SO has allowed Sarah back into her life but why do we need to share with our SO? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

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SatinSarah

11-22-2006, 06:40 PM

After over 2 years my wife has relented on her ban on Sarah dressing at home and last week redrew our boundaries. I'm back in Lingerie in bed with her!

2 years ago (after 10 years of progresively happy dressing) my SO thought I had gone too far and she wanted her man back! She helped me dress fully with wig, make up and the full works. I think I looked too good for her and it scared her. She had helped and actually bought me the wig in the first place.

I have really listened to so many of you girls on this site (esp the GGs) and decided to let her set the boundaries - not to push her or them. Nohting really happned for about 18 months but then we got talking about why I was so down sometimes. I explained how hard it ws to feel so frustrated about wanting to dress but with no avenue to express myslef. When I was away working for 10 days she missed me (I missed her) and she said she realised she had denied me a part of my life for 2 years and she would like to start rebuilding what we had.

We went shopping last Thursday. She needed some new heels for a Ball we were going to. She knows I go very girly when we shop and so she lets me help her choose clothes and looks around the lingerie and anyhting else I want to look at. I was so excited by our few hours together and we talked. That night she said she could be happy with underwear, tights and shoes but she wasn't ready for make up, clothes and wig etc. For me this was such a massive step forward. I told her I wouldn't push for any more unless she asked first. I have learned my lesson the hard way. I would love to do more but I do believe she has the right to determine how much she has to put up with. We had a great night together in our matching silky nighties (she asked me to wear hers)

This is the big question I couldn't answer. She said she was happy for me to wear what I liked when she wasn't around (I have a flat when I am working away so can dress there) So she asked why she had to be part of it anyway. If dressing is my thrill why did she have to be part of it? I couldn't really answer. I think its because I was recognition for being a girl and its a part of me I want to share. I am very sexually attracted to my wife - who is gorgeous - and feel especially sexy en femme. Bus she is right. Why do I need to have her around when I dress?

Thanks again to everybody on this site. I couldn't survive without all this advice and love. Sarah is now back and very happy!

LOL

Sarah:love:

rosiegurl

11-22-2006, 07:41 PM

MY SO has problems with that aspect too. I'm lucky in a way, as she is fine and happy no matter how I dress, but can be difficult at times to get her intrest in say a joint shopping spree or something similer.

but, to me, it's kinda like every other part of the relashinship, you want her involved in EVERY aspect of your life, not just bits and pieces here and there, I want more,a ctually I want everything *grins* and who better to be your best girl friend than your "GIRLFRIEND" or SO, you are both already close after all. Then there is the saftey factor, if she is open minded about it, there is no real danger, and will have someone with you, you can trust

Katelyn

11-22-2006, 08:57 PM

I know where you come from. If she is the only one who knows, you sometimes need to share your thoughts. Not being able to have your S.O. around leaves you lonely. We feel the need to express how we feel to someone. It's just like when you get so upset at your job sometimes, you need someone there. There needs to be some kind of outlet and event though the internet helps alot, it's not the same as having someone there with you.:hugs:

melissaK

11-22-2006, 09:09 PM

Gee. I think Clarissa knows it all. (Sorry) Seriously, her comments are nicely said. I think my SO and I have had that exact discussion a time or two . . .

Katelyn

11-22-2006, 09:15 PM

Gee. I think Clarissa knows it all. (Sorry) Seriously, her comments are nicely said. I think my SO and I have had that exact discussion a time or two . . .

I take well to little jokes. No need to apologize. I have experienced this situation with my girlfriend for the past year though. :D

Glenda58

11-22-2006, 09:30 PM

Sarah when we love someone like you love your wife. You don't want to keep secrets or hind things from them you want to share your life with them. It doesn't matter if golf, biking or CDing you want to tell them all about it. You wish they would come with you so you both have something to talk about. Thats the only way that you as a couple will stay together. I live alone now and wish there was someone to share this with. I don't know if this was any help to you it's just something I have felt for a long time.

Holly

11-23-2006, 12:25 AM

Glenda, you got it! What part of our lives would we not want to share with our SO's? If it's something that is important to me, then I want my wife to be just as excited about it as I am... don't care if it's CDing, sports, hobbies, reading, music, theater, whatever. Of course, this should cut both ways. I need to accept and approve of the things that make her who she is as well. Anything less would be disrespectful and and lacking acceptance of who she is as a person as well.

SatinSarah

11-23-2006, 02:45 AM

As usual wonderful replies. It is because of our love and my need to share my desires.

I also wonder now if it goes a bit deeper. As a man I am the fairly rubbish at talking abuot my emotions. Yet as Sarah I want to share every desire, every girly thought, I am like an excited child in a toy shop when we are shopping. Thats either my girly side or just a need to o lots of dressing in a short time.

Thanks again girls LOL

Sarah

tekla west

11-23-2006, 06:32 AM

I'm not sure that just getting married give the other the right to "know all." If it is just you, and you keep it to just you, then I think that is your right as a human being. Its OK to have things about yourself that are only for yourself.

Ellaine

11-23-2006, 07:41 AM

Nike

11-23-2006, 08:08 AM

For me it is a matter of being accepted for who I am. Not simply as an "Alpha Male", but as a whole person. When we have such a balance of the masculine and feminine both components have a desire, sometimes even a "need" to be loved. It is difficult to explain that dressed or not, we ARE the same person, but the gender duality offers two different forms of expression beyond the attire.

I was raised in a generation where all boys were indoctrinated with the John Wayne ideal. Sometimes though, we'd prefer the freedom of expression afforded to Maureen O'Hara. Lets face it, Maureen was a lot more fun.

Simply put, I believe that when I express my feminine side with my Bride, that I am sharing on the most intimate level things which she only could sense as just beneath the surface, but neither of us can quite reach, when I am in in masculine mode.

Marla S

11-23-2006, 08:10 AM

Why do I need to have her around when I dress?

Not being able to share means social isolation in this respect. That's not the most healthy thing for a social being.
What we want to share is "real life" with it's feelings and emotions and not only the tolerated imagination of something strange.

Some might be able to compensate the isolation by other aspects of social life, for some the image in the full length mirror might be the adequate social counterpart, but in general we seek for social exchange of this aspect of our life too. What would be more natural than to share this important aspect with the person we feel closest to.

ubokvt

11-23-2006, 09:11 AM

We are social creatures, we live in the context of our relationships with others, and we only find true expression of who we are in those relationships. Dressing alone is a glass half full, when drunk, you find yourself needing the other half. If you truly have a feminine self, and all of this isn't sexuall (sorry for that), then the feminine side needs expression, its the same as, dressing the girl up then not taking her out, a little dissapointment there. That you want to share one of the most intimate and protected parts of yourself with your partner is as big a drive as your dressing. Love is sharing, everything, all of you, I'd be surprised if you didn't want to. How will you grow if your feminine doesn't, how will your relationship grow if part of it is repressed, how will you eplore this part of you if it can never come into the world? Take your time, work with her, enjoy the little things, grow, find yourself with her. :love:

:2c: sara

Sheila

11-23-2006, 09:29 AM

actually I am maybe the opposite, it is when he dosen't share with me that I go into a blue funk. I then start worrying about what is coming next.
We are all different, I just cope better with knowing than not

Jess

Kerry Owens

11-23-2006, 09:35 AM

To share one's life is to be able trust, and that trust in itself liberating.
There is no feeling like the freedom to share and knowing your feelings are accepted.

cd_stacey

11-23-2006, 09:55 AM

Everyone's situation is different, but it's sad when one cannot share with one's SO those things that make one happy. Five years ago, my SO discovered "stacey" and it was not pleasant. It lead to much arguing and recrimination and ultimately resulted in stacey going dormant. She said she wanted to live with a man and not a woman, and it definitely put a strain on the relationship. I so wanted to share and show her how lovely a person stacey was..but it was not welcome. So...away went stacey. Now that stacey has come back, I will have to be careful to keep her hidden and under my SO's radar screen. It's sad and disappointing, but for me it is the only way. :(

Michelia

11-23-2006, 11:36 AM

Sarah

I think I could not live without sharing this side of me with my SO and my kids. It is the way we are. We have always been like this. It is part of what brought us together from the beginning. We share everything. Sometimes it is very challenging but the rewards are worth it. Someday in the not too distant future I hope to be able to share with my siblings, but first I must make sure that CDing is indeed a forever thing for me.

I am very happy for you that you can be back to being your girly self some of the time. I also think it is wonderful that you are developing such a healthy attitude which will help you to enjoy what you have without necessarily having to share it all.

Michelia

GG Vanya

11-23-2006, 02:44 PM

Calliope

11-23-2006, 03:19 PM

Sharing is great, controlling isn't. Living in the closet or with insecurities is not necessarily the core TG experience - but, sadly, often subsumes it. There is a difference. If anyone needs 'permission' to be 'themselves' at home, they're homeless.

Randy

11-24-2006, 09:11 AM

Oddly enough, for the most part, this was a hidden and exlcusively private part of my life, but when my wife found my bras, I actually ended up feeling worse even though she accepted it - wanted nothing to do with it, but she "tolerated" is a better word.

Now that she knows, I find myself wanting to share it, talk about it, etc. Since she doesn't want to be part of this, I actually feel worse about hiding this than I did when she knew nothing. Life has its little paradoxes.

Like you Sarah, my wife has recently allowed this more into the realm of daily life, but it's still a mostly "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Sheila

11-24-2006, 10:27 AM

I feel honored that Trudi trusts me enough to share this with me. Should she some time in the future feel she needs to go it alone, I would be hurt, and feel that only half of the man I married is sharing life and love with me.

But to be honest, your SO shares this gender duality with you whether they realize it or not. Wearing feminine clothing is simply a manifestation of the duality which is an integral part of who you are.

While not always visible Trudi is *always* here with me.

:iagree:
Claire is so much a part of the man I fell in love with that I feel upset and hurt when he finds it difficult to share this part of himself with me, he is getting better at expressing himself and for that I am grateful, I love the man and I love the woman that resides within him to me they are one

Jess