I need your help please

[MJ]

hi girls
here is my problem. as most of you may know i am in transition my wife and i split up as she could never accept my issues. well we have 3 kids girl 22, boy 17 . girl 15 . well because of her negative attitude toward me i have not seen my kids since march break. i will never stop loving my kids but how do i go about seeing them ?.
my SO as not dealt with this at all. and will not let me see my children as there dad or as Marissa. and now due to hrt i don't look like there dad anymore. my therapist said i could send them a Xmas card with love from dad in it...
well Xmas is again almost here and i don't want to be alone yet again
so what i am asking is how do i deal with my ex in this matter
thank you

hugs marissa

[AprilMae]

I've been following your posts with interest, I admire how you are going about becoming who you are. I hope it is all you hope it will be. In my opinion, the 2 oldest are adults, so it should be their decision whether they want to see you or not. Even the youngest is old enough to be given the choice.

[GG Vanya]

Why deal with you ex at all? You have one child well over the age of consent, one (17) who is of legal age in some states, and most courts would agree the 15 year old is of an age to make his/her own choices.

Are they online? Do you know their email addresses? I'm sure the ex would censor any snail mail you send them. Does the 22 year old still live at home? If not contact him/her directly.

I know from experience that Ex's can be so vindictive as to tell your children you have no wish to contact them.

You've obviously decided at some point to do what's right for *you*, since you're transitioning, so why are you stumbling over contacting your children?

[susiegrl19]

I've been following your posts with interest, I admire how you are going about becoming who you are. I hope it is all you hope it will be. In my opinion, the 2 oldest are adults, so it should be their decision whether they want to see you or not. Even the youngest is old enough to be given the choice.

I agree with AprilMae. They are all of age and should be making their own decisions. I would also get a Lawyer and get legal advise.

[janedoe311]

I would be my male self for my kids, in other words Crossdress to a man to be with them.

Since I am 6' 1" I am sure It would work. As far as the EX is conserned I am sure there is no changeing her. There are GG out there that are more understanding so you will not be by yourself. I have met ladies at work that are suportave of a mans female side, unlike my wife.
But I am not TS or TG or even a CD. I am still keeping it to myself to keep my kids and family together.

My wife will never know the work it is for me to suppress it. Except the little depression and stress break downs.

[Amy Hepker]

I would get ahold of a lawyer. Let them know what's going on. You have every Right to see your kids. Did you Kill someone are you in Prison, well then you should be able to see the kids. Let your X wife know that if she does not let them see you you will see a lawyer and take her to court. The courts these days will let you see your biological kids. It is your Right as a Father. She has no Right to stop you. If she thinks you will take her to court over it, she may be willing to negociate it. Besides most of the time you will have to go to a Mediator before going into court anyway. She will lose this one I know. My xwife tried ti keep my kids from me and it backfired on her. I now have custody of my son and she pays me childsupport. Not every situation will end this way, but it is worth fighting for your kids. At any rate they can see that you do care. My wife did bring it up to the courts that I dress and they didn't care. Courts can be unpredictable. I fought in my divorse myself without a lawyer and won. She even had a lawyer. I hope you keep everything that has happened written down somewhere. This is rule #1 always keep all information and write down everything that happens. Never blow your cool. Let her yell and scream, it will show she is unreasonable. This will help your cause. Always write down everything she says and does. Try to get witnesses to what she does. You have to realize you are in a war now. She does not want you back and probably will not ever. She will do everything to undermine you. Mine used to call my work and try to get me fired, they just laughed at her. Becareful! It will be ruff, but you have already made your decission, stick to it and find your alies, they are there. My x wife even tried to call Human Services on me and that backfired also. I went through he__ with my xwife while she was stiil my wife and I went through he__ breaking up with her, but it was well worth it. Be STRONG, Stand STRONG, fight for your Rights, you do have them!

[AprilMae]

With the exception of the 15 year old possibly, I don't think a lawyer will help. They are adults, no one has legal authority over them either way.

[ColleenCD]

MJ

This may need further legal advice, which may be worth checking out. If your ex to be does not have a restraining order issued to you, then you have full legal rights to visit your children, do you not?

My recommendation would be to visit the eldest first. Find out what your ex to be has told them and set the record straight. As the situation presents itself visit with the other two also. Above all, don't let the holidays pass without sharing your love for your children. You're a great person MJ, remember that!

Colleen

[tanya3]

regardless of how you feel your children should allway's come first . visitation can veary i don't know how it works in your country but wre i live ( ma USA ) if you are a good parent visit's can't be denieid unless you abusive feel fre to pm me if you need help or more info .

[vbcdgrl]

I don't know about the laws in Canada, but, in the U.S., those over 18 are adults. So, it's up to the 22 year old, not her mom, whether she wants to see you. I would contact her directly. Consider that your X may have "brainwashed" the kids into thinking you are some kind of freak, so they don't want to have anything to do with you. It's a tough situation, I know.
I wish you the best.

Vikki

[Katelyn]

Maybe you can talk to somebody who still talks with them and pass on a message that way. Find out what's keeping tehm from visiting you? Does their mom threaten to trow them out if they talk to you? Maybe some of these qusetions can be answered. Keep us posted on how it goes. I hope everything works out for you this x-mas. A lot of us look up to you and don't think you should be punished for trying to become what you know you are at heart. Hang in there girl!!

:titanic:

[Scotty]

so what i am asking is how do i deal with my ex in this matter
thank you

hugs marissa


You don't "Ask" to see YOUR kids, you iget an attorney and you get a parenting plan in place and you do it N OW before the holidays.

Been there, done that. I had an attorney the day AFTER Christmas and was able to get my Christmas make up time - these things can be expedited through court.

Now she may wish to throw that out, so be prepared, but you simply tell the judge the truth.....

And tell the judge you will be their DAD for them - which I th ink you will have to do lest you want a HUGE legal battle on your hands.

Attornies are wonderful things, when you need them.....

[StayceeCD]

I would also get a Lawyer and get legal advise.

I think this is a good way to go. After all they ARE your children too! You have a legal right to see them! I have one daughter that means the WORLD to me and could NEVER NEVER be kept from her. I would move HEAVEN AND EARTH to always be part of her life! Good luck! Keep us posted!
Staycee