I know this shouldn't bother me but...

[JulieFL]

..it has me really aggravated.

From a number of things my teenage daughter has said, and "signals" I'm getting from my ex-wife, I think she is getting ready to come out of the closet as a lesbian. While her sexual preferences doesn't bother me as we have been divorced for almost 15 years, what bothers me is how she treated me because of my dressing when our marriage was in its death throws. The divorce wasn't due to my dressing, but it didn't help.

She tried to out me to everyone she thought would listen. Our friends, her family, my parents, court officials, EVERYONE.

Constant name calling "your just a faggot, homo, queer, sissy, etc" and just generally trying (and succeeding) to make me feel miserable about myself.

As I said, I know it shouldn't bother me, but it has really gotten my goat:mad:

Thanks for letting me vent a bit,
Julie

[Lissa Stevens]

If she is a lesbian it could be she was in denial over her own sexuality and took it out on you. I know it can be hard to forgive someone when they have treated you badly, but remember your own struggles. I assume you have struggled with your own situation so if you can put the past behind you.

[Angie G]

Well Julieit may be now that the shoe is on the other foot it don't sound so dad to her some times kids don't think I hope she has apologized. :hugs:
Angie

[Leslie Foxx]

Julie,

Try not to let this eat at you, hon. Those who object the loudest to behaviour that is considered out of the "norm", are often doing it as a smoke screen to distract attention from thier own "deviations."

Take the high road on this and be more of a gentle woman than she was capable of being at a time when you were particularly vulnerable. Hurt makes people lash out when they don't know to cope any other way. She has a number of challenges facing her, now. Take quiet satisfaction that the shoe is now on the other foot, and the fit may not be immediately comfortable for her.

Be sure to heap love on your daughter now. Be there to quell any doubts and insecurity she may be feeling now.

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I am wondering about if your daughter has accepted your crossdressing completely as time has pasted since the name calling, and is she still a part of your life? If so, then her actions from the past should be forgiven and if at all possible forgotten as a father should render to a child. She is a little older now and perhaps even a little wiser, and hopefully more accepting of you. No matter how you dress, you are still her father, and she is still your daughter. A teenage girl can be a crossdressers worse nightmare when it comes to outting a closeted CD, no matter if the young ladies are family or friends of a family member or complete strangers. People some times and often do change when they get mature as time passes by. More so if you have been outted for some time. Hopefully your daughter has come to acceptance of your crossdressing.
Words from someone DO NOT DEFINE who you are as a person. I see words are just noise in the air. Merely an annoyance much like a mosquito buzzing about. I do understand words comming from a loved one stings unmercilessly, but in as such, it appears that you have been living with this "aggrevation" for some time. To carry this "burden" that you have had for so long is comprable to having an forgiving spirit that resides within yourself. You are human, and have not done anything wrong, even if family members think that you have. As the father in your relationship with your daughter, I am sure you still have a great feal of love in your heart for her. With love comes forgiveness, and acceptance for who she is as a person. Continue to be who you are, a loving, caring, father, and one with honesty and integrity. Hopefully your daughter sees that in you, or soon will see you for that. I pray that this has not alienated you from your daughter. Be supportive of her and her lifestyle as you have been doing, but please find it within yourself to be forgiving. I wish you both the best.

[melissaK]

Hmmm. My second ex and I ended a 14 year marriage. She was not ever pleased with my crossdressing, and added it to her list of reasons for parting, and told me that if she were me she'd move to San Freanciso and go be gay. She wouldn't accept me saying that all crossdressers are not gay. But she had the decency to not out me. Then a year or so later she outed herself - to which I said "But of course!! Now it all makes sense." Meaning we always had this role reversal element to our relationship, and I knew at some level she was very unhappy with herself and it made her an angry person. And it explained some of her obsessing over relationships with her girlfriends. She has lived a Lesbian lifestyle eversince and is a much happier person. Guess she's the one who really wanted to move to San Fran. I suppose could take lessons from her about being true to one's self, no matter how long it takes to get there.

Hope your ex is a happier and better person with her changes - it'll make it easier on your daughter if her mom is better adjusted. And, keep in mind your daughter may have a few feelings to work through of her own with regard to her mom's lifestyle changes.

[Lisa Golightly]

Sometimes people rant and rave against the things they kind of know they are inside... It may be pyrrhic, but you have won the moral highground. Be magnanimous and you will be seen as just.

I've always been conscious of the danger of the pseudo-maxim 'In defeat malice; in victory revenge'.

[DonnaT]

It's understandable, being aggravated, but be the better person and don't do what she did.

Let your daughter know, if she doesn't already, that whether it's sexual orientation or gender identity, these are things people like your EX are born with (should your EX come out as lesbian).

Does your daughter know about you?

[sandra-leigh]

From a number of things my teenage daughter has said, and "signals" I'm getting from my ex-wife, I think she is getting ready to come out of the closet as a lesbian.

You accidently left the "she" a little ambiguous in that sentance, and some of the readers have interpreted "she" as referring to your daughter; in context, it appears to me that by "she" you were referring to your wife; the rest doesn't make sense otherwise.

[JulieCDorlando]

You accidently left the "she" a little ambiguous in that sentance, and some of the readers have interpreted "she" as referring to your daughter; in context, it appears to me that by "she" you were referring to your wife; the rest doesn't make sense otherwise.

Hello,
It does appear that I have made the mistake of assuming one for the other. I apologize to you all for my error. I had a blonde moment.:p

[Gisele]

..it has me really aggravated.

From a number of things my teenage daughter has said, and "signals" I'm getting from my ex-wife, I think she is getting ready to come out of the closet as a lesbian. While her sexual preferences doesn't bother me as we have been divorced for almost 15 years, what bothers me is how she treated me because of my dressing when our marriage was in its death throws. The divorce wasn't due to my dressing, but it didn't help.

She tried to out me to everyone she thought would listen. Our friends, her family, my parents, court officials, EVERYONE.

Constant name calling "your just a faggot, homo, queer, sissy, etc" and just generally trying (and succeeding) to make me feel miserable about myself.

As I said, I know it shouldn't bother me, but it has really gotten my goat:mad:

Thanks for letting me vent a bit,
Julie


Wow Julie, that sounds like a mess! I would not let it eat at you so much. Rage will get you nowhere fast. Just let it go and look ahead. I know easy to say but hard to do. Just keep your daughter close and let you ex do what ever she wants. Rember to be the bigger "girl" and do nothing. If your ex expects you to go yapping about her and you don't it will eat at her.

Hey, if nothing else load up some Wolf in you 30's and come on up to KY. We'll kit KCR! LOL

Beth:hugs: