Why we are the way we are

[Sara Violet]

has any one ever given much thought as to why we are the way we are. While im sure each of us it's a special case...but when i went mad last summer I wanted to find out why i am the way i am. Those who know me will tell you that "just because" is not an answer i can accept. I have been known to go without sleep or food for days till i find out an answer to my questions. i found out that there are so many possible factors that come into play. I was surprised to find that a majority of those studies took place in the 70's and not in the present. It also seems that in some cases doctors may be able to know when we are still children. If that is true, sociaty is a very cruel thing. To posibly know how a child may turn out, and yet not help, it's almost unbeliveable. Has anyone else any input or feelings on this subject?

[Vallari]

I used to wonder about this, but after hearing all the theories (genetics, childhood expierences, psychology, sexuality, influences, etc) and all the contradictions between them I really lost interest in searching for an exact answer. I just dress because it's what I do and because it's something I feel comfortable doing. It just feels natural to me.

This can be a hard answer to accept yourself (and even harder for others such as family who want a definite answer), but I think it's healthier in the end to just accept it instead of spending all the time trying to figure it out. I guess CD'ing is just another part of who we are, like a hobby or a gift/special talent.

[Merinda]

My mother was on large doses of female hormones ( estradiol ) by injection while pregnant with me.

I think the(my) developing fetal brain was effected .

[crispy]

My mother was on large doses of female hormones ( estradiol ) by injection while pregnant with me.

I think the (my) developing fetal brain was effected .
how long is the fourth digit on each hand, compared with the second (index finger)?
I read that if children are exposed to an imbalance of testosterone (normal for male foetus) it is longer, but if not they tend to be same length.
the implication was that softies, sissies and effeminate boys normally have them the same length.

[Sara Violet]

yes i'm sure for most it probly has to do with life experiences more than not. Myself i feel god wanted me to be trangendered...lol...i wonder about this alot. I, from everything i have read, feel that way. I was born one and a half month premature. It is said that if the fetus does not get much testostarone they may develop a more female brain. In my case I remember going to alot of tests when i was younger. I was never tolld why. I got a hold of my old records. I found out when i was born part of my brain was undeveloped. I later found out it was the part of the brain that is ones sense of self. My parents were also divorced when i was born. For most my life I only saw my dad one day a week, during the rest of the week i lived with my older sister and my mother until i was 10 then my step father moved in. So i never had much hope to be "normal". You what though, i glad, while some days i get really really depressed, I never ever doubt who i am inside. I love me...i just wish i could be me on the outside. Why would i ever want to be a jocky guy when i can be a little girl. Why play football when i can bake brownies. Why be tough and cold, when i can giggle, play , and enjoy life unlike many people on this planet. If i was given the choice to stay the way i am or be a normal guy. I would be me. Its who i am, not my shell. My avatar is what my soul looks like if it could be seen. I feel that we are the girl NOT a man with a girl inside. It's the girl inside pretending to be a man NOT the other way around. I hope you all feel the same way. Now i want each of you girls to give yourselves a big hug (physicly and mentaly) and take a deep breath. Feel better? I hope so. :) .

Also being the little one here, i have one BIG thing you grown-ups need to remember. Laugh (not chuckle) at least 3 times a day. Laughter is the key to loving life. Remember little girls laugh at least 100 times a day while adults only laugh 12-25 times a day. I laugh alot. every time i mess up i laugh.
even at work, like today me and one of my workers were moving a bin of movies and it colapesed i laughed so hard i fell down , he looked at me like i had 4 heads. lol :D

[Sara Violet]

mine are the same length

[Tristen Cox]

Regardless of my outward appearance (Crispy) what I feel inside has always been different. Oh I laugh quite a lot. I've even been critisized for laughing like a girl. I never took that as a bad thing though. But it goes far deeper than that. It's not determined by the fact that I can't stand to crack a nail. Or that I cry when watching sad movies. Of which I do both btw. And since I lean toward being transexual the answer is much more indepth for myself. So maybe for most CDs it's the expression of a part of them that can rarely be shown, yet exists within. It may not be a dominating factor, but it does need its release.

Love
Tristen

[Gertrude]

I have never seriously questioned why I dress. It's just something that I've done since about 14 yo which makes me feel good & gives me much pleasure. I've also been lucky enough to have had several GG partners that have accepted my "kink". Indeed, my wife actively encourages it.

Hugs

Gertie

[Dave2]

mine are the same length
My fourth digits are longer (normal?), but a Poll - born prematurely or not might be of some interest?

[ChristineRenee]

Quidam,

I think you described it perfectly. It's not the girl inside the man but rather the girl pretending to be a man outwardly. I think I've spent the majority of my adult life "acting" the role of a man, or trying to act that role at least. I'm not so sure that it ever was that convincing a performance either but I found it necessary to survive given the culture of the time. I do know that the image that I saw in the mirror every day was certainly not the image of the person I felt that I really was. Gender does not always = sex, and we are living testimony to that now aren't we?:)


Love,
Christine Renee

[Wendy me]

i spent most of my /"his" life fighting this mabey it will just go away the more i pushed her in the closet the more we fought "he" did crazey things to i don't know prove that "he" was ok almost killed us for shure...........why am i like this?????????????
easy wendy's a suriver....a voice of calm, the balance..............who i realy am
all else dosen't matter i am here because of wendy...............

[Julie York]

how long is the fourth digit on each hand, compared with the second (index finger)?
I read that if children are exposed to an imbalance of testosterone (normal for male foetus) it is longer, but if not they tend to be same length.
the implication was that softies, sissies and effeminate boys normally have them the same length.

Mine are different lengths...(You calling me a sissy!)....I thought it was genetic but now I blame the industrial accident. (lol)

Glad you cheered up a little there Quidam. I have no-idea why I am as I am and sometimes I amn't even who I think I am either. (?)

I just put it down to a little bad wiring in the "Boy - Girl" identity bit of the brain, or as I like to call it...Genius!

[DonnaT]

I was born this way. Genetics mixed with hormones. No doubt about it.

[MonaSmith]

I think that the problem isn't really why we do it, the problem is why doesn't society except us for doing it? Gender is a sliding scale with male at one end and female at the other. We sit at various places in the middle of that scale, but society forces us to pick an end, male or female, to make everything black and white. If there weren't so many dogmatic people in this world, forcing their ideals on to others we would all have much better and more fullfilling lives.

I have always felt that I should have been born female, There was never any doubt in my mind about it. After years of being made to act like a boy, and then a man, I still feel this way. If nurture was the key factor in my feeling this way then by now I should have accepted my maleness. The opposite is true, I feel more strongly that I should be female, so I put it down to nature, genetics, whatever. Why? I don't know. We are very complicated things, it would just takes something in the mix of genes, hormones, etc, to be slightly different than the 'norm' to throw the balance.

I hope that sometime in the future people will be allowed to express their gender and sexuality in whatever way they feel comfortable with, but I doubt that it will happen in any of our lifetimes.

[DONTDREAMIT]

I've racked my brain over and over trying to figure this one out.I know that it all started with a triggering event,and am trying to go back to before that event to see if there was any kind of predisposition,I'm aware of some contributing factors that may of roused curiousity but all children are naturally curious and inquisitive especialy during puberty. If there isn't any predisposition,then that means the event is the cause and therefore anybody could end up like this. Looking at my triggering event,I believe if you put another boy in the same place and time he'll end up like me(but maybe not since i haven't resolved predisposition as yet).Anyway,this was the event,(wish i could test it on a "normal" male).
background:-
I was 12 when it happened,and was naturally curious about "what adults got up to",i came across pornography(not literally),there was a film i saw once with Michael Caine as a serial killer,and i remember feeling quite aroused at a scene where this middle aged women was romping in the back of a cab and you see her silky knickers being pulled down.Cross dressing wasn't a thought that struck me.I saw the Rocky horror show and can remember thinking "what makes a bloke do that then?".It didn't make me want to try it,i just loved the music.

The Trigger:- I wanted to try bunking off of school,so i did,and i hid in the laundry cupboard until i heard the front door slam shut, signifying an empty house,when i thought it was safe i pushed away all the clothes i buried myself under and started to tidy up,then i noticed in my hands something that felt really nice,a silky pair of knickers.BANG! the hearts racing, adrelenin levels boosted,and a cross dresser was born. Imagine it,put a pubescent boy in a laundry cupboard for an hour a dose of adrelanin and see what emerges.

There's proberly a lot more going on in the old subconcious perhaps.I mean "why did i choose the laundry cupboard to hide in?"

I'm still racking my brains

[Trinity_cat]

The difference in finger length, thats a new one on me. 4th the longest here. Very strange.

I read somewhere that we all start of as twins. While in the womb one devours the other, and the strongest grows on to be born. If the twins were mixed gender, then the devouree (lol) would have both genders. Not hermaphrodite, but the outward appearance of , in our case male , and the inner emotions of the female gender. OK, possibly I'm reading the wrong books again.
Very strange.

[Noel Chimes]

Since we are all "cleaning our closets" I might as well open mine as well. With me it started with plain curiosity. "what is it like on the other side of the gender fence?" later on down the road it really turned into an escape for me. As an adolesant male there was constant pressure to excell, be on top, win at any cost. That was a little too much to throw at a 14 yo kid. (an alter ego began to emerge, Noel)
As years passed I learned to adjust to a "normal male role". But some of the situtations I found myself in were not where I wanted to be. I needed a place where I felt safe, and at peace. ( fact is stranger than fiction) I found peace in silky underware, flowery dresses, and high heels. At one point my great aunt moved in with us, and would ask me to breat in her shoes. (Talk about being in 7th heaven)
Now I get dressed to feel free of the stupidity and ignorance of " the norm". There is no hate here. We love each other for who we are and are willing to go the extra mile to be there whenever one of us is in trouble or hurting. I love you all. Hugs and Kisses, Noel

[Vickie-CD]

Something I have gave thought to. The bad thing about "studies" is usualy if you read one study on something, you can almost always find another study on the same thing that will contradict what you read in the first study.
For myself, I have always believed that what you have between your ears determines what sex you are, not what is between your legs.
Another thought, if you have any beliefe in past lives, could you have been female in a previouse life and brought a few of those traits into this life?? Just something to ponder.
Love,
Vickie

[ChristineRenee]

My mother was on large doses of female hormones ( estradiol ) by injection while pregnant with me.

I think the(my) developing fetal brain was effected .This could very well be true. My mother too was on large doses of female hormones and wanted desperately to have a girl. It had been almost 10 years since the birth of my brother, and my mom was 35 and afraid she would never have another child.

My environment was a very predominately male one growing up too and I've always wondered where this femme desire came from. The hormone balance no doubt was affected by her taking those female hormones. It's the only rational explanation for it I can come up with.

Thanks for posting this Merinda.:)


Love,
Christine Renee

[robin/rjs]

I guessed i was cursed, I grew up with 4-female cousins, so I new nore how to act like a girl than a boy.But I feel I personally CD to show society that I have the freedom to do this if I wish. Also agree why cant their be a middle ground. ;)

[ChristineRenee]

Something I have gave thought to. The bad thing about "studies" is usualy if you read one study on something, you can almost always find another study on the same thing that will contradict what you read in the first study.
For myself, I have always believed that what you have between your ears determines what sex you are, not what is between your legs.
Another thought, if you have any beliefe in past lives, could you have been female in a previouse life and brought a few of those traits into this life?? Just something to ponder.
Love,
VickieYes...that's a thought I've often pondered Vickie. That and could you be internally "possessed" by a departed female...say a close relative perhaps...and some of their mannerisms or traits manifest themselves in your persona?

Who's to say really how the next "life" in the "Great Beyond" may affect our lives here in the present?

Submitted for your approval...from somewhere between the heaven and the sky...and..The Twilight Zone.... Doo Doo Doo Doo...Doo Doo Doo Dooo....:D

Thanks Rod S.!:cool:

Love,
Christine "The Sci-Fi Queen" Renee

[crispy]

Gender does not always = sex, and we are living testimony to that now aren't we?:)
you're right there, dear. I've always got gender but I don't often (ever) get sex..... I am living testimony to that. :( :p

[Vickie-CD]

ChristineRenee, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has wondered about that. Who knows, could be.
Love Vickie

[ChristineRenee]

you're right there, dear. I've always got gender but I don't often (ever) get sex..... I am living testimony to that. :( :pOh I see...so you ARE Master of your domain then!:D :p

[ChristineRenee]

Good to see that your mind set seems to be a little more comfortable then it was when you 1st appeared Quidam. Being able to get things out in the open in a careing in-common community seems to agree to your needs, as it dose no-dought for us all here. I like your point about we possibly being girls trying to act out the boy appearence, I've come to notice that I can't wait for visitors or other people who may be working around the property to "BUGGER OFF" as soon as possible, so that I can become me rather then some steel caped cowboy. Now I live extremly remote and alone where I am, you would think that I would crave some company OCCASIONALY. I guess my point is " yeah the female is at least 85% of my being" HUGS andLOL to all :)Just think how much more social we all would be if society embraced us for who we really are biddy. Then we wouldn't feel like we have to isolate ourselves in order to be ourselves.

Christine is 100% of me sexually, internally that is, and I think since being on HRT, she is gradually making inroads into heavily influencing, and possibly controlling, the thought processes as well. "Roy" had extreme reservations about posting the Christine Collection but as you see, Christine would not be denied!;)

Love,
Christine Renee

[arula]

Heres a twist. I thought ,does this CD, TV,TS, come from another spirit driving us or, are we simply living a past life which we did not want to let go of. As Arula to this day wonders.

[Wendy me]

or is this a dream and none of this is realy happening.........you are not cding and you wake up to find you only have boy things and all your girly things never were........
dream ??????????????nightmare................don't mess with it let it be........
past life???????????do you realy think if you got to do it again you would get it right?????????????????you know the right boady..................

[Georgette]

Because we want to be. check my signature.

[zoltaire]

So, do we really want to know the answer to 'why'? I'm not sure I do anymore.

Let me start by giving everyone a brief background history on me. I've been interested in dressing since I was a kid, and actually dressing for a few years now. I'm 30 and married, but my wife hates the 'cd' part of me. I haven't dressed for a few months because of a huge 'lay it on the line' fight. You know...the 'me' or the 'cd' fight. Needless to say, I'm more than frustrated.

And my family...
My parents were divorced when I was a young teen. Much unhappiness, even more alcohol. Needless to say, my childhood sucked monkey butt. My dad acted super tough, and liked to beat women (i.e. my mom), and my mom just left him do it. Well, I lived with my dad once they split up. I do on rare occasions speak to my mother. It just causes a war in the family when I do. Anywho.....a few years ago, my mom called me drunk and started to badmouth my father. You'd think that I would be used to that kind of behavior since both of my parents we're alcoholics. But then the conversation went too far.

So here my mom is, telling me that she used to dress my dad up. That he liked having her take him to the store and such dressed up. It was like she was telling me all of the things that she couldn't say for so long. But why tell me? My mom hates my dad, and my dad hates my mom. Many cd's and their significant others have problems with dealing with issues.

So is my father a CD? You try talking to a Vietnam vet about that. He'll shoot you, and not think twice. My father, the biggest badass around. I would have never guessed it. So now, I have more questions than I ever had before.

Did I see things when I was a child and not remember? Is that why I have the desire to dress? If my father did dress, did it make my mother crazy, and did they both drink to deal with it? I'm married now, and my wife hates my crossdressing. Am I doomed to repeat history? Did crossdressing tear my parents/family apart? Will my wife turn to alcohol to deal with me? What am I supposed to think? Maybe my mother was lying. So why did she tell me that stuff? To hurt my dad? So that I would maybe think less of him? I'm not sure why she told me all that stuff. I wish she didn't.

So was I born like this? How will I ever know? I'm not sure if these thoughts were accidentally planted in me. Every fight I have with my wife about my 'issue' makes me think that this is exactly what my parents fought about. I don't have any children yet, but when I do, I don't want them to have to suffer like I did as a child. Am I becoming my father? Damn this sucks.

Why can't I just enjoy wearing a damn dress? Why the hell does all this extra stuff have to be added to an already touchy 'issue'?

I don't want my father/mother to be the reason that I like crossdressing. And that's what I'm afraid of.

Just when I was starting to be 'ok' with who I was.......

sorry for the long post....

[Merinda]

Heres a twist. I thought ,does this CD, TV,TS, come from another spirit driving us or, are we simply living a past life which we did not want to let go of. As Arula to this day wonders.


A different and ineresting concept Arula,

all I know is the voice in my head being my own thought process is definatly female

[sherri]

I have also posted this response in another thread, so if you've already read it there, please indulge me.

Can I ask y'all a question or two that address this subject at what is perhaps a superficial level?

1. Why do gender women dress the way they do?
2. What idiots got together and decided men must dress the way they do?

In most modern cultures, women go to extraordinary lengths to accentuate their sensuality, hide their imperfections, heighten physical attraction and generally celebrate the female form. The tools that have evolved to accomplish all that are very effective. Take away their razors, makeup, hairstyles and fashions, however, and a great many of those beautiful creatures would cease to be ... well, lovely creatures. But why would anyone want to do that?

Well, that's exactly what these same cultures have done to men. Who says hairy legs on a man are inherently sexier than smooth shaved legs? I say that's a conditioned response. From an evolutionary viewpoint, we all started out hairy, but somewhere along the line somebody arbitrarily decided that half of us get to shave and the other half doesn't. And who the hell decided only women can use makeup, or wear sexy skirts and shoes? Somebody please tell me why everyone assumes a man can't look good in a skirt? I'll say it again, these are conditioned attitudes.

Now I'll admit that generally speaking, the female form is prettier than the male's, at least to my eye. But I'll tell ya something — there are a lot of CDs in this forum who look really good to me, and I find myself attracted to you both physically and emotionally. For example: Jill, you started this thread, and you're having some doubts about things, but I gotta tell ya babe, those legs in your avatar pic really turn me on.

And I'll tell you something else. I don't know how you feel about it, but in my opinion the males in many contemporary societies are under siege, largely as a result of the feminist movement and political correctness, and there is a degree of symbolic emasculation inherent in these shifting standards. But at the same time this is happening, these same societies ostracize any male who wishes to physically or emotionally express a softer, more feminine personality. There's something Catch-22 about such a double standard, and that irritates me.


I know, I know that the matter of m2f crossdressing involves much deeper issues than how we dress. I know because I feel them; crossdressing is more than that to me, too. I have read several girls in this forum say that crossdressing isn't a matter of male or female for them — physically, emotionally and sexually, they are just being themselves. That's exactly how I feel.

But I'm not trying to be comprehensive with this post. I'm just sayin ...