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Felix
11-17-2006, 01:15 PM
Today is the first time in ages that someone looked at me and made me feel a freak!! It normally doesn't bother me but today it did. I don't won't to be in the closet but I find that as the children are growing up I am being pushed backwards and towards the cupboard doors. we will never be a real family in societies eyes and as much as I want that it seems an impossible task. My partner doesn't want me involved in anything to do with her sons schooling like parents evenings even though I'm on the contact list if he was ill. The fear is bullyin. Everything just makes me feel like a freak not good:Angry3: My son has managed well and he brings friends home to stay which is great and yeah I do still worry about bullying but he seems to have lots of mates and stuff and he hasn't mentioned bullying for a long time. I understand her fears cos I don't want him to get bullied. She has gone into the closet about her sexuality and because of my appearance I guess it looks like she is walkin around with a man. She doesn't want me to even look around his new senior school. I said what happens when his friends come round she was like thats different but it isn't cos they can still gossip. Sometimes I feel like a nobody and that's not good just the freak.
I was never allowed to be involved with my eldest son's education because of my sexuality and nobody could really sort that out. I thought it was going to be different in this relationship but I'm still a second class citizen because of my sexuality and gender disphoria!! I hate it soooooo much. I also have problems getting my youngest sons school to involve me they never send me information even though I have joint responsibility. It's probably down to his dad again he was the cause of the problems with my eldest son. I'm sooo pissed off such negative energies going on around me at the moment and I am finding it hard to fight them. Everything seems to be coming at me all at once which is nothing new:Angry3: Sorry for soundin off xx Felix :sad:

CaptLex
11-17-2006, 02:47 PM
Sorry for soundin off xx Felix :sad:
No need to apologize, hun. I'm glad you got that off your chest. That really sucks too. Sounds like you can't win, no matter what you do. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel? Some people get tunnel vision when it comes to the kids: they're so determined to do what they think is right (prevent him from being bullied), that they don't see what their actions can be doing to others. I don't know her, of course, but I'm guessing that she's probably only thinking about what she thinks is best for him, and not what it feels like for you - and maybe not realizing or remembering that you've gone through this kind of stuff before. I hope you guys can talk it out.

Sending you positive energy. :hugs:

sparks
11-17-2006, 02:52 PM
If you can't sound off here what good is this place. This is where alot of us come to do it. It's home and your amongst friends who will listen.
Sorry to hear of all the stress your having in life. It's not fair that people are made to feel uncomfortable with who they are. The world is full of bullies and small minded people. They exist everywhere and saddly even here some exist.
All I can say is keep your chin out and brave it. By the sounds of it you are already doing it and good on ya. I'm glad your son as it sounds has good friends that will stand by him. There is the hope for the world right there.
I'm sure alot of your problems will work out in time but it can be frustrating.
God bless.

Kimberley
11-17-2006, 02:56 PM
Hey Felix,
It's a funny thing but kids grow up and figure things out for themselves. Dont sweat it, just be yourself, honest with them and love them and they will be there. It may take some time but they will get it eventually.

Not knowing the area you live in and community "standards" it is hard to comment on your partner's actions. Disconcerting at the least. Have you told her how all this makes you feel? She may not even realize it.

I can see the bullying point. I went through it as a kid (just because I was different from all the others.) and it wasnt fun. Even today some of those scars remain. I guess it really depends on how sensitive the kids are and how well socialized they are as to whether they will be targets for bullying. I was a perfect candidate.

Regardless, you have my sympathies. I just know you will come through this okay. Man, you always seem to land on your feet. I just get a sense that if the doors open up you will be the one to kick them closed and then nail them so they cant be opened again; and rightly so.

Too many people seem to have misplaced values on sexuality and gender and it is their problem, not ours; nor should we take ownership for their ignorance. You'll be just fine and so will your partner and the kids because good people are just that.

Kimberley.

JenniferMint
11-17-2006, 03:47 PM
My partner doesn't want me involved in anything to do with her sons schooling

Why not? Wouldn't you just appear to be her "boyfriend", which heteronormatives would consider to be "normal"?

Sharon
11-17-2006, 06:23 PM
I'm so sorry you are going through this, Felix, and as Lex says, "that really sucks."

On the one hand, I can understand your partner's concern, her not wishing to make life more difficult than necessary for her child. But she is doing such a disservice to the boy, making him feel as if there is something to be ashamed of, something that needs to be hidden. This sense of shame, if it should occur with the son, would be aimed at both you and his mother also. Just as importantly, however, your partner needs to find a way to deal with her own shame. Your partner should be proud to be a good mother, proud of being a good person, and proud that she has a good child and partner and a good home.

There will always be people who make comments and prematurely judge us for being different. But, and I truly believe this, there will be many more, who when seeing that we are as loving and concerned of our children's welfare as they are(probably more so), will come to accept us as legitimate parents and human beings, whose children are no different than their own.

And don't worry about sounding off -- it's what we do here. :happy:

Kate Simmons
11-17-2006, 07:37 PM
More positive energy coming your way Felix. Count on it.:happy: Ericka

pocoyo
11-17-2006, 07:45 PM
Awww Felix you poor thing, I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurt and down right now. Maybe you should talk to your partner because it doesn't seem like your feelings are being very considered. Bless you :( It seems a bit .. er.. well...insensitive/thoughtless that you are being hidden away like this.

Sending you lots of cyber support and I hope things feel much happier for you soon!

:hugs:

bi_weird
11-17-2006, 09:09 PM
Man that sucks. I'm thinking happy thoughts for you, and I hope things get better soon!

Marlena Dahlstrom
11-18-2006, 12:27 AM
Vent away... we'll listen, after all, that's what friends are for.

CaptLex and Sharon said what I would've said, so let me just say that definitely sucks and I'm so sorry to hear you're having to deal with it.

Shannon CD
11-18-2006, 10:22 AM
I just wanted to say that I understand and I support you. I'm sure she'll come around as she gets more comfortable with herself. Hang in there, good things will come out of this. Cliche, I know, but it usually is true.

Felix
11-18-2006, 11:41 AM
:D Thanx guys and gals for all ya positive thoughts and energy I think it's comin through and hittin the spot. I've been thinkin a lot and talkin to my partner and I think I'm gonna talk to my gp next time I go for my jab about my thoughts on my gender dysphoria and see what happens. Thanx for bein here for me. I would do the same for you all too. Felix xx