Am I dead or what?

[Donnadcd]

While sitting with the wife the other night, catching the last few minutes of Grey's Anatomy (she watched it from the beginning) - there was a scene with a wife sitting by the bedside of her husband who was undergoing SRS. Without skipping a beat, my wife turns to me and says, "if you ever think of doing that, you're out of here in a second".

She doesn't even know I dress, and I was working up the nerve to tell her. I thought there might be the slighest chance of her accepting. Should I start packing now?

[MJ]

While sitting with the wife the other night, catching the last few minutes of Grey's Anatomy (she watched it from the beginning) -
there was a scene with a wife sitting by the bedside of her husband who was undergoing SRS. Without skipping a beat, my wife turns to me and says, "if you ever think of doing that, you're out of here in a second".

She doesn't even know I dress, and I was working up the nerve to tell her. I thought there might be the slighest chance of her accepting. Should I start packing now?

well i think she knows something. because why would she say something like that ? and i think you need to talk to here about that

She doesn't even know I dress, and I was working up the nerve to tell her. I thought there might be the slightest chance of her accepting.

well sorry but i think she does ... and i am not alone in this thinking I'm sure

[AprilMae]

You may not be in trouble, yet. When I got thrown out of the closet, that's the first thing she asked. "You don't want to become a girl, do you"? Then, "Do you still like girls"? When assured on both points, she said "OK. I really don't care what you wear when I'm not around."

[Amy Hepker]

I agree with MJ, I'll bet she does know and does not want it to happen. It can be scarry for a GG to find out that her husband is a CDer. I mean what will she tell her friends, that she wasn't woman enough for you so you had to create one of your own (this is the line my xwife used on me). I am sorry to tell you this, but you can't hide it forever, the other side of you will come out sooner or later and keeping it hidden will only make your life HELL. I would let things cool a little bit and tell her. Either that or be miserable the rest of your life.

[Karren H]

She may have just been talking sex change. I've even heard that from friends with accepting wives that crossdressing is tollerable but if they plan to go all the way...they are on their own!! I think I would have said "so if I just dress like a woman its ok with you but if I want to be one.... And see what her reaction was.... But a missed opertunity!!

Now go unpack....

Love Karren

[uknowhoo]

Ouch! Here, you could prolly use (at least) one of these... :hugs:

That's a tough one, Donna, and I'm sorry to hear you find yourself in this situation.

MJ's response is certainly one reasonable way to interpret your wife's comment, but there are others. First, consider this, if she has strong suspicions and has such negative feelings about TG issues, why would she not have confronted you about it? It's possible she does know, and was just drawing a "don't ask, don't tell" line in the sand, but that doesn't seem like a very credible explanation. Think about it, you were watching a show on a TG and your wife made a comment. How many other thousands of wives out there do you think made similar comments to their (mostly non-CDEing) hubbies after watching that show? I'd wager quite a few did. It doesn't mean they all suspect their husbands are transgendered (though in our cases it might:o ).

Then there's the degree of TG angle. CDing is one thing, planning to transition and having SRS would be a whole other something. My wife is coming to accept the former, few are the spouses who would hang in there for through the latter.

I hope my ramblings, and others' comments might help you, but only you can know what's right for yourself. I bid you good luck, and hope you keep us posted.

xoxo

Tammi

[Phyliss]

Before I "came out" I made a few off handed comment to "test the water' but made absolutely sure that it was fully understood that I would NEVER consider having anyhting enhanced, added to, changed, subtracted from or other wise cut or chopped off. Made real sure of that idea sinking in before saying anything.
I do think she has some sort of an idea that "something" is happening. Don't leave now buy maybe while the memory is fresh you might want to ask her just what she meant, and reassure her that you have NO intention of ever doing that. ( if you do, keep it to yourself for awhile.)

[Tina Dixon]

I guess having a lesbian love affair with you wife is now out of the question?

[Wendy me]

oh don't you's even get women by now??? silly's she was simply reacting to the show nothing more nothing less ... she knows now just what she knew before....

[joanlynn28]

My wife also suspected it and when she found out, coming across a wig catalog I had the truth had to be told. The clincher was when she read my journal I have and discovered my true intentions. Shortly after that she went packing at that has been the end of our relationship. I wish I saw the whole episode of Gray's Anatomy I only caught the last ten minutes of the show and it aired twice this week on Thursday and then it was rebroadcast Friday, I'll just have to wait until it is on a rerun.

[Katrina]

My ex-wife used to comment on things like that after watching Lifetime movies. She would always get paranoid and then interrogate me afterwards. I don't think she suspected my TG-ness, but there were a few occasions that she questioned me outright. I kept my mouth shut because she had said flat out, "I will divorce you if you are a crossdresser". That made me miserable for two reasons - I was hiding something from her and I couldn't express this side of me. Things are much better now with my SO because we are much more open with each other. I can't stress telling the truth EARLY in the relationship enough.

[SherriePall]

Donna -- My wife and I watched that show. It's one of her favorite television shows and she knows I CD. Yet, she never said a word to me. Why? I don't know, but the point is if your wife knew you CDed, then maybe she wouldn't have said a word, too, for fear of your answer, perhaps. She may have just said that because the possibility of it happening is the farthest thing from her mind.

[Stephenie S]

My wife saw the show and then told me about it this evening. I was working Friday night when a she saw it.

She gave me no ultimatums, but I think she would have trouble being married to a woman. I am going to try and save my marriage but it may not be possible. Can you blame them? No. Of course they want the man they married. Put yourself in their shoes. If your wife were to become a man would you want to stay married to him? I doubt it.

So a sex change is the deal breaker for many otherwise accepting women. And it's very understandable, isn't it?

Steph

[Kimkandy]

I could see how a sex change might be grounds for a divorce. That doesn't mean that your wife may not be able to accept you crossdressing.

Perhaps you could try :love: buying some choclates, flowers and sexy bra and panties ligerie, but get the wrong size, unless you take the same size underware as your wife.

Might break the ice and allow ou to talk about it.

Kim

[Calliope]

Should I start packing now?

Only you know your spouse well enough to reasonably guess whether the comment had context or not. Only you know whether you want to live in the closet or start putting your fem to a real-life test. And actually considering advice given by a bunch of online strangers, many of whom appear to be cartoons, on whether you should make a major change in your life might be a little bit rash, don't you agree?