FTM CDs: Ollie Ollie Oxen Free

[Casey Morgan]

I've been wondering about something for a while now and I'd really like to hear what you guys think about it. You know how "they" say there aren't any female crossdressers, meaning women who wear men's clothes and either express their male side or adopt a male persona but who identify as women? I've wondered about the truth of that even before one of the guys identified as exactly that.

It just seems odd that a whole segment of the transgender community seems to be missing. And I know that some things don't translate from male to female or vice versa. But if we know one FTM CD isn't it more likely that he's not alone rather than he's a one in roughly two billion exception?

I'm thinking that what's going on is a confluence of two messages that they're hearing:
1) "There are no female crossdressers."
2) "Women can wear anything they want and it doesn't matter."

Right off the bat these women (and I believe that would be the correct word here) get the message that since female crossdressers don't exist they must be something else. That message probably comes from inside as well as outside. It's human nature to think that if you're something that nobody knows what it is (pardon the lack of grammar there) you must be something really bad or really weird.

So the second message above becomes a rationalization, something that diverts their attention from what they're really thinking. I'm not odd or a freak, it's just that, umm, women can wear whatever they want. Yeah, that's all this is.

And the Transgender community doesn't really seem to be making things any easier. Either we're saying that female crossdressers don't exist or we take the silence to mean they aren't out there.

So I have two questions. Am I pretty much on the right track here or am I way off? And if I'm on the right track, what can we do to make it easier/safer/whatever for FTM CDs to say "here I am"?

I just can't shake the feeling that we're helping to make them the truly invisible members of the Transgendered community.

[mistunderstood]

Yes to the first question,that is for me. I have been dressing for about 16 years. I get away with it because for me I have very little social interaction. I made all kind of reasons why I wear what I wear is for comfort or it wears longer or work reasons. I did not now about people like me till I found this web site. All of the things I read about here applied to me. Like yes I wanted a my breast gone,yes I wanted a dick, yes I was uncomfortable with have periods. All of them fit with what I have been thinking for years. This web site has given me so much.
As for safety/easier not sure on this one. I feel safe to a point. Like I can dress all I want but rest rooms are off limits for me here in my small town. Not sure if I can try it eather.Plus who I do know would add to the problem.

[Casey Morgan]

Thanks Aaron. I appreciate your reply.

I wasn't really asking about how FTMs could be safer or more at ease in public though. What I'm wondering is how can we get female crossdressers to come out on forums like these. But from your reply it looks like a lot more can be done for all FTMs. So, what and how?

[CaptLex]

Hey, Shari Ann:

Thanks for the visit - haven't seen you around much lately. I wanted to give your questions some thought before answering because you've made so many important points here and I want to be sure I address them all. Okay, here goes:


You know how "they" say there aren't any female crossdressers, meaning women who wear men's clothes and either express their male side or adopt a male persona but who identify as women? I've wondered about the truth of that even before one of the guys identified as exactly that.
If I'm reading the question correctly, the answer is: yes, there are female crossdressers (as opposed to GGs who wear male-styled clothing), although not all that are born biologically female and wear clothing made for men will identify as crossdressers ("we're men, damn it!" - to quote a certain now-infamous thread :heehee:). Of course, I can't speak for intersexed people as I have not had their experiences.


It just seems odd that a whole segment of the transgender community seems to be missing. And I know that some things don't translate from male to female or vice versa. But if we know one FTM CD isn't it more likely that he's not alone rather than he's a one in roughly two billion exception?
I think the odds are much better than that, but we really are mostly invisible to the outside world (and sometimes even to other TGs). It was once thought that FtMs were a myth, and that only MtFs existed. And even now (maybe because some think it's easier for females to dress masculine), most people don't pass us on the street and wonder if we're FtM - they assume we're butch lesbians or masculine GGs. Or, if we pass well, they would never consider that we were born female. Most articles, TV shows, websites, etc. about TG/TS issues show many more MtFs than FtMs (if they remember to include us at all), so even many of us don't realize that we're not alone in this.


I'm thinking that what's going on is a confluence of two messages that they're hearing:
1) "There are no female crossdressers."
2) "Women can wear anything they want and it doesn't matter."
Yup and yup


Right off the bat these women (and I believe that would be the correct word here) get the message that since female crossdressers don't exist they must be something else. That message probably comes from inside as well as outside. It's human nature to think that if you're something that nobody knows what it is (pardon the lack of grammar there) you must be something really bad or really weird.
Or really crazy! :bonk:


So the second message above becomes a rationalization, something that diverts their attention from what they're really thinking. I'm not odd or a freak, it's just that, umm, women can wear whatever they want. Yeah, that's all this is.
I never saw it that way - I just wondered, "What's wrong with me? Why am I the only one that feels this way?" Little did I know.


And the Transgender community doesn't really seem to be making things any easier. Either we're saying that female crossdressers don't exist or we take the silence to mean they aren't out there.
:werd:


So I have two questions. Am I pretty much on the right track here or am I way off? And if I'm on the right track, what can we do to make it easier/safer/whatever for FTM CDs to say "here I am"? I just can't shake the feeling that we're helping to make them the truly invisible members of the Transgendered community.
Yeah, I'd say you're more in tune to us than others who are not FtM. To answer the second part: I think the only thing that can be done is to continue to speak out and make ourselves be seen and heard (as frustrating as that can be). When we see that we're being left out of something - whether it's Oprah, a published article, or a discussion on a public forum. If we don't, I think we will disappear back into the woodwork.

Whenever I get frustrated about continuously having to bring attention to this, I remember that it's only because I heard the voices of others that I was able to recognize me at all, and I feel that I owe it to the next guys who may be in the same confused, unhappy position I was (not too long ago) to join my voice to the chorus.

What you (and anyone else who is interested) can do is to please remember to include us, learn about us and educate anyone you encounter who needs to be enlightened. Many of the MtFs and GGs here actually do that already, and I for one am truly grateful. :koc:

I hope I was able to answer your questions. :happy:

[Casey Morgan]

Wow, your answers were very helpful Lex. Thank you so much.

It sounds like for you the main focus was on feeling different and not only not knowing what that "different" really was but also not knowing that it's not just you. And it sounds like the clothing doesn't make things easier for FTMs personally like we MTFs tend to believe, it becomes part of the "problem". That sounds familiar.

Just to be clear, I was thinking about our friend W (yea or nay on mentioning people by nic?). I can totally appreciate that the entire FTM spectrum needs much more visibility than you guys currently get. But I noticed that he hasn't been here in almost two months. It has to be hard enough to be the only CD when everyone else in this section is either TS or TG (using that as an umbrella term to include people like not-quite-transsexuals, genderqueers and androgynes) but to also constantly hear from the Transgender community that there aren't any female CDs, it's got to be easy to feel like there really isn't a place in the Community for you.

Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive though, having felt out of place here when I claimed my true Transgender identity. (That's why I hadn't been around for a while and why I haven't posted much since I've come back.) I just hate to think that there are people out there who either feel there really isn't a place in the Community for them after all, or have never felt there was one.

Eh, let's end this post on a lighter note than that. Horton heard a Who because he listened. Thanks again for your reply.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I've been wondering about something for a while now and I'd really like to hear what you guys think about it. You know how "they" say there aren't any female crossdressers, meaning women who wear men's clothes and either express their male side or adopt a male persona but who identify as women? I've wondered about the truth of that even before one of the guys identified as exactly that.

It's also worth noting that there's an asymetry in both dress and gender roles that affects self-consciousness.

For men crossdressing is both an "additive" process (i.e. adding make-up, wigs, breast forms, etc.) and often involves clothing that's "off limits" to men. So a MTF is going to be extremely conscious that he's crossing gender boundaries.

Whereas for a woman to become more "masculine" is more of a "subtractive" process (don't wear make-up, shorter hair, wear "comfortable" clothes). The latter, which as Anne Hollander notes, in her excellent "Sex and Suits":


when contemporary women wish to be simple and timeless and outside fashion, the clothes they usually choose are traditionally masculine in origin

whether men's-styled, or actual men's clothing. So there's rarely the same kind of sense of wearing "forbidden" clothes these days.

Likewise, women are far more likely to see themselves as behaving "not girly" rather than "expressing masculinity." So again, there's not really the same feeling of a conscious decision to cross gender boundaries.

Both of which mean women are far less likely to self-identify as "crossdressers" even if an independent observer might they're doing something equivalent. (For example, transman sociologist Aaron Devor once studied a group of women who looked/behave so masculine that they were often mistaken for men -- but these women didn't see themselves as trans or CD (although some ended up identifying as butches).)

Of course certainly FTM crossdressers do exist, and transman Raven Kaldera makes a convincing case (http://www.cauldronfarm.com/writing/transpersonal8.html) that there's unacknowledged fetishistic crossdressing that goes on in various lesbian circles. Which is another dimension: there's a presumption (among both men and women) that women don't have fetishes, so female transvestism gets overlook because "by definition" it doesn't exist.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Captlex, You guys aren't really bad, weird or crazy. You are just....well, Guys!'Nuff said!:happy: Ericka

[pocoyo]

It's also worth noting that there's an asymetry in both dress and gender roles that affects self-consciousness.

For men crossdressing is both an "additive" process (i.e. adding make-up, wigs, breast forms, etc.) and often involves clothing that's "off limits" to men. So a MTF is going to be extremely conscious that he's crossing gender boundaries.

Whereas for a woman to become more "masculine" is more of a "subtractive" process (don't wear make-up, shorter hair, wear "comfortable" clothes). The latter, which as Anne Hollander notes, in her excellent "Sex and Suits":

whether men's-styled, or actual men's clothing. So there's rarely the same kind of sense of wearing "forbidden" clothes these days.

Likewise, women are far more likely to see themselves as behaving "not girly" rather than "expressing masculinity." So again, there's not really the same feeling of a conscious decision to cross gender boundaries.



Hi what you're saying is very interesting! Although I think that, like you say it's not always the case. I mean it sort of can be an additive process for FtMs too.
I don't know if I'm an actual crossdresser but of course there are elements of that.
When I am going to talk to someone online on webcam or whatever, I have a getting ready process wherin I will have to strap down my breasts using a tight sports bra and a stretchy bandage (very annoying and uncomfy), style my hair to appear more masculine, put on "exclusively" masculine clothes, make the definition of my chin more prominent and defined with the use of brown eyebrow pencil (and the bit under my nose to give the illusion of longer nose to lip distance), add sideburns and will also sometimes go through the painstaking process of drawing on stubble. I also used to "lower" my eyebrows using brown pencil. Not only that but I also have worn tight fitting vests under my shirts before and added a little bit of padding in the belly area so as to even out my front and hide any sticky-outness that might still show from my boobs (I get very paranoid incase they show). I also like to make sure I'm wearing male underwear and also er.. like to have some er "packing" down there too. Oh I also like to make sure that the neckline of my t shirt is not too low (& thus neck lengthening) to help give the illusion of a shorter and more muscular neck. Plus there are other little things which I've probably left out.
[Edit...just remembered I have even padded the sides of my shoulders under my clothes before to make them look wider hahaha. For some reason they don't look so narrow now so I don't do that anymore :)]

Not only that but I do act differently with different, deliberately far more masculine than usual mannerisms and expressions etc.

So it's not always a case of dressing down and being comfortable in FtM crossdressing when trying to be a proper realistic boy! (unfortunately!)

The actual being a boy bit is comfy & relaxing but dressing for it can be uncomfortable and painful & a lot of work.

pocoyo




ps. Dunno if this is relevant but...the above may not be the actual me but a "character" I'm acting as (e.g. when I go on cam or whatever I am crossdressing perhaps), the real boy me may well be different (mannerism wise etc), although I suppose elements of my behaviour would definitely be the same and I think that I would probably look pretty similar to the boy I "create" when crossdressing if I went on T.

pps. Also I don't unfortunately get to do all that stuff when going out in public in male mode as what you can get away with on webcam and in real-life are sadly(?) not the same! So when going out in real life as a boy the most I would try and "get away with" is a little very subtle defining of the chin, the hairstyle and the clothes (and the sports bra/maybe a bandage!).

[Shadowls]

I think I fall in to female crossdresser/tomboy. Since I was in kindygarden I've been "odd" and I got picked on for it. It was one of pick your reson why you don't like me (have no intrest in child like things, i dress like a guy, i'm not a girly girl, i'm short, i'm over weight, or my geral personality and that I can out think you). My mom told me the only persons opion about me that truely matters is mine and that she will love me no matter what. I also saw guys growing up that where gay and more fem then I was and when every one had a problem with them I was the one that looked around and said why? I just don't get what the issue is. I never thought about my gender at all, never questioned it, because I see that who I am and the body I was born into are two different things and they don't really conflict. I didn't realize that there was any thing more one could do to look more male then just where the clothies, then thanks to my crossdressing boyfriends I fould out that there are things out there for the female side of the fence.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

The actual being a boy bit is comfy & relaxing but dressing for it can be uncomfortable and painful & a lot of work.

I stand corrected. ;)

Although, actually my point was more that women can dress/behave to a fairly masculine degree before they're conscious of it being "crossdressing." Obviously, if you're strapping and packing, you're pretty conscious of what your doing.

I thinking more of becoming "masculine" in the everyday sense, for example the tomboyish woman who wears t-shirts and jeans and other "men's style" clothes because they're "comfortable," "practical," etc. Which they may indeed be. OTOH, that's not mutually exclusive with some of the symbolism they might have too -- which from what I've seen, seems to be seen as "un-girly" rather than "man-like."


Dunno if this is relevant but...the above may not be the actual me but a "character" I'm acting as (e.g. when I go on cam or whatever I am crossdressing perhaps), the real boy me may well be different (mannerism wise etc), although I suppose elements of my behaviour would definitely be the same and I think that I would probably look pretty similar to the boy I "create" when crossdressing if I went on T.

Well it just sounds like your playing with both gender and personas -- and we've all got different personas we present to different people (for example, we act differently around parents, co-workers, strangers and friends. "Marlena" is partly me and partly a "character" that I can use to explore parts of myself that don't get out as often. Or for example, I'm working on being more the "social butterfly" type en femme -- since if I'm rejected, they're rejecting a mask I'm wearing.


I also saw guys growing up that where gay and more fem then I was and when every one had a problem with them I was the one that looked around and said why? I just don't get what the issue is.

Well, the issue is related to status. Given the (unfortunately) still unequal status between men and women, women who "act like" men usually are tolerated (if not always accepted) because they're seen as trying to gain status, whereas boys/men who act feminine are seen as losing/giving up status.

[ubokvt]

Need to put this out just for consideration, don't know if there is any truth, but could the invisibilty in the public eye be due a little to patriarchy's view of the value of a woman, specially one who is not pretty and does not conform. She has no value and is therefore not worth notice. Sorry but had to put it out there for the sake of the discussion. :sad:

[ubokvt]

My So who just sat down next to me just comented to me, that in her perspective that a FTM who was not true Trans gender was gay. It had never occured to her that a FTM cross dress would be just as likely be straight as bi or gay. In her experience all persons who appeared to engender FTM tendencies were gay and hence took the title lesbian rather that CD. How might this bear on the subject at hand.

[CaptLex]

Need to put this out just for consideration, don't know if there is any truth, but could the invisibilty in the public eye be due a little to patriarchy's view of the value of a woman, specially one who is not pretty and does not conform. She has no value and is therefore not worth notice. Sorry but had to put it out there for the sake of the discussion. :sad:
If I understand what you're asking . . . you're saying that it's still a man's world ("patriarchy's view") and most men have no interest in those of us who are not feminine ("is not pretty and does not conform"), as we don't attract them and therefore serve them no purpose . . . did I get that right? If so, then I agree with you. Generally speaking, I would say that hetero males (which make up the majority) find tomboys and masculine women acceptable if we're still "cute" and look primarily feminine, but as soon as we become unattractive in their eyes by crossing the line and looking mosty masculine, we've lost something as far as they're concerned.

As for your other question:


My So who just sat down next to me just comented to me, that in her perspective that a FTM who was not true Trans gender was gay. It had never occured to her that a FTM cross dress would be just as likely be straight as bi or gay. In her experience all persons who appeared to engender FTM tendencies were gay and hence took the title lesbian rather that CD. How might this bear on the subject at hand.
I don't know what a "true transgender" is by her definition - or yours. Transgendered people do not all fit one box - there's a whole range of TGs as varied as snowflakes. It's true that most people perceive us all as butch lesbians because they haven't the faintest clue what an FtM is and make their own assumptions. The truth is that some FtMs are attracted to women (though not all consider themselves lesbians) and some are attracted to men, both men and women, other transpeople, etc. Sexual orientation is not related to being trans, and being FtM is about expressing your identity not about who you find attractive. I hope that made some sense.

As to how that relates to the subject, I'm not sure. Are you asking if people ignore us because they perceive us all to be "gay"?

[ubokvt]

1) its nice to be in a open intelligent discussion, thank you for letting me participate.
2)Some of this is very deep, core issues in identity and experession of self, and as i think about it you've opened about 3 more threads for me., but I will try to stay on thread.


ubokvt My So who just sat down next to me just comented to me, that in her perspective that a FTM who was not true Trans gender was gay. It had never occured to her that a FTM cross dress would be just as likely be straight as bi or gay. In her experience all persons who appeared to engender FTM tendencies were gay and hence took the title lesbian rather that CD. How might this bear on the subject at hand.

3) My So is BI and has had a long a friendly relationship with the Gay community. It has been her experience that Gay women who take on traits that many of the straight comunity see as male, don't see those traits as male and don't identify them selves as male. Rather they tend to reject it.


As to how that relates to the subject, I'm not sure. Are you asking if people ignore us because they perceive us all to be "gay"?Captlex

What my SO ment was not that people ignor them because they are gay but rather these females don't identify as expressing their "male" tendencies and as such stand back from the trans comunity. Which might beg the question in labeling emotions, roles, behaviors "male" does it become exclusive rather than inclusive. Do we need better less value laden language even to have this discussion with some in the trans community.

[Marla S]

Interesting thread and a lot of good posts here.
For the fun of it, let me approach this from another side.


So I have two questions. Am I pretty much on the right track here or am I way off? And if I'm on the right track, what can we do to make it easier/safer/whatever for FTM CDs to say "here I am"?
Would that be needed ? Is it desirable for them ?

Don't we all seek for acceptance ?

What does this acceptance mean ?

Finally it means: You are what you are, you do what you do, and nobody gives you a bad time (actually or felt) because of the way you express yourself. In the extrem you are not realized by the public as someone execptionally outstanding (in respect of gender).

Given that there are more FTM CDs (I am certain there are), maybe they don't show up because they already have what we want to reach: Acceptance of their personality and lifestyle.

It needs two factors to become a CD

1.) The feeling that causes the action.
2.) Social pressure, because of the action.
(Without social pressure there is no CD.)

Due to the asymmetry mentioned by Marlena there is less social pressure on the FTM side (at least to certain extend of masculinization of GGs).
'Moderate' FTMs just blend in the group of GGs presenting less feminine, than the stereotypes require.
For androgynous GGs (moderate FTMs) a support group (aka a FTM-forum) is not very important. What kind of support they would need ?

Besides the effect of the social pressure that almost any feminine action done or piece of cloth worn by a man catapults you in the gay or CD/TS regime, I think it has another important effect:

It distorts the so called TG-continuum, due to justification by full transformation.
High pressure --> more extremes.
Most MTFs here try to mimic women. The "inbetweeners" (moderate FTMs) showing up here are a minority.

Less pressure on the FTM side --> less extremes --> moderate FTMs don't show up here.


The point:
Our problems won't be solved by sucking someone into a 'vacuum' of the TG-community. A community that was created predominately by the social pressure that pushed us here.
We rather should try to get rid of the need for forums like these and a TG-community instead of filling it up with people that might already have what we want to get ... freedom for their needs.

:2c:

[Casey Morgan]

I just wanted you all to know that I have been reading everybody's replies and I do appreciate them. I'm still processing what everybody has said so I'm waiting before I post again. I do just want to make one comment though.


For androgynous GGs (moderate FTMs) a support group (aka a FTM-forum) is not very important. What kind of support they would need?

Besides knowing that they're not the only FTM androgyne out there and trying to figure out what makes them tick? Trust me, on another site I belong to the FTM androgynes ask the same kinds of questions the MTF androgynes do. Sometimes it's hard to remember who's male and who's female.

[pocoyo]

Well it just sounds like your playing with both gender and personas -- and we've all got different personas we present to different people (for example, we act differently around parents, co-workers, strangers and friends. "Marlena" is partly me and partly a "character" that I can use to explore parts of myself that don't get out as often. Or for example, I'm working on being more the "social butterfly" type en femme -- since if I'm rejected, they're rejecting a mask I'm wearing.



That's so true and so reassuring (like exploring different aspects of an already existing character). Thanks Marlena, you rule :D

I also know what you mean about the mask and the rejecting. I've done that before (but obviously not in a social butterfly way, more of a "I'm just a thick little boy" type way haha).

Thanks!

[CaptLex]

My So is BI and has had a long a friendly relationship with the Gay community. It has been her experience that Gay women who take on traits that many of the straight comunity see as male, don't see those traits as male and don't identify them selves as male. Rather they tend to reject it.
Okay, I understand where you're coming from now. I can't speak from a personal perspective on this subject because I have never identified as a lesbian, nor have I ever had lesbian friends or acquaintances (not for lack of trying). I can only repeat hearsay, and that's not necessarily reliable testimony. So I'll take her word for it.


What my SO ment was not that people ignor them because they are gay but rather these females don't identify as expressing their "male" tendencies and as such stand back from the trans comunity. Which might beg the question in labeling emotions, roles, behaviors "male" does it become exclusive rather than inclusive. Do we need better less value laden language even to have this discussion with some in the trans community.
Sounds like two different communities to me (however connected, in some ways) - the lesbian community and the transmasculine community. Some may have the goal of adopting (as you say) male tendencies without considering them such or considering themselves even a little bit male, while the other do consider themselves at least partly male, so these traits are very much masculine to them. Hope I didn't lose you.

[CaptLex]

Due to the asymmetry mentioned by Marlena there is less social pressure on the FTM side (at least to certain extend of masculinization of GGs). 'Moderate' FTMs just blend in the group of GGs presenting less feminine, than the stereotypes require.
If I'm reading your point correctly, Marla, I consider this to be a two-edged sword. As I see it, it is precisely because some "FtMs just blend in the group of GGs presenting less feminine" that we're invisible to so many people. Yes, I agree that there's probably less societal pressure for us than for MtFs, but the other side of that is that when we try and bring awareness to our situation, people either don't believe we exist, or can't figure out how to distinguish us from a regular GG who likes to wear pants.

[Marla S]

First, in my previous post I shouldn't have called it heretic but speculative, because I have no personal experiences and indeed did speculate.


If I'm reading your point correctly, Marla, I consider this to be a two-edged sword. As I see it, it is precisely because some "FtMs just blend in the group of GGs presenting less feminine" that we're invisible to so many people. Yes, I agree that there's probably less societal pressure for us than for MtFs, but the other side of that is that when we try and bring awareness to our situation, people either don't believe we exist, or can't figure out how to distinguish us from a regular GG who likes to wear pants.
I see the point of not been taken seriously and I see that this is a problem.
On the other side I probably don't get what the profit would be if the
indistinguishable become distinguishable. That smells a bit like stigmatization.

For me this most interesting thread touches a central question:
Why I (we ?) needed to find a forum like this (or the community) at all ?
Why the "invisible FTMs" need to be brought to sites like this, if, and this is my speculation, the driving force (or a good part) is missing ?

Hence: What could be the profit for the "invisible FTMs"?
(If the Why is answerded, it's probably easier to find the How to involve them.)

Annotation
The driving force for me definitely hasn't been to talk about the favorite panty color, getting beauty tips, learning technical things like how to tuck or bind, etc.
I don't know precisely what brought (pushed) me here, but the center of it is doubts, shame, hiding, and isolation resulting from the "social pressure".

Would I be here if they didn't have drawn a precise line that I am not allowed to cross when I was separated from the girls in my ballet class by clothes (have been 5 years old) ?
I have my doubts, because except for the outer appearence I have been a allowed (sometimes even teached) to a good part to be a "girlish boy". Those aspects (playing with dolls, handicrafts and the like, mixed with some more boyish activities of course) never really have been a problem in relation to others or my sozialisation (at least far less than being a punk) and never caused problems with my identity.

[CaptLex]

For me this most interesting thread touches a central question:
Why I (we ?) needed to find a forum like this (or the community) at all? Why the "invisible FTMs" need to be brought to sites like this, if, and this is my speculation, the driving force (or a good part) is missing?

Hence: What could be the profit for the "invisible FTMs"?
(If the Why is answerded, it's probably easier to find the How to involve them.)
Of course, we're not all here for the same reasons (and that includes other members here besides FtMs), so I will only speak for myself. The reason that brought me here (and keeps me here) is that I thought I was pretty much alone in all this. I knew absolutely no one I could talk to about my crossdressing and transgender issues that could say, "I know exactly what you're going through."

I was lucky to find this site and am thrilled that there are people here who can relate to me and I to them. Maybe it's a basic human need to want to feel that we're not all alone in certain situations. Until we find others like us, some of us keep asking, "what's wrong with me?" as we think if we're the only ones like this, we're defective somehow. The truth (as I see it) is that even if we are the only ones that feel a certain way, that's still not indicative of a defect, but it's hard to convince ourselves of that sometimes.

I need to belong to the trans community for several reasons, but the most important one for me is to find people who understand how I feel and that I can also understand.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

That's so true and so reassuring (like exploring different aspects of an already existing character). Thanks Marlena, you rule :D

Awww... flattery will get you everywhere... especially when it comes from cute young cabin boys. :battingeyelashes:

[pocoyo]

Waheey! :D
In that case may I mention how beautiful you're looking today? ;)