Who is the woman in your relationship?

[Sharoncd]

My wife knows that I cross dress but she is having problems with the fact that she thinks that I look better than she does and that she does not feel that she is the woman in this relationship. After going to a srink they are tell her to let me dress and don't think another thing about it. Again she ask "who is the woman in this relationship".

After reading several thread on this subject, I have tried to make her feel like the woman and I have tried to stay in male mode to make this better for her but again she is having all sort of problems with my dressing or more like who is the female in the relationship.

At first she thought that my dressing was ok and the sex was also great. the older that we have become the more thing changed due to issues. I will be the first to amit that I wanted to be dressed for all of my free time and pushed this but soon learned that I was pushing her away. I do not want that.

So for those that your SO knows, how do you handle seperating your feelings as a woman to your SO's who is the woman?

[Carol A]

Well if I had my way I would live full time BUT, I have learn not to push it to far to hard. She let's me dress all I want and doesn't treat me any different but when she has had enought she tells me so, so I just back off for a while. So far it has worked we are married 43 years and I have been out to her for 7 years. :hugs:

[Sophia Rearen]

Biologically, it's her. Does she have a patent on femininity? I get that same line from my wife sometimes as well.

[EricaCD]

When Helene and I wake up in the morning at 6:30, I turn over to look at her. She shakes her long, beautiful hair off her face. She usually stretches her left arm out, so that I can see the musculature on the shoulder and a movement so instinctively feminine it could never be imitated. She gets up out of bed, stretches again, and I see her entire body for the five thousandth or so time in the morning. And it's the same as the first time.

And there is no serious question-nor even a laughable question-about who is the woman in my life.

Erica

[kellylynn_31]

We talk and talk and talk.

It depends allot on the mood and what is going on.

Sometimes she says it would be a good day for you to get dressed sometimes not.

We do have a system for nonverbal communication.

There is a white rose on my chest of drawers if it is put away so is Kelly, if it is on the top of the dresser Kelly is free to be out.

We have experienced the same thing, who is the woman in the relationship.

I wish there was an easy answer to calm the fears but sadly there isn’t.

Just assure her that she is not only the woman in the relationship but also your role model.

Luck to you.

Kelly

[SherriePall]

Good question. I believe my wife is. However, let me add that even though she has never seen me dressed, my wife may have some doubts about that. This is because she could care less about some of those things usually assigned to the feminine side of the spectrum. And I care too much, she says.

[Charity's GG]

Let me start by saying...Erica?? Your post was truly beautiful...wow...your So is a very lucky woman:hugs:

Ive asked Charity the same questions...whos the female here??...where do I rate in this relationship now?? Her answers are much like Erica's...that Im top female here, Im the beautiful one etc. But at the same time, it does sometimes give us GG's a complex. We are the ones who wooed yall with our womanly ways. I understand the role model concept...but I think youve got to be on an even understanding level and respect of who the female is...and dont forget us...sometimes it seems that the cding takes over every aspect of the relationship and we (GG's) fall on the back burner. It takes many hours...sometimes years to completely understand cding...and how we accept it.And lots of love and patience:love:

[Country girl]

I have to completely agree with Charity. Erica, your wife is one lucky woman. As the GG in the relationship, sometimes, in fact a lot of the time, we feel as if we have to take a back seat to the man's cding. Y'all take on a woman's persona and act like the woman. It is so very important, and I can't stress this enough, to make sure that your wife knows everyday how much you appreciate her, how much you love and respect her and how wonderful it is that you in some small way, with your cding, get to emulate her. Women are very sensitive creatures and if we feel that your fem side is taking precedence over us being the true female in the relationship, then it can totally change how we view your cding and how we feel about it. I hope in some small way this has helped you to understand how your wife is feeling and helps you to deal with those feelings. Take care,

Country girl

[Danielle2]

There is no doubt that my wife is not only the woman in our relationship but she is also my princess. At least in my mind. My ultimate goal would be to pass as her twin sister as she is beautiful beyond my wildest dreams.

The problem begins when we discuss my dressing. She generally chooses to ignore it but on the rare occassion when we discuss my desires, it is a one way conversation. She states she cannot tolerate the thought of being with another woman.

I am in the male mode 99.9 per cent of the time and I try very hard to treat her like my queen. But even this does not affect her convictions. My only solution is to remain in my fantasies and continue to treat her as I would want to be treated were I in her shoes.

Danielle2

[kathy gg]

Hi Sharon,

THis question and situation is one that comes up often in conversation with wives of crossdressers....since so many come out later in life, in many situations the wife is no longer her super-taut 20 something self. Also..just being clinical and cold, men have different fat distribution than females and then there is the whole "every-body" has a different metabolism thing.

Putting all that aside....and I really hope what I say ...no one takes as some personal criticism or slight...

I am a female. I suppose if you did DNA testing on me I would look typical.

I also consider myself feminine...and to me that is something that has very little to do with clothing or make up {although I adore both}...to me it is in my spirit and my actions and the way I live and my relations with my family and my freinds and the people I love in my life.

But when I get up in the morning, I dont' need make up or a dress or very long flowing hair to *present* as a woman. I doubt anyone might confuse me with a man..well maybe a senior who needs better bi-focals! haha!

My dear sweet hubby though...well he needs hip pads, breast forms, a wig, very good make up, and has to be careful in his walk and has to make sure his clothing is very feminine ...if he wants to be looked at or possiblity taken for a girl.

I dont' need those things, most people who encounter me already assume I am a woman.

But my sweetheart cannot roll out of bed and ever be assumed to be a female...unless he goes through all that work.

Also, he has these beautiful masculine hands, a rather large neck, and a cute little boyish bum. They make for a handsome guy in my eyes, but for a woman, he has to use a littel bit of magic to conceal those things or shape them into someting else.

I tell women who often feel that they have lost the competetion with their guy...."you never have to worry...you are the real deal....and no matter what....well he might cut a great figure, have nice legs, and even a beautiful flowing mane and kick-butt make up skills...but bottom line....what you have comes naturally. There never was anything to compete against. You are the real deal."

Of course you have to be a pretty secure person husband} to be comfortable with your wife feeling those things. Thankfully my husband knows there is no competition and he knows that I have enough self confidence and inner chuztpah to know that this is all a mute issue. For me as a wife of a very beautiful transgendered/crossdressed mtf....to me he is the most gorgeous, most sexy....but none of that takes away the way I feel about myself. I certainly never won any beauty pagents....:tongueout but I also know that my sweety thinks I am pretty effing awesome. Bottom line his opinion is the one that matters the most.....and frankly that is really all that matters.

My own parents have been married 42 years....My dad tells my Mom sweet nothings almost every day. And God knows she is not the sexy little Latina she used to be...but he still sees that hot little number she was when he looks at her.... I guess when you really love someone so deeply and truly and completely and even...madly....well they are IT. And age and time and lack of personal style ...well....that deep love trancends that stuff.....

anyway....good luck passing this on to your wife....she is the real deal.

[sarah-smith]

My fiancee Samara is... which reminds me... she signed up so I'll get her posting soon! - sorry anyway...

even though while dressed I'm more feminine than her and can walk much better in heels :p
she still remains the woman in our relationship and always will be!
she doesn't want me to be a full-time girl (fine by me!) and I don't want her to be anything other than herself (fine by her!) :happy:

[Danielle2]

Your comments were not only beautiful but also very true

[Karren H]

My wife is the woman, I'm the man.....been that way for 30 years and will probably continue that way till the end...

Karren

[thea]

Well, I'm single, so you can discount my post if you want. My response is to urge my partner to get beyond traditional notions of gender--with two people, active imaginations, a decent wardrobe and maybe some toys, sometimes there can be two women in the relationship, sometimes two men, sometimes complete role switching, and probably most of the time (for me) she'd be the woman and I the man. And then there's also the man dressed as woman, enjoying womanly wear but being fully male for her. Biologically, of course, it's determined which is which, but that's never what she's asking.

[paulap]

Firstly, Kathy GG, you are beautiful! In words and in appearance.

Secondly, my wife is so completely feminine, I just thoroughly enjoy looking at her. Physically and spiritually. She is loving, caring, thoughtful, and so many of the rest of the good things.:heehee:

[kerrianna]

There is a white rose on my chest of drawers if it is put away so is Kelly, if it is on the top of the dresser Kelly is free to be out.

That's a nice way of signaling.

Some beautiful stuff said on this thread. I don't know if I can add anything. I think in our relationship we both know that I just 'play' at being the girl, my wife IS the girl. (and only I'm allowed to call her 'girl' - everyone else watch out! :beatup: )

[Billijo49504]

Well, my wife shall still be the girl in the relationship. But I'll be the almost gurl...BJ
ps. notice the spelling. GG s normalGirl and the rest of us is gurl.

[shae]

Milady is.

I kiss her, hug her, tell her I love her, ALL OFTEN, and I mean it, and after 15 years I don't try to con her. Whether in drab (as in nekkid) or dressed up in femme finery, we love as equals, but when called upon to be the male in sex, or in public, one just does it. That means that one can be vocal while being taken, too, something once thought of as exclusively femme. We're all just trying to become more human!

[Leasa Wells]

I have read many posts here and i have to say this one is probably the best. Although i am not in a relationship at this time, i have been in some where the gg knew about my other self. I never thought of it as a competition but i now see it could have been. Its a shame that society has a hard time accepting us an long with our own conflicts. I am glad i have you all its make my innerself more complete.

Lisa

[DonnaT]

30 yrs ago my wife was fine with things, even in the bedroom, mostly. She did have a problem with how good I looked in makeup, as she's always had self esteem issues due to the way she was raised.

A few years later she wasn't so happy with it.

Now she's ok with much of it, except the wig and makeup which I don't wear around the house, and I wear a nighty every night.

She still has competitin issues, which I try to releave by telling her she's the woman, etc. But it all goes back to her self esteem issues.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

myself and my c/d b/f do seem to comprimise on this. ( although sometimes i do feel left out when hes dressed ) !! we try to share as much of his c/d as poss. going together to buy clothes, disscussing make-up etc. i have to admit, i feel really chuffed when he asks me for "women" advice, :D yep, sometimes it feels spooky, but then i just take deep breath and stay positive when poss. we both are strong willed people, so we "try" to not take leads when hes dressed :straightface:

[InHerShoes]

my wife and I have a surprisingly normal home life. The fact that a couple of nights a week I am in female mode doesn't really change the way we act. "Female mode" for me I should say applies only to my outward appearance. I'm still me, just in a dress and make up.

[Nigella]

An interesting question!!

Genetically of course it has to be Sandra

In the sense of mannerisms, clothing, make-up etc, it has to be me, and Sandra is quite happy with this. It does not affect our relationship in any way, shape or form.

If this is encroaching on a GG's territory in the relationship, then the GG should let their CDing partner know, a few CDers are trying to be "the woman", and I am not talking about TS's, but the majority are, IMHO, happy to look the part, but not be the part.

[Sharoncd]

Thanks girls for all of your thoughts and for sharing your feelings. I do try, or at least I thought that I did, to make her the woman. But as a GG want to be I do want to feel and be female if on for awhile. I guess this is where I go wrong. I will watch this and when in male mode she is the women.

thanks for your input.

Sharon

[Jenny Beth]

My wife would be the first to admit that I'm the one who's the girl but that is based on the fact that my wardrobe is definitely more feminine than hers. Having said that there is no doubt she is the woman in our relationship and I make sure she gets lots of cuddles and hugs every day. How I dress is simply how I dress and I'm still the same person I have always been.

[JenniferR771]

My wife is the woman. But she is definately in charge. Non-understanding--been a little angry and upset in the five years since she found out. I am not allowed to wear her clothes, (anymore!). I try to keep everything out of sight--but she is OK with me going to Lamda Mu (chapter of Tri-Ess) support group meetings, Nov 11th. (Dress at site.) She is even buying cranberry salad for the potluck.
Hugs,
Jennifer R
Mid Michigan cd's contact our facilitator for more info
sandrastewart@gendertree.com

[suchacutie]

Tina is the apprentice girl. ok, his wife is so wanting of her legs, but that's minor. The fact is that my wife brought Tina to life, and she is the teacher, Tina is the learner. Tina's learning fast, but Tina will always be the apprentice. And when Tina's girlfriend wants her husband, he's right there by her side! You betcha! When you have your cake and are eating it too, there is no reason to want anything else!

Tina

[Sally24]

There can be a bit of compatition in our relationships with our wives. It can be constructive or destructive. My wife hadn't really worn make-up until I started actively dressing. Now she uses a modest amount for work, and more for an evening out. She used to dress down most of the time. Now she makes a point to wear nice dresses and pant outfits to work and really dresses up for evening events!

She looks great and I love to be with her. We both win in this situation. If she feels I am competeing too much, she lets me know. Also, I can't borry anything of hers that would look better on me than her.

It's all about her feeling secure and loved in the relashionship. Tell her how you feel!

Sally