wrestling with my femininity...

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I know from reading the posts here that almost everyone here has accepted, maybe even embraced, their femininity (or masculinity for F2M) and are happy and comfortable with the person that they are.

I find that one day, I'm just love being the lady within, and I'll dress and make myself up and just do things that the rational male inside of me would spin out about. I'll put pictures up here, and a couple of times I have ventured out, so it seems to me, in the cold hard light of today, when I'm dressed I place myself in positions where I will eventually be discovered. Yesterday I would not have worried about that, tody I'm not so sure.

And thats my problem...does anyone else have this "other person" controlling (and thats the only word for it) their actions, and it feeling sane and reasonable at the time, yet on reflection it's anything but..

I don't know if any of you will understand this post....I'm not sure I do..it's just me feeling very insecure I suppose....I am wrestling with my femininity continually and some days I lose.

[Shannon CD]

Sweet Jane,

That is precisely the reason that sometimes I am able to go places without much fear of discovery, and at other times I am panic ridden and do not want to get out of the car. Also, I must have changed 4 times back and forth yesterday because I wanted to do "normal" things half of the time and be dressed the other half. It's quite maddening sometimes.

For example; when I'm dressed I get a rush out of the "idea" of going out, but when it comes down to doing it I have the male part of me screaming not to go, and when I do it's screaming "oh, now you've done it. We can't even go back home because someone might see us pulling into the driveway, any more bright ideas?"

[Glenda58]

JANE you are young and when I was younger I also wrestle with my femininity. I purged I stop for years but always came back to where I had left off then I would purge and stop and start all over again. After years and years I have come to accept that I like dressing and going out sometimes and being a male at other times.

This is "normal" with what we are doing. So enjoy it when you dress up now there will be a time when you may not be able to or just not want to dress.

[Brianna Lovely]

A matter of acceptance?
Since I have fully accepted myself as being part female and part male, I no longer have arguments, with myself, about my actions. After all, my dressing is just my trying to express how I feel inside.

Perhaps you need to be a little more accepting of both your natural traits, and let go of the need to be in control. Let your natural person grow and become who you really are.

[Alaceann]

I think that a lot of us have that going through our heads. I know
sometimes when I dress up it just doesn't do it for me so I change again,
then others I feel good. But I still know that there is two sides to me. I
don't argue with myself I just do as I feel. Enjoy the gurl in you .

[linnea]

I have certainly felt some of the same kinds of things that you've described. When I'm dressed and in an area where I have little chance of being recognized by friends or family, I feel pretty good. I have gone shopping, checked into and stayed at a motel, taken walks in an arboretum, and other activities. But I would never do those things in my home town. I once went to a beauty salon located very in a mall very near my home town. I was sitting in a salon chair having my make up done. I was facing the door and I looked up to see a person who works in the same general area of the business that I do. She would certainly recognize me.
Well, it turns out that she didn't even notice me (apart from the simple sense of noticing that there was another customer in the salon). But that put a scare into me, to maintain my resolve not to dress and go out in my home town.
In my case, it's a matter of prudence. If my crossdressing became known to my employer, I would probably be tolerated and "eased out." It would be embarassing to my family and myself. However, I don't see this as a lack of self-acceptance.

[hotbobbie]

Hon it is calle growing pains. I think we have all been there, i know i have, and you like most of us will settle down and love both yourselves.