Torn Apart.....

[Shelby67]

Torn between heart and soul....

I am new here and love evrything bout my life with the exception of that i really feel like becoming a woman would make me complete. However the tearing apart comes from being in love with my wife and family. So the question is. How have some of you wonderful people dealt with this soul rentching feeling?+?

[Annaliese]

Torn between heart and soul....

I am new here and love evrything bout my life with the exception of that i really feel like becoming a woman would make me complete. However the tearing apart comes from being in love with my wife and family. So the question is. How have some of you wonderful people dealt with this soul rentching feeling?+?

I let every thing give way to my family, I come second.

[Jenna1561]

Shelby,

I feel that my situation is very similar to yours. I am in love with my wife of 20 years and we have 4 wonderful children. I only recently told my wife of my crossdressings and feelings and she tends to pretend that she doesn't know- she really doesn't want to know, nor does she want to talk about it.

I've incorporated many femme traits into my daily life and it seems to help me get by. There are times when I give serious consideration to transitioning, but I love my wife and kids and would most likely lose her if I did transition, so for me it's dressing fully when I can and at other times having as much Jenna in my male life as I can.

Family first. I wish you the best in your own self-discovery and expression.


Jenna

[princessmichelle]

Shelby,

These cd/tg/ts issues are tearing me up and I imagine it would be even more painful for me if I had a wife and kids.

So all I can offer is sympathy.

"Princess" Michelle

[GypsyKaren]

I'd have the surgery if I wasn't happily married, but life is about sacrifices that must be made, so I just deal with it and live my life as is.

Karen

[Calliope]

If you're ready to say goodbye to your family, wife especially, then you're ready. If you have doubts, then probably you will stay put. Not that that can ever answer 'what if' at the end of the day - but 'what if' operates both on sides, doesn't it?

[sarahtv]

We have been married 20 years. Full disclosure occurred three years ago. She hates anything to do with this topic, but is also a realist and knows that it will never go away.

We both went to therapy separately and even had a joint session with her therapist. She knows I wish I had been born female (how much simpler my life would have been!). She wants nothing to do with this.

My journal is full of whining about how we never talk and I want more than dressing in secret. Yet I love my wife and two daughters. Family comes first. So, for now, it remains fully hidden.

As with other posters, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want more yet anything more than I have at present jeopardises the home life. I am afraid of what the future holds. Every day, the desires to just be myself and live freely grow stronger. Somehow I keep it under control, but only just.

I constantly vow to talk with her and keep communication going. This is so difficult, since I know what her responses will be and there are no concessions to be had that will get me to a place that I want to be and not destroy the home life.

It helps a little to know that I am not alone in this dilema!

[Marsha]

First of all, welcome Shelby - like the rest of us you have made it to a good place when you found this forum.
I have gone through decades of the same feelings of intense conflicting desires and needs. After rebuilding my psyche/soul and creating a new "me" from the wreckage of a severe traumatic period of my life, I felt fractured between a desire to find the true extension of my feminine rebirth and the deep love I feel for my wife and family. With the help of a dedicated therapist I'm at a point where I begin to see these two parts of me as creating one great life instead of two separate "flawed" lives. I allow myself to have a confident female interior, with a satisfying, but limited expression of a female exterior. This may not be perfect but it has created a better partner for my wife and a better parent for my children. The male inside is pretty much gone and the more accepting I am of myself the less of a need I have for an exterior female to show to others. Do I wish I could? Sure...but I don't think it would lead to long term happiness. I've also found an area of insight is in the Religion and Spirituality forum that is moderated by Holly and Swiss Susan. I recommend both of them to help you get started on that path if you so desire.
This is such an important topic and all of the posts are great to read.
Marsha

[Sarahgurl371]

Hi Shelby, welcome.

I have no advice to offer. I hope you find the happiness you are searching for.

You didn't mention if you're wife knows anyting about this or not. If she doesn't, you may want to consider things before telling her. There is no turing back if you do. I told my wife about Cding many years ago now, but about three years ago I expressed my desire for more. This has not worked out real well for either of us. She may never come to accept any of this, I may never be able to accept that.

Maybe she will be Okay with some form of expression, she will be rare if she is, that is for sure. Maybe that will be enough for you. Maybe you can find your own balance. That is what it is all about. Your balance. Sometimes we grow into different people as life progresses. And even though we love each other, we must move apart for each to be happy. This certainlly isn't what I am looking for, but it may be the only thing left to do.

[Josie06]

Anna, you have hit my exact location too.

[silkrose]

All paths are not smooth. Choose wisely and be responsible for your choice and the consequences.

Is it better to possibly ruin one or more other person's life for a life filled with different problems? Or perhaps take it that life is fundamentally not easy and just stick with what you have and count your blessings.

[cindianna_jones]

My recomendation is this:

If this is your first venture into the internet forums that deal with these issues, then stop right now. Close up your laptop and think of it no more. Once you open Pandora's box, the deed is done. This can suck you in. I'm not trying to drive you away. I just want to tell you that the monster can suck you in and destroy the things you have proclaimed important.

Now if you are already sucked in, welcome to the forum. Don't make any decisions. Participate in the online forums. These are very good. Do some reading, ask questions, and participate. You need not make a decision now. Explore what is going on in your head.

Cindi Jones

[Jeanette TS]

I have been split from my wife 12 month now, its the harde't thing i have ever done but I had to do it and she has come round to it now she would rather have me as a woman than not at all, what i mean is if i didn't take this road who is to say i would be here now. The best thing is i have the backing of all my family who are just the best.

I have two children as well but they are still very yong so its not hit them yet but it will one day soon, we have shelted them as well they think i work funny hours thats why? Daddy is not home as much now but i try to see them every day. So yes its hard but for me it need to be done or the other end would be i would have no dowt toped my self. So you have to make your own mind up no one can tell you what to do only your self can do that. I wish you all the luck in the world take care of your self.

Jeanette

[Charleen]

It wasn't a choice for me. When my wife and I were engaged, I mentioned my inclination. even though she said Oh, O.K., she never liked the idea so I stayed hidden for the 30 years of our marriage as she the best thing to happen to me, and I would not do anything to jeopardise that. She passed last year, and then my son moved out to start his own life, so I am Lily most times now as I have the freedom to do so. My wife and son always came first for me. But that's me. Others feel different. I would love to become Lily for real, but at this age, and the time and money involved, I'm staying A CD/TG, and I'm happy with that decision. We all have decisions and choices to make in life, so simple some hard. If you feel strongly about changing, please go see a Pro shrink who deals with reassignment. Best of luck. Love and xxxx, Lily

[marie rose]

Shelby;
I would definitely pay heed to the wise words of Cindi Jones. This trans issue is nothing to take lightly. The beast within can consume your life if given the chance. If your wife and children are important to you I recommend you not dwell on the enticement of transition. You can be sucked in and when that happens everything changes.

I know this is a TS support forum but I wish there was more support for those of us that are trying mightily to live with this thing. From personal experience I've found that keeping busy with other things can more or less keep the beast at bay. I've also found that possibly the worst thing I can do is visit these forums because that seems to make the longing and yearning more intense. Yet here I am today so you can correctly surmise I'm having a bad time with this thing again.