i've hit the wall

[cd_michelle_mpls]

the end of my life as i know it is near.

for year i've stuggled with the fact i am a crossdresser. i have no desire to challenge my friends to accept my femme side. if given a choice, i'd live my day-to-day life as a woman. but given a choice, i'd take that pill and rid myself of my femininity forever.

the reality is i can't do either. my friends and family have come to depend upon me, and i appreciate that. i don't need to make them understand i'm a woman trapped in a man's body. but i can't continue to fight i am.

i find plenty of women who are intersted in me, but i can't even start a relationship any more because once i do, it becomes too much of an issue for me to admit who i am.

we all have tough decisions to make, mine pale in comparison to many of yours. but i am a lesbian trapped in a woman's body. if i don't make peace with that, i'm going to lose my mind.

if i lose my mind, i will lose much more than that.

all i can do is say thanks for letting me vent, and ask for your prayers, this girl needs them.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Michelle

All I can say is be who you are. I tried the fighting it thing for many years, and that just gets you to chasing your tail. I'm not saying that this will be easy, but there are women out there who will accept you for who you are, myself and quite a few others here have done it. The thing is, don't let it drive you crazy because I'm sure you have to much to offer to others, and to someone special.

Karen

[Nikki Dee]

Hi. Love....I can only echo Karen's comments...Don't despair ...many girls have been through these issues...it isn't easy I know...but there is SO much for you to achieve...be true to yourself...don't waste what you have already been through...build on it.!!...and love yourself.!!!
Nikki. x

[Tracy_Victoria]

the end of my life as i know it is near.

for year i've stuggled with the fact i am a crossdresser. i have no desire to challenge my friends to accept my femme side. if given a choice, i'd live my day-to-day life as a woman. but given a choice, i'd take that pill and rid myself of my femininity forever.

the reality is i can't do either. my friends and family have come to depend upon me, and i appreciate that. i don't need to make them understand i'm a woman trapped in a man's body. but i can't continue to fight i am.

i find plenty of women who are intersted in me, but i can't even start a relationship any more because once i do, it becomes too much of an issue for me to admit who i am.

we all have tough decisions to make, mine pale in comparison to many of yours. but i am a lesbian trapped in a woman's body. if i don't make peace with that, i'm going to lose my mind.

if i lose my mind, i will lose much more than that.

all i can do is say thanks for letting me vent, and ask for your prayers, this girl needs them.


I'm puzzled by a few of your quotes above, but above all, if your struggling with this issue so badly, then seek someone to talk to, I know thats easy to say, but as hard as it might be, it really sounds like you need to talk to someone about this.

I was puzzled by the fact that in one passage you say "i'd take that pill and rid myself of my femininity forever" but in another you say "but i am a lesbian trapped in a woman's body" as you discribe yourself as a Crossdresser and to quote you " I have no desire to challenge my friends to accept my femme side" I can only Presume your a M2F Dresser. therefore your first statement surely should read be done with masculinity, not Femininity?

I Point this out for a reason, in that did you really write what you felt you wanted to say there, ie are you putting youself under pressure to be a Woman when in fact your only really a Crossdresser!

Sadly I can speak from bitter experence in having known a TV, that put themself under this sort of pressure to conform to the desire of there fantasy, to the fact he convinced doctors that he was TS when clear he wasn't, and finally they under went surgery. of course that only made the situation much worse, with a tragic ending.

My point here, is be true to yourself if no one else, we are what we are, but sometimes we get carried away with our desires, in this world of fantasy and Illusion. therefore it is so important over everything else that we have a true course to steer, and most of all, we must not allow ourselfs or the fantasy to run away with us. (or our minds)

Talking to someone about your fears and feelings will help you, don't bottle it all up and keep it to yourself, it will do you the world of good to talk.

Good Luck

[Sophia Rearen]

i find plenty of women who are intersted in me, but i can't even start a relationship any more because once i do, it becomes too much of an issue for me to admit who i am.



Maybe, a relationship is what you need? Are you overcompensating your TGness because of a lack of femininity in your life? How about showing and being your true self to these women who are interested in you, sans the womens clothes. Let them come to know the real you and perhaps they will accept you for who you really are?

Calling kathygg, where are you?