident by your behavior.

Steph

[Lindsay Marie]

After reading these posts I realize I didn't factor in a few things, one being that he is still a child and that children do have a hard time keeping things to themselves, and another being that eveingthing these kids see today that might be considered gay is gay to them. Now to answer the other questions, yes I do live at home, but I am an OTR truck driver so I'm home very little, I am also an EMT/Firefighter at home so that should give him some idea that I'm not gay, even though some of the best responders in the nation are and that has been proven on several occasions. I think I may have to do a little more thinking on this before I say anything else to him. It's such a hard decision.

[Annaliese]

especially if they are a 13 year old. My brother has called me gay on a couple of occasions .

He is 13, wait tell he is 26 and see if he grows up a little. Then tell him if you think he will be OK with it.

I am 53 and I have a sis that is 50 and two older brother I would not tell them anything.

[Jodi]

After reading these posts I realize I didn't factor in a few things, one being that he is still a child and that children do have a hard time keeping things to themselves, and another being that eveingthing these kids see today that might be considered gay is gay to them. Now to answer the other questions, yes I do live at home, but I am an OTR truck driver so I'm home very little, I am also an EMT/Firefighter at home so that should give him some idea that I'm not gay, even though some of the best responders in the nation are and that has been proven on several occasions. I think I may have to do a little more thinking on this before I say anything else to him. It's such a hard decision.

Lindsey, First of all there is some education needed on both sides. You are an EMT/firefighter and an OTR driver--Then you can't be gay? There are gay OTR drivers. There are gay EMT's. There are gay firefighters. These people also have many heterosexuals among them. Just because a person does a macho type job has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

You are not gay. That has nothing to do with the job you do. Your younger brother, at age 13, would have no way of understanding any of this. Best to leave well enough alone on telling him anything.

Jodi