A little bit about me and my life so far

[Tamara Croft]

I haven’t had an easy life, my parents divorced when I was a baby. Mum remarried a guy that became abusive. He hit my mum after he’d had too much to drink and knocked me about right up until I became pregnant at 17…. He never hit my mum again after that either….. kinda weird. So there I was, this young girl with a baby and not a year later, I’d had another one :eek: Life wasn’t good, I had an abusive partner, although not physically, he was emotionally abusive and so was his family. At 24, I had another baby…. By this time, I was starting to really grow up. I knew I had to get out of the life I was living. In 1998, the emotional abuse turned physical, not just to me, but my children too. I decided enough was enough and walked. I left my house, my furniture, everything I owned….. I think that was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

I got my own place, a one bedroom flat. It was cramped, me, my brother (long story) and my 2 girls. My son had decided that he didn’t want to live with me. I don’t think he ever actually like me. I had to buy everything again, it was really hard, living most of the time on next to nothing, but for the first time in my life, I felt free and happy.

On the 18th March 1999, my life was going to change again ;) I was kinda bored and sent a message via an internet chat program (ICQ) to Tam…. asked if he wanted to chat…. We chatted away for hours, it was like we had known each other for years lol!!! 2 days later (20th) we decided to meet up. We chatted away like old friends and ended up staying together for 4 days lol!!! We spent more and more time together, had lots of fun, which included me dressing him up like a girl……. and I didn’t even know at this time he was a CD!!

That time came in June 1999, his parents were away and we were looking after the house for a week. He sat me on the bed and said he had something to show me (no not that!!!). He pulled out this box from under the bed and inside it was a short (very short) frilly, black velvet skirt. Well, I thought it was for me……. it wasn’t…. he sat there and as I recall, looking quite scared….. then came the bombshell ‘I like wearing it’!!!!! I instantly thought ‘OMG…. I knew I’d end up with an internet weirdo’!!! I just sat there and cried, I didn’t know who he was….. I felt betrayed….. don’t ask me to explain that, because I can’t. He said ‘I’m not gay’…. well I never thought he was…. I didn’t really ask any questions, because at that time, I didn’t even know what a CD was. At that time, I don’t think he knew either.

As time went on, the skirt turned into makeup, wigs, stockings etc….. the more he bought, the more I hated it. I wished it would go away. Don’t get me wrong, we’d had a lot of fun with it, but even then, I still thought it was weird. In June 2004, we had become strangers, not because of the CD’ing, this wasn’t really a factor in our breakup, but we decided to live apart. At first, I felt relieved, like I had had a weight lifted off my shoulders, I was no longer in this closet, freed of the weirdness in my life. But as time went on, I missed him so much, but I found myself missing the weirdness. So I came back to this forum, started reading the threads, spent hours educating myself. I’m not sure when it all clicked into place, but it did. From reading so much on the forum, I felt that I knew how to cope, to love that weird side of him.

In October 2004, we decided to give it another try and I think Tam was in shock at how accepting I’d become. He said to me ‘I hope you aren’t being this way just so we get back together’…. Far from it….. I said ;) Things have been hard still though. Tam is going through a hard time not being able to dress as much now we live together, not going out as much etc. But we are working though this, it’s not easy. Some days, I could scream at her for not talking to me about things. It’s so frustrating trying to get blood out of a stone…. that’s how it is. You’ve probably noticed she doesn’t post here as much :( I thought it was because of me, I felt I’d invaded her space on here, but that isn’t the case. This place just reminds her of what she can’t do as much, which is really sad. But, we are working on that too :)

So, if you’ve got down to this bit, thank you for reading my ramblings ;) Just thought I’d share a little bit of my life with you all.

[LaurenS.]

Thanyou so much for sharing a part of your life with us. I hope my SO will read what you've written as I think it would help her.
Hugs,
Lauren

[Jodie_Lynn]

Tamara, thank you for sharing with us. You have my admiration, my
sympathies, and my hopes for a brighter tomorrow.


No one of us can know the path that another walks, and it takes courage to reveal those parts of ourselves that cause us pain.

[janelle]

Thanks for sharing Tamara. I wish others would share also. It just goes to show that we here are one big happy family. Thanks again.
:love: Janelle

[Sherlyn]

Thank-You Tamara for sharing your life with us ... I can see and I know from chats your a very cool and understanding women ....best to you and Tam thru the problems that arise thru life and times ...of just being 2 people that love each other :hugs: :love:

[DAVIDA]

I would like to say thanks for this thread. It gives me the chance to say how grateful I am for you and many other GGs on this site. I look forward to reading your posts. You have a way about yourself that is strongwilled and also very caring. You can be very funny,but you cut to the bone if needed.Thankyou again for this thread. It lets us all know a little about how and why you are you.
Love,

DAVIDA:love:

[ColleenCD]

Tamara,

I want to rhank you for your post. Reading from a woman's perspective is revealing and helpful in understanding what our SO's feel and think. As I read it, I could see myself im Tam's position. For me, my issue has been trust. You mentioned getting blood from a stone. This issue of CDing is the deepest, most private part of me. And the worst part is, I don't understand it fully. I live with it as does my wife, but trusting and sharing is be so hard.

I sincerely appreciate your posting your story. I hope the best years are now and ahead for you.

Colleen

PS: Thanks for your Admin support.

[Roberta Lynn]

I would like to say thanks for this thread. It gives me the chance to say how grateful I am for you and many other GGs on this site. I look forward to reading your posts. You have a way about yourself that is strongwilled and also very caring. You can be very funny,but you cut to the bone if needed.Thankyou again for this thread. It lets us all know a little about how and why you are you.
Love,

DAVIDA:love:

:yt:
Thanks Tamara for sharing this look into your life and giving us a chance to know you better :hugs:

[Kimkandy]

I got my own place, a one bedroom flat. It was cramped, me, my brother (long story) and my 2 girls. My son had decided that he didn’t want to live with me. I don’t think he ever actually like me. I had to buy everything again, it was really hard, living most of the time on next to nothing, but for the first time in my life, I felt free and happy.


WOW! I hope things have got better and you have more space.

It's a very moving story. I'm living alone on next to nothing at he moment. It sucks not having much money, but I couldn't imagine trying to bring up three kids in a one bedroom flat.

It's good that you have a loving relationship with Tam. :love:

I always find :gorgeous: GG posts interesting, keep em' coming...

Kim

:yrtw: :dom:

[Tamara Croft]

Thank you all for reading my thread :hugs:
WOW! I hope things have got better and you have more space.I just wanted to add to this quote.... I've moved twice since then ;) We have a nice 3 bedroom semi, next to the woods, really peaceful and our 8 cats/kittens ( :eek: ) love it ;)

[Shannon CD]

Thank you, Tamara,

I agree that it is nice to hear a GG's point of view to help us understand a little better. Like so many, I think I get lost in the fact that I don't understand why I CD in the first place. Trying to get a GF who understands what I, myself, don't is tough. Then add the fact that I don't understand why she can't understand....well, you see it can become quite maddening.

I am just grateful to you for even attempting. Especially after all that you have been through.

[MJ]

thank you for sharing your story. i am glad you and tam are working things out . and i hope tam get more time for herself . i an glad you are here ... hugs

[Phoebe Reece]

Tamara, thanks for sharing those very personal bits of your life with us. I wish you and Tam all the best in your life ahead.

[michelleliz]

Some times it is hard for us to deal with what we become. I don't think I could change it and believe I have tried a few times. Now I just live with it full time by myself. It has cost me two marriages. Both were bad before Any waym Keep working on it

Michelle liz:2c:

[kerrianna]

Thanks for sharing Tamara. It is really educational for all of us to hear the GG's point of view. AND A BIG THANK YOU for administering this wonderful forum. :love:
I always admire people who give back. It seems like a really active site too, so I guess it keeps you busy.

:heehee: as an aside, your 8 cats/kittens reminds me of when my SO first moved away from her abusive husband and into my neck of the woods. We had just met and just before she moved one of her 2 cats had 5 kittens. The landlord of the basement suite she rented would allow 1 cat. We sneaked the rest in. My brother and I killed ourselves laughing when we heard her talking on the phone to the landlord before moving in. She said, "My cat ARE outdoor cat" It took the landlord 3 months to finally count the cats and realize how many she really had. He was such a cat lover himself he was cool with it. We've only got 1 cat now. Wanting to get more, but our old grumpy likes being the ONLY cat. It's hard pleasing everyone in the family. :rolleyes:

[Joy Carter]

It takes courage to do what you did by moving out of a bad situation. Continued happiness to you and Tam. You deserve it. :hugs:

[GypsyKaren]

Thank you so much for sharing that with us Tamara, I'm so touched that I'm at a loss for words. I can relate because I went to the school of hard knocks too, one thing that does is make you a strong person, and you are that. Anyway, I think you know how I feel about you...

Karen

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

thanks for being so open about your life. Wow, at times you have had it really difficult, an up bringing that I can only imagine because by the grace of God mine was pleasant.

and also thanks for not despising people like me...thanks..

[KrazyKat]

WoWEE, Woman, that must feel great to get all that off your chest and share with your family community, this family you have chosen to grow and crow and laugh and love!! :love:

It feels good to look in the mirror and say, "I'm a survivor, I do have the right to make my own decisions(and do what's right for my family)!! Awesome!! Maybe that's a little bit of the glue that holds you and Tam together, you're both survivors!!??

I can't remember, I think you've told me, why can't Tam dress at home very much, is there still a younger child? I thought your kids were mostly grown, but don't remember. If this is the case, I can understand both you and TAm's frustrations, went through quite a few stressed times in our household before we told my youngest son last Christmas, he'd just turned 16.

Glad you and yours are working on it all, sometimes it's tough to stay and fight, when it would be so much easier to run and hide, but I've had to learn through a lot of tough times myself, the outcome of surviving, and working a partnership out, (if both parties are willing and able) can be the most rewarding. Takes a lot of courage and trust!!

Here for you always!!:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Sandra]

:hugs: :hugs:

Keep working at it.

[Daizy Chains]

:love: :love: :love:
Thank you for sharing

[Kate Simmons]

Tamara, You've opened up your heart to us with your "ramblings". I appreciated you before but even more so now. You became a very strong person because of what happened. I wish it hadn't happened to you but it proves you are a survivor. I guess we(CD's) are lovable "weirdos" but it also shows me you appreciate and love Tam for the person inside which is the most important thing. It's nice to know that you have the comfort level to share this with your friends on the Forum. Never forget we are here for you as well. That's what it is all about. I'll still be here whether my wife and I eventually get back together or not. My friends are my friends after all and I love them for who they are. That includes the Administrators and all the Mods. We do love you.:love: Ericka/Rich

[Di]

Hon....I hope you know how much you mean to me. I think everything you have gone through has made you the caring person you are. My best to you and Tam as you are working on things....love will win out....:hugs: Di

[Lisa Golightly]

I have only admiration for your strength of character. Respect.

Lisa x

[RachelDenise]

Tamara, that is a brave and wonderous thing that you just did. Sharing the innermost secrets of your life with us makes me want to give you a hug. :hugs: Thanks for trusting us and feeling comfortable in your life to do this. You have my admiration.

[Sarah Rabbit]

You know my thoughts about you..

:love: :love:

Hugs, Sarah R. :bunny:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

thank you tam for letting us into some of ur private life :hugs: we are privilaged to be able to read and share with you some of ur life. in some ways ive been thru same. and i know the road is long and bumpy from time to time. u sound like a very strong determined woman tam, and im really sure that u will get thru all of this "both" of you. tc hun xx :love:

[Megan72]

I really do not know what to say other that thank you for allowing us to be such an important part of your life. I am overjoyed to hear when people who have had such horible things happen to them, make it out of all that and are truley success, you and Tam are to be commended.

[uknowhoo]

Thank you, Tamara for sharing with us, and for all you do here.

:love:

t

[Mary Jane]

Thanks for sharing this part of your life. Posts like this allows us to get to know someone better and maybe understand them a bit better also.

[Maria2004]

..for the worthwhile and insightfull post. From the first time you "smacked" me and reading what posts you have made that I have stumbled across since then made you one of my fav personalities here. What you've shared in this thread confirms a certain impression I've had about "who you are and where your coming from". Though our specific circumstances may be different, the emotional impact and the "dealing" with it on both sides sounds all too familiar to me, and how you've moved forward with your life despite the past is much like my wife's.

Thanks for being here, and helping to keep us straight (smack) :love:

Love

Maria

[Janailene]

Fantastic open outpouring. Things like this have helped me feel better about myself. Just letting it all out relieves stress.

Love to both of you.

[heathr1]

Thank you so much for a really moving post.

Sorry you suffered abuse and it made me wonder what a strong ,caring, loving person you are.

heathr.

[Holly]

Thank-you for sharing, Tamara. It's the challenges life that cause growth :hugs:.

[Tamara Croft]

I haven't posted a thread in this section for so long and for a while now, I've thought about it. It was hard writing it, but I'm over the bad things, my mum and dad, although divorced, are still together and I've forgiven him for being such an ass ;)

Kat, our youngest is only 12, I do believe however that her dad being a 'weirdo' as she says lol... doesn't actually bother her.

I didn't expect to get so many replies to be honest :blushing: but I want to thank each and everyone of you for taking the time to read my long post :hugs: Some of the comments made me laugh, some brought tears......... anyway....... I'm gonna shut up now, things to do ;)

[nishababe]

Dearest Tamara GG,

Thanks for telling us your story ,You have had a bad beginning but now you are becoming a strong person .Life is a voyage of self discovery and if we have the breaks and listen and learn ,it is within most of us to turn our lives round !!

Love Nishababe xxxx:hugs:

[tall_brianna]

Tamara, that was a touching story. I'm seriously moved to tears; well glassy anyway - I checked them before they could take out the mascara. :)

You are really, truly an amazing person - I'm so happy that things have worked out for you. You deserve it! Isn't it amazing how little "weirdness" means in the grand scheme of life?

:hugs:

-b

[zoe jordon]

I think you are an amazing person with a big heart and I wish there was more people in the world like you!!!!!I have Nothing but respect for you and you family!!!!!!

lots and lots of love zoe j xxxxxxxx

[Tedi]

Having to go through rough times, makes us appreciate good times all the more. Forgiving the injustices of those that have wronged us, helps us to be righteous and just.
Thank you for being Tamara, This wouldn't be the same place without you.

[Kerry Owens]

One note Tam, and I totally agree, it should take "wringing blood outta a stone" to get communication going! The gurlz should please keep that in mind....stopping communicating and being silent is one of the biggest problems in a relationship.
Just bear that in mind....keeping secrets? Not really a problem...but when one finds this silent taciturnity creeping into the relationship, it just puts a chill on everything.

[Wendy me]

Hey Tamara thanks for sharing your story with us ... just remember our past good bad or what ever is what gives us the strength to grow and face challenges in our Daly lives ...

[KarenSusan]

Thanks for sharing, Tamara. Your story is inspirational.

[sophieuk]

I must say how great your post was. To find out about the person, not just veiws they have etc on crossdressing.

love sophieuk X

[Kimkandy]

We have a nice 3 bedroom semi, next to the woods, really peaceful and our 8 cats/kittens ( :eek: ) love it ;)

Nice to hear. I love cats, I used to have two long haired :bunny: :bunny: Siamese cats.

Kim

:dom: :spank: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

[Charity's GG]

No wonder youre such a strong woman. I noticed this from your previous posts. Im sorry you had to endure such heart ache and abuse, but its what makes us stronger and better people in the long run. Keep your chin up! And thanks you for sharing your story:love:

[Tamara Croft]

Ok, a little bit more well, sorta in the middle I guess.... I've always been an office worker, which got really boring I've done all kinds of jobs, from cleaning, to looking after the elderly. But enough was enough. In 2001, I went back to college, full time. I trained as a Beauty Therapist/Skin Care Analyst. It was hard work at first, but it was also so much fun.

Whilst training, I of course needed a guinea pig..... :devil: Tammy was it lol!!! She was waxed everywhere......:tongueout oh I did enjoy doing that!!! I did eyelash tinting on her, facials, massage, manicures, pedicures, makeup, but at the same time I was learning, I was also teaching her to do these for herself. So, I guess some good came out of it as Tam is now quite good at doing the majority of these things herself.

Unfortunetly, we were going through a rough patch and I couldn't cope with the 3rd year at college, so I pulled out. :( There's not much chance of learning anatomy and physiology and all the rest of it, whilst going through such a bad time Maybe one day I will go back and finish the course.

Right now though, I'm focusing on getting better, the back/hip/pelvis pain is ripe at the moment, damn British crap weather. I think that's enough rambling for now :heehee: :heehee:

[Adrienne Heels]

Thanks for sharing, Tamara

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Thanks so much for sharing Tamara (and of course for everything else you do). I admire the strength you've shown.

[bgirl]

This is what I look for on when I visit this site. Real people facing real problems and coming to terms with themselves on difficult issues. Accepting and living with this can be so difficult . We need to know there is some chance of making it all work. You made it plane to see that there was much work involved. And anything worth having is worth working for.
Thank you so much. Beth

[Shelly Preston]

Congratulations on coming through all those bad times

You story has touched a nerve in all of us I suspect
It has brought a tear to my eye while reading it

You are a remarkable lady who never ceases to amaze me and you are an inspiration to anyone struggling through hard times :hugs:

Love and Best Wishes for the future

[Tamara Croft]

I just sat and read what I'd posted again, I didn't realise how sad it was :( But I'm happy now, I have a good man/woman who loves me, doesn't scream and yell all the time :) He's hard work at times (she isn't.... can't shut her up), but we have something a lot of people would give their right arm for :blushing:

Don't get me wrong, it's not all sweetness and light.... it's almost... ;)

[CaptLex]

Well, I knew I liked you . . . and now I know why (and I'm not just kissing up to get a raise). You've really come through a lot of stuff and deserve every happiness now and in the future. Some people survive adversity and become cold and cynical . . . I'm glad you've been strong enough to push yourself where you needed to go, but retained a kind, caring nature. :yrtw:

Maybe we should make this a regular feature . . . have one person tell their story every week. Nah . . . maybe not.

By the way, the weather here is not too good on the joints, bones, etc. either. I say we stock up the ship and set sail for a warmer climate. :titanic: Hey, isn't Australia getting warmer this time of year? We're coming to visit, Sarah. :bunny:

[sparks]

Well i told you before I like strong women. Thanks for sharing the hard times as well as the good times. The rough times shape the person we are to become when we survive them. In the past I've asked for hep and you were kind enough to give it. Thanks for being who you are.

[Sharon86]

Thankyou for sharing your 'ramblings' with us Tamara, i'm not exactly sure what else i can say that hasn't already been said on the last three pages of support for you and tam, your both obviously strong people and i don't doubt that will go a long way in helping you both through into a very bright future.:bighug: LOL Sharon xxxxx

[Jasmine Ellis]

Tamara thanks for sharing this with us. It must of been hard for you over those years. But you have came out with flying colours :hugs:
Even you can't see us you know you have a lot of friends who care for you in more ways than one. God bless you dear and may the years ahead bring happyness to you and your family :hugs:

[Jestina]

Beautiful!!

I love love stories.

I have never revealed my CD side to any woman I was intimate with.
My current GF is the first I shared it with fully.

When she found out the depths of it she did what you did, she cried.
She just needed me to be a man for her thats all.

Woman like you and any S/O like mine, that shares and understands are too wonderful to lose.

Jestina

[Missy Anne's GG]

Tamara,

You are a strong willed woman, and I wish all the best for you and those you love.

One of my favorite sayings is: It's never too late to have a happy childhood!

Hugs to you!:hugs:

Missy Anne's GG

[Sharon]

Don't get me wrong, it's not all sweetness and light.... it's almost... ;)



When you're describing a lifetime, "almost" is pretty good. :happy:

Funny how another day makes you realize that, although we suffer hurdles throughout our lives, all in all our circumstances might not be as bad as we sometimes make them out to be. Just keep concentrating on the positives, Tamara, for, while the past is unchangeable, your future is still being created.

Thanks for sharing your story with us. :hugs:

[Sheila]

Having to go through rough times, makes us appreciate good times all the more. Forgiving the injustices of those that have wronged us, helps us to be righteous and just.
Thank you for being Tamara, This wouldn't be the same place without you.


thanks Tamara you really are one heck of a Woman

:hugs: Jess

[Yael]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
Yael

[MJ]

tamara
you are a wonderful person thanks :love: :love:

[janet p]

Tamara,it sounds to me like you are trying to let him know you accept him but for some dumb dumb dumb reason he doesn't want to accept it. If I could find someone like you I would be in SEVENTH heaven.:love:

[Dragster]

I'm sorry I haven't responded earlier Tamara, but I've been away from home since you posted your story. I can only echo the comments of others who have thanked you for sharing what has been a tough life, but thankfully with a happy ending (not an end to life just yet, I hope!). It just goes to show that we should never give up on trying to build a real partnership with our SOs, and that it sometimes can take a huge effort, but the rewards are there for those who are prepared to put that effort in. Good luck to you and Tam for the rest of your life, you deserve it in spades. And if you ever find out what the magic potion was, that turned around your views on your CDing partner, can you please bottle a little and send it to me so I can give it to my wife? I haven't had to fight for my happiness like you have, and I'm thankful that the only real difficulty I have with my wife after 37 years married is that she can't (yet!) accept this aspect of me. Serves me right for not having the guts to tell her a lot earlier (like, before the ceremony), but I know that if she never changes her mind, I'll still love her "till death do us part", but you'll still remain a source of inspiration for me to keep trying.

All the best,
Tony

[Audry]

Thanks for that extordainary thread,,, you are a most remarkable, woman,
I cant say enough for you:thumbsup: :love:

[Stormgirl]

*hugs you tight* You've been through a lot, I don't think I could still be so strong after going through what you have.

[dswife]

Thanks so much for sharing so much of yourself!

I don't think my husband is weird, I think I feel more betrayed especially after reading some material on CDer's. I kind of feel sorry for my husband; not being true to himself and feeling like he's living a lie. I can't imagine the shame and guilt of all of that! I feel betrayed because he's been trying to hide so much of himself from me for years. After reading info on cding, a few light bulbs went on for me as well and when I try and talk with him in an accepting manner with evidence of things, he stands right there in front of me, looks me in the eyes and tries to deny it!

When I brought up how my feelings were hurt that when we were out on a trip together after I gave birth to our 3rd child and he took pictures of all these other women he said he'd throw them away. Then I discovered them in the cabinet under the bathroom sink for masturbation tools. (this was like 15 years ago), but recently I brought that up and asked if the reason he took those pictures was because he liked what they had on? Or wanted to dress like them? He said, "NO!" He wanted to have sex with those women...He wants to have sex with all women. I said, that didn't really make me feel any better or more secure. He explained that in the first 3 seconds that most guys see a woman; young, old, fat, thin, it didn't matter, but that the first thoughts were sexual. I can accept that and kind of feel sorry for guys having to subdue their desires on a regular basis. The next thing I brought up was:
When I brought up his years of loving clothes, picking them up off the racks at stores, touching the material, saying how much he likes a certain outfit that I suddenly realized that it wasn't outfits for me that he was admiring, but outfits for himself. He denied that also and said that maybe he was supposed to be a clothing designer...give me a break!!! Is he trying to convince me or himself?!

I love my husband very much! We have 4 children and have been together 20 years. I imagine there are couples who have stayed together for the children or to maintain a facade with their families or the general public out of fear of being discovered. Or out of fear of admitting who they really are. Either way, I'm not willing to do that. His secret is safe with me, but unless he comes clean and we have an open honest relationship, I can not do it. I need honesty and trust for this to keep working!

What I am willing to do is allow my SO to be whomever he needs to be, accept and love him for who he really is, be supportive of him in anyway that I can, but I do have my own boundaries that need to be respected also.

This is where the problem and fear is for me: If we can not be sexually intimate and if he can not be honest with me, all those dreams with our grandchildren, growing old together are smashed. Very sad to think about! That's why I'm here I guess to try and keep those dreams from shattering!

On Thanksgiving (Thursday the 23rd in US) I watched my husband with our 7 month old niece and it gave me the warm and fuzzes. Our two girls commented on what a great grandpa D's going to make and I felt a knot in my stomach when they said that because at this point, I'm not sure that we'll be together at that point 1- 5 years from now...brings a tear to my eye.

[Diane Paris]

Tamara, you are amazing in so many ways. Thank you for showing so many what real courage looks like up close. Warm regards, Diane

[Margot]

Good for you Tamara. Sounds like you have fallen in love with what's inside and have fun with the person on the outside. Your life has been hectic but I'm glad you have found happiness.
:hugs:
Margot

[Tina Dixon]

Well now, don't know why I missed this post, Tam it's really great to meet you at last, and it does seem things are getting better for you, and I'll never forget the help you offered me when my wife found out about my dressing, making the over seas call to chat with her if needed, your truly a good person and friend:hugs:

[Jestina]

Hi dswife:
I read your post several times and I had to respond:


Thanks so much for sharing so much of yourself!

I don't think my husband is weird, I think I feel more betrayed especially after reading some material on CDer's. I kind of feel sorry for my husband; not being true to himself and feeling like he's living a lie. I can't imagine the shame and guilt of all of that! I feel betrayed because he's been trying to hide so much of himself from me for years. After reading info on cding, a few light bulbs went on for me as well and when I try and talk with him in an accepting manner with evidence of things, he stands right there in front of me, looks me in the eyes and tries to deny it!

This is where the problem and fear is for me: If we can not be sexually intimate and if he can not be honest with me, all those dreams with our grandchildren, growing old together are smashed. Very sad to think about! That's why I'm here I guess to try and keep those dreams from shattering!

On Thanksgiving (Thursday the 23rd in US) I watched my husband with our 7 month old niece and it gave me the warm and fuzzes. Our two girls commented on what a great grandpa D's going to make and I felt a knot in my stomach when they said that because at this point, I'm not sure that we'll be together at that point 1- 5 years from now...brings a tear to my eye.


Wow, this was stunning to read for me.
It is not untypical for a man to react like this does seem a little more than usual. It is also a lot of personal issues let out and that sounds like you have been dealing with it for a very long time.
It gives me twinges of pain for you.

Instead of verbal confronting it may help to write a note or letter if needed that must be read privately sometime and thought about.
If you do that make sure over and over again you reassure him that there is hope but reiterate what that hope is and that you are willing to work through it. Make sure you tell him what you opened with here too,
" I don't think my husband is weird"

You may already know this but men and women are different!!!
The tears that men think are manipulative? Well they work!
I am not suggesting any trickery here but just raw emotion and honesty.
when verbally dealing it is best to openly display an emotion that tells the other that you are tearing open your heart on their behalf and they should not step on it in this state.
The idea is to disarm and even the playing field and if necessary kneel (figuratively) to meet the other person.

When I have dealt with my SO over issues that may hurt her or make her feel cornered I have offered my heart first and carefully shared my concerns.
When I do it this way it always works out well.

Men who are crossdressers typically go through shame and guilt and a whole range of emotions over it.
Some are in hard core denial to everyone around them.
Which to an extent explains the very male occupations most of us have.
I labeled it "macho over compensation" in another thread some time ago.

We have truckers, tow truck drivers, motorcycle and car racers, (I race cars) and virtually every type of employment there is on this site.
He is definetly not alone. It sounds like he may need to know that in order to start dealing with it.

Brace yourself for a possibility here...those "masturbation tools" you describe, well it is possible that he was in fact turned on by those womens clothing and the thought of wearing it, and not in fact by those women themselves. This is only a possibility but for some men it is easier to feign attraction to another woman than to admit the truth many women may not even beleive anyway.

In the old country song "Long Black Veil" a man is sentenced to hang for murder because he will not open his mouth to tell the judge where he really was at the time of the murder in question. What was his alibi?
"I had been in the arms of my best friends wife..."
This is an extreme example but it is a rough comparison of the situation your husband may feel he is in when you ask him about these pictures.

"Communication is the problem to the answer." Never truer than in these situations and marriage in general.
I beleive many marriages end needlessly because of faulty erroneous communication and false assumtions that are never corrected.

Welcome to the forum by the way and this is public to all members.
My posts can be notoriously long and I often poke my nose in and offer my advice to members as I have here.
I have mentioned several times my background in mental health (27 years total in family councelling and anger management and the whole gamut.)
As my kids say, I am a "retired shrink". My registration fees are no longer paid annually and my practice insurance is no longer in place so I really stay in very safe territory these day but I cann not stand by and not at least offer help when I see a need.

I began my field work in the 1970's when crossdressing had just only been taken off of the list of things that are considered a mental illness.
We have made much progress since then in the field of mental health.
Some of us older cd'ers have taken some time to catch up though.

Anyway I want you to know I am pulling for you and I offer my advice and help to you as much as I can over this forum, if you want privacy please feel free to send me a PM.


I wish you both the best.

Jestina.

[dswife]

Thank you very much!
I am also a recovering addict/alcoholic and Feb. 5th, 2007, I will have 20 years of sobriety. I tend to try and keep the focus on myself as far as my feelings go and realize that I have no control over people, places and/or things and all while trying to keep my personal boundaries intact. I also tend to do a lot of self assessment. Recently with all of this coming to a head, it kind of reminds me of my childhood where I saw and heard what I saw and heard and upon confrontation was told I saw and heard no such thing. (Crazy making behavior from parents) Since I work a program I am grateful that I have the tools that once I start questioning my craziness, I can love myself and trust myself enough to know what is true for me.
Thank you for your help and support it is deeply appreciated!
D'swife

[melissacd]

Tam,

All I can say is thank you for telling your wonderful story.

huggs
Melissa

[tekla west]

Not that you would listen to me, but.... "Its never too late to have a happy childhood." I walked away from 10 years of university level education, a complete set of degrees (and the easiest and highest paying 'job for life' in the free world, save being the Pope) because I thought that I might find in blue collar work the joy, the zest, the sheer exuberance of doing something I was happy doing. Like any middle age guy trying to play in the big leagues, it was a long shot, but worth it. That I made it just makes it so much better.

So what if no one understands it (save the people I work with). I had listened to all them voices once and ended up just a miserable as they were. WOW! What were the odds of that happening? Enough of that!

All the misery your parents put you through ends the day you walk out of that house and down the driveway. After that, all that misery is yours, and yours alone.

People who suffer, tend to suffer alone, and no amount of posts changes that. Go out, be one of "HELL'S BELLES'" and enjoy life. Be Back in Black, Shoot to Thrill and all that (guess what is on the stereo now?) Don't regret. Do. After all, how many lives are you going to have?

I'll tell 'ya a true story. I was interviewing a major rock star (I'm sure you have a record by them, hard not to, hell even I have one of their records and I HATE popular music, but..... So I asked him

"People get to a point, where its like 'I want to be a rock star', but I want to eat tomorrow night too."

His response, in the great London Brit accent was....
"So, you got rock stars and a bunch of fat, bitter, middle age people - wasn't that their choice?"

And, what I like about that - aside from its just so nasty - is that its not like he is saying "I'm so talented." He is not. He is saying that he was willing to pay the price for being what he wanted to be. Others just settle - and get what's commin' to them for that choice too.

Think of that the next time you hear him sing, "I can't get no satisfaction" on the radio.

[Sarah Rabbit]

I say we stock up the ship and set sail for a warmer climate. :titanic: Hey, isn't Australia getting warmer this time of year? We're coming to visit, Sarah. :bunny: Aww ..Cool..you Girls and Boys are welcome anytime.I'll get the spare room ready..Don't forget the Rum:D

Sarah R. :bunny:

[rachelpastel]

Just read the messages in this thread. As a TGirl, hopefully considered involved in helping the TG community, Tamara is a special woman and hopefully her story will help us all ! Love, Rachel Pastel

[Kate Simmons]

Everything happens for a reason Tam. We've all come together on this Forum for a reason. That reason is being able to share things with one another and caring about one another. We post our experiences and our feelings here to share with our friends and bare our souls. Being people who care about people is what it's all about. I couldn't find a better group of people to share myself with. We all make this work together but it's up to us to maintain it. Somehow, I don't think that will be a problem. We understand one another even if we don't always agree with one another 100% and I think that goes a long way. We are all unique individuals and that's the great part about it. I don't think many of us would have the insight we have now otherwise. It's well worth our efforts.:happy: Ericka

[Veronica E. Scott]

Tam thank you for sharing your story it gave me shivers of times gone by in relation to my own story which is a lot similar to yours in that coming from a abusive family.
For what ever reason God gave us our parents knowing what we had to go through knowing that it would make us stronger for the battles we will have to face in the future,some never survive the battle and some come through with a lot of scars but we have survived and we can face what ever comes in the future . Our rewards are just around the corner as long as we don't give up or give in just keep dreaming your dreams and one day they will come true.

Love you Lots, you are doing just fine so far

[Bernadina]

Wow Tamara. Thats a lot of learning and growth already for one so young. It took a lot of courage to do what you have done and the tell us about it. Thanks for sharing.

However, about the "Right now though, I'm focusing on getting better, the back/hip/pelvis pain is ripe at the moment...", I still think we should all chip in and get some funds together to get you to a chiropractor.

You've given so much to all of us with your commitment to this forum. The least we can do is give something back. I was going to suggest that we stop picking on you, but where's the fun in that.

How about it girls, a few $ to help Tamara get the help she needs?

[Lisa Maren]

Hi Tamara

Thank you so much for opening up to us and allowing us to know you this much better. I feel a lot of admiration and respect for you. It's commonly said around here that it takes guts for a CD to go out dressed in public. It should be said more often that it takes guts for a GG like you to stay with a CD, probably as much guts as it takes for us to venture outside. I imagine that GGs, afterall, probably get some of the societal disapproval dumped on them by being with a CD.

Kudos to you -- and thank God for GGs like you.

Hugs,
Lisa

[Lucy_Pink]

Cheers for sharing..

Reading your thread made me a little sad enough to make a girl break down and cry :cry:

Things you have said sound all so familiar from my previous relationship.

Hope all goes well for you now, all my love Lucy.
:love:

[Seraph]

Great story. Thanks for sharing. :happy: