Have you ever???

[DonnaD]

Ok, this may be a redundant question on here but I'll shoot anyhow. It seems here lately my 2 sides male and female are seemingly at war with eachother. If that makes any sense? what I'm getting at I guess is here lately I've had this dying urge to go shop for clothes for the fem side and chicken out, then turn right around and go do something real guyish.

The more I fight the one the harder the other rears up and leaves me sitting babbling basically lol. :confused:

Is this a natural thing? or at least someone else has experience with?

It's getting to be busy time for me at my job, I don't think an internal jyhad would be good right now, for my self I need all my fingers, therefore concentrating whilst doing carpentry prevents the loss of didjits if you get where I'm comming from.

Will be sitting babbling...

DonnaD...

[wilma]

Hi Donna. Cant say I have had my guy take over. My fem side wins out every time, He should know better than argue with a female. When I want to go shopping I go and he has little to say about it. Im usually dressed on the weekends and I allow him to do his thing during the week, It works out well. LOL Wilma

[Janine]

Hi Donna. It sounds like you're feeling a certain amount of guilt and that's causing you to overcompensate in proving your masculinity. After all, society drums it into our heads that since we were born male, we're supposed to act and dress a certain way, and to do otherwise is wrong. Personally, I grew a beard, and was always on my guard to make sure I acted like a "typical" guy, in order to cover up my inner feminine feelings, and I spent most of my life being miserable because of it. Finally, I decided that I'm going to be who I am, and if someone doesn't like it, then that's their problem. My first few times shopping, I nearly chickened out too, but I didn't and I'm glad. It gets easier each time.

Janine

[Tristen Cox]

I had this a few years ago and virtually went numbb to both sides as it were. It was a bit different though. My heart is female, my mind is somewhat more male due to conditioning. Eventually the female side prevailed and it took a long time to go through the numb process. Day to day just acting out the motions of life.
I wish I could advise you Donna I do. All I can say is try to do something universal that doesn't involve either side, and that takes you mind off thinking about it. This could pass in time but you may need some therapy if you feel too much conflict. Sorry I do hope that helps you some.

And Welcome Janine to our home

Love
Tristen

[miss_x_elvira]

i fully understand what your going through being in two minds and all, and being subject to manic episodes and depression, I've kinda been through it all. It's hard cause each person is different in regards to which side is more dom, but one things for sure we've been through it all, it's just part of breaking the barriers and finding yourself.

In my own case i've had the same kinder battles cause neither side is dom. I'm very much half and half and i think that makes it harder than those who have a dom fem side. Over the years i have fought with myself and peoples perception of gender, trying to find what i am. There have been some deep deep lows, and the occasional high point, but the most important thing is to hang in there. Eventually you will come out the other side and find yourself.

I've gone through many stages, thinking i have two sides/personalities, thinking i am half and half, but i have found thats restrictive (trying to fit into gender perceptions) and just feeding my guilt. Now i've come to realise i am one person (despite all the voices) neither here nor there just somewhere in between, myself

the most important thing is to hang in there and take things slowly, oh and try to use your job to take your mind off things, cause having a dangerous job myself dealing with shape materials, you need to concentrate on your job in work hours

and if things seem to be getting too tough do seek help, even just talking to a fellow cd can help a lot, remember your not alone

[Julie York]

The more I fight the one the harder the other rears up and leaves me sitting babbling basically lol. :confused:

Is this a natural thing? or at least someone else has experience with?


DonnaD...

I have the same thing, but I only crack about twice a year. The internet has made things easier. But I know what you mean. It's like a drug addiction and when you do crack you drink the whole damned bottle in one go, then feel terrible and promise never to do it again. (Until next time.)

But I'm getting to agree with Oscar Wilde on this one. "The best way to overcome temptation, is to give into it."

[DONTDREAMIT]

Its difficult isn't it? In the end My Male side won.Why? because i'm still single,and just can't see how i can find a GF with all this cross dressing baggage in my life.The crunch came the other day when i saw this really gorgeous girl in an office where i had to do some work,My male side thought "God shes lovely,just the type i'd go for,pretty,feminine,long nails(ivory),short skirt,buckled heals,gorgeus,but she would'nt want a fella like me",i felt like a creep.However my fem side was trying to fight back saying "God,I envy her,I wish i could work in an office and dress like that,with no hang ups,lucky girl".In the end though,like i said,the male side won,(for now anyway),I've got rid of all my clothes,and now my only outlet is through this WS. Its a constant battle for me,but i have to say now im back to normal male mode,i do feel less anxious,and though i know the urge will come back,I think its good to have a break from it now and then.

Hope this helps you feel less like the only one battling.

[KinkyCd_Jessica]

I am only new to this myself so can probably only offer emphathy rather than good advice. I'm about to go into my third year at college & really need to have my wits about me if i'm to progress further, i think that it would be so much easier if i could just give the whole cross-dressing thing up. Yet another part of me sees nothing intellectually wrong with it and can also see it as a pathway to realizing the 'femminine' qualities within myself that i am so attracted to in women.
As it is, i should be writing an assaignment now that is due tommorow, but yet i'm on here reading what all you lot are posting! Good thing i got plenty of energy drinks to keep me up tonite... :)

[DonnaD]

It's mind boggling at best. And it continues lol, I could be doing "other" things, but instead I'm typing this and then back to my basement project then back to work monday.

It's so very frustrating...


DonnaD

[StephanieCD]

One of the most magificant people I've ever known was a TS - she spent the earlier part of her life overcompensating for her feelings... at the time I was close with her (platonically) she had been a deep sea fisherman, a motorcycle mechanic, and a green beret among other things - and she was very good at all of those things. She could build you a house or a car and make you feel safe in the city, all with home grown boobies, military tattoos, and a fluffy little top... she did have the common sense to work in boots, though ;) Really though - an amazing person who lead one of the fullest lives I've ever known and she spent the first 35-40 years doing just what you described... having these feelings and then doing something manly instead. Like enlisting in the military... or hopping a two month fishing boat... or whatever. I believe it's fairly common, in degrees, during the struggle to accept one's self... as I'm going through right now.

*runs fingers through beard for one last time*

[Julie York]

The thing this forum has done for me is to actually look at what was going on in my head. There are so many false conclusions reached about your desire, sexuality , where you might take it, worry about telling people, worry about if women will not like your sensitive nature and so on. Until you sit back and go...erm hang on a minute...O.K. Let's have a look at this...I like this....I never liked that...I don't want this...I enjoy that....You don't HAVE to adopt any traits that aren't yours.

I saw all these web sites of t-girls, out on the town with big smiles, all relaxed and happy with who they are and thought , That's not for me. Would scare me to death, and what if someone saw me etc etc. But it really looks like fun!
Then websites of guys into undies but they were guys, not t-girls and it made me embarrassed because they were hairy guys in frillies. (but good luck to them btw) .
Then Ts sites and I kept thinking, what the hell is wrong with me and where do I fit in all this.

Then, after reading so many posts here, I thought.....Oh to hell with it.....I just LIKe dressing in sexy women's clothes and pretending to be a sexy woman now and then..for WHATEVER reason. Fetish, genetics, no idea. No-one knows, no-one cares, as long as I don't scare the horses let's enjoy it.

And I did. I dressed for the first time fully not long ago and I laughed to myself for about two hours thinking....THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!

So...as they say...You are not alone.

[Katiegirl]

Donna

I think nearly all of us who dress have two sides to our personality.

My male and female side have been fighting it out all my life, my male side has won much of the time because of social conditioning, but my fem side has always been there in the back ground. This inner split has caused me to get very depressed at times together with migraines.

After over 10 years of my male side being in control, 2004 saw me get my own place and my fem side took over very quickly, now it feels wrong being in drap cloths. I still have bouts of depression and Migraines still, but I feel more in tune with myself while dressed.

The one thing already commented on is that cross dressing takes up so much time other things are left untouched. That is something I will have to work this year.

:)

Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch.