Lingerie store etiquette

[hiprule]

I just came out to my roommate, and she's cool with my dressing, wants to help, will take me out, etc. Now I feel able to go to a store and buy women's (my) clothes. I bought a dress and leggings the other day!

sorry, I digress...

I want to buy a bra and matching panties. I want to go to a lingerie store and get them to help me, measurements and all that. Is there any way I should handle this? Any advice you could give me? Or, could you give me encouragement and tell me everything will be alright? I imagine I may just need the encouragement, but do you have any advice on etiquette? What should I tell them, oh God!??

Be gentle, I'm new to this forum, and all this. It's my first time really giving this a shot.

[Billijo49504]

OK, I'll gently tell you to go for it. I know Lane Bryant will treat you right. Bra sizing is their specality. Some other stores, I don't know about. So you might want to call them and ask if they would have a problem with you coming in to PURCHASE some items. Remember, spending money is what keeps these stores open. Also, you could get a tape measure and measure your self, with the help of some of the web sites for sizing charts. Just remember, most stores believe if you have money to spend, they want it...BJ

[JamieK]

Hi Hiprule,

I am also new to alot of this, and had the sam feelings as you do, but didn't have anyone to come-out to.

I loked into the clothingissue, and found a great--and very discreet--website just for us.

www.crossdresser.com

The site is called "Suddenly Fem".

Please give it a tr, it might help break the ice of shopping, you can go out to a store later.

Hang in there!!

JamieK

[Billijo49504]

WOW!!! A bra and a panty for $52. That look like they came from Kmart, what a deal. Ladies, I use the term for us CD'ers, go shopping in your or a neighboring city and save your money. Go to Walmart in the middle of the night, most are open 24 hours. To buy your gel or water bras and the cute panties. And you can save a buck. If I spend $20 something for a bra, It has 3 or 4 row of hooks and is a underwire bra and might have air pillows for pushup effect. It probably came from Lane Bryant, and I was measured by one of the SA, and offered to try on several bras. Same thing at the Avenue store. I can get measured and fitted. Same thing at Fashion Bug, Those ladies will be happy to measure you for a bra and panties. Go to a store in your city or near by. Deal with someone that will help you fit in. Spend your money in the local economy. Give a job to a local person. My wife works at a Avenue store, and she or her coworkers don't have a problem with crossdressers. Go in drab, and be honest with the clerk, you will go out with everything you need to dress en femmme.....BJ

[Jodi]

I never call ahead if it is new store for me. I just walk in with my head high, smile, and tell them what I am looking for. Always be honest, polite, and courteous. The SA's will bend over backwards to help you. Just don't yank their chains or act like a scared jerk. Victorias Secret is great if you wear up to a size 42 bra. Over that, you will have to try Lane Bryant. I know that Fashion Bug has a women's size section to their store, so their bra sizing probably goes over 42. Shopping is easy and can be a lot of fun. Just be honest. Don't make up any silly excuses. The SA's can see right through this. By being honest, you allow the SA to do her job. Besides that, they want your money. A sale is a sale. They don't care who they are selling to.

Now, get out there and buy a bra.

Jodi

[hiprule]

Thanks for all this!

Yeah, I really want the rush of actually going and talking to the salesperson. I also, I suppose, want to get the right thing (size, colour, etc.).

there's a crossdresser store here (Montréal), but I'd really like to first visit a 'girl' place.

I guess I'lll get a padded full support bra, huh? I'm just using any old stuffing in the bra, for now.

[lisa68]

Your off to good start already with your roommate. She'll be able to help take some the pressure off so relax and enjoy on being a girl.

[GraceUSA]

Any major name brand store will be accepting and open. I've personally had great help from both VS and Fredericks. Its pretty rare to walk into one of those stores and not be able to get help from a sales clerk. Most of the time the sales clerk's will come to you and offer help. And when they do, take it. They know whats in the store, how to size people and then also help you find the size. Most will also let you use the dressing room to check the size and get different sizes as well when you are in.

Be warned, its easy to spend a lot when they help since they tend to bring a lot a different styles to try.

[sandra-leigh]

I want to buy a bra and matching panties. I want to go to a lingerie store and get them to help me, measurements and all that. Is there any way I should handle this?

- Be polite but don't be shrinking in fear (if you can avoid it.) Someone cowering is hard to deal with -- and that's not even including the factor that you might not have any idea what you are buying and so need lots of time and advice.

- You're there, ask if you need help, and if they don't have what you need or look like they don't want to deal with you, don't run or fuss: just proudly take your leave with a, "Thanks, I'll try a few other places."

- Better to try to go when they aren't as busy -- they won't have time to pay attention to you if they are busy.

- If you are looking for lingerie such as teddies, or looking for corsets, then smaller boutiques often have a noticably better selection and service. You might find a couple of boutiques that don't look pleased to see you, but some of them are very helpful to cross-dressers. And the ones that aren't... if you listen around, you may well find that a lot of women don't feel comfortable in those same stores. Owners who don't treat men politely are often felt by women to not treat the women politely. So if you do encounter an obvious rejection or condescention, it might have nothing to do with you: they might treat even regulars much the same way.

I think someone mentioned Wal-Mart 24 hours. I've only been in Wal-Mart once, and it was early on a weekday evening -- and I was basically ignored as I wondered through the intimates section. I had to go walking around looking for someone to summon a sales assistant. It might be fine if you know what you are looking for already, but not if you need customer service.
(Now that I think of it, Zellers could give the same kind of abandoned impression, but for some reason Wal-Mart seemed noticably more clerk-defecient.)

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

i think the best store so far ive found with my c/d b/f is "MARKS'SPENCERS". we went a couple of w/e's ago, and he had seen some beautiful black ' blue lacy panites and bra. he knew sizing etc, but wanted me to go and choose etc for him. me and my big mouth :Angry3: got to rail and shouted : "WHAT SIZE CUP ARE U LOVE " !!!! lol.
there was a old lady stood @ side of me thought i was going to have to ring 999 !!! lol :straightface:
the following day my b/f went back because their was a blouse hed seen he liked, but couldnt find it. he asked a assistant ( whom he said was young), and he was scarred because she kept looking @ him as if she "knew". he said he would have been happier with a more mature assistant. but, like i pointed out to him, its because people are scarred of what they dont know/undertstand, so they make it up themseleves. @ end of day hun ur spending £'s , thats what will really matter to any shop :p

[Rhonda Jean]

This is not going to be a popular answer, but... Get a tape measure and do it yourself! This ain't rocket surgery! I mean, really. Do you want to know what bra size you wear or do you want the sales girl to help you indulge your fantasy?

Even most women have never had a bra fitting. It's not like it's a prerequisite for buying one. Now, if you start wearing a bra all day every day and have discomfort, you MAY need advise. You'd probably be able to figure that out yourself, too. Like, if a narrow band cuts in to you, get a wider band. If you don't fill the cups, get a smaller cup size. For me, the measurement under my breasts is my band size (instead of the +4" the websites tell you) and I can only fill up a AA.

My wife and I shop for our lingerie together. That's the extent of her direct involvement in my CDing. I'm 48 years old and been married for 28 years. She's known all along. It's still erotic to me when she holds up a pretty bra and says something a simple as "Do you like this one?"

Shop to your hearts content. hold your head high. Be nice to people, and you'll be OK.


I'm sorry, but, unless you really need help and the sales clerk seems really accepting, you might as well be asking, "Would you help me get off?" If that's what you're doing, don't do it! That's not nice, to put it mildly. She may feel she has no choice. You are the customer, after all. And she may even be pleasant and helpful while she does it. That doesn't make it right.

Ask for help when you need help, but don't force yourself on anyone for your own "self-gratification".

[KimberlyS]

Hiprule, you have gotten some great info from others and would just like to say I ditto that. I see you are from Canada, so not sure if the stores they mentioned are in your area. But most lingerie specially stores or larger department stores should help you.

One thing that may make this easier is that is coming weekend is the weekend after halloween, and there will still be quit a few halloween parties going on. So before Saturday or even on Saturday morning or early afternoon. Saturday morning early usually has less people. Pick a couple of places, if you have forms, what ever they are bring them along, then walk into one of your choices for shopping and start looking around at what you may like. And when someone comes up to ask if they can help you, say "Yes you can". Tell them the truth, you are going somewhere this weekend and need a bra and panty that will work for you as the clothes you have just do not look right without it. When they ask if you know your size say you are not sure and then they should measure you or select several bras and have you start tying them on...

If for some reason the clerk is not helpful, just say thank you and leave going to your second choice.... I will bet you most likely will not need your second choice and will not use the third.... unless you want to do it all over again...

Just enjoy and let them help you.

KimberlyS

[sandra-leigh]

I'm sorry, but, unless you really need help and the sales clerk seems really accepting, you might as well be asking, "Would you help me get off?" If that's what you're doing, don't do it! That's not nice, to put it mildly. She may feel she has no choice. You are the customer, after all. And she may even be pleasant and helpful while she does it. That doesn't make it right.

Ask for help when you need help, but don't force yourself on anyone for your own "self-gratification".

That remark "rubs me the wrong way". I have shopped in a fair number of stores, and if there is some particular style I'm thinking off, I have no problem asking about it. Do I "need" the help? Well, in the sense that I could check and triple-check everything in the store myself, No. Do I walk in and just say "I want to buy something pretty!"? No -- by now I have some idea of what I am looking for.

Do I sometimes give the SA a general idea about the kind of thing I am looking for and ask to be shown something along those lines? Yes, certainly. Do I feel as if I'm asking them to help "get me off"? No way! I'm there to buy clothes that I will enjoy wearing -- just like the other customers are.

Do I sometimes talk to the SA in terms of "sexy"? Not particularily often, but I have -- more so when I was getting some clothes custom-made and I had to be sure to specify that I wanted them to be form-fitting -- including pulling the cloth into positions to show the tailor how I wanted it and making sure she understood that I wanted my bust to show off more. Was I asking her to help me "get myself off"? No -- I was buying clothes that fit me and made me feel good about myself. There is something very special about picturing yourself as you would like to be and going out and finding the right kind of fabric and getting it sewn up just for you, something lovely and unique that you love to wear because it is yours, your thoughts about what would be just right for you, put into action.

Do you think that women who go to buy dresses or skirts or lingerie don't talk to the SA's about wanting to look sexy? If you hang around a lingerie boutique, you'll know that they do -- and the women customers aren't afraid to tell the lingerie clerks that they (the customer) are horny and are looking forward to the great sex that the lingerie is sure to inspire. At the lingerie boutique that I visit most often (where I am quite welcome to pop around and stay for an hour or three), the senior staff spend a fair bit of their time as relationship councilors (yes, most definitely including to very scared and very closeted crossdressers -- including de facto crisis councilling to the wives when the husbands "come out").


Anyhow, it just bugs me that you assume that because I (or others) might talk to sales assistants (and owners) the way that women would, that we are "using" them as enablers to "get ourself off". Yes, dressing can be arousing, but when I'm out in public wearing a nice outfit, it is a completely different type of excitement that I'm feeling -- the kind of excitement that has me walking proudly and smiling broadly and feeling like life is {I]good[/I].

[Angela Burke]

I can only reiterate, please don't get ripped off by these "espcially for crossdressers" robbers. They are just markup chancers.
If you're not confident enough to buy your own underwear or don't have a friend to help, then buy online.

Angela xx

[princessmichelle]

Hi,

I've asked permission to try on bras in several stores. I was dressed in male clothes and was polite. Most stores said yes and the sales associates were very helpful.

But despite my efforts to be professional, I have felt nervous about talking about bras with female clerks, esecially if they were attractive. I have to keep asking myself if the questions I'm asking her are relevant to my purchase. One time I think I did sort of bother a female sales clerk unnecessarily, though I didn't realize it until afterward when I felt guilty.

But a bra fitting was helpful, and I've given Victorias Secret a lot of money.

Good luck. :hugs:

Princess Michelle

[Cristi]

I've been measured in a store three times.. and none of the three times did I actually have to ask for it. The conversation always went something like this:

Me: "I need a bra. I think something like a 42... maybe a 40. I know I take a 42 jacket. Is that a good way to tell?"

Them: "Would you mind if I just measured you? Then we'd be sure".

Me: "Uh...OK!" :happy: