Acceptance or Resignation

[Samantha Lough]

Acceptance or resignation, big question on this and I know it is kind of deep. Do you find your SO becoming more “OK” with our dressing or just not getting as upset any more? The reason why I ask this is because, in my history, I have dated women and hid it from them. I also have told some and been told the standard I DO NOT WANT to see it, and or the simple go ahead and do it but don’t talk to me about it, to the new one of “how can I help I want to be part of this.” The ones who said I want no part don’t want to see it, hear of it, or be a part of it did not last long, but reading some of the post’s here makes me wonder if the SO’s who first said this and are now not saying it as much (or not scowling as much) when they see our dainties, is this that they are just resigned to the fact of the matter that no matter how much they try we won’t be able to stop, or is it they are actually beginning to understand?

[Karren H]

Doubt seriously that is an increase in acceptence........more like getting used to it..........changing the preception of what normality is or should be...... And its a slow gradual process full of yoo-yoo like set backs.......well at least it has been for me. But she's only know for a year of the 30 we've been married... Soooooo the journey continues.........

Love Karren

[GG Vanya]

Acceptance or resignation, big question on this and I know it is kind of deep. Do you find your SO becoming more “OK” with our dressing or just not getting as upset any more? The reason why I ask this is because, in my history, I have dated women and hid it from them. I also have told some and been told the standard I DO NOT WANT to see it, and or the simple go ahead and do it but don’t talk to me about it, to the new one of “how can I help I want to be part of this.” The ones who said I want no part don’t want to see it, hear of it, or be a part of it did not last long, but reading some of the post’s here makes me wonder if the SO’s who first said this and are now not saying it as much (or not scowling as much) when they see our dainties, is this that they are just resigned to the fact of the matter that no matter how much they try we won’t be able to stop, or is it they are actually beginning to understand?


Samantha,

To me acknowledging that no matter how much you try you won't be able to stop *is* part of the process of beginning to understand.

I know there is a distinct difference in tolerance and support. When an SO simply tolerates rather than supports, it's better than total rejection isn't it? And with patience, trust and time, hopefully tolerance can evolve into acceptance and then move on to support.

Sometimes only time will prove the things you tell your SO. (No I'm not gay, no I don't want SRS, etc.)

[Maria2004]

Acceptance or resignation,........ Do you find your SO becoming more “OK” with our dressing or just not getting as upset any more?


My wife resigned herself to the fact I'm a CD and supports me, but is still working on acceptance, which is in my hands. She is becoming more "OK" with my dressing as I raise the level of my presentation, and less "upset" as I show more regard towards her concerns and restrain myself accordingly which is primarily an issue of "openness". I've become comfortable with it and would like to be completely open ala "Lacey Leigh" in my xdressing, but that is something my wife is not ready to deal with and I appreciate that. The main component of her support isn't I need her to buy me stuff, or prop me up emotionally, but honest and direct communication and a willingness to work together to find ways to fullfill my needs without putting herself in an untenable position. Both her and my son have been invaluable in helping to break that "sex kitten" and/or 16 year old mind set in moving from closet, to out, to public by giving me honest feed back on any part of my presentation that would be inappropriate for any 49 year old GG, let alone a CD. I believe acceptance is possible in time, and it's up to me whether or not that happens.

[Samantha Lough]

Thank you for your candidness on this

[kittypw GG]

You have to also realize that your desire to cd will never match your so's desire to participate. When you ask or pressure her to get involved too much then you run the risk of turning her off. You have a better shot at acceptance if you are a good husband and partner over all though. If you are self centered and don't have your priorities in order then you will be swimming against the acceptance current. Once we know how much crossdressing means to you we really want to accomodate but we need to be alowed to give at our own pace without pressure or retribution. :hugs: Kitty

[Jenna1561]

I agree that there is probably less growing acceptance by SO's and more reluctant resignation or acknowledgement. And I agree with Kitty that for the majority of us our SO's degree of participation will no where match our own desires.

In my personal situation, my wife knows, but is unwilling to talk about it. She tolerates/accepts my CDing but that's about it. All I really want is for her to be willing to talk about it - to tell me how she feels, what she wants/doesn't want from me, and discuss limitations and liberties. But when I try to open the conversation, she closes immediately closes it. I keep telling myself to give her time. This is a huge change in her life, beliefs, and perceptions.

Patience. Love. Understanding. All in Time.


Love

Jenna

[Bluebird GG]

i accepted Teriann's dressing a long way back it is a part of her and who am i to try to take it away from her, it radiates from within and blooms like a flower so i just kick back and watch her have fun with it, i say party on gurl!:D

[Nikki A.]

I think some wives get more resigned to our dressing as a matter of guilt. If you're a good husband or SO in other ways and treat her well and this is your way of keeping your sanity (not drinking or drugs or affairs) then how can she not let you have your release.
After almost twenty years of marriage, mine will let me indulge at home when we are alone, will not help and gets upset if I go too far, too fem, makeup, wig. Can't understand fascination with bras and boobs.
After dressing for work on Halloween which she was actually quite okay with I would like to go out with her alone but that is a def no-no.
I also think that many SO are also afraid of how far will we take it. Full-time or SRS. We all start slow, build up, push boundaries do they really know when we will stop or where and will they be able to deal with the final result. Mine told me early on that if she wanted a woman she would have become a lesbian. Most of us say that we want don't want to lose our male side but do our SOs believe us?
This went on a little long, sorry

[Kate Simmons]

These threads are popping up all of a sudden. I guess one spawns more. Don't kid yourself, Hon. The bottom line is that a woman wants a man--period! I know my wife told me so. She said she didn't want someone who is half a man and half a woman, she wants a man. I think there is a "hope" inbued somewhat for those women who stick with their husbands through this. Even if they come to realize their husband is never going to give it up, they realize they have a "keeper" due to something they see in their mate. We are quirky guys for sure but what I'm finding out is that I can be who I want to be, when I want to be. I'm Ericka because I CHOOSE to be not because I NEED to be. The same goes with being Richard. I guess you could say I've met myself halfway. That's a start. Coming to terms with WHO you are does a great deal in cementing a relationship. I struggled with that (my identity) for years. Once you know who you are, you can deal with the important issues such as the relationship with your SO.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Sheila]

I think some wives get more resigned to our dressing as a matter of guilt. If you're a good husband or SO in other ways and treat her well and this is your way of keeping your sanity (not drinking or drugs or affairs) then how can she not let you have your release.


:nono: :nono: :nono: Guilt I don't think so, my support is because I love this guy YES GUY
sorry but my support more or less ebbs and flows with his yes his level of communication with me, --- I am no longer willing to be the inquisitor ,nor the leader in finding out. he has had years to tell me chose not to then when I found out he still wouldn't (or as he said) couldn't talk, so as we talk I learn more and am able to put the stupid fears I have deep inside on the back burner for another time.



I also think that many SO are also afraid of how far will we take it. Full-time or SRS. We all start slow, build up, push boundaries do they really know when we will stop or where and will they be able to deal with the final result.

And yes those are some of our fears, but we also have to be aware that even you may not know the answers to that which is quite scarey from our point of view (and for some of you as well I imagine). So surely if we are to walk this road together we need to take steps along it that is comfortable for both of us -- just my:2c:

[Calliope]

[...] is this that they are just resigned to the fact of the matter that no matter how much they try we won’t be able to stop, or is it they are actually beginning to understand?

No one outside the TG exerience really could understand, in my opinion. But CDing doesn't have to be, um, that exotic. Husbands spend hours learning guitar riffs or researching antiques and, in those times, the SO is best freed to pursue her own muse. Someways, the issue is: how much 'me time' is required and, hopefully, both partners will enjoy a comparable amount. It's when one spouse has cool personal activities and the other is left behind idling, well, that's trouble. I spent hundreds of hours writing rock & roll biographies and my SO found that 'just as silly' as CDing.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

putting up with c/d would be more like putting up with having a col/flu :( , BUT supporting ur c/d SO and trying to understand why they do it/want to do it is totaly differant. we "all" have choices, and if its untorable to live/deal with, then u have no choice but to part ways. BUT, to understand/activaly take part and support them , shows that you care/love them. whats that old saying ?
"suffer in silence ". i dout none of us SO'S do that. we all say our piece if we aint happy with it !!:straightface: