a thought on "passing"

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i read so many posts on this, and i think about it alot, especially as i go out more and more

i've decided that i'm not going to ask myself if i "passed" anymore!!!! never again!!!!!!!!! in fact, i will make a statement...i ALWAYS PASS...ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS

and here's why...because i won't let OTHER PEOPLE DECIDE HOW I FEEL ON THE INSIDE>. It's not up to them whether i pass!!!!! they can look at me all they want and think that i'm not a genetic woman...(AND I"M NOT OF COURSE)...but i'm not ever going to let them change how i feel on the inside and how much i'm enjoying myself when dressed

i dress for pleasure and relaxation...i dress to look like and feel like the person i am on the inside...so from now on....to me, i pass when i dress... nobody has the power over me to tell me i dont pass!!!!

dont get me wrong i certainly want to look my best and feel feminine and womanly...i want to look the part and feel the part...the thing is when i dress up i am "becoming" this person and i simply won't let a bratty teenager and a hater ruin what i am doing...

to me its really become that simple...from now on i pass and i think you gals all pass too! its all in your mind and you can control how you act and feel..

so next time i get "read", i'm just going to smile sweetly and giggle to myself that they dont know i'm really a girl..

<<stomps high heels on the ground...hands on hips....>> and that's that!!!

[GypsyKaren]

Good for you Michelle, I have the same attitude and it works well for me.

Karen

[windycissy]

...from now on i pass and i think you gals all pass too!


Michele,

In general I agree with you and I love your spunky attitude. However, I do have to gently question your statement that all gals are equally passable....the sad fact is, some of us are able to pull it off and most of us can't. I'm one of the lucky ones, although I've had my share of embarrassing moments getting read, when it happens I just grin and bear it. But there can be real danger in thinking that you are passable in the wrong place and time, so I wouldn't encourage everyone to try it. Being a woman ain't easy!

Windy

[Ranee Daze]

I like to think that I pass well enough to interest some, amuse some and to stay safe. It would be lovely if I could just breeze in and out of places with such a mantra as was suggested but I think that it is unwise. Murphy's law applies to our art perhaps more than others.
Yes, passing has alot to do with how well we craft our look, but it depends also on planning and prudence. Planning where to park, where to pee, packing along safety pins, white adhesive tape, wet naps....keeping Mr. Murphy at bay, can make a success of your day. Basically dealing with reality.
Reality says that we will get read. For me getting read as a guy in a great dress and heels is fine as long as no one can deduce just "which" guy is in that great dress and heels. I am fine with that, in fact I take some comfort in it. The truth is that when things have gone wrong and the very rare situation has gone a bit sour, or even dangerous, it has because I've let my guard down or have not planned well.
Here's an example: Parking on Halloween in downtown Ottawa. Well I let my male brain park my car in an area I would never let my girlfriend go walking alone.......smart eh? Let's just say that I could have made some quick cash down there at Cumberland an York St. In the end I took off my wig and makeup when I returned to my car...Not smart at all.
So, to just take on a mantra and just bust on out....it's your funeral baby!
It's a real world and it demands a real response.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

love all the responses! i think we are on the same page..

couple extra thoughts.

i agree cissy that some of us are just so far away from the feminine ideal that maybe the thought i put out there doesnt work...i stand by my thinking tho that no matter what you look like you can pass on the inside..now it does take someeffort and if you cant put out the effort then you dont get the reward..
i fall in the middle that on first blush and from a distance i think most people dont give me 2nd glance...but i'm differentiating what goes in other peoples minds...LOOK A GUY IN A DRESS!!! vs what goes on in my mind..MAN I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!! LOL......so i'm saying no matter what you look like...you can have the 2nd

when out and about, its certainly a tougher challenge for some of us

ranee--i'mnot sure about your point...but i agree that there's an old monty python line..."i may be an idiot, but i'm not fool!!"....i'm not talking about taking stupid chances...i'm talking about getting dolled up and heading out to the mall on a wednesday morning and shopping for makeup and pantyhose...and not caring what people think..cuz i'm feeling like a girl out shopping....i'm not gonna let other people take that away from me even if they know i'm a guy in dress.

[Kate Simmons]

Just enjoy being who you are, Hon. The hell with the rest of 'em if they can't take a "joke". More important things in the world than worrying about what people are wearing.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Jennaie]

I have to "pass" with at least a "C" or my financial aid will be cut off. :p

[Deenise60]

Michele. I agree with you in principal but the reality of it is that being outed is not fun and can under extreme conditions dangerous. Since I've been a member here and read the tales of all the girls who do go out, I've ventured out myself and limit my outings to driving, window shopping and walking as I feel that I can't pass at all. Maybe thats in my mind too. Being out is a great feeling. I, don't see myself going into malls, stores but the other night I did use a ATM in a bank and pumped my own gas. That is a big step for me, and of course I only have ventured out at night. Its a shame that we have to contend with the small mindless of people, who for the most part also have their own private lives, but are quick to pass judgment on us. Hope this makes sense.

[Penny]

I have been out and about for so long and so frquently the it may surprise you that I have never passed as a female. In addition, I have never failed to pass as a female. I do not leave the house with aspirations of being something I am not. I can count the number of times on one hand that someone got my gender right. Most of the time, because of my age now and
the fact I am in Texas, I get called Mam. But then again, while in the male mode, I get called sir.
I am never out to try and fool anybody but it appears most peopled fool themselves because too often it harder to disbleive what they see, but I would much rather present a favorable impression than to pass as something I am not. While it is true that not all here could pass as a woman, I believe
that all here could leave a favorable impression if dressing were done in good taste and comsurate with whomever the are.:2c:

[Jodi]

Passing is puting enough doubt into the observer's mind that he/she is not sure. When I go out, I try for the best presentability that I can. I dress for the occasion and try to have my look as together as possible. I present myself with confidence as if I belong where I am. When going out, I make sure that my venue is a safe one. As long as you stay in a venue where other people are, you are safe. When going to a restaurant, I ensure that it is upscale enough that even if read, noone would dare make a scene. If someone is staring at me, I just look back and give a big smile. That will stop any problem in its tracks.

None of us are totally passable. What we do is an act, and no actor is foolproof. Just go out, be confident and have fun.

Jodi

[Kimberly]

i applaud you.

My first experiences out and about were all about me realising, not that I pass - I know I don't, the human recognition system is too complex to confuse! - but that a lot of people actually don't care how I dress... not that they don't care, more they don't mind.

A girl about my age, slightly younger, saw me on a bus - directly opposite. She read me, I could tell by the eye contact. But she didn't say anything, even to her boyfriend. At the time, for her, it wasn't in her interests to out me to the rest of the bus. So -- people are probably more decent than you think. They certainly are in my experience, but maybe I'm deeply cinical! xx

[MJ]

Passing is puting enough doubt into the observer's mind that he/she is not sure. When I go out, I try for the best presentability that I can. I dress for the occasion and try to have my look as together as possible. I present myself with confidence as if I belong where I am. When going out, I make sure that my venue is a safe one. As long as you stay in a venue where other people are, you are safe. When going to a restaurant, I ensure that it is upscale enough that even if read, noone would dare make a scene. If someone is staring at me, I just look back and give a big smile. That will stop any problem in its tracks.


None of us are totally passable. What we do is an act, and no actor is foolproof. Just go out, be confident and have fun.

Jodi

hi girls
i agree be who you are. and yes i pass . every time in my mind because this is who i am, has jodi said Just go out, be confident and have fun. hugs

[Billijo49504]

I usually pass, until I open my mouth. But I don't put up with a SA that tries to embarrass me....BJ

[Jesse69]

I pass by looks because no one has ever reacted just by looking at me. But if I don't use a good femme voice then I will get read. And I think it's hard for me to have a long conversation in femme voice so I avoid talking. Well, passing is very important when you go shopping or to the ladies room.

How often do you get read michele? How do they find out?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i think this is a really interesting topic because so many of us have different points of view..

i think that those of us that think we pass as genetic girls are not fooling nearly as many people as we think..but i also think thats a great confidence boost to feel that way anyway and maybe we're saying the same thing..i'm just not gonna let other people have the power to say i "dont pass".

that doesnt mean i'm gonna go to a boxing match dressed(unless i have a bodyguard)...i dont want to get laughed at or worse, and i know that may happen(the laughed at part)..but what i'm saying is i will not let that get me down...i'm doing what i like

i was out today and it was very cute i was walking out of jc penney's and i kinda felt less confident so as i left, i avoided the sales counter....i could see the young man out of the corner of my eye and as i opened the door he called out to me...have a nice day !!!!! so did i pass??? to him i'm sure i didnt but he wanted to be nice....

now n my mind--- i passed !! just like always!! LOL
it was great ....it felt really nice

[Melinda G]

I think "passing" means different things to each of us. I dress for my own entertainment. I love to go for long walks through residential neighborhoods, at night, and hear my heels on the sidewalk, and feel the breeze on my legs. I also like to go for walks on commercial streets and check myself out in the store windows, which are like giant mirrors at night. I love to look in a store window, and see a nice looking woman looking back at me. For this, I can pass. And I want to pass, only to avoid problems. I am not seeking any kind of acceptance as a woman, or trying to fool anyone. Visually, I can pass, but my voice would be a dead givaway. So I avoid shopping, going into restaurants, gas stations, and other human contact.
I'm not sure why some of us want to go to shopping malls, restaurants, and other public places, en fem, and seek total acceptance. It's probably not going to happen, but to each, her own. I just want to do my thing, and pass enough to be left alone.

[Phoebe Reece]

Michele, I like your attitude. If more CD's would adopt your way of looking at things, a lot more of them would be out and about instead of complaining about a lack of courage or lack of feminine looks. Too many take all this much too serious instead of just having fun with it.

[Adrienne Heels]

Michele, you do make some good points! I always feel that I pass when I am out.

[x_girl]

Most girls will not pass all of the time, but on the other hand there are many that will pass some of the time. I love those ‘some of the times’. It’s not that I am looking for acceptance or attention. It is that on days when I can blend in and be just another girl, I feel more feminine.

[Sally24]

My thoughts on passing:

I go out with a group of t-girls in Boston (not a gaggle, but maybe a giggle would be a good term). We don't try to pass, many are above 6'2" without their 4" heels. We have a good time and most if not all we run across accept us for what we are. We dance, have a few drinks, flirt if the occasion arises for the single t-girls, and dance...dance....dance. This is in a college town in gay/lesbian/and straight clubs. It's great fun and recharges me emotionally. I've made some good friends in the community.

When I go out with my wife touristing and shopping, I dress conservatively but trendy. I try to blend, but not to disappear. Most times I pass and in this venue that is very important to me. I feel very girly if I can mangage to go out with my GG and we are mostly accepted as two ladies out for a few days of fun. It's quite a different feeling from when I'm out as a t-girl and this is also something that gives me a lift emotionally. It's in these moments that I feel most like the person I could have been, or should have been. I try to make passing not the central thing of importance when I go out. That's not to say that it is not very important, just not the most important part of the experience.

Michele, nice provoking thoughts!

Sally

[NatalieH]

Passing is puting enough doubt into the observer's mind that he/she is not sure... When going to a restaurant, I ensure that it is upscale enough that even if read, noone would dare make a scene.
Jodi

Jodi,

I agree with you on the comcept of causing doubt - I don't expect to be taken for a gg, but when I can tell that I've created that doubt, it makes me feel I've succeeded...the smile from a gg when she's had to take a second look can be priceless.

I also like the point about picking an upscale restaurant - when I was out as such a place recently I got into a conversation with the waitress who thought I looked like a local artist (male!). Not the comparison I would have hoped for, but it felt good that both of us were comfortable enough to have the discussion. Now I gotta find out just how funky this other guy dresses!

Natalie

[Glenda58]

I also don't care what others think when I'm out. I dress for me and me only. It makes me feel good inside. Years back I cared about other people thinking " Hey a man in a dress" but not now.:hugs:

[MsJanessa]

Hon--that's the only way to pass

[Joelle134]

I pass when I venture out into the neighborhood when it's a bit darker outside. :rolleyes:

I've tried walking around outdoors during daylight hours and have gotten a few looks.. probably first just because they see a 'girl' and then because they realize it's not a very good looking girl :D

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I applaud your attitude, and I suppose the courage that you have to accept yourself and your life and not allowing people to dictate how you live it.

I know that I can't accept that in a million years I would "pass" (except as a cheap drag act maybe!!), and so I suppose that will keep me out of general circulation "en femme" for some time yet.....no, more like for ever.

So embrace your freedom and enjoy yourself...safely

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Girls. Whether we pass or not we are still girls. Lets at least be glad about who we are.It is wonderful.

[chideock]

I like all the thoughts posted here. I go out with my inside knowledge and feel right about my passing. I go to the malls and shops and 'yes' during the day, mostly prior to noonhour. I dress in business casual or busniess clothing and generally fit in (even in 4" heels). My make-up is not overdone and I generally try to have coloured nails. I do get read by some of the younger women and guys, however, I pass most of the time, I believe because I am the part.

It is really great when in the mall and no one pays any attention and I have stood side by side with older women in the shops and not been given a second thought. (I am 6'3" in my 4" heels.)

I do not pass with the SAs, that is OK because I am buying a product, but they do not "out" me either. Generally they want to talk and do make comments on my nails, makeup and even rings, all good. Even helpful tips. All from SAs young or old.

I generally avoid situations with teenagers as they see right away that there is something different. I avoid any stores that families frequent like Walmart.

Anyway I have not had a "bad" situation yet and do throughly enjoy my times out and about. Go for it, carry your head high, walk with that sexy female walk and don't look back.

[cindyxdresser]

I was the same way when i first began going out in public as a female,but then i stopped and thought about it,I always try to look my best ,and I am doing this for myself ,not anyone else

[Kaitlyn Michele]

cindy

exactly what i'm saying..

in the end, we are really doing this for ourselves and we shouldnt let other people impact that...

i completely understand we live in the real world and there could be issues especially if you are doing silly unsafe things but if i want to go to the mall and shop dressed up in a nice skirt suit i'm going to do it and FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT..

now to practice what i preach!!

(by the way..in the real world some days i dont practice as well as others!!!)
:heehee:

[Gina42]

Well this is my first post here and though I have some days when I think at least I turn out very pretty, I usually wear outfits that are very much D/s inspired and stand 6'7" in my heels, so I really think I never pass. I'm sort of becoming my home towns answer (a pale imtation though I must add) to Rupaul I fear. Of course I walking down mainstreet to one of the clubs I frequent dressed, and my fathers truck was a stopped at a traffic light as I walked past and he did not recognize me so maybe the relative anonimty I feel is a crutch.

[joanlynn28]

Sure I pass, this is the real me that the world now sees.

[shae]

I don't pass, at least not on my own. I do notice when milady and I step out shopping, to the theatre or a restaurant when I'm enfemme, we tend to draw absolutely no attention - other than that of two reasonably well-dressed middle-aged women doing their thing.

Then there's our man friend, who urbanely escorts either, or both, of us as ladies, and became the focus of attention as a male with two doting mature femmes on his arms (though the astute probably noted that one of the femmes was butt-ugly, albeit with great legs!).

hee hee hee hee

[Christine Kelly]

I don't care if I pass or not.
Often, it is better that I don't.

More interesting to know that I am a guy expressing my girl side.
More fascinating and more natural for me.
More important for me to be and express the girl within.

I'm dressing for my own enjoyment and no one else.
What is the point of disguising who I/we really are just to be accepted?
Isnt that the same trap that I/we am trying to break out of?
Ie gender roles.

I've found that those that don't like it, generally don't comment.
And those that do, are estatic that a guy would dress and want to look pretty.
Most of my positive reaction has come from other girls who
are happy to finally see me a guy accept his femme side and bring her out to play.

Witness: Boy George. How many guys/girls loved/love him?