Afraid to crossdress in public

[jenny_cheerleader]

Hi, I am a closet crossdresser, but i would love to be able to go out in public. Once i went out wearing knee-high boots and i felt sick to my stomach. Any advice on how to beat this fear so i can be myself

[DonnaT]

Welcome to the Forum Jenny.

The only advice I can give is to keep doing it until you feel comfortable. Worked for me.

[KatieAnne]

Hi Jenny,

KatieAnne here. Well, first I have to say that coming out of the closet is a big step and you are having "scared to get caught!" butterfly's in the stomach when you wore your kneee high boots.
At least you tried to come out a little at a time. I assume you wore jean's over your boot's when you went outside. What type of knee high boot's are they? Stiletto's heels? Chunky heels? You need to do this again. Only this time don't think about the boot's you are wearing. Don't look down at them constantly (at least don't make it obvious that you are wearing women's boot's). What you are doing is sending a subconscience signal to everyone that passes you by to look where you are looking. If you feel good about yourself and what you are wearing, you will project that image and no one will pay much mind to what you are wearing. I go shopping in Mall's quite a lot dressed as female and look as much a female as real female's. As I am getting dressed and applying my make-up, I am telling myself that I am female the whole time. It is what your body language project's to other's. There are real women out there that look more masculine then some real guy's. I find that children can pick up on a cd quite quick. But, if I just ignore thier staring at me or thier whisper's to thier mother, they usually just wander away with thier mommy's and leave me in peace. So, what you have will take some time to adjust to. Only when you feel it is the right time to go out and be your feminine self is when you will go out. I've been living and working as my female self for a number of year's now. Good luck to you coming out.

Luv and a hug

KatieAnne

[Sweet Susan]

Just getting out there and doing it worked best for me. I am cautious, but not afraid to go most places. Of course, be smart, and don't go where people who see you might know you.

[Janice-cd]

I started by wearing womens loafers, that look like a mans. I was very nervous, but the longer I wore them the less I thought about them. After awhile I really started enjoying wearing womens shoes in public. It was like the first time I shopped for womens clothes in the mall. I was very scared especially when buying bras and panties. Now I don't give it a secon thought. In fact I sometimes enjoy the look on the sales clerk face. They are trying to figure out if it is for me or my wife. Now I really enjoy shopping. Hugs Janice

[LauraB]

Hi Jenny

You are on the way Girl

Practicse more attempt a little more and soon you will have confidence




Love
Laura
XXXX

[Tristen Cox]

Just getting out there and doing it worked best for me. I am cautious, but not afraid to go most places. Of course, be smart, and don't go where people who see you might know you.

Good advice. I hope to do just that. Have to go far though too many people know me here. :eek: ;)

Love
Tristen

[ChristineRenee]

...and I was wearing a pair of short-short jeans on a really hot day, I went in to buy some brewski and as I was checking out the cooler, and bending over or squatting at the most strategic moments, I noticed out of the corner of my eye one of the young female clerks was checkin' me out. (prolly was staring at my bare,freshly shaved legs) She came over and asked me if I was finding things ok and did I need any help. After I said no I was finding everything just fine thank you, she said ok, then gave me this little wry grin and walked away.

I would have thought I'd have been embarrassed by the whole encounter but actually I felt pretty cool with it. It gave me a little bit of an idea of what it is like for a gg when a guy is attracted to her and starts checkin' her out. It really was an unexpected, but very pleasing, rush I have to say.


Love,
Christine Renee

[MistyCD]

Hello and welcome to the group....

You may want to consider going out at night, when nobody can see what you are wearing, especially if you have jeans on with your boots...

We all started that way, and had the same feelings.

Luv Misty :)

[Donna Louise]

We all have went through it or will go through it. Don't feel alone. You have to admit somewhere there was a great deal of excitement too. Well at least there was for me.

It gets better

Donna Louise

[Megan_Renee]

Something that gave me more confidence is posting a pic here. All these girls are super supportive. I went out in between my male and female persona today... I thought that if I could confuse a few cashiers I could pass.. I got them! ;-)

Megan
--,--`--@

[orchard]

jenny girl, I know where you are comming from. Last night at about three am I went outside to have my last cigy of the night. I was in my manly jacket, but otherwise dressed to kill in some cute jeans not even a blind man could mistake. The coast was clear, and I was smoking a great cigy, until a plow guy came to plow the lot across the street. My stomach left my body in a decidedly downward direction. I turned around quick, but then worried he would see my butt and try to talk too me(soo vain), anyway I ran for it.
guy likely never even saw me.
love orchard

[jenny_cheerleader]

Thanks for the Advice, Keep the posts coming, each one helps
-Jenny

[Merinda]

I only started going out last year , I was so nervous in the days leading up to my first time , I became relaxed by the time I escaped uncaught from my residence and on my way.

I started in a park with a few emergency escape routes and kept a good distance from everybody , 2 schoolboys entered about 50-60 ft away but took no notice.
This is the best way to test the water in my opinion.

I then went on a streetwalk and was cut off from my car by many people in the street , when they took no notice of me close-up I was on top of the world with confidence and graduated to the nearest shopping centre.
Sorry! I'm getting carried away a bit there.

I would definatly suggest a stroll in the park at a distance.

[jenny_cheerleader]

This is a little long so stay with me

It has been a while since this thread has been used but i had an question for y'all that is relevant to the thread so instead of making a new one im using an old thread.

My question is this:

What if i want to go out in mens clothes with the exception of the knee highs. One of my friends said its all or none. I'm not sure if she's right or not. Also, thigh highs - are they ok as long as i cover most of the boot? Thanks in advance for all the input.

[JoAnnDallas]

jenny... I just recently had the pleasure of going out in public all dressed up. I too worked up to this moment. Take it slowly and build your conferdence. Yes it's scary and frighting. I remember the very first time I went outside in the daylight and took a walk around the house. My heart was racing and I thought I was going to faint at any moment, especially if I happen upon another person and that person looked at me. Each time after that, my fears and such was less and less and then the first car came down the street and I was too far away from either the back door or the front door. Again my heart started to race and I got all nervious, but the car went on pass. then I reliased that for the most part, people don't pay much attention to people on sidewalks when they are driving. Driving a car takes almost all of your attention, so unless your naked, most drivers will not take any notice of you. Same for people from a distance. At a distance you can not see details in a person, so if the person is dressed as a women, looks like a women, as far as generalities, then that person is a women and they take no notice of you. I think this is why so many of us started going out at night, because less people are out and at night you can not see details like you can in the daylight. I also noticed that in the daytime, most people are at work or school, those that are home, do not sit by the windows and look and/or watch the street, so it is almost like going out in the dark. LOL

[Fallen Angel]

my only advice to you is take one step at a time lots of us here feel very confident in our selfs and because of this it was easy for us to wounder out side and go out in public try to find some tranns gender clubs and just go in drab to see if you would be comfertable there. like some of the other ladies have said try to go out at night. but you are the one that has to feel comfertable and yes the first time is going to be scarry. just take one step at a time. big huggs xxx

[Emily Ann Brown]

You're way ahead of probably half our members. Doing it once is the hardest part. I've been out driving at night. That has gotten very easy. I've started buying gas in heels. Anybody want butterflies in your flower garden let me know, I have plenty in my stomach. Tried on shoes in WalMart last month. Yes I got caught by another shopper. But it has just made me more determined. Don't let a bad experience, or what you think was a bad experience stop you from doing it again. It is getting easier, and I think being totally dressed will be less noticable than bits and pieces.

Emily Ann

[Wendy me]

small steps ....wear something under your drabs then a little more .....

[emmicd]

Jenny,

It takes time to go out dressed en femme. It doesn't happen overnight. Some of the girls here are lucky enough to experience the true femme feeling. They most likely did it a little at a time until they started to feel good about it. Gradually they would do it more and more and it would become a little easier. It also helps to have a supportive wife or girlfriend. It's like when you first experienced buying your first really feminine outfit. There was a time I would literally get sick when trying to buy bras and panties. I was so nervous thinking that I was going to draw all the attention in my direction. I finally got over it and feel much more comfortable buying sexy lingerie. I still have to get my nerve up to shop at Victoria's Secret or Frederic's of Hollywood because they only sell feminine clothes. I have an easier time at Target, Koh'l, Macy's, TJ Maxx or JC Penny. For us girls who are not seasoned enough to go out fully there is a solution that some of my fellow sister have offered to me that certainly helps. I sometimes go for the androgynous look but certainly wear female clothes. I like to wear womens slack or jeans with a female polo shirt or womens shirt. I also wear feminine under garments underneath. You know girls, bra, panties, silky pantyhose. I really enjoy it. Nobody really notices with the exception of teenage girls which was the subject of another thead.

So what I'm trying to say is that Jenny as the cheerleader you have to find your comfort level. If you like wearing femme clothes you will be able to pull off wearing lots of femme clothes in public if you don't make it obvious. It is a lot of fun when you can walk in the mall dressed in femme to some degree and blend in with all the other girls.

Good Luck to you.

Emmi

[jenny_cheerleader]

Yes, i understand about being all dressed up, but what im saying is, is it ok to wear just knee highs out?

[Julie York]

What I can't understand is why everyone is being so polite to you.

T.W.T.

[Tristen Cox]

Yes, i understand about being all dressed up, but what im saying is, is it ok to wear just knee highs out?
You're asking the wrong group. I think you know the answer. It's not like you can hide them, so be prepared for the feedback when you go out or don't wear them - plain and simple.

[Julie York]

See..even now. People are being polite to you. Amazing.

T.W.T.

[JoAnnDallas]

Julie...Julie...Julie... Be nice now. She is new and going thru growing pains.

[FionaAlexis]

I started going out when I was a teenager and having been doing it off and on ever since really. It seems to be my raison d'etre. Even so I still get butterflies - and some days I can't seem to get up the nerve to go through the door. So confidence is a pretty fragile thing.

I think it also depends on your 'philosophy' on why you want to go out. For me its because I want to present as a female and be treated as a female - so passing as well as I can is fundamental. But there are others who simply say 'I dress as I wish and its my right to be out there' - and they get a kick out of being noticed. A kind of exhibitionism maybe. And certainly a bit of the 'I don't care what the world thinks' attitude can be very helpful to all of us.

If you are in my category - then I'm going to say a couple of things that sound contradictory. I agree with others that the best way is to actually do it and go out. Start with small trips and errands. Get in the car and drive to the post box - get out of your car and post a letter.....and gradually build on that until your walking around and mixing in the crowd. If you're getting over anxious - then maybe use some tranquilisers the first few times.

However be very realistic about yourself, your needs - and your appearance. but not to the point of being overly critical. However, unless you're brilliant, you can be pretty sure some are going to read you as a genetic male. But I was once told that if you wait until you're 100% passable then you'll just never go out - and I think that is very true.

My own theory is to be the best I can be - so that even if I don't pass some -they'll hopefully be thinking something like - 'I think that's a guy - but Jeez he looks ok'

Good luck, Jenny.


Fiona xx

[Ava Mouse]

Well, most everyone has addressed the important parts already. Dressing appropriately, safety, choice of places to go, etc.

No matter what, some people are going to read you. Some people will smile at you, others will laugh at you, others will talk behind your back and still others will make rude comments. They've all happened to me and I handled each like a lady.

If that scares you, and you don't know how to react to the public overreacting to you, then don't do it.

[JoannaDees]

I'm confused. You are JUST wearing knee-highs? Well, that's a BIG step. Ask Hot Lust Walking about that. Otherwise, I guess I'm missing something about you and this forum.

[JoannaDees]

Iy own theory is to be the best I can be - so that even if I don't pass some -they'll hopefully be thinking something like - 'I think that's a guy - but Jeez he looks ok'

Yes! That's the best many of us can hope for.

[Sherlyn]

I'm confused. You are JUST wearing knee-highs? Well, that's a BIG step. Ask Hot Lust Walking about that. Otherwise, I guess I'm missing something about you and this forum.
I was confused too .... knee highs in public ..ummmmm whos too see them wearing boots ,,,seems safe enuff too me

[BrandiLuvPa]

The first time I went out was in Scranton Pa,not the most friendly cd area to do that in . I was so afraid of having problems that I actually began looking for something that wasn't even there.Once I relized that I had nothing to be afraid of I became quite comfortable and now my friends and people I know give me more grief if I am out and not dressed.I do get some funky stares from mostly teenagers and men in there 20's but nothing ever beyond a funky look.I also travel frequently between Pennsylvania and northern New Jersey completely dressed.If possible find a sister in your area and go out together .Keep your head up high and show confidence the more you go out the the more confident you will become.Best of Luck

Ciao Brandi

[jenny_cheerleader]

thanks all for the advice, keep it comin if you have it, and julie, if i said something to make you think badly of me please tell me. sometimes i mean things to come out diffeeerently than they do

[Julie York]

Julie...Julie...Julie... Be nice now. She is new and going thru growing pains.


I AM being nice!!..As you will see, I am being VERY nice!




Jenny Cheerleader:-
1)so my question is this, should i wear my thigh highs with a cheer uniform.

2) I thoght this morning i would face my fears and try wearing my knee highs out for the 2nd time

3) So anyone know what is better than thigh boots,
wearing thigh boots over sweats because it gives u a tighter feeling


4) Ok, so a while back i asked if there was any way to hide my 5" stilleto thigh highs and the answer obviously was no, so i have another question, i have some 3" chinky heal black knee highs, any way to hide them so that they wont be seen?


5) Hey all,
I want to know what color thigh boots to get, i love both colors, but i want all of you to decide what color, red or black.


6) As i sit here and type this, i am going crazy with the want to wear these beautiful thigh highs to class and in public everyday. But the problem is simple. I need to cover them up because of my fear. Remember if you have any ideas that they are 5" stilleto heels. Please Help Me.


7) Hey Ladies,
I have been wearing thigh highs for a long time and obviously i walk in them, but it sometimes seems like my legs are totally stiff while i am wearing them. Any ideas as to why this is, i mean i look down and i am bending my knees and walking like i normally would (with the excption of being 5" higher) any ideas


8) Hey Lovely Ladies,
When i wear my thigh boots, i always have the urge to stroke them, any ideas why?


9) Hey All,
My University has a CO-ED Cheerleading Squad. Should I join? What are your opinions


10) Hey all, i stumbled upon a like reputation thing or something like that on the site and someone had said that i was just trying to get responces by asking all the questions i ask. That made me feel kinda uncomfortable.

11) Last night, i was in bed and i was dreaming that i was 1. in manchester (probably because i was watching frasier earlier) 2. That i was at my own high school durring the ASB elections, and 3. That i was wearing my thigh highs every day and was perfectly comfortable with it, any thoughts about what #3 could mean?


12) Err this is so fustrating, i love these thigh high boots but i cant wear them out errrrr. Im Scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




See?

[Khriss]

- sniff- I -think- sniff- That , there may be a --Psychology- Thesis,, in the works- baiting and or,,,,experiment in -tolerance,wize,,- or omg- innocence??,,,time- (MAY)-will tell?!?--sniff- Anyone -got a tissue?? xx"K"

[DanaJ]

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=155783#post155783

[jenny_cheerleader]

I AM being nice!!..As you will see, I am being VERY nice!




Jenny Cheerleader:-
1)so my question is this, should i wear my thigh highs with a cheer uniform.

2) I thoght this morning i would face my fears and try wearing my knee highs out for the 2nd time

3) So anyone know what is better than thigh boots,
wearing thigh boots over sweats because it gives u a tighter feeling


4) Ok, so a while back i asked if there was any way to hide my 5" stilleto thigh highs and the answer obviously was no, so i have another question, i have some 3" chinky heal black knee highs, any way to hide them so that they wont be seen?


5) Hey all,
I want to know what color thigh boots to get, i love both colors, but i want all of you to decide what color, red or black.


6) As i sit here and type this, i am going crazy with the want to wear these beautiful thigh highs to class and in public everyday. But the problem is simple. I need to cover them up because of my fear. Remember if you have any ideas that they are 5" stilleto heels. Please Help Me.


7) Hey Ladies,
I have been wearing thigh highs for a long time and obviously i walk in them, but it sometimes seems like my legs are totally stiff while i am wearing them. Any ideas as to why this is, i mean i look down and i am bending my knees and walking like i normally would (with the excption of being 5" higher) any ideas


8) Hey Lovely Ladies,
When i wear my thigh boots, i always have the urge to stroke them, any ideas why?


9) Hey All,
My University has a CO-ED Cheerleading Squad. Should I join? What are your opinions


10) Hey all, i stumbled upon a like reputation thing or something like that on the site and someone had said that i was just trying to get responces by asking all the questions i ask. That made me feel kinda uncomfortable.

11) Last night, i was in bed and i was dreaming that i was 1. in manchester (probably because i was watching frasier earlier) 2. That i was at my own high school durring the ASB elections, and 3. That i was wearing my thigh highs every day and was perfectly comfortable with it, any thoughts about what #3 could mean?


12) Err this is so fustrating, i love these thigh high boots but i cant wear them out errrrr. Im Scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




See?
I dont see the point to showing all my posts - they may be similar but some are different. But if you want me to stay off the topic forever now, i will.

[JenniferPaul]

Well if you are affraid that you will be read or tracked, called 'Sir' or laughed at. Don't worry it will happen, but not to often, and when it does it is not the end of the world. You learn to take the so what whatever attitude in these situations.

The more practice the better your enjoyment. Relax and be confident. One thing you can do to get over meeting people when enfemme is to head for a big crowd and join right end.

Jennifer

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i am in suntan pantyhose with shorts and painted nails with sandals all the time in public,, its just how i dress,, i am working on a way to wear skirts instead of shorts all the time,,

i luv the freedom of wearing a skirt verses shorts or pants,, not to mention the ventilation ;)

[Christine1960]

Yes, i understand about being all dressed up, but what im saying is, is it ok to wear just knee highs out?
Jenny,
I frequently go walking in the mall with my wife wearing knee-hi’s, jeans, and tennis shoes. We will sit and have coffee or I have sat on a bench while she makes a call with my jeans high above my ankles, suntan knee-hi’s showing in all their glory. But no one even notices. ;) So go out and be bold girl!

Think it, live it, and experience it, just being a girl.
Hugs,
Christine

[Julie York]

I dont see the point to showing all my posts - they may be similar but some are different. But if you want me to stay off the topic forever now, i will.

You have every right to post on any topic you like Jenny. Post whatever you want.

What is getting me riled is that you are asking what is patently an absurd question and which you must know there is no sensible answer to. I mean, you're an adult for gods sakes. And people are answering the same absurd question, politely, and in most cases actually trying to help you.

But let's get this right o.k.?

You have asked on more than one occasion...How can you go out in public, wearing a pair of thigh high p.v.c. boots with a five inch stileto heel...without being noticed?

That is the question you asked isn't it?
The answer is NO and you'd have to be a bloody idiot to not know that. But people politely told you..."No this is not possible." About 2 dozen people responded as if it was a genuine enquiry.

So you then wrap the same thing in a different phrase..."I am frightened to go out in my thigh high 5 inch stileto heeled boots".
And people still politely reply. Some even misunderstood your personal agenda and tried to give you encouraging words on actually going out, passing in public and so on...(Having missed the point that this is someone who wants to go out and PASS while wearing thigh high pvc boots with a stileto heel.)

If you have a boot fetish..then fine. No-one is bothered.Talk about them.
If you want to talk about them, fine, lots of people do.
If you want to compare boots on Ebay then great....lots of people love the subject.
If you are REALLY wanting to genuinely go out in some form of feminine clothing and blend in and pass then fine...You've already had lots of advice and encouragement from people genuinely giving you sensible advice.

But the very notion of an intelligent person actually thinking it is possible to 'hide' those boots is ridiculous.
The idea of wearing something like that and not getting noticed is ridiculous.

You'd have to be seriously brain damaged NOT to know that!

That was my point.

Now feel free to post on any topic you like and I am sure the very patient kind people will continue trying to answer your questions.

[JoAnnDallas]

I recently started going out in public all dressed up. It was scarey at first, but I did it and now it's getting easier. just do it and I bet your will be suprised.

[Julie York]

I recently started going out in public all dressed up. It was scarey at first, but I did it and now it's getting easier. just do it and I bet your will be suprised.

What colour were your thigh high pvc boots?

[Tristen Cox]

Maybe she's waiting for the answer 'she' wants to hear.

Simple: you will get noticed in thigh high boots, there ain't no way without a Klingon cloaking device you can hide them. If you wear thigh highs(stockings) they go under pants, how can they be seen?

EFOD :bonk:

[Cindy K]

Hi, I am a closet crossdresser, but i would love to be able to go out in public. Once i went out wearing knee-high boots and i felt sick to my stomach. Any advice on how to beat this fear so i can be myself


I understand Jenny to be asking how to overcome the fear of going out in her boots, I cant see where she is asking how not to get noticed in them. Drag queens like to go out dressed, and expect they get scared too, initially.

My advice is be dull and boring like me and you'll not draw to much attention, or be outrageous and get a thick skin.