Need Advice

[Jammie Lyann]

Understand that I just came fully out to my wife about 2 months ago,
one of the desideing factors in this was that,
About a year an half ago my wife an I discovered that my eldest son now 15
had been steeling not only my wifes stuff but stuff from friends of ours also,
so we sat down an had a talk with him about this, we was mostly upset with the fact that he was steeling the Items.
we spoke with him an let him know that it was ok an we accepted it, told him that if he need to talk with us that it would be ok, I also showed him a picture of me taken about 15 years ago at holloween, an told him that I also had dressed up in clothing when I was younger,
my wife even bought him some stuff at the time so that he wouldnt need to take from other , problem solved ?
Now my wife had her suspicions about me, an even found a box I had stash behind my truck seat, her comment at the time was not around the childern ( very understandable) How ever I dont think it really hit home till I came out at stright up told her.

So here is the problem we thought our eldest son had given up this past time, which I found out that has been going on sence about age of 7 or 8,
till we had to put some of his clothing away supprised, not really,

But Im not sure how to bring the subject again, due to the fact I our boys look up to us as parents an I as the Man of the house an I dont want him to think less of me even though I did metion to him that I had dressed in the past he does not know that I still do an Im not sure Im ready for him to know that much , hes going through his own problems right now an needs us , an doesnt need more issue to deal with.
So how do I approch this again an let him know that every thing is ok?

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Ivy

Firstly dont tell you son you are still dressing (at least for now)

One solution would be to have the items cleaned and folded and put where he will find them
He will know you know about it and all you need to say is your things are clean and if you need to talk with us we are here for you
or you could leave a note with them

Tell him its ok for him to continue his hobby

A lot will depend on if he will talk with you.

Good Luck :hugs:

[Jammie Lyann]

Oh my I just read the post made by Justamom, sorry if sounds like Im repeating anothers post, But I readlly do understand what she is going through with her step son.
I will read the reply that you'll have posted to her an see if I can find a little advice for myself, in dealing with the same issue,
Thank you all for taking the time to read my post, but no need to reply :love:

[Kate Simmons]

Don't know if you want to hear my advice, Hon but here it is. Put your dressing on hold and focus your attention on your Son. He needs you. I did this for nearly 28 years as my children needed their Dad. Sounds like he is confused and needs direction right now. You need to be the example. Later on, when he really knows himself and who he is, it's his choice if he wants to pursue CDing. I know it's probably not the answer you want to hear but it's my thinking. I hope everything works out.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[ubokvt]

Sorry if I'm a little harse here but..... 1) you dress, you have for a while and plan to continue. 2) you're a member of this form and have read enough to know other histories how it started and how it continued. 3) you know the issues the future holds and the difficulties. 4) Your are his father help him prepare him for what the future holds.

That said, the reality is your son is 15 he has been dressing since he was six. His need is such that he has stated to steal to support his habit. He knows you are aware and he continues. Your son is a dresser and in all likelyhood will continue. Its not going to go away. Did your drive go away? How does your quiting help your son? A Good conselor once told me "There is no safty hideing from reality only safty in dealing with reality" How would have you beniffited if some one you trusted had helped you understand early on? How would have your experience been different? How has the support of this Form Helped you? You're his father, you'd talk to him about girls sex and resposiblity, talk to him about this it is part of his life. I don't have any guidance on how, but keep asking how would of your life been different if you'd had this opprotunity.

[AlyssaT]

It's not. It doesn't hurt anyone. It's just an expression of inner feelings. It's like being a painter, or a poet, or a musician.

The only reason that crossdressing ever becomes an "issue" or a "problem" is because society doesn't accept it. And that is because of ignorance and fear. This non-acceptance leads to guilt. Guilt leads to shame. Shame leads to suffering.

I suffered for 10 years, from adolescence to age 21. I thought I was crazy. I sought psychiatric help the minute I got to college. The doc said that there was no cure--I just had to accept it. I refused to believe him and made him treat me for three years.

After treatment and abstinence and real sex with girls failed to cure me, I finally went to the library and found Mariette Pathy Allen's Transformations. It was the first time I ever heard anyone say that they were glad to be a crossdresser. It was the oddest thing I'd ever seen, a point of view that had never crossed my mind.

Finally, I accepted it. Finally there was peace. But the 10 years of shame and suffering still resound in my memory. My greatest wish is that I had known someone in my early teens who could have said, "Crossdressing is not bad. You can be happy with it. You can be a husband and a father. You can be loved. I am proof of that."

Please don't deny him that. Don't make crossdressing an "issue". Make it normal, because it is. Let him know he's just a painter, a poet. Let him know that this is a wonderful song to sing.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Ivy,

I agree 100% with ubok. You absolutely KNOW that this won't go away. Your son has even stolen to suport his habit. Your job is to prepare him for life. A life that does not include lying and stealing.

How to do this? I wish I knew. But I DO know that stopping yourself will not help. You know you couldn't do this anyway, so why expect that he will be able to. You need to give him the tools and ability to live his life with this blessing. And it is a blessing. We have something extra. Something that others don't have. An appreciation of the feminine side of life. Try and help him see that this is not something he needs to feel guilty and ashamed about. This is a tough row to hoe, but please try.

And now that I've read Alyssa's post I think she nailed it. Right on, Alyssa.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Shannon CD]

Ivy,

You did not mention how old you were when you started, but if you knew from a very young age I have just one question;

Would it have helped you if your father had come to you and told you that he, too, was a crossdresser?

If yes, then maybe you should consider telling your son so that he can spend the years ahead of him with far less guilt.

If no, then maybe you have already made the right decision to keep this information from him and concentrate on re-assuring him that you still love him and that this is a normal part of life.

I would suggest that if you came out to him that you introduce him to this forum, but I believe that there is an age limit if I'm not mistaken. If there is it is really too bad. Quite a bit of good could be done for younger, confused TGs by letting them ak questions of those of us who have already been there.

[Jammie Lyann]

Thank you for the help sorry if I confused some of you I did not state that I was quiting , heck just went an bought me 3 more blouses 2 slips an a skirt , an a pairt of boots weeeeeeeeee :D , I just said that I wasnt sure that I want to tell my son at this time , didnt want to ad more on top of the problems he aready has , My wife an I have desided that we will talk with him togeather, we just need a little time to think over what we want to say as nto to scare him ,
any how yes I did start at the very young age of 5 , I think my mother knew but YES I wish she could have talk to me about it, an let me know it was ok.
She would accecpt people for who they where as long as it wasnt her faimly if you know what I mean.