Has Crossdressing Lead to Separation/Divorce?

[Tanya83]

I've been getting very mixed signals from my wife lately. I thought she was starting to embrace it but then yesterday she said no.
We've been having other problems unrelated to my dressing and I thought things were starting to go in the right direction.
I was wrong. We're separated now.
Can't afford to move out so I'm sleeping in the spare room. Second night tonight.
We've been together a real long time and without going into too much detail the only thing I can think of is the cd.

Part of me want's to stop dressing.
I don't do much, just panties and stockings (and shoes that she's unaware of).
My guess is she's affraid of one day me deciding to go all out and decide to be a woman. I just don't have that desire and at almost 40 I don't think I will.

Anyone end up divorced over it?

[Kristi1948]

When my wife and I married she knew about my dressing and it was all fun and games for her. I don't to this day believe she realized just how real the compulsion to dress really is. She started out doing everything she could to make me as feminine as possible (she did my make-up, hair and nails) and we would go out as girlfriends. As the years passed I could see the changes in her without her saying anything and after 12 years of marriage she needed a "man" and that was the end my marriage. She has remarried and we still remain friends.

[Daintre]

My marriage lasted 13 years, at first my ex said she would be OK with it if I kept it to a minimum, she even did my make up once or twice. later in the marriage she turned 180 degrees and it became the issue that ended the marriage.

I hope that you can work things out with your wife, divorce is a big step and suddenly being single again is hard.

[Sheila]

I've been getting very mixed signals from my wife lately. I thought she was starting to embrace it but then yesterday she said no.
We've been having other problems unrelated to my dressing and I thought things were starting to go in the right direction.
I was wrong. We're separated now.
Can't afford to move out so I'm sleeping in the spare room. Second night tonight.
We've been together a real long time and without going into too much detail the only thing I can think of is the cd.

I am not saying that your dressing has absolutely nothing to do with things but as you yourself said
We've been having other problems unrelated to my dressing I have only known about my partners dressing for 3 months although we have been together over 2 1/2 years and he has been cding for over twenty, -------- one thing I REFUSE TO HANG EVERY PROBLEM WE HAVE ON THE BIG CDING HOOK, it's just to easy to do that.

We SO's are no different in a lot of ways to you cdr's some days you are fine with your cding other days you hate doing it , we have them days to but hopefully the next day for all concerned may be better.

Address the other issues within your marriage and you may still have your marriage intact, and who knows about the dressing it may be that your wife thinks you are not interested in saving your marriage, just in dressing.

Hope things get better for you

Jess

[joanlynn28]

Ater nine years of marraige mine is ending up in divorce. My wife does not tolerate my CD or transexual desires at all. A lot had to do with my wife reading my journal and knowing my innermost secrets and thoughts about wanting to transition. We still are friends but she needs a man and I am not the person who can fill those shoes for her. A word of wisdom to others if you are in a relationship be honest with your SO and tell them the truth about yourself. In the long run it will save a lot of greif and sorrow later on down the road.

[DonnaT]

I agree with Jess.

We've been together a real long time and without going into too much detail the only thing I can think of is the cd.
Quit thinking and start talking. If she won't talk, ask her to go to a marriage counselor with you.

You need to know, not guess at, what she's thinking.

[kathy gg]

Tanya, in a few instances I have seen *crossdressing* be the thorn that broke the camels back...but that poor camel neede back surgery for years!...if you get my drift.

I want to re-iterate what Jess said....crossdressing is an easy target for SO's and for the cd to blame. It is an obvious thing which can be easy to point to and say "see-see"!

I woudl be curious to see what these other issues are though that you speak of.

I mean sometimes if you take away the crossdresing and look at the big picture things look very different.

I have seen situations where a man was wanting to be a transexual....well hat goes way beyond mere clothing and make up. Situations where the husband spent ungodly amounts on his femme self neglecting other important bills {home/car/food}. I have seen situations where the husband had formed more intimate realtionships with other people and the wife felt left out of the loop. In those cases it was not so much the crossdressing but the behavior which adversly affected the relationship and in turn caused resentment and anger and eventual disolvment of the marriage.

But in some cases crossdressing can cause a marriage to break up if she belongs to a religion which strickly forbids it and she lives most of her life by its teachings. It can cause a break up if her husband decides to *out* himself to all they know without any thought given to how it will affect her. It can cause a realtionship to end when it replaces her role as wife and lover.

But in many cases it is the sometimes the negative behavior which can accompany it and come out in very selfish and unrespectful ways.

What most people do who want to save their marriage is put it on the back burner for a while, go to counseling, learn how to still get what you need and what she needs without each of you completely losing yourself.

Compromise seems to work for most couples where the wife is not entirely suportive nor wants to be a part of it.

It might seemike compromise on your end more than hers, but aren't most all marraiges based on give and take and sometimes each of us does not always get what we want.

If in the end after therapy and compromise and you still feel short changed or bitter ...well then there is separation. That guarantees you to get what you want all the time and never have to meet in the middle for anyone ever. But hopefully you and her will try to look into alternatives to that choice.

best of luck

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

the key word we all seem to be using is : "communicate". ive been with my c/d b/f for nearly 19months be4 he told me he was a c/d !! and only then he told me, becoz of something else he done really wrong, so thought "what-the-hell". :(
its so hard to deal with for "everyone" concerned, we dont live together, and see each other about once every two weeks, ( distance is a prob), so i suppose its easier that way, than actualy being married, living with that person.:rolleyes: the thing is, is it finding compremise's and then making sure that both partys know the boundries as it were. i hope to god we stay togther, i will fight tooth'nail to make 100% sure the "dressing" doesnt split us up. had to many relationships ended over things which couldnt be resolved !! :sad:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

tanya..

married 14 yrs...2 kids..cding for my whole life..

i was one that didnt think cd'ing was anybody's business but mine...i was wrong..i admit it and i think my "secret" led to a distance in our marriage and now we are divorced

i'm quite sad about it still but i accept my wifes decision to not "deal" with xdressing..

[Nigella]

Not in my case, but indirectly it nearly did split us up.

Strictly speaking that is not true, the CDing was the catalyst that set the whole thing on fire.

What caused our little bump on the relationship road was deceit. Not intentional, done with what at the time, was thought to be the best of intentions.

CDing can be a causal factor, but is not the underlying problem.

Again I apologise to whomever made this quote first, JAW JAW not WAR WAR,
in other words talk don't walk.

[ubokvt]

I agree with the other posts you need to open the communication channels and soon. You mentioned there were other problems and in all likely hood it is those other problems. Diviorce in a committed relationship is something that comes from years of not resolving problems

Like others have said your CDing is just a easy target. She gets to blame the seperation all on your "problem" and absolve herself of all resposiblity for the failire of the relationship. You dress not her and she did nothing to cause it to happen. Its much easier than taking responsiblity for her share in the other problems and doing the work that needs to be done.

[vbcdgrl]

Sorry to hear that your marriage is shakey. I am a divorcee, 2X, but neither was "directly" due to my CD activity. Neither of my Xs knew I was a CD, but I think both felt I was distracted and distant, and sought more intimacy that I was able to provide. My CD activity may have contributed to that.
Ironically, I just recently came out to my 2nd X. She's OK with my CDing now that she doesn't have to deal with it as an SO.
I know you are going through a tough time right now. I wish you the best.

Vikki

[loki_uk]

A word of wisdom to others if you are in a relationship be honest with your SO and tell them the truth about yourself. In the long run it will save a lot of greif and sorrow later on down the road.

But nearly everyone who's told me that is divorced or having problems, sometimes little white lies are better than divorce and messed up children

[Carroll]

the first two marriages ended in divorce and the need to CD not a big part, but still a part of the divorce's

[maybeJan]

...snip....

Again I apologise to whomever made this quote first, JAW JAW not WAR WAR,
in other words talk don't walk.

Winston Churchill?

Jan

[MJ]

hi there
yes it did for me. but like you i think there was more to it.. this was just the excuse she needed. but before all the gg that know me jump in here. i DID not know for sure 100% that i wanted to become a woman. well i was about 80% until i saw a shrink ..so the fact that she overreacted and ended our 20 years just like that .. there must have been more . however she is not talking to me even now.. and i just don't know.. have you ever wondered what it would be like to be married to some of these wonderful gg here? . i don't think i would get rid of my love machine ... but you know you have one life to live .. so live it to the full be who you are .. i hope you find your way god bless .. hugs mj

[wildgal]

well while it was a major factor in my recent breakup, it wasnt the only factor. Plus the fact i hid it from her for years, before finally getting the guts to tell her, she felt betrayed. If i could do it again, i would have just told her at the start.
You just have to be honest with yourself first and others around you, and if it doesnt work out and she doesnt love the true 'you', then it probably is for the best, as sad as that may sound.:2c:

[Rikkicn]

My 27 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years after I told her. The reason was becasue I got tired of her not accepting me and my desires so I decided to divorce her.
It was a really good decison for me. I'm happy and fullfilled and remarried to a woman that knows, encourages and supports me unconditionally.
The fetish aspect of my cding is now part of my sex life and I'm more fullfilled than I ever thought possible.
All my fantasies have been playout and I'm trying out some new ones.
Hope this helps

[Tanya83]

Sorry for such a late response, I have a pretty hectic schedule and I don't want to use my work pc to visit this site.

I wish I could reply to each of you but that could take all night. Thank you everyone for sharing with me these personal stories.
I don't want to get a divorce and maybe I'll just put my dressing aside for a little while and attend to the issues that have lead me to this predicament.

I have to find myself and figure out who the hell I am.
Going to therapy will hopefully help me resolve some deep rooted issues that have haunted me for most of my life.