Privacy? What's that? (Long read)

[Trina82]

As you may know, I am still living with my parents. Here recently, my mother has been home 24/7, because she decided to quit her job. Since she is back home to be the "housewife" and take care of things, she's cleaning everything and washing every bit of laundry she can find. You can probably see where this is leading, though I assure you it's not as far as you think it is...

I am paying my parents rent. Why? Because I'm 24 years old with a college degree and I'm earning some income. In reality, I pay way more for my boarding than I should. I have a 12-foot by 15-foot bedroom with a rather large closet. Utilities are all included in my rent, sans internet access.

Since I have such a small room and very little storage space, I have found the best place to keep my "things" is under the mattress of my bed. Yes, I know that's sort of a bad place, but it's the most logical. I keep everything nice and folded, and arranged such that it doesn't make a large "lump" in the mattress, and it's all pushed back far enough that a stray bra strap wont be hanging over the edge of the boxspring.

Today was sheet-washing day, apparently. I got a phone call at work from my mother, asking me to stop by my grandmother's to pick up the sheets. I guess she had taken them there to dry while my father was fixing our broken clothes dryer. When I got home, Mom informed me that I had also picked up my own sheets, and that they were in the bag with everything else. Cue panic.

Let me rewind a page or two here for a minute: Last night, after Mom and Dad had gone to bed, I pulled my posture bra out and proceeded to put it on. Anyone who has worn one of those things before knows it's not really an easy task to put it on, as it's a front hook bra with 8 rows of hooks, and it fits rather snug. I sat here, with my door closed, trying to put the stupid thing on, and just as I got the last hook together, I heard the bathroom door close. Cue panic. Quickly, I positioned the bra and laid the straps flat, then threw my shirt back on. I heard the bathroom door open, and the footsteps came towards my door. Knock knock. The door opened and I quickly leaned forward to keep the 34C cups from making my shirt billow out. Mom had to ask me what time I was heading in to work in the morning, even though I had discussed it with both her and Dad earlier in the evening. She kinda gave me a weird look while she was standing in my doorway, and the best I can figure is that a) she saw the front of the bra (somehow), or b) she saw the outline of the straps on my shoulders. Not a word was said, though, and she went on back to bed.

Fast forward a little to this evening. I sat here at the computer, reading up on the cd'ers.com forums, and in walks Dad. I had a couple windows open with different threads, and he walks over and stands behind me for a second. I know he was looking at what was on my screen, even though I had it covered up with other windows, because he kinda stuttered and wouldn't go away. He had me look at other things that forced me to slightly uncover the windows I was trying to hide. After he finally left my room, I heard him mumble something to Mom.

Now, back to the sheets... After I got home and Mom told me that my sheets had been washed, one of the first things I did was sneak a peek under my mattress to see if anything had been moved. It had. My bras were all stacked side-by-side and folded nice and neat before I left. When I got home, they were all pulled into a pile, closer to the edge of the mattress. :mad: :thumbsdn:

I have never discussed my desire to wear women's underwear, nor my justification for it, with my parents. They're very closed-minded and old-fashioned. While I agree with them on 99% of the things that come up in life, the one thing that they don't have the same ideas as I do about is crossdressing. I personally believe that gender should not dictate what sort of garments you wear, nor should one associate crossdressing with homosexuality. Women wear mens clothes all the time (flannel shirts, boxers, etc.), and nobody says "Look at that lesbian." It's accepted by our lopsided culture for women to wear mens clothing (look at the Hanes catalog sometime), but not vice versa.

My parents (and the rest of my family) are of the mindset that crossdressing = homosexuality. I highly disagree with them, but they never really do accept that as my beliefs. Sure, there is occasionally a bit of sexual reason behind my dressing, but that's never anything remotely near me having a desire to have sexual relations with other males. That's not my game, it never has been, and as far into the future I can see it never will be.

Back to the topic... What gives anyone the right to just walk into my room? What gives anyone the right to snoop through my things? Doesn't $300 per month for renting a small room give me enough leverage to not have to ask that my stuff be left alone, or that people knock before they enter my room?

Don't get me wrong here. I love my parents to death. My dad is one of the most talented men I know when it comes to problem solving, construction, and cars. He's gained scads of experience in his life, and I love learning from him all I can. My mom is likewise very smart and experienced in many areas of life, and she's always got some sort of important advice for anything I do. I love both of them, and I'm glad they are a close part of my life.

I need my time, though. I know that a day is going to come where I wont be able to rely on them for everything, that Mom wont be able to just come wash my sheets for me, or Dad wont be able to walk into the room and have me look something up for him. Because of that, I do need to spend time with them, but I also need to be able to do things on my own. I love everything they do for me, and it is very appreciated, but I just need that little bit of personal time and breathing space.

[Tee]

reminds me of the time when i was teenage, probably about 12 -14 years old.
we live in a small place.
i share room with my brother, studied in the living room, and my mum's wardrobe is in our room, since there is no space in her room.

i hide my bras and panties in the tiny gap between the back of the cupboard and the last drawer....
there was a time when my collection was so full that the drawer cannot be close fully.
i was worried sick each night when my mum comes in to take clothes to change from the last drawer.
eventually i transferred some of those to my sister's wardrobe, last drawer again.

from what it sounds like, your parents already have discovered your collection.
you might want to get yourself a cupboard which comes with a lock.

[trannie T]

Let's see, you're 24, working, a college graduate and still living with your parents. You are still your parents' little boy and while you feel that you're entitled to some privacy that is probably not going to happen. There is only one place where you will have some privacy and your things will be secure, your own place.

[Calliope]

Cue panic.


Keep this up and, eventually, all your future experiences dressing will cue up some vestigial panic. Like, bummer.

Your choices: (1) Get it over and tell them; (2) stop dressing until you have your own place; or (3) keep cuing panic.

[tekla west]

sexual tension is not sexuality. playing with yourself is not gay or straight, its normal, healthy and most of all safe.

P.S. I'm all for the live on your own option. At 24 you should. Even a place that is ghetto so you can still help your parents (which is a good thing) will be better. Time to fly little one. The world awaits, but it tends not to come home with you when you live with mom and dad.

[Wendy me]

your cure to your troubles are simple .... you simply do what ever it takes to get out on your own.... and i can't or i can't afford to do it is simply a cop out... in mom and dad's home rember not only are you not with your freedom but you also are stealing mom and dad's freedom away as well....

so from your intro post your packing should be easy..............................

My Wardrobe:
As of today, my wardrobe consists of
1 - Blue, cotton underwire bra (34B)
2 - White cotton bikini panties
1 - Sheer black thong
1 - White microfiber bikini (my favorite!)
3 - Cotton low-rise hipsters (blue, black, and white)
1 - Black lace push-up bra (34A)


pack it all up move out to your own place and enjoy your freedom..... and give mom and dad a break ..... you know they might want to "DO THINGS TOO".............

[carolinebrookes]

Hi Trina,

Difficult situation you find yourself in. It also sounds like they already know, or at least have a strong suspicion as to your situation.
In an ideal world you would get a place of your own. Most parents are happy when kids get older and move out, it may be that yours see that would be a good thing. You can't hang on for them to get old while you side track your life.
If you are unable to move out due to financial constraints, then I would suggest a good 5 lever mortice lock on your door. I did this when I was staying at home with Mum and Dad and explained that it was to keep my sisters out and to give me a little privacy (partly true as my elder sister was always "borrowing" my clothes). I'm sure parents are all too aware that their offspring get up to all sorts in private and I'm sure yours will realise this too if you explain it gently enough.

Good luck!

[Paula Thomas]

Trina - Since you have a "rather large closet", maybe you could pack your clothing in a suitcase in the closet.

It would be easy to pull out when you want to dress, easy to keep things neat, and easy to put away.

If you are worried about your parent(s) getting into the suitcase, put a lock on the suitcase.

[LaurenInDC]

Trina,

Trying to strike some sort of balance when you're an adult living with your parents is HARD. When I first got out of the military, I lived with my parents for a few months. In that oarticular house, the rules were pretty clear. Even though I paid rent, it was STILL their house. There would go where they pleased in it, and do what they pleased. Fortunately, they knew of my dressing, so finding thse items of clothing hanging to dry in my bathroom or in my laundry didn't shock them, but the fact that it was their house was always there.

I agree with the others in the sense that the ONLY sure-fire remedy for this is to get your own place. In the meantime, it unfortunately sounds like things are going to get a tad uncomfortable unless you and your folks sit down and have a good chat.

No great reward comes without great risk...

-L

[Janailene]

When I was a kid the same thing happened. I did nothing and neither did Mom. Today I wish that I had told her and been open. If she had not accepted my feminine side, I would have had to still stay at home as I was 12.

For you that is not the case. They know. Educate them. If you do not communicate they will believe you to be gay, a drug addict or a murderer. Who knows!!! They will also talk to others to find out for themselves. Print out some of the threads from here that show CDs are not all bisexual or homosexual. (By the way, if they were who cares! We are what we want to be! Do what makes you happy!!) If you cannot reach understanding, then move out.

Believe me there is nothing like not having to put away your make-up each time its used; hanging your pantyhose in the shower to dry; having a bureau for your bras panties etc; and being able to hang your dresses, skirts blouses in YOUR OWN CLOSET!!!

[Lisa Golightly]

Sounds like you need a friend who is TG friendly and has their own pad... See if they'd mind you hanging with them occasionally dressed. I did that when I was a wee slip of a thing and didn't have any confidence in my looks or ability to confuse the drones on the street...

As for parents... Well, you're not your parents anymore than they are you. Blood and association can never create 100% compatibility. We may be of the same cloth, but of very different patterns.

Regardless of the rent you pay, your parents will argue that they have your interests at heart, and angry as you may be you have to appreciate they may be genuinely worried as to where your life is heading. Secrecy can build walls that may never have been built if truth was told.

It is a difficult decision telling parents... I put it off for years, but I'm glad I did... It is after all who I am.

I have to say I enjoyed reading your post, you have a nice turn of prose.

[KateW]

It can definitely be stressful with nosey parents. My stash of clothes was forever being discovered and investigated. To this day I haven't offered any real explaination for it, but I think the answer is kind of obvious so it doesn't need one. I was particularly lost for words when I was once asked to explain why I had a bra.

My best advice would be to get a job that pays enough for you to live on your own, move in with a friend, or even move to a different part of the country. I am 25 and it has certainly helped the situation for me!

[MsJanessa]

Hi Darling----the only way you will both be happy is for you to move out----swallow the bullet and get your own place---if necessary get a roommate---(one who is ok with your crossdressing) to share expenses with but it is time to leave the parental units---trust Me on this.

[Charolette time]

[QUOTE=LaurenInDC;628534]Trina,

Trying to strike some sort of balance when you're an adult living with your parents is HARD. When I first got out of the military, I lived with my parents for a few months. In that oarticular house, the rules were pretty clear. Even though I paid rent, it was STILL their house. There would go where they pleased in it, and do what they pleased. Fortunately, they knew of my dressing, so finding thse items of clothing hanging to dry in my bathroom or in my laundry didn't shock them, but the fact that it was their house was always there.

I agree with the others in the sense that the ONLY sure-fire remedy for this is to get your own place. In the meantime, it unfortunately sounds like things are going to get a tad uncomfortable unless you and your folks sit down and have a good chat.
quote
Charolett says
I too was in the house after military, had too go thru my sisters room to get to mine, as such not much privacy, luckily I owned my own car and kept the cloths in my old foot locker:rolleyes: (military term for wooden suit case)in the trunk, I would go too a friends house to dress, he was a cd also, shortly after I moved out and got married, talk about no privacy ,wow. Like the others said, get out and be your own person, the sooner the better, but still love your parents, I lost mine long before they should have passed on, and I never got to tell them, Love Charolette, the way to freedom is yours only to decide:hugs: :hugs:
No great reward comes without great risk...

[Trina82]

I got a potentially great idea last evening after I posted this. What if I were to write something out on a piece of paper, explaining my stance on crossdressing, and explaining what I posted above? Something to the effect of...


If you're reading this, it means you've found my "stash". You're probably increasingly curious about everything, and want to know what's going on here. Well, let me explain...

I figure it could be a good thing to have, even if I'm in my own place. What do you think?

[tall_brianna]

do you ever hear little voices in the house saying "get out"? :) Seriously dude, 24+sheepskin+job = it's time to get your own place.

-b

[nibel]

I'm in almost the same situation as you. So I would suggest you doing a "divide to conquer" approach. First you should talk openly to your mother, since probably was she who found out about your hidden clothes. Ask her about this event and ask what she thinks about it, then you can explain yourself to her. Then let her handle the approach with your father. I don't know him, but there isn't anything worse to a (classic old-school) father than knowing his son is "not a son" (as you said, they do not know the difference between homo and CDing), so your mother should now better how to handle this situation.

If you write a note like you said, maybe you will end up saying too much and creating an ankward situation, it's better to know what they think first before making your move.

[JeanneF]

If you're already paying rent, then why not just move out?

I lived with my mom for a few years after college, but she didn't charge me rent (and always respected my privacy). Living on your own and being able to dress whenever you want is well worth the extra expense, imo.

[KarenSusan]

Let's see, you're 24, working, a college graduate and still living with your parents. You are still your parents' little boy and while you feel that you're entitled to some privacy that is probably not going to happen. There is only one place where you will have some privacy and your things will be secure, your own place.

:iagree:No matter how old you are or how much rent you pay your parents will still think of you as about 10yo. You need to leave the nest.

[Mia001]

Hi,

I wouldn't worry too much about your parents. I don't think they're intentionally snooping or trying to invade your privacy. Granted, you do pay rent and are an adult but they don't see you as an outsider renting a room from them. It sounds as though they still see you as their child (albeit a grown up child) living at home. In short, they're just being parents. I'm sure if they had a stranger renting your room from them then they would never go in there without permission but you're not a stranger. You're their son.

I think, crossdressing aside, the last two paragraphs of your post summed up the problem and provided the solution. You love your parents very much and want to spend time with them but also want time to some privacy and time to yourself. That's not too much to ask but you may actually have to sit them down and explain it to them. They probably haven't realised.

You could set a simple rule. If your door is open then it's alright to come in and chat or whatever. If it's closed then they shouldn't come in or at least should knock first. Just remember to leave your door open when you can. It may also mean toy take the sheets off of your own bed on laundry day but surely it's worth it for the privacy. You may even be able to keep your things in your wardrobve that way.

As for the crossdressing part. Is it possible that your bras got messed up when your mum took the sheets off of your bed and she never noticed them? If she just released the sheets at the corner and then pulled them off it may have messed up the bras and moved them closer to the edge of the matress. Just a thought. If they have clicked about your crossdressing then they don't seem to be treating you any worse for it. Maybe they're a bit more knowledgeable about it than you think, maybe they've left the decision up to you as to whether you want to talk about it or maybe they have no idea. Remember, forum windows look pretty boring unless you're actually interested in what's being said there. Unless your dad was actually reading the text then there's not much here to give away that these are crossdressing threads.

Finally, at least you mum only changed your sheets. My mum and dad decorated my whole room when I went away one weekend. They thought I'd like it. I did and, fortunately, I had a good hiding place for my stash.

Mark.

[Kimberley]

I think you have reached your time to move on.

Secondly, if you are paying rent, then neither of your parents have any right to go into your room unannounced for any reason. I would no more go into my son's room than jump off a cliff. It is a matter of privacy and respect for that. Nothing more or less. End of argument.

Finally. It is time you educated your parents about gender and sexuality. If you have been outed, then this is the time to do it, not later. Be firm, be factual, and make sure they know you are the same person they have always known. The difference is that now they know your deepest secrets so it is time to educate and put their fears aside. They may be wonderful people but they also need to open up their eyes and minds to diversity. That much is obvious.

Good luck.

Kimberley

[Shelly Preston]

Well first and foremost parents do not deliberately snoop (wel most of them)
as a parent my self I have come across things I am sure my siblings dont want me to know about.
It was nothing scary so why make a big deal out of it.

You parents seem to have the same attitude probably there on concern is if you were stealing them. I guess they have discouted that theory already

Getting you own place may not be an option right now so you need to at least ask for privacy in your room, get a do not disturb sign if they agree to abide by it

If you want to tell them then it may be easier to tell one parent first rather than both together
If you decide to do this have a lot of information ready but do overload them with it all at once
Most of all remember tell them you are no different than you were last week /month/year the only difference is they know now

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide

[Angie G]

Trina get your own place or put pu with no it it's all up to you :hugs:
Angie

[vbcdgrl]

Frankly, since you technically are a tenant, I think you should be afforded some degree of privacy. Unfortunately, since your landlords are your parents, I doubt anything is gonna change. The solution, of course, is to move out.

Vikki

[MissAnnM]

Wow does that bring back memories, I was working full time just out of high school. I had a room off the garage, fixed up nice. It was my to do as I want to ( I paid rent). At this point in my life I was crossdressing allot even slipping out. I keep my room locked and with no fear of getting caught I would put my undies in the drawers and hugged up the couple of dresses that I owned. Well it happen mom needed something out of my room ( like what) and took the master key and let herself in. That night she knocked at my door I let her in she looked at me and said” I needed to clean my room up their, are thing that I should not have in their” OMG Busted. Well needless to say I found a new place for my thing with a nice master lock on the box. She never came out and said anything more about it.

[Charleen]

Gotta agree with the rest of the girls- GET OUT! Time for your own place. At this point in your life it's called getting a life. Your parents would probably also enjoy the privacy it would give them. My son moved out in July to start his own life at 23, and I'm thrilled for him. He is learning how to live in the real world. Yes, I'm here for him, and we talk on a regular basis, but I have my privacy, and he is enjoying himself with not only his job, but with the freedom he has now being out from under Dad's eyes. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Calliope]

What if I were to write something out on a piece of paper, explaining my stance on crossdressing, and explaining what I posted above?

Only you know your relationship with your folks but it's my feeling a note will engender questions and it'll be up to you to answer them. Unless you want a situation in which they will answer those questions for themselves. The problem with a note is that it's one-way communication. Coming out is too complicated for that, as I see it.

[JoAnnDallas]

yes, get your own place, but please don't do what our son did, that is spend more time at our place than at his. We finially had to move out of state to get rid of him. :2c: :lol:

[klyde]

You're living in her house and still letting her do your laundry including your sheets. Don't want mom in your room, call a locksmith and have a lock put on your door then keep the only key.

[Scotty]

Yep - what they said :)

[MJ]

I'm in almost the same situation as you. So I would suggest you doing a "divide to conquer" approach. First you should talk openly to your mother, since probably was she who found out about your hidden clothes. Ask her about this event and ask what she thinks about it, then you can explain yourself to her. Then let her handle the approach with your father. I don't know him,
but there isn't anything worse to a (classic old-school) father than knowing his son is "not a son" (as you said, they do not know the difference between homo and CDing), so your mother should now better how to handle this situation.

If you write a note like you said, maybe you will end up saying too much and creating an ankward situation, it's better to know what they think first before making your move.

OK first things first Trina's father knowing his son is "not a son" i don't agree with that ... so are you saying that CD are not men ?
Trina mom and dad know something is going on.. but are trying to figure out what ... it's time to talk Trina with your mom first i know it is going to be hard but you have to.. try putting your self in there shoes right now .. face it you are Busted in more ways than one . talk to mom
now remember you still live at home OK you pay rent but it's there home and too bad for you mom found your stuff try and find your own place or get a lock for your door "too late now "
just talk to them ... hugs Marissa

[Kristen Marie]

I actually like your note idea. You know your mom knows and maybe she will be able to see it from your side after she reads the note. I would then keep the clothes in your closet, in a small box or drawer. Don't hide them, but keep them out of the way so it doesn't become a game with her trying to find your stash. Mom's may help support you more than Dad, and may prove to be an ally.

[nibel]

OK first things first Trina's father knowing his son is "not a son" i don't agree with that ... so are you saying that CD are not men ?
Trina mom and dad know something is going on.. but are trying to figure out what ... it's time to talk Trina with your mom first i know it is going to be hard but you have to.. try putting your self in there shoes right now .. face it you are Busted in more ways than one . talk to mom
now remember you still live at home OK you pay rent but it's there home and too bad for you mom found your stuff try and find your own place or get a lock for your door "too late now "
just talk to them ... hugs Marissa

You got the wrong idea from my post. I was talking from the father's point of view, which Trina said is closed minded and dont know the difference about crossdressing and everything else. It is not my personal opinion!

[tekla west]

You're living in her house and still letting her do your laundry

-The heading of that post was "what give her the right?" Well, it is HER house, and SHE is DOING the laundry. Good god, grow up, move out, get a life.