Dressing and sex

[LaurenS.]

I just did a search on this and found that a rather high number of us posting here have a rather poor sex life....myself included. I feel that it's my fault. I fear that my wife having tolerated my dressing has made her loose interest in sex as I'm no longer the man that she married. I am feeling very guilty about this. Do any of you girls feel that dressing has changed our wives interest in sex? Also, do any of you find that of you wear something feminine it enhances your performance? I was just surprised when I did the search at how many of us are having a poor sex life.
Lauren

[Kristen_1]

My sex life with my wife is good, but I have not come out to her. Thus I have two separate sex lives, one with my wife and one with myself when I dress. I would like to combine them, but I think that my wife would totally reject me.

[PatriciaCD]

My gf is bi, and she encourages me to dress when we are at home. This makes for a great sex life. I also find that I perform better when dressed.

[DonnaG]

I know in my case that wearing lingerie to bed eventually ruined sex for my wife. She was alright with panties during foreplay but that was it. My insistance on wearing more and more, especially bras, turned sex into an unwated chore for her.
Had the internet been available back then I would have known what a damaging path I was on. During the last five years of her life our relationship was more that of a brother and sister than husband and wife.
My advice to all CDs involved in serious relationships is slow down and think hard about how your crossdressing is or could effect your futures. I don't think that once you change your lady's mental image of you that you can ever repair it. My wife thought she was marrying a whole man and when she found out otherwise I lost so much. Gone was the ultimate trust, the adoring looks and loving caresses, and the feeling that I was her Knight. She tried hard to understand but the spark was gone.

[suzy]

No Lauren....just the opposite.... My sex life is no good....true enough... but it has nothing to do with my dressing....

In fact my dressing came on only because my sex life was no good!!:D

[LaurenS.]

I know everyone's situation is different but I agree with DonnaG. I think we tend to push our dressing until it is too late. I envy those of you that have wives that more than tolerate your dressing. I fear that most wives tolerate it but eventually get totally turned off by it. I love dressing but I hate what I've done to my wife's image if me. It's so unfair of me to have done this to her.
Lauren

[Kristen_1]

Sex alone when dressed is so stimulating that sometimes I wonder if this could cause me not to become aroused when I am with my wife. This has never happened, but if it did I might have to be dressed when having sex with her. This of course is a problem since I have not come out to her. Does anyone else have this question?

LaurenS-I think that this would happen in my relationship with my wife. I do not think that she would leave me, but it would significantly damage her image of me and also hurt her severely. This is why I do not know if I could ever come out.

[Raychel]

It was totally opposite here also. As my wifes desires decreased, my desires to dress increased. Although my wife would tell you otherwise.
:rolleyes:

[tracylin]

Sex life is great and sometimes i dress femme while we have sex IT IS GREAT

[Scotty]

I'm single so there is no sex life, so it's really not related to dressing :D :D

Maybe dressing is related to being single however :D

[fionasboots]

Well I think there are a few possibilities for my wife and I regarding our not too great sex life

1) We're both kind of shy/inexperienced so we've both contributed to there being little excitment/adventure now

2) My wife could be more shy/reticent about sex (birth of our son has contrinuted to this) so this has pushed me more to dressing and feeling sexy that way

3) My guilt/confusion/pre-occupation with dressing could mean that I don't get as much of a thrill from 'normal' sex and so I've pushed my wife away more

4) Now my wife says she can't get my CDing out of her head and this is making her more uncomfortable

In all honesty I think it's all of the above in varying measures and ultimately the insecurities and confusion that myself and my wife both experience reinforces the problems so it's a bad combination in that respect.

None of the above is helped by me being away so much so maybe when I have more time at home we may be able to start resolving these issues, hopefully.

[Teddie]

We start out a lot of times with me dressed, and the wife enjoys undressing me. She treats me like a girl as she slowly suduces me. Makes for some interesting times.

[Kristi1948]

When my wife and I married she encouraged me to dress as much as possible and took the lead in my feminization, our time together was great while I was en femme.

Later this side of our relationship started to lose alot of it's appeal, even to me. I started losing the outer wear and bra. Just kept panties, stockings and slip on, she did the same. It was better than ever.

[AmberTG]

I've always had a low sex drive, and my triggers tend to be submissive in nature, so my wife's huge sex drive just overwhelmed me eventually. She knew about my CDing before we got married, and she knew about my bondage fetish, that's part of what she found exciting about me. She eventually wanted me to take a more assertive role in sex, and that's just hard for me to do, it started to feel more like a chore then anything else. Of course, she started thinking that I wasn't attracted to her any more, like my x-wife thought, and it's really hard to explain to a woman that it's not her, it's just the way I get turned on. I'm the "disfunctional" one, it's not her. Of course, it makes a mess of a relationship, it spills over into other aspects of the relationship. I also think that the fetish aspect of dressing eventually affects the sexual relationship. In the last 5 or so years, I've been exploring my life-long desire to be a woman and that has also affected our relationship in unexpected ways. She once told me (not that long ago) that she married a man and she didn't want to be married to a woman. I understand that quite well, but I can no longer repress the desire to be a woman. Of course, taking the herbal testosterone blocker from Evenesce has lowered my T level to the point now where I no longer have any sex drive most of the time. It hasn't gone low enough yet for the estrogen to start working but I started with a T level of 803 rather high for a 50 year old man, and it's been resiliant. I have managed to lower it more than 100 points ( at my last T test at the beginning of Aug) and I'm sure it's lower now because I still had sex drive then. So far, I have not used any drugs, just the herbal products.
Anyway, that's my experience so far.
Amber

[tall_brianna]

I think you're putting too much stock in the dressing as a factor. My experience with several long term relationships is that sex is great and frequent the first couple of years, good to okay the next couple, and a perfunctory chore for her after 5-6 years. Most of my guy friends except for a lucky few with nympho wives, report the same results.

-b

[AmberTG]

I'd agree with that, but my wife is one of those "nymphos" and I have 0 sex drive, sucks to be us!

[kerrianna]

I've been with my SO for 22 yrs. Our sex life has always been great and me in lingerie has been a large part for a long time. The past 5-7 years everything slowed down as it often does when you've lived together a long time. Illness was a factor too, daily stress, etc.

Recently I decided to open up about everything in my life, and quit addictive habitual behaviour. I am trying to be more open and honest and appreciative of everything, esp my SO. Kerrianna also took a step forward and in doing so provoked a lot of discussion and renewed interest in what the both of us were doing. My SO got the opportunity finally to tell me what I had suspected but was too numb or selfish to deal with - she didn't always want me CDing for our dates, which is something I was doing almost out of habit, cuz it's so much fun. So now when we have a 'date', which we are planning a LOT more, I ask her if she wants Kerrianna around for it. And sometimes I just feel the vibes and go all guy and don't ask, otherwise she feels like she's always being put on the spot. If she wants me to dress she'll tell me.

Bottom line: we're putting effort and communication into it, we're trying lots of new things, we're not letting excuses get in the way. Things are way better now, and I feel like I'm 26 again. I just have to make sure Kerrianna stays in the closet some days - when she gets her turn it is so much more fun too - she gets special attention. :love:

[Eugenie]

Hi Lauren,

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you... You may already have read my story on this forum so I won't go into details again. Indeed X-dressing can have a negative impact on our SO's libido.

But I don't think X-dressing is the only reason for their lack of interest in sexual relations. Some one said that like many other things sex wears out with time. We just had out 37th anniversary last month...

I know that for some couples sex is more like good wine, getting better whith the years... But unfortunately this seems to be less frequent than the first evolution.

My SO and I had relatively good sex, less than I would have wanted as I have a rather high libido level, but it was nice. And yet she knew about my X-dressing, so it couldn't have been the only cause of her lack of interest in sex later on.

Menopause hormonal changes acted as a complete show stopper as far as sex was concerned. This was also combined with a major carreer change for me (early retirement plan, less money brought at home...) while she was continuing to work. My voluntary activity was seen as just having fun...

That's why I believe that my X-dressing was just a part of the problem.

Well, now my sex life with my SO is completely extinct, and I envision little hope to see it revived. We are now good friends, with purely friendly relations.

On the other hand my X-dressing is getting better and better. My SO is less concerned about it. Mostly ignores it and even makes some neutral comments, a few years before when she was making reference to it, that was always in a derogatory way...

That's not that bad after all... :o

I hope that you will find your own equilibrium and some satisfaction.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[LaurenS.]

I'm glad things are working out for you and your SO Kerriana. Comminication can be so helpful. Eugenie, I'm happy that life is good after all. I know what you're going through and the dressing takes over for the lack of sex. The truth is that I've lost interest in sex unless I'm dressed. I feel I'm to blame for my wife's lack of interest but I have my dressing to compensate for it while she has nothing. I do feel a lot of guilt about that.
Lauren

[Aprilrain]

My sex life with my wife is good, but I have not come out to her. Thus I have two separate sex lives, one with my wife and one with myself when I dress. I would like to combine them, but I think that my wife would totally reject me.

This did not work for my wife and i. she was only a girlfriend at the time and she knew i liked to wear sexy womens clothes to have sex and she was game but the seperate sex life with my self was hurting our sex life.

[Calliope]

Indeed X-dressing can have a negative impact on our SO's libido.


I'm a bit outside the statistical norm, I think. I surpressed my dressing during my marriage and, after the birth of our first child, the missus turned off the lovemaking - for years. I figured it was hormones and let it rest. When I discovered her long-running cyber-sex affair with another man, I decided to liberate myself and the female me returned big time. Can't say I had anything to lose, to put it bluntly.

[Satrana]

I love dressing but I hate what I've done to my wife's image if me. It's so unfair of me to have done this to her.
But why are you so hard on yourself. You are just knocking yourself on the anvil of guilt. This is your wife not just a woman you have just met. Her feelings for you go way beyond what you physically look like, she is making love to her husband not having a wild fling with a hunk. Can she not recognize you no matter what you decide to wear.

We all age, most of us gain weight and are out of shape. Is this any better than wearing lingerie to affect sexual attraction? What if you grew a pigtail and wore earings, what that also make you feel guilty?

If your wife has seen you wearing lingerie for years, is there not an expectation that she will have gotten used to seeing you in different attire but knows you are still the same man she married?

You are both mature adults. She also has a responsibility to tell you what she feels. If your wearing lingerie was killing her sexual attraction towards you then she should have said so explicitedly.

Do keep in mind that most couples end up with a poor sex life after the first few years of being together. Most likely there are many more important factors at play in a loss of sex drive than crossdressing.

[Warbender]

Well sex while dressed is great for the fantasy part of a erotisism session. I love how sexy lingrie feels next to my skin. I enjoy the feel of both me and my s.o. at the time get as we gently caress where the fabric is. there is nothing like it.

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife does not know about my fem side, so it has never been a factor in our sex lifes. My wife has MS and around 5 yrs ago, as result, she started having bladder problems. It started getting hard for her to hold it and if she got excited she can loose all control. So it started getting messy when we would have sex. She tried all types of meds and procedures, but we finially came to the decision that having sex was not a good idea anymore. At first it was hard on both of us, but over time it has gotten a little easier.

[MsJanessa]

for Me silk, satin and leather,cut en femme, of course, are better than viagra

[Karen Johnson]

The wife and I have a good sex life. She knows about "Karen" and is okay with that. Sometimes we go into the bedroom with me being the man and her the woman, sometimes her the man and me the woman. Sometimes as two men, sometimes two women and sometimes somewhere in between all of that.

The dressing absolutely makes me "perform" better.

And for what it's worth, long ago we agreed to make it easier on one another and if we want something to just ask. We have found a happy medium where both of us are satisfied. Most of the time, anyway.

[Sky]

I'm single so there is no sex life, so it's really not related to dressing

What????

I thought it was the exact opposite, that singles have way more sex than married ones!

(Unless you are single and a hermit, that is).

[Bluebird GG]

i can relate on the opposite side of the coin, every since she has started dressing, there has been a very long dry spell, which i dont see changing the only other thing it could be is her age maybe but i can relate with what u are going through, if u find the answers let me know!:(

[LaurenS.]

Being a crossdresser makes my life so complicated. AS much as I love dressing, I hate the turmoil it causes in my life and the complications it causes in the lives of others. I wish I could make it all go away. Crossdressing is such a self indulgent activity and we all say, it's who we are, enjoy it. While that's a great way to look at it, that doesn't take into consideration the lives of our SO or others close to us. We all expect others to adapt to us and accept us. I don't mean to be a downer here. I know full well the joy crossdressing brings so many of us. I love dressing but hate the many other problems it causes. Just voicing my opinion based on the problems it has caused me in my life.
Lauren

[sarah-smith]

My gf is bi, and she encourages me to dress when we are at home. This makes for a great sex life. I also find that I perform better when dressed.
Same here! but she also finds I perform better when dressed :D

[Melinda G]

I'm single, and like it that way. In recent years, I have avoided relationships because I like to be shaved, and do my toenails, etc. And I have no intention of exposing myself to ridicule or embarrassment. You don't know how women are going to react to it, until it's too late. And as I've said before, for every woman who is "OK" with it, 10 aren't! And if one finds out, you can be sure she will tell others. I have plenty of women coming on to me, but I keep them all at a distance.
Besides 17 years of marriage, I have had 2 five year relationships, and while the sex is usually great at first, it soon becomes ordinary, and the urge to dress comes back. Then it becomes frustrating wanting to shave and dress, and not being able to do it. So I just don't get involved anymore.

[Kristen Marie]

This weekend when my wife let me wear her panties to bed for the first time, the sex could not have been better. There was no race to the finish on my part. I enjoyed being Kristen to the fullest and for as many hours as I could. And she did too. I hope this is the shape of things to come.

[janedoe311]

But sex went down hill when our second one was born. Stress, lack of sleep and other factors have caused a real problem with it. Do not know when the last time was,(many months). We have not had a night without the kids and no time without them.

But it is not the girl thing I hope. She knows about my female side but we do not talk about it. And I might say she is interested in sex but not when I feel like it, (not liking that thing down there does not help.)

But I understand your problem. Not sure what to say that would help. I am in the same boat and it is sinking!

[rickie121x]

I'm single, and like it that way. In recent years, I have avoided relationships because I like to be shaved, and do my toenails, etc. And I have no intention of exposing myself to ridicule or embarrassment. You don't know how women are going to react to it, until it's too late. And as I've said before, for every woman who is "OK" with it, 10 aren't! And if one finds out, you can be sure she will tell others. I have plenty of women coming on to me, but I keep them all at a distance.
Besides 17 years of marriage, I have had 2 five year relationships, and while the sex is usually great at first, it soon becomes ordinary, and the urge to dress comes back. Then it becomes frustrating wanting to shave and dress, and not being able to do it. So I just don't get involved anymore.

Ahhh, Melinda... I love the direct and authoritative way you state your case. It is very nice to feel that kind of certainty about such monumental issues as having or not being involved in a relationship. Also, I oftentimes wish that my feelings were so clear cut.

It's not that way with me. As I look back, the feelings that I have experienced that were powerful and that I would prefer not experiencing again were those having to do with loneliness and solitude. I share many experiences of rejection on the basis of my cross-dressing - but there will be zero chances of enjoyment of the flights of fancy, delight, and silliness that can happen only with a close partner - and that I am not willing to write off in my life.

While I love the feelings of being shaved - oh, by the way that will continue, no matter what - so far most femmes have enjoyed that a lot! And toenails - not so important to me - I have fairly nice feet anyway.... But, you are so right about the self protective feelings of non involvement.... I have them clearly every once in awhile - and exhibit them subconsciously by gently avoiding most social events.

Nevertheless, despite my behaviors, what I truly want the most in life, is a relationship with a GG.

Rickie,:doll: Richard... :hypnotized: depending

[Billiemarie]

Sex life with the wife would have to improve a lot to be considered poor. Something very important to me would be if she spent some money at Victoria Secrets instead of Home Decorators Warehouse. While I have been a xdresser since a kid. I have been in the closet all of that time with the wife only finding some nylons I left out one time. I told her they were mine which went over worse them if I had said they were someone elses. Anyway even then sex life was poor and and after the nylon thing continued to take a dive. Last time I couldn't even stay ready for sex with help from that little blue pill. Yet I don't need the pill if I'm dressed and take care of myself.
Maby if I found another cd to dress with. That would be exciting. There would be that femininity I crave.
Billie

[cathie]

I don't usually talk about my sex life with anyone but no "guy" is ever satisfied with his or "her" sex life in the end (no pun intended again). I'm still in love with my wife for many different reasons than just sex. She's my best friend as well. Would I love to have a sex act every day/night, sure.

She knows of the daily pantyhose wearing and the crossdressing but we do not engage in sex while wearing the fem clothes. Nor do I walk around the house when she is home dressed. I'd be kidding myself if I didn't wish she would but I love her for more reasons than just sex so I don't pressure. I've been fortunate enough to engage in sex while dressed with both men and woman in the past and while it is a "rush" I perform the same regardless. Let's just say my wife left her husband for me so I must be doing something right after 8 years of marriage.

[murphysd2004]

My SO does not know of my dressing desires. So I have to do the dressing and the sex by myself. Once in a very great while, she will wear pantyhose and heels for me... I'd so like to be in them myself...

[Jere Oneil]

Like I said in my other post, My SO knows I wear women's clothes, and, as far as I know, there isn't any problem. I'm over 60 now and my sex drive isn't like it used to be.(I suspect that might be an after effect of Chemo) However, we do have sex once and a while. The only comment my wife has made was that with both of us wearing bras and panties, she sometimes feels like a Lesbian and it excites her.

[LaurenS.]

The fact that it excites her is great!!! Lucky you!!
Lauren

[Katie Lynn cd]

After 16 years of marriage, sex with my wife is still the best. Sex by myself while dressing is awesome as well. Now, if I could just combine the two!!!

[Tammietoo]

This is a tough topic for me. I've recently noticed that if I've been dressing or thinking about dressing for any length of time, I do find that its harder for me to perform for my wife--and that is really unsettling for me. Sometimes I have to think about dressing when I'm making love to my wife, instead of being aroused simply by her and the act itself. This was never the case before, and I really don't like the feeling. Conversely, if I don't dress for awhile things are more normal. The problem is that eventually I always start dressing again or begin to think about it obsessively. We've never had sex when I've been dressed, (well panties a few times) and like DonnaG said earlier it is a turn off for my wife as well, as she wants to see me as her man and not a woman. I do feel like I'm letting her down in this area. Since I'm opening up. It is also a troubling to me that sometimes (not all times) I'm so much harder and sexually excited when I'm dressed or even reading fiction than I am in bed--I suppose that is what bothers me the most. I know this is part of me and I accept that, I just don't want this to negatively impact my wife that I love so dearly.

I've babbled on long enough. It is nice to have a place to express some of these feelings and to share. :hugs: Tammie

[Josie06]

You said a lot. For me too, my SO does not know about my desires. After 20+ years and several children her desire is gone, she believes a bed is for sleeping. For me when dressed sex is not a player. Oh, don't get me wrong I wish someone was there to share my excitement and feelings ... but that hasn't happened. So I think, I dream and I hope.

[Lovely Rita]

I am greatful that my feminine side has actually enhanced my intimacy with my wife. Much to the contrary, my wife enjoys the person who has blossomed. She actually has both sides to enjoy. I only hope others can have this too. I do not mean to be insensitive to your plight and would not volunteer this unless asked as your thread seem to do so.

[crossing-the-rain]

You are right partially,wife would change her direction you never expected,some wifes changing to a woman needs sex few times a day with any other male,your wife just keep it inside,you never knew what she is thinking or planing her own direction,may be one morning ,she's gone with the wind,may be one day you come home much earlier , she is having fun with another guy.
Believe me ,you should make up your mind for your own direction before too late.This answer is based on sad but real story.
Rain

[Rita Knight]

I am going to put in my :2c:
First, I am extremely happy for those CDs that have come out to their SOs and their SOs are accepting of your CDing.

However, myself, I am divorced since 1992. It was an extremely painful experience for me. Over the years, I see how I did things to mess up the marriage and how my ex did too. I really do not want to get "burnt" again. I was not dressing at that time. To find some one requires a lot of work and once found, requires a lot of maintenance. Call me child like, but I can only take so much rejection. When it comes down to it, what's a sex life?

However, I see my CDing in a positive light this way. I get such an emotional charge once I become "Rita." It is extremely uplifting emotionally. I think some one else used this quote on this forum. "I couldn't find the woman of my dreams, so I decided to become her."

The way I see it, this ca be akin to choices in makeup. What works for me, may not work for you and vice versa.

However, for all you married gurlz, keep trying w/your SO. Do not give up lightly.

[keena]

When in bed with your SO, dressed and horny and don't know what to do or say, open your mouth and "use you tongue".

[Jessica Nichole]

while I was still married I had to give it up for a long time and I found myself getting caught occasionally by my then wife. The turmoil was terrible and the comments were insane. Now that I live alone I can dress all I want to. Both of my daughters and both of my parents are very supportive. It's easier when you are out on your own but don't bury the desire, it only makes it worse trying to come out of you . .. .

[Lisa Golightly]

Clothes to me, in a come hither pose, are the gossamer ethereal trappings of the need to be touched. When it comes to the touching it's all nekked ;)

[christineR]

In the beggining 28 years ago my 2nd wife helped me with makeup & hair & actually went out with me a few times. As time passed she wasn't as intrested as she was prior. She resented it when I'd go out by myself at nights. and hated the feel of shaved legs. over time our sex life sort of ended with here illnesses and I just about stopped dressing. Now she's passed away but I don't have the urge as strongly as I did when I was even in my early 50's well see what happens

[susiegrl19]

I have been very lucky. My SO is into my dressing up for her. Our sex life is very active dressed or not. We try to keep everything even. Sometimes dressed and sometimes not. So far so good.

[Tiana]

our sex life is enhanced by both of us wearing matching silky nightdresses, it somehow makes us closer and my performance is better to me anyhow though my wife may say there is no difference x

[kittypw GG]

I have been very lucky. My SO is into my dressing up for her. Our sex life is very active dressed or not. We try to keep everything even. Sometimes dressed and sometimes not. So far so good.

Here is the key. I also am fond of mixing the dressing with the sex life. I just don't want to do it all of the time. Balance is the key. Sex can get very boring and turn into a chore when you only expirence it one way. I like to mix it up and I have said before my desire to cd will never match my hubbys desire. Our sex life does suffer. You start to believe that it is the clothes really that is the turn on and not you. This causes me to loose interest in cding and then I start to feel that the only way I am going to get any is to play dressup and that makes me feel cheep that I have to bargin this way. I seem to have a higher sex drive than my hubby so I resort to loving myself. Then no one is getting any and there starts the downward spiral. Why is balance such a hard thing to achieve?????? Kitty

[Nike]

Sometimes you feel like a ****..... sometimes you don't

[Shergirly]

I had a girlfriend a while back when i was younger..
I finally kept teasing her that i would like her to dress
me like a girl..In a picking kinda way..
I really wanted it but wanted to see how she would
react..She finally said yes...
It was so nice to have this done with her..
She would dress me in her moms clothes which she had
some sexy clothes...And then put make-up on me all the way.
And then one of her moms wig and high heels earrings..
oh and some sexy smelling perfum..
And when dressed we woud have sex..And i tell you
It was great..The best..




Love Sher...