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sherri
01-10-2005, 03:08 PM
The following is my most recent post in my LiveJournal blog (http://www.livejournal.com/users/sherribicd/). You gurls are so wonderful, I'm hoping you'll tolerate my thinking out loud here:

I went out again Saturday night, inspired by some of my online activities and hopeful of having a good time. I recently discovered a terrific site called Crossdressers Forum at www.crossdressers.com, which is a discussion thread site. There are some really nice gurls participating there. Having spent quite a bit of time reading the threads, I am surprised at the number of gurls with many years' experience who never go out in public en femme. If you've been reading my posts here, you know one of my goals is to overcome the isolation experienced by so many crossdressers. Of course, I am also surprised by the boldness of the few who dare to go out in broad daylight to stores, malls, restaurants, etc — something I don't have the courage to do, at least not this close to home.

Anyway, I have had a real sense that people at the club are finally starting to accept me, even to warm up to me. On New Years Eve, a number of people stopped to greet me, give me a hug and chat for a moment, although none lingered very long. I could have gone home with a cute guy, and it was tempting, but I could tell he had had too much to drink and I didn't want an "encounter" under those circumstances.

So Saturday evening I took considerable pains with my makeup and brunette wig, wanting to look my best. I selected an ivory cashmere sweater over my black see-through bra and 38D silicone breastforms, a 12" black knit mini-skirt, sheer off-black thigh high stockings, red bikini panties, strappy 4" sandal heels and a black purse. Once dressed, I checked myself in the mirror several times and was pleased with what I saw.

Driving along the inner city expressway on the way to the club, I had to pass an 18-wheeler truck and experienced a moment of playfulness. As I pulled up beside the cab, I turned on an interior light, hiked my skirt up high to show my thighs above the tops of my stockings, and pulled my sweater up to reveal my breasts. The truck was on my right, so I couldn't see the driver, but I knew he could see into my car if he looked. I passed him slowly and to my delight, the driver honked his horn. After I passed him, I pulled back into the middle lane and watched my mirror as the truck moved into the right land and pulled up beside me. As the driver watched, I pulled my skirt up even higher and caressed my breasts, thighs and panties. So fun! As my exit neared, I pulled ahead of him and as I exited I rolled down my window and waved goodbye. He responded with three long blasts of his horn. I am quite sure he thought he had just been teased by a real, sexily dressed woman.

There were only a few people at the club when I arrived at 9:00. Some nights the place is crowded, some nights not. I took my usual place at the bar and ordered a weak vodka tonic with lemon. I chatted with the nice bartender for a few minutes, but was otherwise alone. About ten the place started filling up a bit, all guys who tend to congregate on the other side of the bar near the pool tables. On a trip to the restroom I bumped into a guy dressed in drab who sometimes performs in the drag shows. It was the first time I'd seen him in drab and I didn't recognize him, but he called me by name and gave me a hug. I was hoping he would come over and talk to me later, but he never did.

In fact, no one except for the bartender talked to me the whole evening. On the other hand, I didn't approach anyone either, which points up one of my personal shortcomings. I am a shy person by nature and an absolute bumbling idiot when it comes to making small talk, traits only exacerbated by not wishing to force anyone to accept my feminine personna. The problem is compounded by the fact that I am not gay, plus I am older than most of the guys who frequent the club. So I just sit there on my barstool like a bump on a log. I had another drink, after which I was ready to leave, not because I wanted to end the evening, but because I was tired of being the only person in the club not interacting with other people. The bartender asked if I wanted another drink and I said no, but just as I was gathering my things to leave, he brought me another drink. Thinking he had misunderstood me, I reached to take some money out of my purse, but the bartender smiled and said the drink was on him. So sweet. I don't know what his motive was, but I was so touched by the gesture I felt a little lump in my throat.

I left the club about 11:30, walking past the other people with my head high and using my best high-heeled swish. I wasn't trying to appear haughty or upset, just calm, confident and feminine.

I dropped by the adult video store again, not because I really wanted to, but because it is one of the only other places I know I can go. The place was pretty busy. Several guys smiled and looked. I noticed there were two couples browsing around and saw them whispering when they spotted me. One middle-aged guy patted me on the ass and asked me to go to the theater with him, but when I hedged, he became rather pushy about it, a real attitude, so I told him to forget it, I wasn't going back there. He left, and after waiting 15 minutes, so did I.

I must say, the evening left me rather dispirited. Why am I going out? Well, it's fun to be out dressed, something I can't really do at home right now (just the opposite of many crossdressers' situation). It is true I would like to have sex, but while I'm not expecting a serious relationship, I would like it to be something more than a wham-bam with a stranger. A far more important reason, however, is that I want to be accepted by other people and to have pleasant times with them, perhaps even develop real friendships. How nice it would be to spend an evening at a friend's place, with other people there too perhaps, real people having real conversations, having dinner (I'm a great cook), watching a movie (I luv movies), maybe snuggling on a couch.

How nice, yes, and probably how unlikely. Who am I kidding? More likely pigs will fly. My need to dress is not diminished, but perhaps I will put my things away for awhile. I keep hoping against hope that my online activities will produce opportunities for in-person friendship. In the meantime, I have to wonder, why is it that we cultivate a predilection that is so likely to foster isolation and loneliness? It's hard enough having meaningful relationships in this old world without piling on more difficulties.

MistyCD
01-10-2005, 03:25 PM
Hi Sherri.....

Consider it a small step for now....


Misty

Krissi
01-10-2005, 03:47 PM
Sherri, I first have to commend you on the courage to go out in public and be as free and easy going as you appear to be. Flirting in the car is fun, I've done that a few times, as well as flirting from my balcony at an old apartment.

I can understand being discouraged after a lonely night in a bar like that. I don't know how you were sitting or where you were looking or what not, but know just myself in that situation I might have been slumped over my drink, trying to avoid looking at other, hence not attracting attention. I've done that way too many times in bars in drab, so I know I'd probably do it enfemme too. I would think its hard to attact attention, if your not pretty flirty and looking around to begin with.

Concentrate on the fun times, that whole game with the trucker had to be a blast, if you'd blown him a kiss he might have run you over...lol. Keep being yourself and don't get to down over a bad night, we all have them, enfemme, in drab, and usually inspite of ourselves.

sherri
01-10-2005, 04:05 PM
As I was rereading this thread, it occurred to me y'all might be thinking, "Maybe this gurl is just butt ugly!" So I'm posting a (pre-breastforms) pic. You be the judge.

Misty, could you elaborate, please? If this is a small step, what is a large step?

JJ, you are so right — posture, demeanor, etc are so important, and I'm very careful about that. Like I said, I am shy when it comes to reaching out, but I make an effort to be approachable and responsive.

Julie York
01-10-2005, 04:13 PM
Hey don't be discouraged!

It is a common experience for anyone to go to a place with folk they don't know and spend all night being slightly out of place and alone. At least you had the courage to follow your desires and go out as YOU (sort of).

I spent a bit of time in various towns where I knew no-one and the best bet is to chat to the bar staff if it is quiet at the bar. It's a captive audience and they are usually bored and wanting a chat anyway. Before you know it you have a new pal. I met loads of new friends that way.

(They're all raging alcoholics, and some of them where actually me talking to myself in the bar mirror...but well...It passed the evening.)

Krissi
01-10-2005, 04:24 PM
Sherri, great pic, I wasn't thinking that you were butt ugly, I think anyone with the courage to go out is beautiful, and knew you had to have a nice look to get that trucker boy honkin. Love those hose in the pic.

DonnaT
01-10-2005, 05:24 PM
So Saturday evening I took considerable pains with my makeup and brunette wig, wanting to look my best. I selected an ivory cashmere sweater over my black see-through bra and 38D silicone breastforms, a 12" black knit mini-skirt, sheer off-black thigh high stockings, red bikini panties, strappy 4" sandal heels and a black purse. Once dressed, I checked myself in the mirror several times and was pleased with what I saw.

Although you do look good from your picture :) , and you clearly indicate that you liked what you saw when you dressed that night, what did others see?

How do the GG's dress at the bar?

Did you fit in? You may have been overdressed.

The way you were dressed may have frightened some people off. Was the skirt too short, could your bra be seen through your top? Were the tops of the thigh highs visable below the skirt?

I know from a guys point of view that seeing a black bra through a light colored top, and seeing a very short mini, the girl is looking to be noticed. However, if the girl is acting all shy, the guy is going to wonder why the look doesn't match the act. Is she there for action or conversation?

All these things make one unapproachable. I've seen pretty girls complain that they weren't approached or were approached by the wrong crowd.

Walk around the place a couple of times instead of just sitting there. When you're at the bar, guys may think you expect them to get you a drink if they come up and talk.

Try it again, but wear something more conservative. Something the g-girls wear.

sherri
01-10-2005, 05:28 PM
Thank y'all for the encouraging words. I want to be a force for encouragement and social acceptance, but sometimes a gurl gets weary and needs a little bucking up herself.

JJ, the trucker play was a hoot, and I must try it again sometime. And I luv the apartment balcony idea — very brave! But it's not enough, ya know?

Do you go out in Dallas? More importantly, do you have friends with whom you socialize en femme? If so, are those friendships of a quality equal to those you have as a guy?

I don't mean to pry, I'm just intensely curious.

sherri
01-10-2005, 05:55 PM
How do the GG's dress at the bar?

Did you fit in? You may have been overdressed.

This is an excellent point, but I'm not sure of the solution. This is a gay bar, but when ggirls do come in, they are almost always younger than I, and universally wearing jeans. I hardly ever see a ggirl in a skirt there. I'm in my mid-forties, so I don't think I look that good in girls jeans, plus I want to wear skirts. Does this mean I cannot fit in?

There is a reason why I wear short skirts. My calves are impossibly thin, and when I wear a knee-length skirt my legs look like sticks. My thighs are more shapely, however, so to my eye my legs look much better in a mid-thigh skirt .... and ..... yes, I feel sexier in them. :-P


The way you were dressed may have frightened some people off. Was the skirt too short, could your bra be seen through your top? Were the tops of the thigh highs visable below the skirt?

I know from a guys point of view that seeing a black bra through a light colored top, and seeing a very short mini, the girl is looking to be noticed. However, if the girl is acting all shy, the guy is going to wonder why the look doesn't match the act. Is she there for action or conversation?

All these things make one unapproachable.

I've been going to this club a year and a half, and l'll admit that I have made these mistakes in the past. That night, however, my skirt was mid-thigh, my stocking tops were not visible and I was wearing a chemise under my sweater so my bra did not show through. The nipples of my breastforms are noticeable through my clothing, but not in an exaggerated way.

Nevertheless, I had not thought about the mixed signals thing. Thank you for making me think about it. (Now I'm worried that my past faux pas have forever branded me there.!)


Walk around the place a couple of times instead of just sitting there. When you're at the bar, guys may think you expect them to get you a drink if they come up and talk.

This is so hard for me to do, and I hadn't thought about the drink thing, so I will just have to screw up my courage and reach out a bit. Come with me and hold my hand, okay? :p

Krissi
01-10-2005, 06:31 PM
Sherri,

I'm married and my wife is pretty accepting of me dressing at home. She's not that enthused about the world finding out about it though. I haven't been out in ages. I tore my achilles a couple years ago and due to down time/slow rehab and other factors put on waaaay too much weight to feel like my sexy self. I haven't dressed fully now in about 2 years. The wife and I have a weekend planned to dress and play, but due to sickness and now company that weekend keeps getting pushed around. I've never been that much a club person even in drab. I have the usual excuses that they are so far away and so forth, but all in all clubs never have been my bag.

I used to love hanging out on my balcony. I lived in 2nd floor apt in Corpus, the washer & dryer was outside in a room off the balcony so I spent a lot of time out there dressed. My apartment faced the very busy road and was very visable from there, I used to get all kinds of honks and guys yelling for my number and such oh what fun those days were. It was fun and pretty anonomyus (sp???)

I do think Donna makes some good points about outfits and mixed signals. I can also understand your point about the minis. There are areas where hardly any fems wear skirts anymore, don't feel bad about being one of the few who does. And you're right, if your legs look better in a shorter skirt, by all means wear it. Now you just my check and make sure its not too short or too tight, that old trick with the dollar above the knee they used to use to measure the girls skirts and shorts when I went to school comes to mind. Anything much above the width of a dollar above the knee is too short. (I'm more forgiving than a school dresscode so I'd give you another inch or two above it ;)

And please feel free to call me Krissi, I just adopted the name recently and it has really been growing on me :)

sherri
01-10-2005, 07:11 PM
All right then, Krissi it is. I like it too.

I'm not big on clubbing either; in fact, I'm fairly sick of it. I never go to clubs in drab, and the only reason I go en femme is because it's the only place I can go out. I would much prefer to have friends with whom I could hang out with as Sherri. My hope has been that I could make that kind of friends at the club or online.

Yes, Donna made some VERY good points that I will take to heart, with the exception of the jeans thing. Being a lover of mini skirts on women my entire life (the shorter the better), it never occurred to me that a guy could be put off by them. The skirts I'm wearing out now hit about 4 or 5 inches above the knee, which is where the curves of my thighs look best. Of course, this is a gay club, so I don't know that ANY of them are attracted to skirts. I would much prefer to go to a hetero club, but I have no illusions about being welcome at such a place.

sherri
01-10-2005, 09:47 PM
I' curious, those of you who have made friends en femme, would you mind sharing the process and your experiences? I'd luv to hear about them.

ReneCT
01-10-2005, 10:40 PM
Sherri

I go out often and occasionally run into the type of situation you experienced. I think the problem exists when I make myself
unapproachable. Otherwise I feel that making friends at a TG club is easy. I have the feeling that I am more outgoing than you but I don't think you have to be overly overt to make friends. The important thing is that you have to be approachable so that people feel comfortable starting a conversation with you. I've found that I could just say "hi" to someone who was looking at me and that would be enough to start a conversation. Make sure you are always smiling beccause people don't want to be in the company of miserable people-they'll avoid you if you look sad. Remember that people are there for the same reasons you are. They certainly aren't going to a club to be alone and you are certainly pretty enough to attract potential friends.

Hope this gives you something to think about

Good Luck
Rene

sherri
01-11-2005, 10:46 AM
Thank you Rene. Yes, the observations from you wonderful ladies have given me things to think about and I will definitely work to improve my "approachability". Maybe I do look glum sitting there, the only gurl in a gay bar, waiting for other people to make the first move. If only I had a sister along to help me break through my timidity. But, I don't, so I'll just have to find the courage.

I would still luv to hear from other ladies about their experiences. I think this is an important issue for more than a few of us.

MistyCD
01-11-2005, 04:17 PM
What I meant by small steps is that.

1. you got dressed up and went outside.... a very BIG first step, a lot of people don't even do that.

2. You went for a ride en femm, some girls are still too shy to do that.

3. You went to a gay bar en femm, another big step.


in any race, you have to take the first small step. It's the same with meeting people, start small, go to the same place a few times. Get accustomed to the people and they will get accustomed to you. Then your chances of meeting somebody will improve......

good luck

Misty

ReneCT
01-11-2005, 05:01 PM
Well Sherri- If I were in Texas ( well Texas is big -in Texas where you live ) or if you were here in Connecticut I would certainly enjoy going together at these clubs. You appear to be a sincere, sensitive and caring person - someone I would want as a friend.

Rene

sherri
01-11-2005, 06:03 PM
Rene, how very sweet of you. You just touched my heart, and I appreciate the gesture so much. It is precisely that kind of friendship that I am seeking.

And Misty, thank you for the clarification.

Vallari
01-11-2005, 07:42 PM
I understand the feelings of discouragement you're feeling. I want to go out more en femme and hang with others who accept me. I'm also bisexual, and want to hook up with a guy, but I, like you, want more then a one-nighter. Going out of the house and going to clubs are all big steps. One can't help but ask: "Why get all dressed up and go out or whatever and do nothing or talk to nobody?". Ive learned that good things come to those who are patient. So I think that someday you will find that group of people, or that special person, who can help you expierence life to the fullest. It's smart to take baby steps, but every now and then it's important to take a chance - like visiting someplace new or meeting someone different. Just be safe! :)

sherri
01-11-2005, 08:19 PM
Hi Rachel. Yes, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out where else I can go. I live in a small town, but Amarillo is only an hour away, where I'm pretty safe from discovery as long as I stick to the gay clubs. Malls etc our out — too likely to run into hometown people and I do NOT want my kids to find out. If I had friends I might go to Dennys or something late at night.

(By the way, where in Texas are you?)

In the meantime, when I win the lottery, I'm buying plane tickets for all you wonderful gurls and we're going to have one hell of a slumber party! :p

wilma
01-11-2005, 10:35 PM
Sherri you have done more than many in this forum. I have ventured outside but not to the extent you have and for that I admire your courage. You look wonderful. Keep wearing the short skirts. You have to be happy with yourself and then the right person and or situation will present itself. You go girl. LOL Wilma

Fallen Angel
01-11-2005, 11:24 PM
hi sherri, i give you alot of credit just to take the step outside be you the rest will come this is an art of elusesion hey we do it better than most women we are picky about everything clothes make up and acc uif your doing this to please your self thats great thats how conidents starts and yes for some its very easy and for alot of others just the thought of giong out it terrerfying you sound very true to heart and dont pack your things away if i was close by id go out with you to to some of the local clubs i was a little disapionted to when i went out new years just to find three cds there and one would not give me the time of day either! but that doesent stop me from having fun and it should not stop you either!! chaulk it up to a learning lession go out dont stop and let your hair down a little try to mingle and talk to other people while your there you might get a pleasent suprise hope this encourages you luvXXX

sherri
01-12-2005, 11:41 AM
Wilma and Fallen Angel, y'all are so sweet and I will honestly try to take all the suggestions and encouragement to heart. I think the one universal message I'm getting is that I must find it in me to be more outgoing. It's going to be an emotional struggle, but I will try. Thank you.