Interesting conversation..

[Scotty]

I was talking with my mom today on the phone, and as I've mentioned before I think she may have a clue about me - maybe the untanned shaved legs a couple of years ago in shorts etc

Anyway I told her about this handbag, schoolbag, whatever, that I use to carry stuff to work in because carrying stuff in a plastic grocery bag is getting old and they are stacking up at work :D
Anyway something about hand lotion came up and I had taken mine to work, primarily to keep my fairly new tattoo moist.
She says "You got your purse and your hand lotion there, but don't worry I'd still love you if you were..." and she left it off with that...
I said "If I were what?" :D

"Well gay of course"......

So now, lil old closet girl here thinks, hmmmm should I clear this up with the truth or just let it go.
She's pretty open and I actually am feeling confident enough to just hand her my profile picture.....She finished off with an abrupt "I didn't think YOU were gay of course"......

Opinions? I don't feel a "Need" to come out, but I do trust my mom and I think personally it'd probably be OK, in fact maybe BETTER than OK.....(Someone she can shop with?).......And I'd just as soon clear it up because I suspect that's what she thinks.....

[JeanneF]

Sounds like you're in a similar boat to me. I can't bring myself to come out to my mom, even though she already feels that I'm a bit more feminine than that average guy, and refers to me as "her daughter" (usually in regard to my shopping prowess).

My mom's a rather open-minded old girl as well, but it's still a tough subject to breach. I'd love to say "go for it", but I can totally understand the debate.

[Rachel Morley]

This kinda rings a bell with me....but not exactly. Whilst I'm pretty sure I'll never tell my Mom I'm a crossdresser (she lives 5,500 miles away from me on a different continent and so I don't see this revelation as benefiting her life.) I do know that she once told me, in not so many words, that she thought I was gay (I hadn't had a girlfriend for 12 years at the time) but she would still love me just the same...if that's what I turned out to be, although she made a big point of saying that she didn't think that I was!

In your case I think I'd be inclined to go for it. I think perhaps you should tell her, I don't want to put words in your mouth as I'm sure you know your Mother better than anyone else, but what I'd say is that I sometimes like to feel feminine ....and that I don't happen to think there's anything wrong with wanting to feel this way....etc etc.

Anyway, that's my :2c:

[Glenda58]

Mom and sisters have know for years about me never told Dad. And they never bring it up. They can tell since I have shaved legs for years and now all body hair and eye brows. They still love me and I them. I think my daughters know also. BTW I'm 59. So don't worry Mom will love you just tell her and then don't bring it up again unless she does. My guess she won't.

[Scotty]

Ya, I think I may go ahead and do this, I rmember wrecking her Brand new Z/28 camaro (Ran an ATV into it) and had guilt for like 3 days before I told her, I already had the new parts on order at the time and I told her and she was OK with it - but wow those 3 days...... :D

This isn't to relieve myself though, this is just for her to know, besides if anything DID happen to me, she'd find out anyway....so why not make it easy on her now..that's how I see it.....I guess I'm coming out of my closet, slowly but surely...

We're pretty close, although I'm no mama's "boy" (Maybe girl though!) she doesn't live too far so I'll have to bring it up with her again when the time is right, in person though not on the phone....

[Krystenw]

One of the shrinks I went to thinks that one reasons I will not give up my crossdressing is that I am still angry with my mother. My father died about eight years ago. I thought that since my Mother-in-law had taken me to dinner while I was wearing a dress that the least I could do was take my mother to dinner, after all there was no way my Dad could find out now.
Which brings me to the reason I am still angry with her. She went and died on me six weeks after my Dad died. So I was never able to find out for shure why she dressed me as a little girl until I was six years old.

It is like the comercials on TV, Life is short and It comes at you fast. That is one reason my wife and I are so happy together. We don't hide anything from each other.

[JennaKnots]

Hey Scottie, how's it going hon?

I never directly had the converstaion with my mom, but she knows. I think my step-father has a clue too. I guess one of the good things to come out of a house with poor boundries and young, shall we say, substance-inclined parents is there was at least some open-mindedness. Plus I grew up in greenwich village...it was actually pretty hard to stand out in any way even if wanted to.

[tall_brianna]

She says "You got your purse and your hand lotion there, but don't worry I'd still love you if you were..." and she left it off with that...
I said "If I were what?" :D

"Well gay of course"......



Dude (don't be offended, I use that with my gg friends too), look at what she is trying to tell you in what she has told you. That is so sweet. That is the second time today reading something here has glassed over my eyes. She is totally reaching out to you and she is obviously aware of something. How about, "Mom, remember when you asked me the other day if I was gay? Well, I'm not or don't think so. I'm not really into guys / don't find them attractive, but I am really into the feeling of being a woman."

[Lawren]

If your Mom would accept you if you were gay then she would probably accept you as a CD. Given the choice, I would rather be known as a CD than as being gay. I would tell her the difference. (I hold nothing against gay people but because others do, I do not want to be thought of as being gay.)

[Kimkandy]

Ya, I think I may go ahead and do this, I remember wrecking her Brand new Z/28 camaro (Ran an ATV into it) and had guilt for like 3 days before I told her, I already had the new parts on order at the time and I told her and she was OK with it - but wow those 3 days...... :D


Can't be as bad as that... she might be relieved to find out your a crossdresser and not gay. It does sound like she suspects something.

I hope things work out for the better. My mothers dead now, I don't know if I would have told her, I'd like to think I could have.

Kim

[PatriciaCD]

A couple of years ago I told my mom of my cd'ing and about me being bi at the same time. She said she knew all along and it didn't bother her any. She even offered to get me some things. So telling your mom may not be the worst thing in the world. Just explain your feelings to her. Let her know it's not an illness but a part of who you are.

[Jillian310]

Hmmmm......Gay vs. CD, CD wins as 'lesser of 2 evils? Give me a break!

[Karren H]

Go for it and let us know what happened!!! The suspense is killing me!! Hehe

Karren

[bgirl]

Hmmm. Many years ago my mom asked me if I was gay. At the time Beth was surpressed almost to non existence. I was very shy around girls and had never brought a girl home to meet her. Pretty girls tied my tounge up. Much to her relief I did eventually bring a girl home and got married etc. I know she knew about my getting into her bra panties and make-up when I was seven, But nothing like that ever happened again, OK I didn't get caught again. I will never know if she would have accepted this side of me, But I think she would have loved me no matter what. Your mom has left the door open for you either way . As always, your choice. Good luck.

[Angie G]

If you tell her maybe you can go shopping with her sometime just a thought hun :hugs:
Angie

[livy_m_b]

Predicting the future is always hard. As Milos Kundera said, we don't get to run a control! It may be if you say nothing that it will come up again and then you could explain a little more. It may be it will never come up again. If you do tell her, which I am inclined like others to think is the best course, stay with where you are today - in a way it's like telling children about sex, answer their questions but don't anticipate them and they're soon off talking about something else. Expect questions about how far it might go and what you will say - I would recommend that the best answer is just to talk about what you enjoy today and say that you have no long range plans, if that is honest. Moms and sisters do tend to be kinder about these things - after all for the most part they prefer being women too!

[Connie D50]

I would tell her right away. She sounds great and I bet you will feel better. Xmas is coming I bet a nice new outfit well be under the tree.:happy: :happy:

[princessmichelle]

Hi Scottie,

I came out to my Mom just this past month.

The goal seems to be to keep your relationship with your Mom a good one. So the question is about whether telling her would do that.

Obviously I don't know you or your Mom, and those are huge factors. But I wonder if my experience might be helpful. I decided to come out when I concluded that my crossdressing/gender issue is major and isn't likely to ever go away.
I had these hopes:
1) For her sake, I hope that telling her gives her time to adjust, makes sure she gets good information and keeps her from anger and upset later (like if she found out by accident).
2) For my sake, my gender/cd confusion was complicated further by fear that she would reject me
3) Also for my sake, She might become a source of support when I needed it most.

I'm not advising telling your Mom. It was a gamble, and I would have been devastated if my Mom had rejected me. But I can also say that the relief I felt for having told her was bigger than I thought it would be.

Good luck.

"Princess" Michelle

[livy_m_b]

I came out to my Mom just this past month.


You're not going to tell us what happened? Yes, you are!!! :) Please?

[Charolette time]

One of the shrinks I went to thinks that one reasons I will not give up my crossdressing is that I am still angry with my mother. My father died about eight years ago. I thought that since my Mother-in-law had taken me to dinner while I was wearing a dress that the least I could do was take my mother to dinner, after all there was no way my Dad could find out now.
Which brings me to the reason I am still angry with her. She went and died on me six weeks after my Dad died. So I was never able to find out for shure why she dressed me as a little girl until I was six years old.

It is like the comercials on TV, Life is short and It comes at you fast. That is one reason my wife and I are so happy together. We don't hide anything from each other.

Hi Krysten like you I never got to tell my MOM:sad: she died along time ago, I used to wear her things, i"d get home from jr highschool and head right for he draws and put them on for an hour before my little sister got home, I dont know if she knew but in the back of my mind I think she did,its best tell your mothers the truth they always know what is happning , they have that little bit of wisdom well never get, Sorry about your mom but dont stay mad at her shes the only one you ever had, forgivness is bliss, and what a better way to honor her memorie, Love Charolette.

[Calliope]

I'm not going to offer any advice - I mean, you know this woman and where your relation with her rests. But I will say, in my opinion, the most significant person to ever tell is mom. Because she is female and you are presenting, after 'all those years,' as a female. That's a heavy connection, if you see what I mean. Certainly telling my mother was, for me, the ultimate act of self-acceptance and getting on with it.

[Butterfly Bill]

I have had people conclude that I am gay from seeing how I dress, and those are people who have decided to accept gay people and as a result treat me civilly, and I have just let it go at that, rather than try the long and possibly unsuccessful explanation of how a heterosexual man can be a crossdresser.

[Scotty]

All great words of advice!! :)

Like I said I don't feel the need to come out to anybody......
I do think she'd be 100% accepting without hesitation or doubt.

And I wouldn't really care if she wanted to just think I was gay....that'd be fine too...although, she's wondering - that would be the only reason I could think of to tell her - to put her mind at ease or in the right thought pattern etc....


So bringing the conversation up myself, that may not happen, but if it does come back up (and I'm sure it will as she's snooping) then I'll set it straight and leave it at that.....:)

Besides, my mom knows me and I'm sure she's noticed the hips and/or breasts by now, it's more than just being a CD (There's those labels again!).

:)

[CarmenG]

One thing the military taught me was to "ADAPT, IMPROVISE, OVERCOME". you only get one chance in life and never will you get a second chance to make a first impression. Makes no difference who you want to tell, only you can direct your life.....the only issues you can influence, is what lies ahead.
You only live to your standards and you attain your own goals....
the footprints you leave belong to you... can you look back at them and say, " I've done well today ?":clap:

[Kimmie W]

I'm pretty sure my Mother knew about her "other" daughter, but I never got the chance to tell her. I'm not sure that is a good thing.

[princessmichelle]

Hi,

Olivia asked me to clarify my experience:

A few weeks ago I met my Mom for dinner and she asked what was bothering me and I told her that I didn't know if I was cd or ts, but that I had these persistent "I want to be female" feelings. These feelings may grow or fade. +?

Mom's main response was that she wanted whatever was best for me. She wasn't too shocked about the cd-ing but she told me that if it turns out that I am ts she would be upset. But Mom said that even if I am ts she would still love me. :happy: Her acceptance of whatever outcome freed me from having to worry about losing her if these feelings grow. That was a huge relief.

I know this is Scottie's thread and thank her for letting me use this space. Scottie are you going to send me a bill for thread rental?:D

Princess Michelle

[livy_m_b]

That's great, Michelle! Thanks for sharing it with us.

[Billijo49504]

JMHO, I'd tell her. Some ppl feel a CD isn't as bad as being GAY. And remember Mom still loves you. At least give her the right info...BJ

[MJ]

there is a word for this oh right CHICKEN don't make up excuses just tell her
your mother knows something so tell her.. the only regret i have .was never telling my mother even while i was at her bed side days before she died i had 3 days and nights but i was not man or woman enough to tell her not even that i love her too god i wish i had done.. will you regret that .. it's time

[Billijo49504]

MJ, I know where you are coming from, I didn't tell my mother either, before she died...BJ

[Mary Morgan]

Moms are pretty sharp. I regret that I never told my mother but I believe she always knew. I was caught more than once as a child. Mom passed away last week and now we will never talk about it. I will miss her very much, and know that she loved me, all of me. Louise

[RachelDenise]

I've never told my mom but I think deep down she knows. When I lived at home, she found my girl things once. We never talked. I have tried to get the courage up to officially tell her, but I just can't do it yet. She is in good health but older. I know one day I'll regret it but I also worry about rejection.

[Raychel]

I had told my mother before she passed away. She was very cool with it. I would highly recommend talking with your mother. Set her straight. Life is to short and if you don't tell her the real truth she may never find out and always be wondering.
:2c:

[ubokvt]

Coming out it hard, scary, but part of the process of this becoming normal and you being free. If your mother is receptive and you have had enough of living in shadows do it, you will fell better in the LONG term. Another idea too is it doesn't sound like you're going to tell everyone, so telling mom will make her keeper of the secret too. Parents are pretty good at this but its not a burden I'd give my child. coming out is great asking some obe to keep your secet is different.