How do i cope

[Sarah cd]

My wife has always been very supportive about my crossdressing she has bought me clothes and wigs and done my makeup and even been on walks with me when i have been dreesed. A few weeks ago she told me she needed a break from me to get her head together that came as a big shock to me as i love her to bits and am somone who needs closeness and to give and reseive love and affection i will have to deal with that. I am finding it hard to cope with my crossdressing feelings as i have not got the support there anymore and it does not feel right to do it on my own as i have always had my wife by my side to share but i still want to crossdress and have that relaxed feeling alough it was somthing i only did once or twice a week. How do i cope

[Nikki Dee]

Hang on there love...it's not that uncommon...I assume she really means she needs a break from the dressing.?..You have to remember it's a big thing for S.O.'s to get their head around generally...be sensitive to her position and be patient...and I hope all works out for you both.
Nikki. x

[Di]

Try to give her space to work out her feelings and maybe ask her why she is feeling this way....not confront her...but in a understanding supportive way....see what she says and go from there. ( give her a few days then ask her) Also.....are you supportive of her as well? Or is it all about you?

[Charolette time]

My wife has always been very supportive about my crossdressing she has bought me clothes and wigs and done my makeup and even been on walks with me when i have been dreesed. A few weeks ago she told me she needed a break from me to get her head together that came as a big shock to me as i love her to bits and am somone who needs closeness and to give and reseive love and affection i will have to deal with that. I am finding it hard to cope with my crossdressing feelings as i have not got the support there anymore and it does not feel right to do it on my own as i have always had my wife by my side to share but i still want to crossdress and have that relaxed feeling alough it was somthing i only did once or twice a week. How do i cope

Is she with you as a ladie, maybe she is feeling inadiquit when with you, go slow and have a talk, tell her that you love her and all the help she is giving you in you changing ways, it takes a lot of love, I wish my so was as understanding as yours is, maybe some day mine will except my dressing, hang in there Love Charolette

[Janailene]

This seems common as I also have had the same reaction from my wife. She does not support Janice but puts up with her. She needs a period of time to get her head around the fact that I am partially female. She has known for 5 decades.

[stacie]

My wife always supports me and my crossdressing. But at times she does needs time away from it. So I don't talk about it and I keep my female things in storage boxes. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs

[kittypw GG]

Twice a week, month after month would get on my nerves too. I don't think that you guys realize just what it takes to get into the whole thing. I mean it isn't the fantasy held by most women. I never signed up for a husband who dressed like a girl twice a week?? Where I had to do makeup, take pictures, compliment , and be intimate with. Sometimes this takes several hours. Are you spending that much time focused on her?? I mean when you are not crossdressed yourself. I'll bet that might be at the heart of the problem. It gets old and tired, sorry for being so blunt. Do we want to sastify our husbands? You bet we do, but do you do what you are asking for in return? I knew about my hubby's cd'ing from the begining and ever since he has asked for more and more. I ask for things too but we never seem to get around to them. My husband says that I don't understand the cd'ing. There is definate truth to that because I just don't have gender issues. I try to understand and to tell you the truth, it wears a person out.
Try just being her man for a change. Let her participate when she feels like it . She may feel an unspoken pressure that she is just tired of. Ask her how she feels. Give her what she needs within reason. Ask yourself how does she cope????? Good luck. Kitty

[Sarah cd]

It is our marriage she wants a break from not the crossdressing alone but without her i have lost my crossdressing support.

[Tree GG]

Twice a week, month after month would get on my nerves too. I don't think that you guys realize just what it takes to get into the whole thing. I mean it isn't the fantasy held by most women. I never signed up for a husband who dressed like a girl twice a week?? Where I had to do makeup, take pictures, compliment , and be intimate with. Sometimes this takes several hours. Are you spending that much time focused on her?? I mean when you are not crossdressed yourself. I'll bet that might be at the heart of the problem. It gets old and tired, sorry for being so blunt. Do we want to sastify our husbands? You bet we do, but do you do what you are asking for in return? I knew about my hubby's cd'ing from the begining and ever since he has asked for more and more. I ask for things too but we never seem to get around to them. My husband says that I don't understand the cd'ing. There is definate truth to that because I just don't have gender issues. I try to understand and to tell you the truth, it wears a person out.
Try just being her man for a change. Let her participate when she feels like it . She may feel an unspoken pressure that she is just tired of. Ask her how she feels. Give her what she needs within reason. Ask yourself how does she cope????? Good luck. Kitty

:iagree:

[Sarah cd]

Twice a week, month after month would get on my nerves too. I don't think that you guys realize just what it takes to get into the whole thing. I mean it isn't the fantasy held by most women. I never signed up for a husband who dressed like a girl twice a week?? Where I had to do makeup, take pictures, compliment , and be intimate with. Sometimes this takes several hours. Are you spending that much time focused on her?? I mean when you are not crossdressed yourself. I'll bet that might be at the heart of the problem. It gets old and tired, sorry for being so blunt. Do we want to sastify our husbands? You bet we do, but do you do what you are asking for in return? I knew about my hubby's cd'ing from the begining and ever since he has asked for more and more. I ask for things too but we never seem to get around to them. My husband says that I don't understand the cd'ing. There is definate truth to that because I just don't have gender issues. I try to understand and to tell you the truth, it wears a person out.
Try just being her man for a change. Let her participate when she feels like it . She may feel an unspoken pressure that she is just tired of. Ask her how she feels. Give her what she needs within reason. Ask yourself how does she cope????? Good luck. Kitty
Kitty what you have said is so true I have not spent enough time on her wants and desires and was doing more taking than giving and if she will give me the chance i want to put this right.

[Karren H]

Well Sarah.........I'd say take a break from crossdressing and work on repairing your relationship.. And even though she says its a break from the marriage, I'd say since your crossdressing is part of that, then its inter-related!! So its probably a break from both!!

Family first, crossdressing second!!

Love Karren

[GG Vanya]

Twice a week, month after month would get on my nerves too. I don't think that you guys realize just what it takes to get into the whole thing. I mean it isn't the fantasy held by most women. I never signed up for a husband who dressed like a girl twice a week?? Where I had to do makeup, take pictures, compliment , and be intimate with. Sometimes this takes several hours. Are you spending that much time focused on her?? I mean when you are not crossdressed yourself. I'll bet that might be at the heart of the problem. It gets old and tired, sorry for being so blunt. Do we want to sastify our husbands? You bet we do, but do you do what you are asking for in return? I knew about my hubby's cd'ing from the begining and ever since he has asked for more and more. I ask for things too but we never seem to get around to them. My husband says that I don't understand the cd'ing. There is definate truth to that because I just don't have gender issues. I try to understand and to tell you the truth, it wears a person out.
Try just being her man for a change. Let her participate when she feels like it . She may feel an unspoken pressure that she is just tired of. Ask her how she feels. Give her what she needs within reason. Ask yourself how does she cope????? Good luck. Kitty

Kitty,

When Trudi and I first married I felt those "pressures" when she dressed as well. She wasn't pressuring me mind you, but I felt as if every time she dressed something was expected? of me, or I needed to perform? in some way.

Finally I had the heart to heart with her, and now realize that nothing changes in our home, regardless of whether it's him in BVD's or her in panties. I don't act any differently, unless of course we've planned something wickedly special :devil: but I know well in advance of those times.

If she's wearing something new, yep, I'll get out the digi cam. Otherwise, it's life as usual. We simply go about our normal homelife routine with the only difference being what my husband is wearing.

You've spoken in other threads recently about balance. I can't stress strongly enough how important that one thing is for *both* partners. You shouldn't have to feel as if every time your husband is enfemme you're expected to "do" something differently also! Maybe if more CDs realized that with a supportive SO they literally have the rest of their lives for this, the sense of urgency would subside?

Twice a week? :eek: I don't think Trudi dressed that often even in the "honeymoon" phase of my acceptance of her. Thankfully she'd entered into and worked her way out of the pink fog long before we met.

I'll readily admit, *if* my husband dressed that often *and* expected some sort of special attention and/or participation on my part, I'd need a break too!

Sarah, I'm sorry to hear your wife is taking a break from the marriage instead of just from "Sarah". That's doubly tough for ya I'm sure. Have you asked her the source of her stress that she needs the break from? If not, please do. You might find it has nothing to do with "Sarah" per se, and maybe not even your marriage. It could be job related, or simply life related.

My best advice to you is used so often it's ragged and tattered. Communicate!!! Keep in touch as much as she will allow, but don't push so hard as to make her shut you out. In my opinion though, she owes you more of an explanation than just needing to get her head together. :sad:

I'm sure everyone will agree when I say we're all here for you, and will give you as much support as we can.

Here's a friendly :hugs: for ya.

[Calliope]

No shorage of CD support on this forum. You're definitely in a bind if CDing requires her participation. Hopefully you and wife can speak openly about other things that are going on, certainly there must be. That said, I do think to some extent, no woman can ever get 100% behind CDing, I suspect a lot of 'supportive' SOs participate so they can 'steer it' a bit, it's a pretty personal trip. You may benefit from some independence yourself - good thinking ahead perhaps.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

sometimes us GG's do need some "time out"from it, even though we do support as best we can with the c/d. sometimes we just want alittle "normality" in our lifes, and maybe its her way of telling u that she wants just that. :rolleyes: take time out, and talk with her, see what her needs are hun :hugs:

[AngGG]

but without her i have lost my crossdressing support.

I know that this is only part of the sentence but it is what stood out to me. Does she feel that this is what is most important to you? I agree with the others that maybe some time sould be spent figuring out what she needs. In my experience when you give unconditionally and with no thought of reward for giving that is when you recieve the most.

:2c:

[kittypw GG]

Kitty what you have said is so true I have not spent enough time on her wants and desires and was doing more taking than giving and if she will give me the chance i want to put this right.

I hope for your sake she does give you that chance. You certainly seem motivated to make things right. Karren is right family is first. I also agree with Vanya that she does owe you a more detailed explaination about why she needs a break. Sit her down for a heart to heart. Hope everything works out for you dear. :hugs: Kitty

[kittypw GG]

I know that this is only part of the sentence but it is what stood out to me. Does she feel that this is what is most important to you? I agree with the others that maybe some time sould be spent figuring out what she needs. In my experience when you give unconditionally and with no thought of reward for giving that is when you recieve the most.

:2c:

Well said Ang!!

[Patsy Stone GG]

My wife has always been very supportive about my crossdressing she has bought me clothes and wigs and done my makeup and even been on walks with me when i have been dreesed. A few weeks ago she told me she needed a break from me to get her head together that came as a big shock to me as i love her to bits and am somone who needs closeness and to give and reseive love and affection i will have to deal with that. I am finding it hard to cope with my crossdressing feelings as i have not got the support there anymore and it does not feel right to do it on my own as i have always had my wife by my side to share but i still want to crossdress and have that relaxed feeling alough it was somthing i only did once or twice a week. How do i cope

I....I.....I......I......I.......seems to me you need less of the I and more about your wife. As someone you say "you love to bits", your post seems to be a lot about you and very little about your "very supportive" wife. Most CD's would be/are envious of the fact you have a supportive wife, so just do your part and "support" the most precious person you have. Stop thinking about yourself, remove your head from wherever it is stuck and do something for her for a change.

[Nike]

A wise man once said...

"Make love to your wife from the moment you awaken, until the moment you sleep and intimacy and sexual activity will be abundant".

I don't know if he was a CD or not. I am even inclined to believe it may have been a woman. Whatever the reality, I try in my life to "make love" to my Bride in all our encounters. I fall short of the ideal, but I am certain she knows that she is Loved. That she feels nurtured and cared for and that she knows it is real.

As a CD I understand the duality of my persona. I understand that much of the strength I posess is found in the feminine component of my soul. Just as much is found in the masculine.

I celebrate my masculinity and enjoy the benefits it affords. I celebrate my femininity and carry always the peace it brings. Interestingly, I do not always "dress" to experience that part of who I am.

I do not know how to "advise" you Sarah, or any others, other than to suggest that focusing too much on any ONE aspect of who I am, limits my expression and ultimately how I am perceived and received by others. I hope my personal experience holds within it some benefit.

[CharleneCD]

Sarah,

Sometimes we push things farther than we realize. When I first dicovered my femside I went overboard without realiing it. As it was new to both me and my wife she was a bit overwhelmed. I just couldn't see it even when she tried to point it out to me. Mayb you needto try to slow down abit and give her some time. Alsotry to really listen to what she is saying. Youmay not see what she is saying but remember she has her own view on things and it is no less valuble than yours. try looking at things from her side. Hope this helps as me and my wife went through some tough times with this also.

[GG Vanya]

Sarah,

I'm going to use a line that my husband (NIKE aka Trudi) used on me early on in our relationship. Read it carefully and think on it.

"I don't want you to love me because you need me, I want you to need me because you love me."

In reading back over your initial post I, like others, see a pattern. You seem to be feeling more anguish that you've lost your dressing partner than the fact that you've lost your partner in life and love.

[MJ]

hi Sarah
i an sorry to hear about your temporary set back with your wife.. i think you need to take some time out from cding.. and focus on your wife you need to get back to being the man she feel in love with .. tell her how much you love her flowers help do all the guy things that woman love but be sincere about it ... and you need a hug :hugs: .. i hope all will work out for you ...

[Tamara Croft]

It is our marriage she wants a break from not the crossdressing alone but without her i have lost my crossdressing support.Do you really know what you need?? You don't need a break, you need a damn reality check. She isn't your crossdressing supporter, she's your damn wife and posting the above quote shows me you don't really care about her going, but how damn selfish you are.

You know what, I hope she does go, I hope she leaves you so you know what it's like to lose someone who loves you. Have you told her this? said this to her face? Because if I were her and you said that to me, I'd be out the door. You need to get your priorities straight, time to grow up and stop being so :censor: selfish!!!!

You might think this is harsh, but it will be more harsh if she walks out the door, knowing that all you care about is your cd'ing.... get a frigging clue already :Angry3:

[Michelia]

I think what has happened is good for you. It has made you think where you stand and made you realize how much you need that woman. You seem to be so sorry for yourself because you have lost that crossdressing support - without letting on your marriage is in trouble because of it! Shame on you. Is that all your wife means to you? "Crossdressing support"?

Look here and hard Sarah. I usually strive to have balanced approach to all these things and look at both sides. But here there only seems to be one side and it is all Sarah.

So I might sound a bit tough here, but you need to make amends with yourself and with your SO and not let her get away or you will be very very sorry. But if all you want her is for crossdressing support, then let her go. She deserves better.

Work hard on fulfilling her needs and then worry about your own! START TODAY!. Give Sarah a vacation if that is what it takes. Let her know she is more important than Sarah. And if you do not believe this, you have a real problem and I feel sorry for you.

Michelia

[Sandra]

Seems it's "me me me" try thinking about your SO a bit more.

[Kate Simmons]

You need to establish what your priorities are, Sarah. I assume you love your wife. She has been supportive. She is your wife though after all and you are her husband. She has needs the same as you do. I figure it was your loving and caring qualities that drew your wife to you to begin with unlike many guys who are just self centered. The problem with having a femme self is that it can become demanding of your attention and your time and energy. By virtue of being your wife, she needs your time and attention. You owe her that much. Take some time off, re-discover each other, re-kindle that love that got you together in the first place. The key for CDing for me has been to get control of it. You need to control it and not vice versa. I know it is hard but it CAN be done. I'm Ericka because I WANT to be, not because I HAVE to be. Your wife sounds like a very loving and caring person. You owe it to both of you to work this out together. I speak from hard experience. If my wife had been supportive , she would still be with me today, as I would have done everything in my power to work with her on this. You have to decide what takes priority, however. I feel it's worth whatever effort you put into it.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[DonnaT]

My wife has always been very supportive about my crossdressing she has bought me clothes and wigs and done my makeup and even been on walks with me when i have been dreesed.

Sarah, seems to me it's time for a little reality check. In this thread you used the phrase "always been very supportive". However, when you first joined this forum you indicated otherwise.


. . . but at one time she was very unsure about it as she did not know how far i was taking it. One day when i was out she looked at this site and it realy helped her to understand.

Now if you go back and revisit your earlier post you also said something iimportant:


. It is something you have to take step by step and for me that is showing her i still love her dressed as my male self as well.

Seems to me you forgot your own good piece of advice.

Have you talked to her to find out what it is she needs? Does she need you to slow down? Does she need your reassurance that transitioning or dressing full time is not where you are headed? She may again be unsure about it how far you are taking it.

You may need to seek the help of a marriage counselor to find out what else, besides the CDing, your wife may be having troubles with. It's not always the CDing that is an issue.

As for coping, concentrate more on your wife's needs and on saving the marriage, rather than your need to dress up. You've not been dressing fully all that long, apparently, so you should be able to handle a few months of non-dressing.

My wife and I have been married 31 years. She's known for 31 years, and was initially quite supportive. After a few months, she wasn't so supportive. It didn't kill me not being able to dress as often as I was previously, and the marriage survived. Then she was supportive again, then not, then was, etc. etc. It can be a rollercoaster ride at times for some of us, but we got to do what we got to do if we want to keep the marriage intact.

[Scotty]

I have a female GG friend, an ex SO, we're really good friends, best chums type of thing. She doesn't overly like me as a TG but she has come to accept it.

But I have realized, long ago (as you are now) - you gotta give back and do something special once in a while.....

In my case I'm a fairly silly person and I can do something meaningful for her and put a silly spin on it and make her laugh at the same time.

Take some time and do something for your wife.

[great gg]

I....I.....I......I......I.......seems to me you need less of the I and more about your wife. As someone you say "you love to bits", your post seems to be a lot about you and very little about your "very supportive" wife. Most CD's would be/are envious of the fact you have a supportive wife, so just do your part and "support" the most precious person you have. Stop thinking about yourself, remove your head from wherever it is stuck and do something for her for a change.

What she said!!!

[carol ann]

I find myself agreeing with the GG's

When my wife discovered my inclinations, she made it clear by what she did not say that she did not want to have to cope with a crossdressing husband. As a consequence i knew that to preserve all that was good with my marriage, my wife, my family, I had to give it up completely or at least retreat int the closet.

I hadn't the strength of mind to give up completely but I did retreat into the closet. i suspect she knows that I still have some clothes but the subject is never mentioned.

I think you have ask yourself what is the most important motivations in your live - to keep the love and respect of your wife, your family or your need to dress up. When you have made that decision then talk to your wife!

[Sheila]

Do you really know what you need?? You don't need a break, you need a damn reality check. She isn't your crossdressing supporter, she's your damn wife and posting the above quote shows me you don't really care about her going, but how damn selfish you are.

You know what, I hope she does go, I hope she leaves you so you know what it's like to lose someone who loves you. Have you told her this? said this to her face? Because if I were her and you said that to me, I'd be out the door. You need to get your priorities straight, time to grow up and stop being so :censor: selfish!!!!

You might think this is harsh, but it will be more harsh if she walks out the door, knowing that all you care about is your cd'ing.... get a frigging clue already :Angry3:

:iagree:
could not have said it better myself, if you want your marriage to even begin to survive, I really do suggest you take a long hard look at yourself and your actions.

Jess

[Sarah cd]

I have read every post on this topic and this has been a real wake up call. I do as i said before love her to bits but what i do know now is that i am also IN LOVE with her it is time to forget about myself and start putting her first and pay her back for all the love and understanding she has given me over time it is time to grow up and look whats infront of me a loving caring person and i feel i have let her down and it is time to sort it out. Thank you all you have been hard on me and i think that is what i needed.

[Sheila]

you are welcome Sarah, sometimes we may seem harsh but it is because we care

Jess