Phyliss
11-17-2006, 04:10 PM
I know I mentioned in the thread of "Does you SO wish it would go away" that my wife would love for this to GO AWAY, however I think she understands that it won't.
This is what happened yesterday:
So, I'm sitting in my home office doing some paperwork and the phone rings, "Hello, Thank you for calling ---- co. this is----"
"Hello, could you come upstairs and fry the meat for supper?"
"Uh, OK, I'll be up in a minute"
My office is in the basement, so I close up shop, ( it was, afterall around 5:30 pm. )
Up I go and start getting the meat ready. I ask her while she's just sitting there watching me,
"How come I get to do the meat, is there something wrong with you?"
"You LOVE IT" she says
"Yes I do, but I'd like it even more if I could do it MY way"
A small smile is what I got for an answer at that comment.
Continuing the thought of the comment I ask
"Is this part of the price I have to pay for being able to do the things I want to do?"
With a slight grin on her face I get the following answer; "That's part of it"
OH JOY! Not wanting to let a moment pass that I can keep lines of communication open, I bring up "the subject" again.
"Have I really changed that much. I'm still the same guy you married. I still help out around the house. Now I have some mental freedom to think about how how I'd like to be able to do some of the things I've always done. Given the chance to be able to clean house, make beds, and other chores I'd much rather be able to dress as I like.
I'm not asking for your full participation or for you to get fully involved, I'm only asking that you don't hate me or reject me. If I have some time off and choose to get dressed while around the house I don't want you to beat me too hard " (with a huge wink I said unless you choose to )
A few comments back and forth and I hear the following statement, " IF, I , at some point, accept this what are you gonna do?"
After 35+ years I know where she's going with this.
"No, I'm not gonna go parading down the street with a big sign. Nor am I gonna tell everyone we know. IF (I hold out my hands to show I mean a BIG IF ) I ever choose to tell anyone, I'll have to be very careful to insure that whoever I tell, won't reject me or won't be the type to blab all over town. I don't know at this point just who I'd tell, IF I told anybody. I don't want to drag you into the closet with me. I know what I've told you is a large amount to swallow and I don't want to burden you with more things to worry about. I've been the one who has been hiding all this while, and fibbing. I just don't want to FIB anymore. (OMG I hope she never asks how much $$$ I've $pent on clothe$, I'll have to FIB again) I used to fib when I was drinking, but that's behind us now. It took many years for you to become confident about my stopping drinking. How many times when I'd have a bad day did you worry about my picking up the bottle agin? I'm sure it took many years for you to become comfortable with the fact that I just don't drink and I can handle each day as it comes, without having to get drunk."
"Yes it did take awhile" She says.
"Same thing applies here, I know it's gonna take a long time for you to get comfortable with this, and I'm not gonna shove it in your nose at every chance. If we're walking through the mall and I see a pretty dress and comment about it I don't want you to go crazy on me, thinking I'm gonna spend the mortage on it. If I choose to take it off the rack and hold it against myself to see how it would look or fit on me I don't want you to scream at me. Look, you know I'm the kind of person who will "talk" to the store dummy just for the fun of it. You've seen me do that and you just shake your head and keep walking. Same thing here. Actually, as it is now, I'll be pushing you in the wheelchair so I won't have much of a chance to check out the latest fashion. I will look though."
I don't know if she's "coming around' or not but at least I no longer have to hide my thoughts.
To just have the mental freedom to be able to think is a wonderful thing.
This is what happened yesterday:
So, I'm sitting in my home office doing some paperwork and the phone rings, "Hello, Thank you for calling ---- co. this is----"
"Hello, could you come upstairs and fry the meat for supper?"
"Uh, OK, I'll be up in a minute"
My office is in the basement, so I close up shop, ( it was, afterall around 5:30 pm. )
Up I go and start getting the meat ready. I ask her while she's just sitting there watching me,
"How come I get to do the meat, is there something wrong with you?"
"You LOVE IT" she says
"Yes I do, but I'd like it even more if I could do it MY way"
A small smile is what I got for an answer at that comment.
Continuing the thought of the comment I ask
"Is this part of the price I have to pay for being able to do the things I want to do?"
With a slight grin on her face I get the following answer; "That's part of it"
OH JOY! Not wanting to let a moment pass that I can keep lines of communication open, I bring up "the subject" again.
"Have I really changed that much. I'm still the same guy you married. I still help out around the house. Now I have some mental freedom to think about how how I'd like to be able to do some of the things I've always done. Given the chance to be able to clean house, make beds, and other chores I'd much rather be able to dress as I like.
I'm not asking for your full participation or for you to get fully involved, I'm only asking that you don't hate me or reject me. If I have some time off and choose to get dressed while around the house I don't want you to beat me too hard " (with a huge wink I said unless you choose to )
A few comments back and forth and I hear the following statement, " IF, I , at some point, accept this what are you gonna do?"
After 35+ years I know where she's going with this.
"No, I'm not gonna go parading down the street with a big sign. Nor am I gonna tell everyone we know. IF (I hold out my hands to show I mean a BIG IF ) I ever choose to tell anyone, I'll have to be very careful to insure that whoever I tell, won't reject me or won't be the type to blab all over town. I don't know at this point just who I'd tell, IF I told anybody. I don't want to drag you into the closet with me. I know what I've told you is a large amount to swallow and I don't want to burden you with more things to worry about. I've been the one who has been hiding all this while, and fibbing. I just don't want to FIB anymore. (OMG I hope she never asks how much $$$ I've $pent on clothe$, I'll have to FIB again) I used to fib when I was drinking, but that's behind us now. It took many years for you to become confident about my stopping drinking. How many times when I'd have a bad day did you worry about my picking up the bottle agin? I'm sure it took many years for you to become comfortable with the fact that I just don't drink and I can handle each day as it comes, without having to get drunk."
"Yes it did take awhile" She says.
"Same thing applies here, I know it's gonna take a long time for you to get comfortable with this, and I'm not gonna shove it in your nose at every chance. If we're walking through the mall and I see a pretty dress and comment about it I don't want you to go crazy on me, thinking I'm gonna spend the mortage on it. If I choose to take it off the rack and hold it against myself to see how it would look or fit on me I don't want you to scream at me. Look, you know I'm the kind of person who will "talk" to the store dummy just for the fun of it. You've seen me do that and you just shake your head and keep walking. Same thing here. Actually, as it is now, I'll be pushing you in the wheelchair so I won't have much of a chance to check out the latest fashion. I will look though."
I don't know if she's "coming around' or not but at least I no longer have to hide my thoughts.
To just have the mental freedom to be able to think is a wonderful thing.