Outed at Work!

[StayceeCD]

OMG! I think I've been outed at work! I was hanging out with some of
the guys last night at a bar and one of them said "Give this shot to
Staycee down there" The other guys said WHAT?? I just ignored it and
played dumb and made like he was crazy or drunk. Nothing more was
said. Should I confront him and ask just what he meant by that? And
just what does he plan on doing with whatever information he may have?
After all, he must have been trolling through CD profiles to even find
me! I've had no contact at all with anyone who isn't CD. Only my wife
and I know about Staycee. I actually have deleted any pics on yahoo and my space of me till
I find out just where this is going. Any advise?

[Calliope]

Plan ahead. What policies govern your job situation? Figure how to out yourself with dignity if circumstances demand. Don't let anyone get the jump on you. Don't assume a defensive posture with anyone, ever - you're 'guilty' of nothing. And, above all, be proud of who you are - multi-talented individual who just happens to be more interesting than most people. And, be sure if anyone's had one too many to drink, it ain't you.

Lovely photo, btw, dear.

Now take a deep breath.

[Daizy Chains]

Daytripper is right. plan ahead but don't panic a calm head is a sensible head
just think and you will work out if he realy knows anything or is just fishing

[gianna25]

You get too many people putting you in as their "friends" and one browsing through can click on the friends...thats why the only place i have my pic is here....if someone finds it they were on this website looking for CD and TS stuff. The problem with Myspace and Yahoo is that someone can "accidentally" find you by searching through someone elses profile who added you as a friend....
Good Luck with this!

[Roberta Lynn]

If he does know anything he's just baiting you
Don't take the bait, don't confront him.
If he pushes and outs you at work he'll look like a jerk he would be.
If he does you might ask him why he is so interested in your personal life and why he visit CD sites.

If you aren't CDing at work your employer should have no interest.

[Karren H]

I agree....ignore him and don't fuel the fire....

I'm always crossdressing to some extent in and around work and more than once have had friends make innuendos about my gender...."That's your change room - pointing to the womens locker room". And with out secretary named Karen I'm always turning around when I hear someone calling for her!! Lol

But I guess we all need to be more careful at work.....ahhhh what the heck!! Lol

Love Karren

[StayceeCD]

Thanks for the advise. I believe I will just ignore it. After all, my femme pics don't look much like me in boy mode. Since they don't exist on the web anymore except for here theres really no proof. Hopefully it will just go away!

BTW Thanks 4 the compliment DayTripper!

[KateW]

If he tries to bring it up more directly in a group again, simply question what he was doing looking at those sites anyway, or imply that he looked pretty good dressed up too.

[tall_brianna]

Is it a possibly just name collision accident. I've had many people call me brianna over time because it was a natural extension. Although I'm not sure what Stacee possibly comes close to.

Being a coward, I avoid myspace like the plague.

I agree, ignore him. You might as well assume that he knows though, even cool people let these things slip. I worked at a pretty conservative consulting firm in DC and we hired a consultant who looked like straight, normal guy. After working there about 3 weeks someone ran into him at a bar, I think it was called Trax, on fetish night and he was leathered and pierced to the maximum. Word spread and at least all the fun younger people knew. The person[s] that ran into him were a couple and noone ever asked why they were there. lol. End of story - he sucked it up, figured everyone knew and no one cared (we all actually found him more interesting) and suddently he was comming to the office with the barbell through his nose. :)

-b

[lahr]

At times I have been thru situations like yours. I always acted dumb and looked at the accusers like they were crazy. Then I would say something like> Are you feelimg OK? Should we call you a cab? Can you get home ok? And I walked off shaking my head..It has always worked for me.

[StayceeCD]

If he tries to bring it up more directly in a group again, simply question what he was doing looking at those sites anyway, or imply that he looked pretty good dressed up too.

Good one!

[Kelsy]

Sounds like a fear I've always had --- from a previous post "I've had this thought pass through my head! what if someone I knew called me Jennifer "
OMG:eek:

Jennifer:hiding:

[Paula Thomas]

Jennifer - Re "what if someone I knew called me Jennifer OMG".

That is why I use the feminine version of my real name.

It makes it easy to say "Oh..... I thought you said _________".

[tall_brianna]

I don't think I'd rely to heavily on the "explain what you were doing looking there" insurance for him keeping his mouth shut. Double that WRT myspace. Here's how it goes, "Hey, you'll never believe this but I was looking for my friend Stacey's myspace page the other night and look what I found instead."

Not trying to make you panic Staycee, just being a realist. :2c:

[klyde]

How close does your boy self resemble your femme self? I think you should ask him casually why he called you staycee. Then depending on his response go from there.

[StayceeCD]

I'll just try to ignore it and not bring it up.. Act normally. Hopefully it will go away! I deleted EVERYTHING on my space and Yahoo. I only allowed other CD's as friends there and I'm not even sure if thats where I was found out so it would have been like a needle in a haystack, but certainly going to be WAY MORE careful! Thanks for all the advise girls!:love:
Staycee

[Kelsy]

Hey Paula!

I think if somene I knew other that this forum and my SO called me Jennifer than I would certainly know I was outed and well---- so be it!!!:D I do like you're style BTW

Jennifer:be:

[Jodie_Lynn]

It is a hazard, since most of us tend to use the feminine form of our male names. Perhaps, he was just trying to be funny. I agree with the rest, ignore it.

[Noel Chimes]

And if this was at a bar I bet he didn't want to remember who he was. Forget about it.

[Kathryn Philips]

If someone at work called me Kattie then I would know that they knew about my CDing as my given name is completely different. But if it were to happen then I would prefer if it was done discretely. If the colleague was a male I would ask him if he had come across one of my internet profiles because he was a CD/TV admirer or a CD/TV himself. If the person was female then would ask why are they interested in subject of CDing, perhaps as SO of a CD/TV?

[Jodie_Lynn]

LOL

Just as an aside.....

At work, my computer sign in name is "Joe D", and I didn't pick it :)

[StayceeCD]

Like Kattie, my male name is WAY different so I know he knows something.. However, just had a couple of beers with him and another co-worker and all was normal. I just acted like myself. Will keep you posted!
Staycee:happy:

[Scotty]

I would ignore it, not fuel it.

Everyone calls me Scottie...always has!

Anyway, those Myspace places like that are NOT private, there was a criminal charge or lawsuit and the info was obtained from a PRIVATE site - it's not private......nothing is private on the internet, anonymous maybe, but not private.

[gianna25]

I agree just ignore...that was the first thing they teach you in sales training....ignore the first objection.....so just ignore it and move on, but keep your pics off of other websites ;-)

Anyways glad to hear it seems to have blown over.

G

[Kimkandy]

Like Kattie, my male name is WAY different so I know he knows something.. However, just had a couple of beers with him and another co-worker and all was normal. I just acted like myself.

The easiset thing is just :hypnotized: deny it. As you say your name is different and you look different... :hmph: so it's not you.

Strange resemblance :OMG: maybe must have you mixed up :wasntme: with someone else.

Kim

:yrtw: :dom:

[Jillian310]

I think Staycee has it about right. When faced with the prospect of unanticipated discovery, I sense her first reaction was panic. I also think some of the flippant, if I may, maucho, opinions are pure b*** s***. Panic is what I would expect in such a situation. (See the thread Plan B.) I also think she has handled it correctly so far. However, despite any rationalizations, I don't think she has heard the last of this, so if I were in her shoes I wouold formulate a plan now to be prepared for the next shoe if and when it falls.

[gianna25]

Staycee....deny deny deny .....after all....remember...Bill Clinton "DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN!"
:wasntme:

[trannie T]

Ask yourself what would happen if you were to be outed. Your co-workers might stare at you a little, a few may have nothing to do with you, you might get kidded a bit, but after a few weeks most everything would get back to normal. Don't worry if you do get outed you can then wear a dress to work, good luck.

[MJ]

hi staycee
well we all agree he knows something but what ?.. i for one would like to find out what he knows .. does he have a so and she may know too.. and then there the christmass party do you have a so ? what if the two of them got talking .. sorry but i would like to know... hugs Marissa

[AprilMae]

How do you think he found out? Is there identifying information soewhere that he stumbled across?

[sandra-leigh]

OMG! I think I've been outed at work!

One fine day, mid 2005, I wandered around downtown in skirt and definite femme blouse that showed off the "add-a-cup" forms that I'd taped on. In those days I had no wig or makeup, but my hair was probably a bit on the long side.
The next workday, a fellow came up to me and mentioned that they'd seen me that day -- that I had crossed the road right in front of them, naming a place and time that I definitely had been. I cannot remember the exact wording now, but they made a question-comment about it having something to do with my Scottish heritage. I said, "Umm, ya, something like that", and that was the end of the conversation. They have never mentioned it since.

[Amy Hepker]

Don't jump to conclusions, I find alot of times that words sometimes sound the same and maybe he was saying something else. I have had this happen, sometimes our minds play tricks on us and we think that someone has said something like that. It is possible that you heard wrong. Don't push or ask about it, just blow it off. If he brings it up again, just ask him what he is talking about. Since you and your wife are the only ones who know, I would just call his bluff. Show his evidence or shut the he__ up. It's wasn't you! That's that.

[TxKimberly]

He's fishing. He may have put together a few things you may have posted in profiles with what he knows of you and was testing to see how you reacted. Worst thing you can do is react or comment on it now that the event has passed.

[StayceeCD]

He's fishing. He may have put together a few things you may have posted in profiles with what he knows of you and was testing to see how you reacted. .

I think this is pretty much the case.. Either in Yahoo or myspace he may have seen my hometown listed (very small town) or may have seen pics with a necklace I wear which is very rare one of a kind that my wife had made for me. I really don't know. Like I said, I have had no contact with anyone except for other CD's. 10% of the male population are CD's.. maybe that includes him, or maybe he's just an admirer? Or maybe it was just a really weird coincidence. All has been fine though. I see him every day and we do hang out after work alot and nothing has been said so far. As far as his wife and my wife getting together and her saying something. That is very unlikely as we both work "on the road" and live maybe 150 miles from one another. My wife knows anyway. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy if someone else confronted her with it as she is still coming to terms with it herself after finding our earlier this year. (not in a good way. if anyone remembers my posts from the spring) We've been married 14 years and been together for 23! So I think there is little that can break our bond.. Although my CD'ing and her finding out has SERIOUSLY tested it! Anyway.. We WILL see where this leads!
Staycee

[Billie Jean]

Put no pictures or anything on the internet you wouldn't put on a billboard.
congress was told this and you see what has happened to them lately. LOL Billie Jean

[KateLongman27]

OMG! I think I've been outed at work! I was hanging out with some of
the guys last night at a bar and one of them said "Give this shot to
Staycee down there" The other guys said WHAT?? I just ignored it and
played dumb and made like he was crazy or drunk. Nothing more was
said. Should I confront him and ask just what he meant by that? And
just what does he plan on doing with whatever information he may have?
After all, he must have been trolling through CD profiles to even find
me! I've had no contact at all with anyone who isn't CD. Only my wife
and I know about Staycee. I actually have deleted any pics on yahoo and my space of me till
I find out just where this is going. Any advise?

Any pictures placed up on Yahoo! and MySpace will still be available..try...
Archive.org (Link:www.archive.org) it archives (almost) everything on the net including comments on newsgroups.

Secondly try and go for plausible deniability so if he does confront you you can wash it off with a pinch of salt. Along with this is the $64 million question: Why was he looking at Crossdressing websites in the first place? Or why was he looking for info. on you in the first place.

[Calliope]

Any pictures placed up on Yahoo! and MySpace will still be available..try...
Archive.org (Link:www.archive.org) it archives (almost) everything on the net including comments on newsgroups.


There's also a site called WayBack Machine, it archives web sites, dismantled or otherwise. There's stuff I posted in 1997 (under my old pen name so don't bother trying to search me) - still there, maybe eternally there. The web seems cushioned and private ... until the years roll by. Computer pros can nab anything, even the smallest blip. As the old song goes, 'To live outside the law you must be honest.'

[Kimberley]

Personally I wouldnt force the issue; just let it drop. He was baiting you in my opinion. Regardless, as has been said, plan ahead and be proactive if the need arises. Coming out at work can go either way as members here can attest to, so be careful.

:hugs:
Kimberley

ps. This is one of the reasons I have no pics of me enfemme anywhere on the web and also why I am guarded about all of this. I know ppl ask and wonder but the truth is that the last girl to come out at work lost her job and she was tenured. I have no such luxury.

[Sierra Evon]

Ditto , on daytrippers post , be proud of who you are and what you are
I concider myself to be 75% girl , and I'm proud of me , everyone has the
right to be themselves , just ignore it,....

[CarmenG]

Ask yourself what would happen if you were to be outed. Your co-workers might stare at you a little, a few may have nothing to do with you, you might get kidded a bit, but after a few weeks most everything would get back to normal. Don't worry if you do get outed you can then wear a dress to work, good luck.

What would hapen is that all the guys would line up wanting to date STAYCEE:yrtw: you are georgeous!!!!!!