Thank goodness it's not just me.

[Sandra H]

Hi Girls.

Thank goodness it is not just me, I was starting to think I was becoming a miserable old woman. But the recent posts about some girls not believing
Jenny's car accident made me think about some of the threads posted on the site recently. I have noticed on the site there have been several threads from people who have been seeking our sympathy and I have thought it could be that they are pulling our legs and having a little fun from reading the replies of, “oh I am so sorry or I am about to cry“. I would offer sympathy and have cried over real problems.

But over the past few weeks we have had girls asking for help because their girlfriend had left everyone including me offered her sympathy and even posted a joke after she asked for someone to tell her something funny. Then no more information, we do not know if the girlfriend is still away, if the relationship is over completely or if they are getting married in the summer.

Several other threads have been on the same vain and I must admit that I for one was becoming sceptical and thought it was starting to spoil the site. I have had some experience on this false sympathy. A few years ago I was communicating with a girl named Jo who was in her early 20’s. We chatted everyday via email and even sent each other e-cards for birthdays and at Christmas. I was so upset and it spoiled my Christmas when she told me that she would be all alone for Christmas, as she had no other friend. I was so upset thinking of her alone on Christmas day.

Then one day I received an email from a male who said he was a friend of Jo and had some very bad news. He said that Jo had died in a car accident. He said that if it was any help Jo died as a hero as she was in a mini-bus with children and she got out after the accident only to go back into the bus to safe some children when a truck hit the bus and Jo was killed outright. I was so upset and felt sick to think that such a nice young girl could be taken from the world just when she was starting to live her life.

I contacted the police in the area, all the news channels including the radio, TV and newspapers. Not one of them had heard of or reported such an accident. I did not let it rest there, I had Jo’s address as she had said that she could not afford to buy a pair of silky, lacy panties I showed her in a photo. So I offered to buy some for her. She gave me an address to send them, this I did and she thanked me for them after they arrived.

I went to the town and to her address and asked the lady who opened the door if Jo had lived her. She looked puzzled and said, “there has never been anyone other than her and her husband living at that address for over 10 years”. It turned out that Jo was in fact the husband who was a member of the local church. It seems that Jo was just one of his fantasies and when either he was getting tired of it or he felt that things were getting out of control he was left with no other option but to kill Jo off.

So whilst most here and other web sites are genuine, there will always be some who are here for nothing but attention seeking or just for a laugh at the true cross dressers here for their gentleness and feminine sympathy and understanding. Thankfully, there are more of us genuine cross dressers than there are of those who are here for a different agenda. But it should be remembered that all here including me are at least two different people.

Sorry for going on, but lets think twice before we get too upset about others bad news because most people have real friends to help them through genuine problems rather than the cyber friends found on web sites like this great one. I say in some of my posts about my wife’s death in April 2004, when I do this it is to explain why she is no longer with me or to help make sense of the post not to ask for sympathy although many of you lovely girls have helped with your kind words over the past months. Thank you all.

[JAYNETHOMPSON]

Hi Sandra
I read your thread nad have to agree; I have only just found this site in the recent month and have spent a lot of time reading the listings and finding support and encouragement from the writers thoughts and experiences.
I have to say 99% of the contacts I have made have been great people. (you know who you are :) )
However there have been people who have left me a little suspicious as to there motives; ie "will you meet me dressed as a tart so we can chat and see what happens?" I guess there are people who want this and "girls" willing to give it too. Its sad but I guess its a case of vetting people to suss them out maybe its because we are what we are that makes us a target for people with desires that dont match our own.
Jayne

[Wendy me]

sandra veary nicely said

[crispy]

I guess there are many of us who are living on an emotional knife-edge, trying to live a double life, trying to find themselves, whatever. Ready to crack like a fragile egg. So when we hear that one of our number has a stroke of misfortune, out comes the emotion. It's a natural reaction, but often appears to be overdone to those of us who have got beyond the emotional knife-edge. I wonder if it is partly a femme over-sentimental role-playing thing, getting all girly and hysterical and fragile and silly, because it fits the image. Actually most GGs I have met are not like that at all, they tend to be exceedingly practical and take most things in their stride. I would expect that the psychology of most CDs fits somewhere between macho and 'normal girly', but not beyond. Q will probably correct me! :)

I suggest the wise path for those of us who are not at emotional breaking point is:
- If somebody needs help in the form of serious practical advice we should be here to give it to them.
- If somebody needs a friendly haven, then we can offer it.
- But don't get unnecessarily involved on an (artificially?) emotional level with people whom you really don't know.

does that make any sense?

[LauraB]

hello Sandra

Your post is compelling i have never had an episode like the one you had with Jo, yet in reallity there must be many many wounded or demented souls out there who play these kind of games.

I now understand some of your other posts better because you have shared thsi story with us. Trouble is that i no longer know how i feel about this forum. I think i have been terribly nieve and rather stupid, in that i have jumped in offering my sympathy when i have heard of these and other events.

crispy it makes perfect sense

I will spend a week away from the forum and try to get my head around my own stupidity

Love
Laura

[Amelie]

Crispy, this is very good sense. Don't become emotional over someone you do not really know. Give support and understanding if you desire, but don't get emotional. I started a thread I think in the Lounge, on "How do the CDs here manage the emotional threads" How do you handle all the threads of CDs who are having deep difficulties. To me, it gets to me, I get an emotional drain in my body from reading these posts. I now take your advise Crispy, I try not to get emotional over these posts.
My thread was called "Emotional Drain".
Amelie

[Julie York]

As a bi-stander (take that any way you like) I wasn't going to get involved in all this. But I can't just sit back any more.

I think your sceptical views should be addressed in a pm to anyone you think should know. Otherwise, we might aswell all leave this forum before we start burning witches.

If I had a real need to post something requiring sympathy, and genuine emotional help on this forum, I wouldn't dare do it now, in this climate of paranoia, in case no-one believed me. So best keep your suspicions to yourself me thinks, because it does more harm than good.

[Julie York]

That was a sort of Royal 'you' not anyone particular.

[Stephanie Brooks]

I like Crispy's advice.

In the real world, we deal with people face to face and see their actions. "Talk is cheap." Yup! Actions can betray, but typically not for long.

Here, all we have is talk. However, some of us - not me - can see when something's wrong. This is good! I personally assume everyone here is real to the extent they show themselves. That isn't necessarily the case. We need to listen when our trusted members say something doesn't look right.

Julie, your point is good and well taken regarding PMing. I'll offer some insight that this had been done over the last month or so. I learned of it last night. There were questions some members had regarding JennyCD and BobbieG. Last night with Genevieve's post, the proverbial dam broke. There was silence when appropriate, and revelation when needed. My internal reaction was a bit opposite yours; I wished I'd known sooner! Regardless, I think this aspect of the forum works.

In real life, we must prove ourselves. Well, this is real to some extent too. Extraordinary claims deserve some degree of proof.