Busted...

[Jill]

A few months ago, I moved into my parents basement due to some problems at my life. At 27, going on 28 years old, I wasn't too excited about this but I had some bad luck with my employment and some bad luck fincancially. The situation was also intimidating because I have a secret that I hide, and not knowing how long I was going to be staying with the folks, I took some of my clothes with me that I hide and wear regularly.
Well, yesterday, when they were both gone, I did a small batch of laundry, I washed a couple of my bras, a skirt and a couple of tops. I left for the evening and totally forgot that my clothes were in the dryer. A couple of hours later, I got a call from my mom who had found them in the dryer and was completely confused about who's clothes they were. She had already called my sister about it who of course didn't know anything about it. My sister said, jokingly to my mom, "maybe your son is a crossdresser." With all of this in mind, I thought I was busted and I could not think of a lie. And for some reason, there was a strong voice inside of me that said to just be honest and get it all out. It was a relief to get it all off my chest and get it out there but at the same time, it's an uncomfortable circumstance. I feel very positive because my mother, my father and my sister all responded with a lot of love and acceptance. However, I think they are taking it one step further.
My parents in particular want me to give it all up and quit and leave it all behind once and for all. I really feel like that's something that I want to do in the long term perspective but not really ready for at this time. I guess what I am getting at is that I am kind of at a crossroads and trying to make a decision. I want to quit someday, but not this day, and will that day ever come? I guess the decision I have to make at this point is do I give it all up and quit or do I just become more secretive about it and more careful?
Any thoughts or input from anyone?

[GG Vanya]

If they responded with love and acceptance, why do they want you to quit?
Please, if you haven't already done so, explain to them this isn't some hobby you simply chose to take up. This is a part of you, the son they love and accept. Explain that (my husband's words) you are the same person they've always known and loved, it's just that now they know *all* of you.

I hope you can be who you really are with your family, now that they know all of you. :hugs:

[Joy Carter]

I wish you luck in you relationships. But Hun in my case I'm fifty seven and have just come to terms with who I am. I kinda laugh when other say this is a hobby when I know in my case this is who I am.
:2c:

[AmberTG]

I don't know of anybody who has ever been able to actually quit for good and not think about it. People quit for a while due to curcumstances, but it removes something valuable from their life that they can't entirely forget about, and that cancause bad feelings toward the situation that caused the person to stop, if it's a person that caused the other to quit, usually resentment builds up over time toward that person for the loss of that part of themself.
All I can say is good luck if you choose to go that route. I suppose it depends on how strong the desire is inside you.

[kay_jessica]

Hun,

You cann't quit. It will be with you forever, you can purge an think you've quit, but you will sooner or later start again, and agian and again. You are now at a point in your live that many of us eny. You loved ones know about you and you are still young enough to enjoy being Jill. Let them come to terms with you as Jill. You say your parents want you to put it behind you, but from that comment, I take it your sister is more accepting. Then become a sister to your sister and take it from there. Your parents will come round and will accept you as Jill. Especially if they see that you are happier and more relaxed as Jill.

Hugs

Kay

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I do really hate to say this to you, but this "affliction" is not a normal hobby like collecting stamps or home renovation. I truly believe that before birth, some connection in our brains got connected a wee bit differently to other people, and this just ups our desire to be feminine.

Goodness knows I have tried to quit this thing...purged more often than I care to count, but sooner or later the "urge" to dress just gets so strong that it just seems to over ride that little voice in my head that says this behaviour is insane.

I still think I'm one of the most unaccepting mixed up posters here...I don't want to be femme at all EVER, yet I love being femme almost more than anything...then I hate myself for giving in to the ridiculous activity....I should point out that there has been nothing, and I mean nothing, sexual in my dressing probably for over the last 25 years. It is just something else that I cannot quantify.

So is the answer for you to say "I'll give up in a little while"...I say good luck to you, but I don't like your long term chances. It's beating me at the moment, and if you have some accepting people, 'in the know', so to speak, then I think you will be just so much happier than someone like me, who has a wife who only knows a part of it....

Yeah, I'd just love to leave a photo lying around and get busted, maybe I should.

[trannie T]

I'm sorry but I think you're screwed. You're not going to be able to give up your desire to dress and as long as you live with your folks you won't be able to dress very often. I really hope that you'll be able to get on your feet soon and regain your freedom.

[Kristen Kelly]

Good luck, like many here I lived my younger life in denile, and purged many times in the over 30 years of my dressing. Last year when I finally accepted just who I am I compleated in my mind just who I am, and am TOTALLY enjoying my life

[RachelDenise]

I do think you are at a crossroad. You have to really look inward and understand and accept yourself before you can make any decision about the crossdressing thing. This is a part of who you are, but you have to decide how much of it intersects with your life. Most of us here may be confused about the whys and wherefores, but I think we have integrated this piece of ourselves into our lives. Good luck. Use the forum. There are lots of really insightful people here.

[Clare]

I got a call from my mom who had found them [femme clothes] in the dryer and was completely confused about who's clothes they were.

She had already called my sister about it who of course didn't know anything about it. My sister said, jokingly to my mom, "maybe your son is a crossdresser." What a smart/intuitive girl! Perhaps she'd like a Sister? Ask her if she understands and will accept you as Jill - can't hurt now that you're busted anyway!

With all of this in mind, I thought I was busted and I could not think of a lie. And for some reason, there was a strong voice inside of me that said to just be honest and get it all out. It was a relief to get it all off my chest and get it out there but at the same time, it's an uncomfortable circumstance. I'm glad you were able to go with your heart and be honest about yourself. I bet you feel like a burden has been removed and that you no longer have to be secretive to your family.

I feel very positive because my mother, my father and my sister all responded with a lot of love and acceptance. Good - use that to advantage (in a nice way) and convey to them that crossdressing is just a part of your nature and you're the same person you always have been - it's just they now know a little more about you.

My parents in particular want me to give it all up and quit and leave it all behind once and for all. I really feel like that's something that I want to do in the long term perspective but not really ready for at this time. Why do your Parents want you to stop after stating they accept you as Jill? Do what's right for you, not what they want. You're still young enough to express your feminine self. Trust me, you have a golden opportunity here - think about how you've felt prior to being discovered - you don't want to live that emotional rollercoaster again do you?

I guess what I am getting at is that I am kind of at a crossroads and trying to make a decision. I want to quit someday, but not this day, and will that day ever come? No! I've been CD'ing/TG for 35 years and despite many attempts at "quitting", it just won't happen Jill. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but there are many accounts here in the forums on this topic and although you can repress the feelings, you'll always have that inate desire to be "girly". You just can't turn crossdressing off by sheer willpower - sorry!

I guess the decision I have to make at this point is do I give it all up and quit or do I just become more secretive about it and more careful? With legs like yours? No way! It's no use becoming more secretive - your Family knows anyway and it'd be pointless really when you think about it! Let Jill be herself and I think you'll be surprised how good things turn out in the long term.Jill, although your "outing" may have occurred accidently, I wish you good luck for the immediate future. In some ways, i'm jealous of your opportunity to be who you really are. :hugs:

[suanne]

Hi Jill. Thanks for sharing your story and concerns. You mentioned that you were at a crossdroads in your life about crossdressing. Well I think most of us (cders) live near or at the crossdroads. I have been dressing for over 50 years and the crossroads seems to be getting further away. I can't tell you how many times I wish it would "go away" only to "completely stay". I think it is good that you got things out in the open with your parents. You now must decide what to do with them having now shared your secret. They want you to stop dressing so that must mean they do not approve. Keep us posted on further developments.

Suanne

[carolinewalker_2000]

Hi Jill,

As so many others have said, the compulsion to dress is never going to go away. You are young and have the potential for many years of happy womanhood ahead; so seize the unexpected opportunity that getting busted has given you and explain, quietly, to your parents that "Jill" is a real person, alongside the son they have known and loved all these years. I am sure that in time they will come round and be accepting of you as you are.

Of course this won't resolve all your dilemmas; for example I am sure you will start to question whether you are a transvestite or a transexual and the extent you want to live as Jill. However, these issues will be much easier to resolve now you are out in the open. In a way, like others, I envy you and wish I could be open with those I love.

Good luck with however things turn out.

hugs,

Caroline

PS: You have great legs! Any chance of your sharing a full length photo with us?

[LaurenS.]

Jill,
I quit! or thought I did. It never entered my mind for 7 full years. I thought it was gone and I had found the cure and it was "will power" I willed it away and it went! That is until a few months ago, it came back. I hadn't thought about it at all and was surprised at how it just came back so unexpectedly. Soooo....
I'm not trying to be negative here, just realistic and as everyone else is saying....it's a part of you for life...like it or not. You can will it away temporarily. Some like me have had long term success while others can only go for a few months. Good luck Jill. I know you did the right thing by being honest with your family but they need to understand as welll as you do that it's here to stay....with intermittent vacations!
Lauren

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Jill. I can appreciate your "pickle". I've been down that road with my wife. I promised I would give it up but secretly did not. I've found that the compulsion for self identity(not dressing so much) is very strong and it's hard not to be who you really are. In my case, my wife was afraid of "losing" her husband and in your case, your parents are probably afraid of "losing" their Son. It's hard to reassure people that nothing is farther from the truth. You end up dealing with their insecurities as well as your own. In the end, no matter what the "cost" you may have to stand up for yourself to be your own person. That's the way it was with me. It caused me no amount of grief trying to be someone I was not. Finally, I declared that no matter what I would be true to myself. I've lost most of my family because of it but feel better because I am now self directed and self empowered as a person whereas before, who I was (or rather who I was pretending to be) was dependent on others. I had to break away to become myself no matter what the "cost". Everyone is different, however and it's a decision you need to make yourself.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Adrienne Heels]

Jill, I have to agree with all the other girls. This is NOT something you can just turn off. I personally find myself thinking about dressing more and more, and I have only been serious about this for a year (imagine finding you are a CD at age 52!). As Clare said, maybe your sister will accept you AS a sister.

Good luck!!

[uknowhoo]

:hugs: I'm sorry to hear of your challenging situation, Jill. :hugs:

While we must be considerate of others' feelings, in the end we must be true to who we are. If/when you really truly want to give it up, go for it, and good luck. In the meantime, be true, loving and accepting of yourself. Hopefully your family will come to more fully accept you, which means not trying to change you. To the extent they cannot is their weakness, not a fault of yours.


Good luck, and please do keep us posted on developments. We're all here for you, sweetie.

xoxo

Tammi

[boygirl]

Hi Sweetie-
I too, have gone through, some of the same things with the family. I am 28, almost 29. And i came out to family last Christmas eve.
Lets just say that they, don't appriciate my choices, and looking for work makes, it much harder too.
I would just say to you, that you have the right to be the women, you wish to be, but be ready for friends, or others not to understand our choices.
If you would like to talk, you may reach me by email- at cmtonksvt@adelphia.net.

yours truly
Chrissy

[Charolette time]

A few months ago, I moved into my parents basement due to some problems at my life. At 27, going on 28 years old, I wasn't too excited about this but I had some bad luck with my employment and some bad luck fincancially. The situation was also intimidating because I have a secret that I hide, and not knowing how long I was going to be staying with the folks, I took some of my clothes with me that I hide and wear regularly.
Well, yesterday, when they were both gone, I did a small batch of laundry, I washed a couple of my bras, a skirt and a couple of tops. I left for the evening and totally forgot that my clothes were in the dryer. A couple of hours later, I got a call from my mom who had found them in the dryer and was completely confused about who's clothes they were. She had already called my sister about it who of course didn't know anything about it. My sister said, jokingly to my mom, "maybe your son is a crossdresser." With all of this in mind, I thought I was busted and I could not think of a lie. And for some reason, there was a strong voice inside of me that said to just be honest and get it all out. It was a relief to get it all off my chest and get it out there but at the same time, it's an uncomfortable circumstance. I feel very positive because my mother, my father and my sister all responded with a lot of love and acceptance. However, I think they are taking it one step further.
My parents in particular want me to give it all up and quit and leave it all behind once and for all. I really feel like that's something that I want to do in the long term perspective but not really ready for at this time. I guess what I am getting at is that I am kind of at a crossroads and trying to make a decision. I want to quit someday, but not this day, and will that day ever come? I guess the decision I have to make at this point is do I give it all up and quit or do I just become more secretive about it and more careful?
Any thoughts or input from anyone?

As others said it comes and goes but always with you, my urge is now more than ever, as I was recovering from breast cancer, I think life is getting shorter and my time as a cder is also, my wife is still in the resisting stage but maybe one day she will accept it and that will be the best day of my life ,other than a child and 2 grandchildren, good luck and keep the line of communication open with your family, they are the only ones who count, Love Charolette

[Scotty]

In my humble opinion, you are not at a crossroads, you got caught and are feeling some guilt about it........I felt this way with an ex G/F when I told her about it. Nothing changed though.

Deal with the parents issue, tell them you did laundry for a girlfriend or tell them the truth - either way.....

I wish you luck and hope it goes well!!

[susann_gardener]

Jill, your NOT screwed!
Rethink this situation. Apply your intellect. Convey to your parents the knowledge collected in many books, studies, and on this and other forums. This isn't some hobby (they can call it that for comfort) you can stop.
And, as for driving it underground, I don't think so. You will spend a lifetime hiding not only your clothes, but a part of yourself. Not worth it, especially at your stage in life. Take it from an experienced one.
Best wishes.

[Janailene]

How many times did I say "I'll quit it." There is no way you will stop so you are better off not throwing out clothes (only to spend the money again later).
Of course your parents will says stop but they do not understand that we have been "hit by a lightening bolt" called crossdressing. I have dressed for 5 decades!! We are all partially women in our minds. Kristen Kelly has it right - accept yourself, you are partially female. Talk to your parents by showing them this thread. Maybe they will be more understanding. Set up guidelines like where and when you dress. They are probably more concerned about their social acceptance if you start dreesing enfemme a lot and their friends get to see your feminine side.

[Jill]

Thanks to everyone for their response and the support, there have been a lot of good things said. I have done enough research and reading and from my own personal experience, I know that quitting is highly unlikely and as far as anyone knows, nobody has been able to quit and stay away from it. I'm sure it has happened somewhere, sometime but the odds are against me, I know.
I don't think that I will seek to help them understand things better, I come from a very conservative background and family. Pushing acceptance of the lifestyle will only result in more conflict. Like I stated before, I don't want to quit right now, I'm having a lot of fun with it at this point in my life. I guess I'm just gonna become more secretive and careful. I was caught because I was careless. I'm hoping that when I do move out, I will be getting my own place, alone.
Oh and I think my mom took the clothes she found and carted them off to a goodwill, I have no idea where they are or what she did with them. They could still be in the house and I intend to look for them but not sure if I should take them back if I do find them. I really did love the tops that I had in there. The bras I wasn't too attached too though, losing those gives me a good excuse to do some shopping! :thumbsup:

Thanks again everyone

[Daizy Chains]

Some times we need to take a step back to see the big picture; your in your parents house. they listened to you and did not chase you away so a little
patience and respect for there position may be needed
don't stop but don't flaunt either as it has been said its part of you it would go away it alway's comes back when you least expect it.

[JenniferMint]

Oh and I think my mom took the clothes she found and carted them off to a goodwill, I have no idea where they are or what she did with them.

Did you ask her?

[Jessica Nichole]

while I was still married I had to give it up for a long time and I found myself getting caught occasionally by my then wife. The turmoil was terrible and the comments were insane. Now that I live alone I can dress all I want to. Both of my daughters and both of my parents are very supportive. It's easier when you are out on your own but don't bury the desire, it only makes it worse trying to come out of you . .. .

[Jill]

No, Jennifer, I did not ask her. She said something about donating it and so I am sure it's already gone. I've been looking for it all today, while dressed, which is fun but I can't find them anywhere. Unless they are in her car. I don't want to ask her because my mom can be the queen of lecture and guilt. The conversation will go places that I don't want to go. I would rather lose those items then have that conversation.

[Sophia Rearen]

The bras I wasn't too attached too though, losing those gives me a good excuse to do some shopping! :thumbsup:



That's the spirit, Jill. Do get 'em.:thumbsup:

[AprilMae]

If pushing for acceptance will cause problems, then I suggest maybe yo don't push it for now, at least while you are in THEIR house. Step back for bit and see how you feel. I've stopped many times either due to circumstance: Military Service, living with family, job related, or just not interested. These breaks have lasted for weeks to a couple of years. Sometimes these things become self feeding obsessions which spiral out of control. Who knows, maybe one day you will stop and never start again. No one knows for sure.

[Julogden]

Hi Jill,

Here's my :2c: from the perspective of someone who dressed up from age 4 or so, and is now 55. I've been through all sorts of ups and downs involving dressing too.

Chances are, giving it all up isn't really an option, don't fool yourself or anyone else into thinking that it's going to happen. Don't make promises that you can't keep.

I certainly won't argue that your parents love you, but telling you to quit is not what I call being supportive.

If it's at all possible, I'd urge you to look into getting your own place, it sounds like it's time for that. Now that the cat's out of the bag, there's going to be reduced privacy for you, and you will be under more scrutiny than before.

So get to work and solve your employment situation and find a place where you can run your own life as soon as possible.

Hang in there!

Carol:hugs:

[Phoebe Reece]

Jill, many years ago, when I was about 26 years old and very idealistic, I told my parents that I was a crossdresser. It didn't go down well at all. Lots of yelling and arguments. I am an only child and that probably made it that more difficult in their eyes. At least I was married and not living at home. My wife even defended me when dealing with my parents. I eventually reached a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about it with them. We simply haven't discussed it in the past 30 years and of course I don't crossdress around them or let them see any pictures of me dressed. It's not the solution I would have desired, as otherwise the relationship I have with my parents is and always has been very good.

[Chiana]

I guess what I am getting at is that I am kind of at a crossroads and trying to make a decision. I want to quit someday, but not this day, and will that day ever come?

I have been doing this for a long time. When I was 20 something, I knew that I would no longer want to dress when I got OLD (like 40's and 50's). But that has not been the case at all. At this time in my life (60+), I have more freedom and more money for toys, and that is a good thing because I still want to dress at least as much as I ever have. My regret is that I didn't have or take the opportunity to do more when I was young.

[Dee Model]

, I don't want to quit right now, I'm having a lot of fun with it at this point in my life. I guess I'm just gonna become more secretive and careful. I was caught because I was careless. I'm hoping that when I do move out, I will be getting my own place, alone.


Hi,

RE Giving up The Life, my experience is that I have tried several times and failed every time. Much the same as with smoking, thou I instantly regret the analogy, as they are not the same, I have "given up" giving up. Yeah, you see, it's not an addiction but a compulsion. In other words, I feel that via nature, nurture, or by combination(most likely, but who knows really...) I feel that I'm hard-wired to cross-dress,admittedly this implies nature, but hey I'm getting tied up(!) in semantics here.

What I want to say is that I am 32 and have hitherto been somewhat ashamed of my, let's say quirk up until very recently. One day I just said to myself "That's the way it is kid, **** it, get over it!"

I have not told my parents thou. It's not that they wouldn't understand, well my Dad would...my mum is a bit conventional and would, well I dunno, whatever. I feel, ultimately, that it is none of their business. Jeez, I don't wanna know about all their little quirks! I ain't interested guy! I mean gal! Whatever, see, it don't matter...we are all unique, us TVs,CDs or however you wanna categorize us...

Point is: embrace your individuality! I have come so far in accepting that it is a part of me that I value it in my life. I think it makes me more "whole" as a person; yin and yang an' all that jazz!

With Love.


Dee -x- :doll:

[Dee Model]

PS.

I do live alone. For me it is the only way. I don't think I could ever get married; but I have lived with several GGs. The TV thang always comes back regardless of how good the sex is!

[kerrianna]

You sound like you've got a pretty good handle on this Jill. You know your family better than anyone. Some families function quite well with everyone knowing something but not actually talking about it. Some implode eventually.

Living under the 'rents roof does put the damper on lots of things. When you are back on your feet you will be able to put heels on them again. You already took the biggest step by fessing up. Family will learn to deal with it, esp if you don't push it in their face.

If you find the clothes take 'em back and dare your mother to ask. If she does you can decide at that point whether to BS her or tell her it's your private business. You don't go snooping into her private life I assume. Just because you're under their roof, if you're not causing harm, they have no right prying.