What does IT feel like?

[Phyliss]

At my appointment this Past Friday my Therapist asked me a question, that I had no ready answer for. I guess if I had "something" prepackaged as a stock answer it would have looked to be a bit fake. I'm really trying to understand all of this CDing stuff. I like it and don't want to stop, and I kinda understand the "why?" of it for me at least, but this question caught me off balance and I really couldn't answer it.

Her question to me was, "Do you feel feminine?" My answer was "I don't know, what does feminine feel like?" I went on to tell her how I never really felt like "guy" things, cars, sports, boxing, hunting, things like that. I know that I'm using a "broad brush" here but I hope you get the idea. Now I've been thinking about this for a few days and still can't come up with an answer I like. When I ask "What does feminine feel like?" I don't mean feeling "girly" there is a difference.
"Girly" to me is: primping, powdering, putting on makeup, combing your hair, (real or wig), jewelry, slipping on stockings. panties, bras, that "killer" LBD, heels, etc. That I can understand, it's all part of the "illusion". However, feeling feminine is a different thing to me. Oh sure, the body actions, like the hand gestures, and walking, sitting with legs crossed properly, all that is more of the outward appearance. What I'm getting at is the inner feelings that help with the outward appearance.
I don't know what feeling feminine is. I know what I don't feel like. I don't feel, like being the "dragon slayer", I don't feel like I have to show off my lastest "muscle car", I don't feel like I have to lift 1000 pounds at the gym to prove I'm a "man", I don't feel like sitting on the couch with a bunch of other guys and watch "the game" while sucking down flaming spicy hot nachos to prove my "manliness", things like that.
One thing I know, whenever there has been any sort of family gathering, I find myself being more comfortable sitting with the women and talking rather than "hanging out with the menfolk" Always felt that way long before "Phyliss" came into being. Never really could explain it to myself, I just knew I felt better and more at ease with the women rather than talking about "guy" things. Not that I can't and I have at times, but I've never really felt right doing it.
So, back to the original question, "What does "feeling feminine" feel like?". Is it the ability to "be touch with my feelings" the ability to be nurturing, the ability to be caring, just what is IT that makes one FEEL feminine?

[Joy Carter]

Phillis I know where your coming from. I don't have a clue about feeling feminine. But I know in my heart of hearts that I should have been female. I'm like you I never have liked being with the boys/men. I'm woman & man inside and though my wife likes that inside part she does not care for me to show the woman on the outside.:o

[joanlynn28]

I will explain what "It" means to me. Being truely TS and not a CD I found myself finally comfortable within my own skin and body. Just look at my avatar and you will see what I mean, I was born with a boyish figure and a female brain. It is more than just dressing and acting to part, to me being female also radiates from within me. What the outside world sees finally is the real person I am that was hiding within the confines of a male body. Now that I have finally gotten inner peace with myself and not the internal struggle to conform to what normal society expects my to be I am able to progress to become the person I really am. The best way for me to discribe it is that what I experience just feels so natural to me. The mannerism and confidence I now have lets me know that the path I am on now is the one that is meant for me. I am just grateful that God has allowed me to be born at a time when modern medicine is able to correct the birth defect I was born with, having the genetilia of the opposite sex I am. Having now finding "IT" means to be to being able now to move forward and mature with complete oneness with myself.:2c:

[tekla west]

While I have no idea what it feels like to be a woman, I sure as heck know what it feels like to be, or to feel, feminine. Feminine, like masculine, is an attribute, not a reality.

Being - or acting - feminine does not make you a woman, no more than if a girl had the ability to do welding on a sports car would make her a man.

Nor, should either be confused with sexuality, which is something else entirely.

[janelle]

I agree with Joan, its that inner peace & the feeling of everything coming naturally. Yes there are times i feel girly & want to a little extra make up, or my hair & things you mentioned but that too feels like a natural thing to do once in awhile. Thats my:2c: worth i hope it helps you dear.
:love: Janelle

[Sharon]

Phillis I know where your coming from. I don't have a clue about feeling feminine.


That's it in a nutshell for me. Once you get past the primping, clothing, and make-up, who can define what femininity is? I bet there's an awful lot of genetic women who couldn't define the word as it applies to them, unless they equate motherhood to it, and who could argue with that?

To look at me you may or may not say I am feminine. To see how I behave and carry on day-to-day, you again may say I either am or am not feminine. I am not "swishy," I do not seek out and consciously use girly words or phrases, and I do not try to be anything but who I am -- me.

I don't know if I am feminine -- I am just who I am, and what I am is genuine.

[Katrina]

Wow, what a good question! Pretty much any answer that anybody gives is going to be somewhat stereotypical and a blanket statement. For example, one of the things that I think makes me feel feminine is a desire to look pretty. I know that there must be guys out there that want to be pretty but don't necessarily think they are feminine. I really have no idea though.

[Kate Simmons]

Not sure there really is such a thing Hon aside from our own definition. Everyone is different of course (as it's been pointed out to me here) and everyone has a different idea what it means. Being a genetic woman is one thing but it doesn't necessarily make one "feminine". Many mannerisms, habits and movements can be learned as well as being natural. Far as I'm concerned, that's a question that doesn't necessarily have a "qualifying" answer.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Rachel Morley]

"What does "feeling feminine" feel like?"
This is a very straight forward question but a very difficult one to answer. Humm...the act of feeling feminine....what does it feel like? :thinking: It's almost like asking a person what does an emotion feel like? You know, like saying how does happiness or joy feel?

I'm sorry I can't answer in the way you were maybe looking for, I can only say:
What does "feeling feminine" feel like? - a warm fuzzy emotion deep inside, and I like it! :D

[Scotty]

Angel may have come close to answering this inadvertantly.
It is an emotional feeling, like being happy.

For me it feels happy.

Happy that I feel like I want to feel.

But that doesn't answer the question. Feeling femme is a state of mind, I want to look pretty, I want to identify myself with the opposite sex.

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

Phyliss the things you menton in tour post are the things that I feel when I am feeling "feminine"....I'm not to sre, but I think the lines between "girly" and "feminne" are not rigid...they blur into shades of grey.
To me femininity is the swishing skirt and hose, it is the smooth torso and underarms, it is the "breasts" and pretty face as well as the attitude. I'm a happier person when I'm dressed, I would like to "feel" like a lady when I'm dressed yet I do nothing different than when I'm not dressed...It's all in my mind. Femininity is just my state of mind I think, it's my perception of myself, and I'm sure if others could see me, it would be their perception of me too.

[AmberTG]

Without the frame of reference, I think this is a very hard question to answer. Get rid of the testosterone, put estrogen in your brain for a couple years, and you might (or might not) have a frame of reference. I think it has to do with the way you look at the world and life around you. I think, in general, that men have a harder edge to their thinking, more intense, more physically oriented and women have a softer edge to their thinking more "warm and fuzzy" more basicly emotional in thought process. Men's emotional thoght process is more aggressive in nature and women's is more "nurturing" in nature. That's about the best I can do by way of explaination. I have for most of my life, tried to hide those "girlie" thought processes but, like a lot of others here, I'm more comfortable in the company of women then men. It's just so much more "laid back" I like to be able to express my feelings instead of hiding them away like a man, I'm still working on getting rid of a lifetime of hiding my "fem" side.
I don't know if that helps with the question or not, but I hope so.
Amber.

[MJ]

At my appointment this Past Friday my Therapist asked me a question, that I had no ready answer for. I guess if I had "something" prepackaged as a stock answer it would have looked to be a bit fake. I'm really trying to understand all of this CDing stuff. I like it and don't want to stop, and I kinda understand the "why?" of it for me at least, but this question caught me off balance and I really couldn't answer it.

Her question to me was, "Do you feel feminine?" My answer was "I don't know, what does feminine feel like?" I went on to tell her how I never really felt like "guy" things, cars, sports, boxing, hunting, things like that. I know that I'm using a "broad brush" here but I hope you get the idea. Now I've been thinking about this for a few days and still can't come up with an answer I like. When I ask "What does feminine feel like?" I don't mean feeling "girly" there is a difference.
"Girly" to me is: primping, powdering, putting on makeup, combing your hair, (real or wig), jewelry, slipping on stockings. panties, bras,
that "killer" LBD, heels, etc. That I can understand, it's all part of the "illusion". However, feeling feminine is a different thing to me. Oh sure, the body actions, like the hand gestures, and walking, sitting with legs crossed properly, all that is more of the outward appearance. What I'm getting at is the inner feelings that help with the outward appearance.
I don't know what feeling feminine is. I know what I don't feel like. I don't feel, like being the "dragon slayer", I don't feel like I have to show off my lastest "muscle car", I don't feel like I have to lift 1000 pounds at the gym to prove I'm a "man", I don't feel like sitting on the couch with a bunch of other guys and watch "the game" while sucking down flaming spicy hot nachos to prove my "manliness", things like that.
One thing I know, whenever there has been any sort of family gathering, I find myself being more comfortable sitting with the women and talking rather than "hanging out with the menfolk" Always felt that way long before "Phyliss" came into being. Never really could explain it to myself, I just knew I felt better and more at ease with the women rather than talking about "guy" things. Not that I can't and I have at times, but I've never really felt right doing it.
So, back to the original question, "What does "feeling feminine" feel like?". Is it the ability to "be touch with my feelings" the ability to be nurturing, the ability to be caring, just what is IT that makes one FEEL feminine?

hi there as most of you know i am a ts . "What does "feeling feminine" feel like?". well for me it's that feeling of inner peace you know.. it just feels right i never related to the guys i hated anything to do with them.i just did not fit in .. and i always felt more comfortable with the woman whenever we went to party's or get together i preferred to hang out with the woman thats just me.. so it is a difficult question to answer but i hope this helps you.. hugs

forgive me for asking but what is a "LBD " ?

[tall_brianna]

What an awesome question!

For me, I think the outward traits you mentioned were there from the start. Over the course of growing up I was conditioned by peer and family to not exhibit feminine behaviors like the way I carried myself. So, to blend in I had to adopt a masculine outward appearance, gestures and posture. I use to get teased all the time because of it. Now, trying to strip away 35 years of conditioning, I try not to overdo the feminine "act" but I have to constantly be aware of my posture and such when enfemme because old habits die hard... like walking with the shoulders back.

Sometimes airline commercials make me cry. Does that count?

-b

[Sally24]

I think one of the central parts of "feeling" feminine to me is awareness. I am more aware of myself and my surroundings. I pay more attention to how I look, how I want to look, and how others react to me. I am more aware of textures. The feel of my clothing, my own skins smoothness, scent, and appearance. The tempurature and smoothness or roughness of the chair around me. The taste of food and drink that I am consuming. Sensual is a good word to describe some of this.

I am more in tune to people around me. I watch their expressions and their body posture more. I am more interested in how they are feeling and I like to get them to laugh or to feel happier. Empathy is a good word for this part.

I know these are mostly external things, but they are how my feeling of femininity are externalized.

Sally

[Victoria Anne]

I'm not sure it is a male / female thing but rather a way of thinking,feeling and acting.For me personally it is in the way I carry myself and think,I have always had very feminine mannerisms but it is also in the way I feel inside .Its in the way I feel for someone elses pain or joy,in the feelings of sensuality and my inborn need to be pretty and the way I find comfort in my dressing as it helps,allows me to be me,the person who I am inside. Do I want to be a gg? no. But I do need my femininity. I hope this helps.

[Kimkandy]

So, back to the original question, "What does "feeling feminine" feel like?". Is it the ability to "be touch with my feelings" the ability to be nurturing, the ability to be caring, just what is IT that makes one FEEL feminine?

I always thought knew this one, but now I'm confused... so I looked it up http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femininity

I think you're therapist might have been expecting a yes or no answer. So did "I don't know" surprise her?

Kim

[satin-and-lace-for-m]

Phyliss,

I've often wondered the same thing myself. Its is more than just the clothes, makeup, jewelery, etc. things you put on.....I think it has more to do with acknowledging feelings in you that are generally attributed to females. Caring, nuturing, compassion....I find all of these attributes are enhanced in me when I crossdress.

I just started therapy last Friday myself. Wife of 27 years told me 2 months ago in no uncertain terms she will never accept "Satin". To her crossdressing is immoral, totally wrong, and she will only stay married to me if I totally reject that "lifestyle"

I've been tremendously depressed since then. Sought out some help thru my company's EAP and was hooked up with a local therapist. Had a nice first session.

I think this is the finally the end of my marriage. We talked briefly last night and I was told crossdressing is my choice and the wife can't believe I'd choose panties and bras over her. I've told her this is not a choice, but something I have to do, asked her many times to independently do some research into the issue but she refuses. I, for the first time ever, told her I felt she was very closed minded. She didn't appreciate that!

Phyliss - I'm very happy for you!

Cheers,

Satin...

[Sweet Jane]

Satin

I am so sorry to hear that....yes crossdressing is a compelling urge, but I think if I was "forced" to quit then I would. I suppse I would be resentful and somewhat miserable, but I don't think I could throw my family away for it, just as I would have expected my family not to ditch me because of it.

I can truly understand how this activity could disgust your wife....sometimes I feel very uncomfortable with cross dressing, it most certainly deviates significantly from societies "norms", and most people want to only live for what others may think of them...goodness we all want to be liked by everyone, but I know if my CDing got out, then there would be some people I have now as friends, that would abandon me.
And I can understand that too, because I would have misrepresented myself and maybe it could be construed that I had built the friendship on a lie...and thats what concerns me about my marriage.....thats why I feel somewhat miserable about my crossdressing almost all times that I'm not dressed..then. of course I feel happy, and often throw caution to the wind.

Phyliss, sorry to hijack the topic..it's just that I'm not feeling very feminine today...whatever that may be...

[Jennaie]

I once bought a wig from a woman who owned a shop in another state. At the very beginning of our telephone conversation she ask me what my female name was and I replied Jennaie. From that point forward she called me Jennaie and talked to me as though I were a genetic female. There was a lot more conversation than just the purchase of a wig. We engaged in "girl-talk" for over half an hour.

I can't describe exactly how it made me feel but I can say that if anything has ever made me feel feminine, my conversation with her certianly did. It was as though she accepted me and viewed me as female.

It was the most satisfying experience I have ever had as a crossdresser. It was even better than going out and "at least believing" that I had passed.

[Karren H]

Honestly....I don't have a clue!! I wasn't born female hence the true feeling of femininity was never there. And will probably never truely be there!! Sure you, we, can say we feel feminine but its an act...an emulation... A guys version of what we think femininity feels like.. In my opinion!

Doesn't mean that I don't like to feel my version of feminine...but its probably not the same as your version and not the same as a womans...

Soooo....who cares what its called or why we feel this way.....don't need someone else to tell me that what I feel and what I do is ok and good!!!

Love Karren

[Tina Dixon]

I have no idea, and there's a few GG's that I know that don't know either, I'm not sure I know what a gentleman is either:straightface:

[Stephenie S]

You know, to me it just feels "right". Several others have already stated this. I look in the mirror or down at myself and I just KNOW. This is how I should look. I have always FELT feminine. Does that mean I feel like a woman? That's something I will never know. I'm not, you see. I don't have a womans body, I never had a womans childhood, I will never have a menstrual cycle, I have children but not from myself, etc, etc. We all know these facts. But I have known all my life that deep inside me is a woman. Always hidden by a heavy overlay of constructed masculinity. This is nothing new to any of us.

So when I look at what I am becoming I just see "right". It just feels "right". I think any more struggling to quantify or define this feeling is a waste of time for me. I can't do it. We can't do it. I think trying to ask WHY is a masculine atribute anyway. I want to enjoy the feeling. I plan to enjoy the feeling for as long as I can.

MHO,
Steph

[Cristi]

One thing I know, whenever there has been any sort of family gathering, I find myself being more comfortable sitting with the women and talking rather than "hanging out with the menfolk"

I've always had this feeling, and it is one way that I know that CDing is not a sexual thing. It is deeper (and has roots MUCH earlier in my life) than that.

Even in my earliest memories, I remember making choices between 'boy' things (tag football games, 'army', watching a baseball game on TV) and more 'girl' things like just talking and playing 'make pretend'. In all my memories, even in the years before my interest in CDing began, I would always find myself chosing the 'girl' activities.

One particular memory that came to mind just last week for some reason... The 8th grade class I was in had a traditional class trip, but our class couldn't agree on where to go. So we split the group and went to two different destinations. ALL the boys went to a Redsox game, and ALL the girls (plus me) went to the Boston Museum! I didn't really care about the split... I had MUCH more fun spending the day with the girls than I would have at a stupid ballgame! :)

Even to this day when my wife and I get together with other couples, I usually side with the girls when we are deciding what to do when we get together.

[Theresa(TGirl)]

Personally to me, asking this question is like asking a person who is and has been blind their whole life what it feels like to see, they wouldn't have the slightest idea, cause they can't. It's like asking a guy what is "feminine", it's not easy to explain stuff, and if you were to define "femininity", it would probably fit an entire book.

[Phyliss]

Thank you, to everyone who answered. I wasn't expecting a full and complete, carved in stone, ridgid answer. I know there isn't an exact definition of : "what it feels like to be feminine" but I have a better understanding now than I did before.

Thank you all for your wonderful input. :love:

[Kate Simmons]

Thank you, to everyone who answered. I wasn't expecting a full and complete, carved in stone, ridgid answer. I know there isn't an exact definition of : "what it feels like to be feminine" but I have a better understanding now than I did before.

Thank you all for your wonderful input. :love:Based on what everyone said, I guess it's kind of a mindset, state of mind and/or feeling. I guess we either "feel" that way or we don't.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[FOCD]

"Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis. "

[satin-and-lace-for-m]

Satin

I am so sorry to hear that....yes crossdressing is a compelling urge, but I think if I was "forced" to quit then I would. I suppse I would be resentful and somewhat miserable, but I don't think I could throw my family away for it, just as I would have expected my family not to ditch me because of it.

I can truly understand how this activity could disgust your wife....sometimes I feel very uncomfortable with cross dressing, it most certainly deviates significantly from societies "norms", and most people want to only live for what others may think of them...goodness we all want to be liked by everyone, but I know if my CDing got out, then there would be some people I have now as friends, that would abandon me.
And I can understand that too, because I would have misrepresented myself and maybe it could be construed that I had built the friendship on a lie...and thats what concerns me about my marriage.....thats why I feel somewhat miserable about my crossdressing almost all times that I'm not dressed..then. of course I feel happy, and often throw caution to the wind.

Phyliss, sorry to hijack the topic..it's just that I'm not feeling very feminine today...whatever that may be...


Sweet Jane,

Thanks for the reply. My wife threatened last night to out me to my 3 sons (22, 20, 16). I asked her not to, she said why not tell them, I stated I was embarrassed for them to know......the wife said that proves her point that cd'ing is wrong, otherwise I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell others.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Cheers,

Satin...

[Alex R]

I'm almost 50 and have only been expressing my cd'ing seriously this year. The one thing that has always intrigued me is when others describe the girl / femme inside of them. This is something I have found difficult to see within myself.

I've always enjoyed what is stereotypically seen as male pastimes: watching football (soccer to US girls) going for a pint with friends. (But I've never been macho or boorish I hasten to add). In fact I still enjoy these "male pastimes" even since Lucinda came on the scene.

At work I'm probably typically male in how I go about my business. I think someone earlier in the thread described it as the agressive male style or as I would rather put it: assertive. However, that is not purely a male terrain; look at Mrs. Thatcher!

So I'm confused. I now realise I've always admired good looking woman for two reasons. First, the obvious sexual attraction and second, quite simply because I wanted to look lile them, for at least part of the time.

I'm writing this fully dressed for the first time and really feeling pleased with what I see when I sneak a look in the mirror. It doesn't feel unnatural at all, just really comfortable.

I haven't met anyone dressed yet and so I don't know if I'll act like a bloke in a dress talking about football or get into talking about makeup (which I'm starting to have a passion for) and other feminine things.

In other words I don't think I see there being a female inside of me but perhaps those of you have been on this road much longer than I can detect a lady wishing to get out.

[Shadeauxmarie]

I sometimes wonder if I don't have multiple personality disorder. The way I deal with life in drab is aggressive and demanding. When I dress up, I am more at peace, more apt to be humble, more likely to "forgive and forget".

If I could just tap those qualities whenever I wanted and not just when wearing satin blue panties, black stain garter-belt with nude colored Hanes Walking Sheer RHT stockings pulled taut, a full slip in black nylon draped on my shoulders, atop 3" black velvet pumps, and a black long sleeved velvet dress as icing.