Depression

[Sara Violet]

Hello every one,

I just joined this site tonight and looking around you all seem like nice caring people. This is the first time I have ever talked to anyone trangender and so excuse me if I go out of bounds. I have all ways wanted to be a girl as long as can remember. It has always made sad knowing I will never be the little girl I am inside. It finaly took its toll on me this summer when I attempted suicide. At that time my girl friend had enough and I had to spill the beans. Since then I went on paxil and webutrin, they help a bit but I still get really down sometimes. I should be happier, my girlfriend buys me clothes, and make up. My parents dont know which is suprising because how many times my mom found my sisters old clothing in my room when I was little. I live with my dad right now. I think he would either kill me or disown me. Im his only son. My head is so messed up . Before my girlfriend found out she told me I should get help because she thought I had mutiple personality disorder. In some ways I do, (the girl I am and the man I pretend to be). All this has made me a very weak person. I can't talk to men bacause they intimidate me an I say the wrong things, and I can't talk to women bacause they see me as a man. Ever see the movie shallow hal? I wish every one was like that, seeing only who people are on the inside. Honestly I don't know what to do. I just feel like god robbed me of the life I was ment to have
and I feel if I end my life maybe I'll be reborn as a girl. I know it mad thinking this way, but thats all thats been on my mind.

I just wanted to know if anyone else has been down this road and how did they deal with the pain and depression. Please help if you can.

[orchard]

I just joined as well, and made a post not too diffrent from this. What your going through is F$#%ing scarry. Wisdom is for the other girls, but I can say, hold on, and I love you because I know how you feel.

orchard

[Tristen Cox]

To answer you as best I can, by finding friends that shared my pain and could relate. People I felt comfortable with talking to about what is going on inside and in my head.I found most of them if not all of them here. I hope this place can do for you what it has done for me.

Love
Tristen

[stevie h]

thinking of you


stevie

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya Quidam

Welcome to the forum. There are many posts here about depression and how the girlz have dealt with it. There is no easy way, I have been there myself and I eventually got proffesional help as I started hitting the bottle pretty bad. I have good and bad days, but I take no medication for it. Coming here helps a lot and the girlz here are great with advice. I hope you enjoy being here as much as I do and I'm sure the girlz will help you as best as they can.

Tamara x

[ChristineRenee]

Hi Quidam and welcome to the forum.

I suffer from a form of depression too as does my older brother. I am on Zoloft presently for mine. We believe we inherited it from our grandma on our mom's side. I don't believe mine is directly related to my being TG however, though I still struggle with the duality conflict like many who are here in this forum. It's something you just have to battle with everyday and it is very hard. It took me a very long time to acquire self-esteem largely due to being small for my age growing up and then the CD thing on top of that. To this date it is still a mystery to me as to where this desire came from as my environment growing up was a typical male one. But it is indeed very real and it never goes away. I have always felt for most of my life like I have had to "act" like a male and as far as my sexuality goes I really can't even do that.

I'm not a therapist Quidam, though I have gone to a couple specifically regarding this over the past 10-12 years or so. While those sessions did help me, I'm not so sure that finding this forum hasn't helped me more. Another thing I can recommend is to obtain as much info as you can thru other websites, books on transgenderism, and enlisting the help of others on this forum. You have a wonderful resource base here to draw on and we are all very supportive of each other and willing to help in any way we can. Many of us have been where you are at right now in fact. I know this is all very scary to you with what you are feeling and going through right now, but you are definitely not alone. As you gain a greater understanding an insight into the person that you truly are, you will come to realize just how very unique and special a person you really are. You will see this in a very positive way instead of as a negative. Again, knowledge is the key to greater understanding of one's self.

You just hang in there now cause it is going to get better for you with time, and don't be afraid to ask for help from the girls here. We are all here to support you in your time of need.


Love,
Christine Renee

[Rikki]

Dear Quidam, Please hang in here, the girls are great and they all have some kind a help for all of us. I know just how you feel, I have been there and have tried taking my life several times. I finially found this site and it has helped me quite a bit. I don't post much, but I read and it does help. I wish I had an answer for you that would make it all better, but the best I can say is to listen to the girls here. Good luck and enjoy your fem. life and keep that girl friend, she can be your bet help.

Rikki

[christine55]

LIfe can indeed be hard for people such as us. You are very fortunate in that you have an understanding girlfriend. Some of us who are older never had online friends, (or any friends who knew about our secret side) until much later in life. Remember also that as Jesus (to paraphrase) said that those who do not know they are sick will not seek a doctor. Never envy those who appear to have not a care in the world.
Hugs, Christine

[biddy]

:
Hello every one,

I just joined this site tonight and looking around you all seem like nice caring people. This is the first time I have ever talked to anyone trangender and so excuse me if I go out of bounds. I have all ways wanted to be a girl as long as can remember. It has always made sad knowing I will never be the little girl I am inside. It finaly took its toll on me this summer when I attempted suicide. At that time my girl friend had enough and I had to spill the beans. Since then I went on paxil and webutrin, they help a bit but I still get really down sometimes. I should be happier, my girlfriend buys me clothes, and make up. My parents dont know which is suprising because how many times my mom found my sisters old clothing in my room when I was little. I live with my dad right now. I think he would either kill me or disown me. Im his only son. My head is so messed up . Before my girlfriend found out she told me I should get help because she thought I had mutiple personality disorder. In some ways I do, (the girl I am and the man I pretend to be). All this has made me a very weak person. I can't talk to men bacause they intimidate me an I say the wrong things, and I can't talk to women bacause they see me as a man. Ever see the movie shallow hal? I wish every one was like that, seeing only who people are on the inside. Honestly I don't know what to do. I just feel like god robbed me of the life I was ment to have
and I feel if I end my life maybe I'll be reborn as a girl. I know it mad thinking this way, but thats all thats been on my mind.

I just wanted to know if anyone else has been down this road and how did they deal with the pain and depression. Please help if you can.
:) It's O.K.Quidam your safe here just cruse and you will see where to jump in and talk, I come here with the same mind set that you say you are in, I would like to say that firstly there is nothing wrong with you, look at the amount of members there are in this forum and thats just this forum. Hang around have a chat will soon learn that you are just fine. Infact if you so choose you could be in for one of the FUN rides of your life :)

[Vickie-CD]

Quidam, I'm on the road of depression, but for different reasons. Years ago I was diagnosed with "clinical depression", meaning it's a neurological thing beyond my control other than an event or series of events causing the depression. I've been on antidepressants longer than I wish to think about. If you have contiplated suicide, you MUST seek out professional help. I believe everyone is on this earth for some reason, but I refuse to believe the reason for anyone would be to hurt or do away with there self. There is good help available, but you have to make the first step, you have already partially done this by reaching out here, but like myself, you need more than we can offer. You find the medical help, and we will be part of your support group, that's a promise!! We all need help from time to time, nothing to be ashamed of. Now, go do the right thing and we will be here for you 24/7.
Love,
Vickie

[LauraB]

Quidam

I have just PM'ed you

Let me welcome you to the sisterhood and say that on this forum you will find many girls who have enough experience to help you.

Wisdom is yours wisdom is using the experiences of your sisters to help you be what you want to be and to be happy.


Love
Laura
XXXXX


Orchard a big hug to you to welcome to the Sisterhood


Love
Laura
XXXXXXXX

[arula]

Welcome Quidam, I too was struggling with the man outside and the girl inside. In my experience, as I became older I had chosen my path which led to great harmony from this struggle. You too will find what works best for you, by what choices you make now. All the best with your journey to fulfilment. PS (Great band Journey) XO Arula.

[paulaN]

You have allready gotten some good advice. All I can do is tell you that you are not alone, and tell you a little about myself. And welcome you to this site. I am in my mid forty's pushing fifty. recently I have found an inner peace with myself. I have deen depressed many many times through my life I have never sought help. Insted I turned to the bottle I have drank for more than 30 years. realy bad for the past ten. then I went to AA to sober up I tried and failed 3 times. But know I have been sober for over a year. this has brought on my feeling of inner peace. I have alwas blamed god for my problems, mostly girl in boys body. Now I do not blame god for this. I thank him for an other sober day. I thank him for lots of things. Now I am not a bible toting person in fact I have a hard time with Jesus Christ and the bible. but I do belive in god as I choose to see him. sun god, sky god, mother nature that's my favorite. AA has taught me this, I'm not saying you need to go to AA but that is where I have found my god. What I am saying is that the bottle did nothing for my problem of beeing a cross dresser. now that I am sober I cherish the fact that I am a cd. I have so much to be thankful for. a very loving wife who has seen me at my worst and stuck by me. Two great kids that I love very much,and many friends, that do not know that I am a cd. and never will. But my life has been like a drunk depressed cd. I can't tell you if my age has anything to do with my change in attitude but now that it has changed I am much better for it. AA and this forum and other forums like it has made me relize that I am not alone in my dressing or my drinking. There is so many things that I would love to change in this world but, I can not. All I can do is try my best to be happy and sober one day at a time and to thank god for both. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find peace with your self.And soon. And try not to take the path that I took it was way to painful. love paula*

[Sara Violet]

you girls are so kind and caring. I never expected so many replys. Im almost crying im so happy. For the first time in my life I belong. thank you so much.

[Tamara Croft]

Well we may be a tad nutz at times, but when a girl needs us, we are here :) *gives you a huge hug*

Tamara x

[Lily_gg]

A tad nutz?! And prone to understatements also methinks :p

Quidam - I can't actually offer any help/advice on depression as I'm not in any way qualified to do so. What I can do is offer you this: *HUGE HUG*, and hope that the knowledge that all the semi-certifiable people on here are here for you helps you at least a little bit. Oh, and there're plenty more huge hugs where that one came from, for anyone who wants one/some :)

Love Lily

[kimlove57]

1st welcome.

depression is hard to fight but we must be stong to die will hurt those who love us i find talking is the best for me we are find the rest of the world is crazy feel free in send me a message these form is the best place to be we all care and understand

[Roxie_31]

I too have suffered many of the same feelings as have you. For 20 some years, I beat myself up horribly, even phisically, violently over it. Only recently did I come to terms with it, realizing how stupid all that was. How silly to be so sad about the fact that I like to wear dresses. I realized something else. It didnt make me less of a man to also be a lady. If anything, it makes me more human, and a much kinder and better person. I realised that it's all ok, and I am who I am. It's a part of what makes me me. And that is turning out to be wonderful. I can proudly proclaim myself a crossdresser, or transvestite, ( or whatever "label") and it feels so good! I hope everyone reaches the point I have, because once you stop hating yourself for it, you can buy a new dress and enjoy it! enjoy being who you are.

There are always going to be people who dont understand. Its a shame, but thats society. Dont let them get you down. Be honest and open with yourself.And above all, hang in there. Just know that your sisters love you

kissez
Roxie

[Vickie-CD]

you girls are so kind and caring. I never expected so many replys. Im almost crying im so happy. For the first time in my life I belong. thank you so much.
Never ever forget that you belong and are loved by many. Welcome Home :)
Love,
Vickie