Do you feel that there is both a female and male personality inside you?

[bredalee25]

This is what I feel like sometimes. It's like when the female persona takes over I need to wear pretty clothes. I've always felt like I've got two very destinctive people inside me and one is a beautiful woman.

Anyone else feel this way?

ttfn

[Kate Simmons]

Of course Bren, but I finally have them both balanced and I am in control, rather than one or the other of the personas.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Katelyn]

I think you just explained alot for me. I have to say that's me..er..us! :D

[Charleen]

Yeah, except for that beautiful part.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I thought I would mentiom this because I consider myself an "escapist" CD--somewhat the exception to most of the posters here---although we make up a significant number of the CD ranks.

An escapist does NOT have a fem side to go to, but rather "escapes" the male ,RL self. sorta like taking a vacation from ME. we become 'female' to escape the male rather than to take on a "female side"----I think a sign of this is that us escapists have no specific woman or look we become that is we have several looks , just so they are female, whereas those with a fem side usually take on the Same fem look and personaliy in fem mode.

[natasha]

Simply put, YUP!!!:D

[Alaceann]

I think we all have that going on in our heads. It's nice to see that some girls have control of both sides it can make life easier to manage. I believe that all the things that the girls here have to say is helping me to get a grip on who I am.

[MJ]

This is what I feel like sometimes. It's like when the female persona takes over I need to wear pretty clothes. I've always felt like I've got two very destinctive people inside me and one is a beautiful woman.

Anyone else feel this way?

ttfn

hmmm good question .. for me no just the beautiful woman. i don't feel like there are two minds in me just the one..

[Michellebej]

Does it count if I have conversations with myself?

Yes; absolutely. I can even feel it when it is time for a change. In fact with many years of being in a 'manly' profession; I feel it is time to give much more time to "ME" in order to balance out "our" life.

If fact there are three of us. HIM, ME, and OUS ( the central me).

[Tina Dixon]

No I'm just one person in my head right Tina?

[Karren H]

Not really although I am mainly male in guy mode and all fem in girl mode....but it's still me...

Karren

[Nikki T]

I dont think i relate with that, i think i have a way more female side, i dont relate with males well and dont find i see eye to eye or understand them much, as such i dont have very many friends especially males. I do have alot of female friends/acquaintances, and when we get together we always talk for hours, but i think that they dont understand me much because im not as male as the rest, good thing bad thing . So i have been struggling with the decision of what to do for years and waiting for the right time . Hope this is the time, tired of being closed off from the world. Sorry to ramble on :heehee:

[AyJay]

I sometimes wonder if there are two "me"s or if there is just me, with different aspects. I'm a very practical person, so can fit in with most males, even though I prefer the company of women, but also have an artistic side and cook, sew, knit, crochet, paint, write (bad) poetry, and (even worse) prose. I don't have an alter ego, it is just me, no matter if I am CDing or wearing welding gloves and goggles. Mind you, welding gloves, goggles, and panties under the overalls does appeal :)

[Audry]

I don't mind being a man most of the time but when Audry whats to come into being I will do what is posible to make her happy,

[Glenda58]

Yes male when dressed male and female when dressed female.

[Kristen Kelly]

I used to act differently in male and fem mode, but that line has been blured the shift has been to the fem side. Things I do in male mode shaving, weight loss, hair length and highlighting all for my fem side. I can be Kristen dressed in male mode it is a state of mind now more than how I am dressed.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

this is a really neat question!!!

i think that our sexuality and our gender identity are much more of a continuim than a discrete on/off type or one/or the other type thing.....

there are extremes and some of us are 100% male or 100% female and same for straight or gay....but the rest of us are on the continuim......i have seen some very very masculine looking and macho crossdressers who when you talk to them, their incredible feminine energy is really really great... and there are some very femme looking dressers and yet they stalk around with Coors Light(cmon this is a very bad beer!! LOL)...watch tv at drag bars....or anything in between....

i think that those of us that crossdress are EXPRESSING the feminine part of us as if we were 100% female....its just a part of our gender identity that is always there....

the interesting part of it to me is WHY WHY do some us want to express that feminine part even though we were born male...i really think there is some femininity in all men and us crossdressers want to express it and noncrossdressers just dont ....

for anybody that read this far heres the question.,.....am i drunk????



.... of course i am...LOL.....just a bit drunk anyway:p

but i still think my answer is valid and deserves deep psychological discourse...nite!!!!!

have fun
michele

[Audry]

I feel the same way

[Kaitlyn Michele]

well then here's to you audrey!!!! <<clink>>

:D :D :D

[AmberTG]

Ya, I seem to be just me no matter what I'm wearing. I do act differently in man mode, simply to not attract attention to myself for my lack of "maleness". I've learned how to hide my fem side well enough that it was sometimes hard to bring it out in private, now, sense I've been going to a therapist for my gender issues, it's getting harder to hide it in public. Maybe it's because I am more accepting of it now. I've come to believe that my personality is somewhere in the middle, I tend to tip towards the fem side if I let myself.

[crusadergirl]

Lately i can tell my girl side is going away i haven't been into be a girl since after halloween. As for having a male and female personality i would say i do have both, the one really needs to go away.

[Lisa Golightly]

No.... Just me, myself and I.

[Brianna Lovely]

Mmm, don't know yet, whether I have a female personality. But, I do know, that whatever makes a female different from a male, besides biology, is inside me, and I can feel it.
I've struggled most of my life, trying to understand these feelings, now I've learned to accept them.
I think that if I accept both parts of me, I'll end up being the person that I was ment to be.

[Kate Simmons]

If you believe the Bible, Eve was made from a part of Adam, right? That would answer a lot of questions about "why" we feel this way right there. If indeed Eve was originally part of Adam, it means that we are a closer match for the first man than the first woman, as he was essentially "both" before the split.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[mandydawson]

yes he has his time and shes got to have hers

[Dee Model]

I think of myself as having two programs running concurrently. The male side gets things done, work wise, but the female side has compassion, empathy, understanding, etc. The female side just happens to wanna take it a bit further, and gets really turned on in the process! But that's Dee, the little vixen!

[Lilith Moon]

This is what I feel like sometimes. It's like when the female persona takes over I need to wear pretty clothes. I've always felt like I've got two very destinctive people inside me and one is a beautiful woman.

Anyone else feel this way?

ttfn

For me...not at all. I'm the same me regardless of how I'm dressed.

En drab, I'm me dressed the way society expects.

En femme, I'm me dressed how I would prefer.

:2c:

[maid phylis]

all the time love phylisanne:love:

[tgirlkari]

You sure got that right

[MarinaTwelve200]

My native american teacher said that "a man is 49% woman and 51% Man--and vice versa"---So even if we arent CD or TG we are closer to each other's gender than we may think.

[missattitude]

I have a more passive and femine side to me, but only when I am dressed. When I dress like a guy, I talk, walk and act like a guy. But when dressed up as a chick, I tend to be more female like. Thats just the way it goes..\

Miss thangz

[Cindylynn]

I have but one personality. Although there is alot of flexability in how I express myself through clothing and mannerisms. I will always find my happiness playing with both genders. But there is only one voice for me.

Cindee

[kittypw GG]

Yes I do, I feel that I have a very distinct masculine side. I was always interested in how thing work and how they are put together. I have suffered because I didn't get into the girly girl stuff. In fact I can't stand women who are so prissy and girly. I think that it is a pathetic act. I am proud of myself that I have put myself through college, bought my own house, (did not have to get one through divorce because I never married till I was 43) I was told in high school that I could not take auto/shop because it was a boys class. My father taught my brothers all about cars, how to use power tools etc. I alway felt excluded and mad that my father thought that I was unworthy of the knowledge because of my sex. My whole life I have tried to learn these things for myself. I took one of the gender tests that someone suggested here and came out exactly in the middle which would indicate that I have a nice balance between my fem side and my masculine side. I just never thought about achieving that balance by presenting as a man. :hugs:

Kitty

[janet p]

Micheletv if you are drunk you are drunk with wisdom. You really say a lot of truth and for what ever reason we crossdress there is TWO sides to us all...:love:

[Kate Simmons]

HMM, I never had that attitude Kitty. I always had my daughter with me when I worked on the car and did projects around the house. As a result, she learned a lot and is actually a better handy person to have around with some things than myself. She was more interested in doing stuff with me than my boys were really and seems to be a more rounded person.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Amy Hepker]

Yes, I do beoieve that I am 2 people. The reason I say this is because, I don't want to lose the Male side of me, but the Female side wants to come out too. But I have to control Amy as she tends to got to far sometimes, and I can't let Amy ruin my Male life. You know like lose my job. I have alot riding on my Male side. While my Female side just wants to have FUN!

[kittypw GG]

I have been sitting here thinking about this, maybe a little too much. I remember as a child admiring my father more than my mom. I tried on his shoes as well as hers. That is a common thing for children. I just never in a million years tought about putting on his boxer/briefs. I wanted to be like him but never felt confused about being a girl. It just puzzels me that I would never think of presenting as a male. Never crossed my mind. I'm finding it hard to wrap my mind around why men have to express their fem side by wearing womens clothes. Why can't there be satisfaction in expressing more fem atributes like being sensitive and nurturing. I guess this is why I just don't understand that burning desire that my hubby has to look female. Even when he has achieved the whole look he is still a man. Does man things, thinks like a man. The clothes just don't transform you into a girl.
I can however understand that there is a sexual component but beyond that I'm just plain confused +? +? +? +? Kitty

[Susan Johnson]

Can't be quite certain of that. I still think of myself as 'male me' however I am dressed, in that when dressed in female clothing I want to look in the mirror and see a female looking back at me although I have no desire to get involved with a male in a girl/boy sense while dressed in female clothing. While in my usual male garb I enjoy cooking, grocery shopping, DIY projects and car repairs, have no interest in sport of any sort, getting drunk or trying to pick up other women. (I have been happily married for over 30 years to the same person). Although my wife is aware of my crossdressing and will help, due to a rather busy lifestyle I do not get the opportunity to 'Dress' as often as I would wish.
Susan

[Scotty]

There is no spoon.

[Deidra Cowen]

I'm the same person and have the same personallity either Male or Tgirl. But of course my mannerisms and how I act do change from one to the other.

[kaitlincd]

Well said Deidra. That explains me entirely!

[Stacy GG]

I've been asking some similar questions of myself as late, I don't feel I'm a Cd but I guess sometimes I accept being labeled a "tomboy". I even got called sir 2 x the other day..it kinda wierded me out . :eek: I certainly don't try for a male presentation..but I wear somewhat ragedy clothes and don't always do much with my hair ( usually just run a brush through it when I get out of the shower), and only wear makeup on special occasions, or job interviews. I certainly never did dress "up" as my father or mother as a kid, though now I have some of my dad's old clothes ( mainly for if I need to clean the car, check the oil,etc., and don't want my clothes dirty). I suppose if I believed I was a male trapped in a girls body I would feel the need to present that way. But I don't feel that way, I just find guy's clothes and some "guy like" female clothes more comfortable than a skirt or dress. So I guess I'm comfortable with the male side to my personality but don't necessarily feel everyone else has to accept it, or think I'm male.

[Casey Morgan]

Hmmm. Two distinctive people inside me? Not quite, although it used to feel like there were two people standing here. It's just that the female side feels just as real and just as relavent as the male side.

No part of me "takes over" but if I deny feeling a certain way too long then I feel like I have to express it. It's kind of like when you've been cooped up too long. You either have to go outside or scream. Looking at it as just different parts of my own personality, allowing myself to feel what I feel when I feel it instead of waiting for "her" or "him" to "show up", gives me more control over myself. And allowing myself to feel something is of course different than expressing it, which may have to wait for the proper time and place.

[Paula G]

I feel that I only have one personality, which has a male and female aspect to it, which is probably why I'm equally comfortable not only in both male and female clothing but also in both male and female activities.

[Kelsy]

I think Jennifer has always been part/underlying my personality. The female part has made me who I am. But receintly Jennifer wants to be more dominant! I am more comfortable with the female side. Yes there is two distinct personalities but they blend. I am seeking balance. fact is my male side loves Jennifer and submits to her often!!:happy:

Reciently at Thanksgiving I was aware of the fact that Jennifer wanted to hang in the kitchen and talk food and kids more so than hang in the livingroom and talk football with the guys. It was a new awareness but something I know I have been drawn to for years!!

Jennifer

[Tiana]

i don't really feel there are two people just me and i feel a 'bi-clothes' person but much more happier and relaxed and comfortable in all feminine clothing x

[AnnaMaria]

Personally I don't think that I have ever really had a male personality to speak of. I do have a few male traits which surface when I am in certian situations but I try very hard not to allow them to come out very often because they are negative traits which I would much prefer to get rid of completely. One trait for sure that needs to go is my temper, WOW!!!! can it get bad. But over all I don't think that I am very "manly" at all nor have I ever really been.

As someone else said in an earlier post. I don't relate to men at all and never have. I don't have any real male friends to speak of. And although I do connect better with women than men I don't really have very many female friends either, probably due to the fact that I have always been worried that someone might figure me out and give me away. And of course my female side has become more pronounced over the past couple of years because of the fact that I finally discovered what it was that made me different from the males that I grew up with. But at the same time I also know that I am not willing to give up the life that I have now for any reason. Nor would I want to change who I am over all. I am perfectly content to be the woman that I am in just the way that I am. I let the male out of jail from time to time just to be kind to him and for no other reason unless I am very upset.

Anna

[Joy Carter]

This is what I feel like sometimes. It's like when the female persona takes over I need to wear pretty clothes. I've always felt like I've got two very distinctive people inside me and one is a beautiful woman.

Anyone else feel this way?

ttfn


Don't think this one's very pretty but she's definitely there.:eek:

[Teresa Amina]

I think the duality is an illusion. As children we learn which sort of self expression is allowed or forbidden and lock away the fobidden aspects deep in our souls. After a while they might seem as if they were a seperate personality. I am both Teresa and "that guy", the Teresa-ness (while in most ways a more genuine expression of self) usually in the back ground. But that's just a survival technique, learned behaviour. The adventure in all this now is to unlearn the disfunctional aspects of the adaptive "camoflage" and express the genuine self.

[suzy]

Yep... that's how I feel, too... but sems like I spend more time relating to my fem side.....:D

[princessmichelle]

Is my femme persona separate?
Let me start by quoting part of Jennifer Keely Smith's response:

I think Jennifer has always been part/underlying my personality. The female part has made me who I am. But receintly Jennifer wants to be more dominant! ...
Reciently at Thanksgiving I was aware of the fact that Jennifer wanted to hang in the kitchen ....
Jennifer

My situation is very similar: I am one person, but the feminine parts-emotions, whimsy, giggles, dislike of most stereotpically male activities- are hidden because I fear people's negative reaction.

It's sort of like when non-cds hide parts of themselves at work to maintain a professional atmosphere.

Princess Michelle

PS: I came out to the married couple I visit for Thanksgiving, so I fear that the husband felt out of place while the wife and I worked & chatted in the kitchen....

[Marcie Sexton]

I am me, my usual drab self at work, but when I'm home, I'm all woman....

[eleventhdr]

I am both male and female in one body but she wants to take over if and when she every really would or could she surly should..


With pardons to Siomon and Garfunkel!

But I only wish it was really so she deservs to be free and be me!

Suzy!

[mona lisa]

I am generally speaking quite masculine in my appearance and tendencies but at the same time, there is a side to me that likes dressing up, make-up, and all of that. Beyond that, I am not sure how to explain it...except when dressed up I am a lot more feminine in my thoughts if not always in my appearance.

[michelleII]

Yes, most defently,, as you said, when the woman in me comes out, I really need to be in panties and a bra. Michelle

[Bethanygirl]

No.... Just me, myself and I.

I'd have to go with that sentiment...

[hottieforyou]

i know there is sometimes

[Billie Jean]

If you believe the Bible, Eve was made from a part of Adam, right? That would answer a lot of questions about "why" we feel this way right there. If indeed Eve was originally part of Adam, it means that we are a closer match for the first man than the first woman, as he was essentially "both" before the split.:happy: Ericka/RichGenetically men have both male and female chromosomes and women only female. So feel my personality has two sides and I don't have two personalities. Billie Jean:heehee:

[Sierra Evon]

I know that for me my femme , girl side is soo much more dominate than , my male side , its not even almost close........:happy:

[Felicia Conti]

I stay the same person but shift more to the feminine aspects of myself.

Felicia

[Penny]

I thought I would mentiom this because I consider myself an "escapist" CD--somewhat the exception to most of the posters here---although we make up a significant number of the CD ranks.

An escapist does NOT have a fem side to go to, but rather "escapes" the male ,RL self. sorta like taking a vacation from ME. we become 'female' to escape the male rather than to take on a "female side"----I think a sign of this is that us escapists have no specific woman or look we become that is we have several looks , just so they are female, whereas those with a fem side usually take on the Same fem look and personaliy in fem mode.
I have often said crossdressing is an escape from which there is no escape.

[suchacutie]

I would put it as two manifestations of the same mind. That mind might stress some issues over others when in one gender or the other, and that's often because those issues are best exposed in one gender or the other.

tina

[kerrianna]

I have been sitting here thinking about this, maybe a little too much. I remember as a child admiring my father more than my mom. I tried on his shoes as well as hers. That is a common thing for children. I just never in a million years tought about putting on his boxer/briefs. I wanted to be like him but never felt confused about being a girl. It just puzzels me that I would never think of presenting as a male. Never crossed my mind. I'm finding it hard to wrap my mind around why men have to express their fem side by wearing womens clothes. Why can't there be satisfaction in expressing more fem atributes like being sensitive and nurturing. I guess this is why I just don't understand that burning desire that my hubby has to look female. Even when he has achieved the whole look he is still a man. Does man things, thinks like a man. The clothes just don't transform you into a girl.
I can however understand that there is a sexual component but beyond that I'm just plain confused +? +? +? +? Kitty

Hmmm, interesting question Kitty. I think maybe part of it is that we design clothes, make-up etc for women that puts them on 'display'. Women are encouraged to 'present' themselves to the world. Men, well, they get to just schlep around - of course there are male image aids, and more so these days, but for the most part guys dress for functionality and don't think as much about how they look.

So to adopt the things that make women so exotic to us does remove us from our maleness and gives us different emotions we don't always get to tap into. Sure we can be sweet and sensitive as males, but we don't usually pamper ourselves, check ourselves out, think twice about whether we should change our clothes before we change the oil in the car.

I think that's why it seems like being a different person - because as males in this society we don't get a chance to do those things. Conversely women can cross-over, at least superficially (clothes, hair, taking on trades) much easier and overtly in society. It's probably not as exotic or exciting as it is for us going the other way. (maybe it was for the women of the 40's who got to don overalls and work in factories during the war when attitudes were more rigid).

For me, dressing doesn't necessarily mean feeling different, but then my dressing is still pretty limited. I do know Kerrianna is an "imaginary' friend :hugs: , a voice in my soul that makes me a part of who I am, and I don't have to be dressed to access her qualities, because they ARE mine after all.

[Diana_BiMale_CD]

I think that all of us have both male and female personas in us, but for me the female persona is taking over more and more as I get older. Hugs and Kisses

[Deanna2]

There's just me inside me (for which most other people are very grateful) and it's me who wants to wear femme gear.

[ArleneRaquel]

Yes, but my female side is taking hold, and the male side is fading. Test results confirm my feeling. The results came up 94 % feminine :love: Maureen

[kittypw GG]

Hmmm, interesting question Kitty. I think maybe part of it is that we design clothes, make-up etc for women that puts them on 'display'. Women are encouraged to 'present' themselves to the world. Men, well, they get to just schlep around - of course there are male image aids, and more so these days, but for the most part guys dress for functionality and don't think as much about how they look.

So to adopt the things that make women so exotic to us does remove us from our maleness and gives us different emotions we don't always get to tap into. Sure we can be sweet and sensitive as males, but we don't usually pamper ourselves, check ourselves out, think twice about whether we should change our clothes before we change the oil in the car.

I think that's why it seems like being a different person - because as males in this society we don't get a chance to do those things. Conversely women can cross-over, at least superficially (clothes, hair, taking on trades) much easier and overtly in society. It's probably not as exotic or exciting as it is for us going the other way. (maybe it was for the women of the 40's who got to don overalls and work in factories during the war when attitudes were more rigid).

For me, dressing doesn't necessarily mean feeling different, but then my dressing is still pretty limited. I do know Kerrianna is an "imaginary' friend :hugs: , a voice in my soul that makes me a part of who I am, and I don't have to be dressed to access her qualities, because they ARE mine after all.

On the flip side of the coin, there is certainly satisfaction when I conquer something that is deemed strickly male. Like when I figured out how to change my own oil. I didn't mind getting greasy and I had such pride and satifaction in myself. You may say it was exciting. Other women will give you a look when you tell them you change your own oil.:eek: even put you down. Just like what the ftm's are reporting about their more masculine clothes. But for me the excitment just doesn't translate into wanting to go around town dressed up like a man. I can't emagine buying men clothes and hiding them in my closet. Waiting till my husband is not home, put my guys stuff on and pencil a mustache on with my eyebrow pencil. This is to the exclusion of the transexuals. I do believe that is different. When you feel like you are the wrong sex. I am strictly talking about the plain old heterosexual crossdressers. I still just can't see it. Why in the world can't men be more sensitive without wearing a dress? Why can't men just let go, take a risk and be a man with "female" atributes who is really proud to be a man? In a way it seems like the clothes are used as an excuse or an escape from who you are. Shouldn't the goal of all of our lives be to have total acceptance and love of ourselves? I can even understand the need to role play but what my hubby has is way beyond that. I think his thoughts are constantly filled with crossdressing even to the exclusion of thoughts of sex. It borders on unhealthy thinking. All consuming. He hardly can think of anything else. Isn't this an obsessive/complusive thought process? Why the desire to dress everyday or even several times a week? He tells me he doesn't want to be a women but how do I even begin to wrap my mind around it and make it make some sort of sense? Still confused?????? Kitty

[kerrianna]

Males can be ruthless with their peers who step out of the 'box of safety', so for us to display more feminine traits on a regular basis can be difficult. To this day I catch myself thinking how will something look to my buddies or others. It's something that starts when you're a kid - if you're different, outside the gender stereotype, you are likely to be targeted for bullying. It's a nice thought that we should all just be who we are and express our true natures, but a lot of us just aren't prepared to handle the unwanted negative attention that can bring. So we bottle it up and try to find other avenues to express different aspects of ourselves, when we think it's safer.

A think a lot of this bottling up stuff leads males in particular to easily practise obsessive behaviour, whether it's CDing, drinking, watching sports, working on cars, whatever - we guys do tend to overdo just about everything. Males are NOT about balance, not the way we're brought up in this society. That's not to excuse your SO's behaviour - he does sound a bit compulsive about it.

One thing my SO (who just read this) and I were discussing is how individuals handle change, esp. change that goes against society's norms. We find it's hit and miss, you don't really know what you're doing all the time, you just know that you want to be doing something different. Sometimes the euphoria takes over too, when you discover you CAN do something different, and you do get obsessed with the new thing.

It's possible your SO is entranced :hypnotized: by the different feelings and possibilities CDing has opened for him.

It's also possible that, like me, he's going through the Male Menopause thing where who knows who's piloting the ship? :titanic:

I know I can't expect my SO to not be confused when I am confused myself. We just take it day to day and roll with the swells (some of which hit broadside because there doesn't seem to be anyone piloting the ship! :shocked: )

[Scotty]

Nope just me :)

I admit I have 35 years of programming to be male to undo but inside I've always been a woman. I never fit in with Macho characters, always hung out with women because I fit in with them.
There are guys I have as friends but they have a soft side as well, and can still be macho...

I think this past year I have finally admitted that I am a woman inside and that alone took a burden from me. Having feminized my body about halfway now I feel more natural.....it just feels right.

[Tatiana Thomas]

Most definately. Matter of fact I scored a 35 on the COGIATI which is category 3/Androgyne

[MaggieCD]

A lot of insight here....

As for me, I checked my multiple personality disorder chart and I discovered I have one male inside and two females! :>)
Now I understand why as a male I am always out voted in my multiple discussions.
It's most embarrasing when as an example, at a checkout counter the two female personalities start to quibble over a color or style of something I am purchasing as a male.

I generally have to shut them up and tell them to get a job.

[shawnaraylynn]

Thank you Maggie, Now i have a better handle on my arguments, with my self, and I am not the only one
:D

[kittypw GG]

Males can be ruthless with their peers who step out of the 'box of safety', so for us to display more feminine traits on a regular basis can be difficult. To this day I catch myself thinking how will something look to my buddies or others. It's something that starts when you're a kid - if you're different, outside the gender stereotype, you are likely to be targeted for bullying. It's a nice thought that we should all just be who we are and express our true natures, but a lot of us just aren't prepared to handle the unwanted negative attention that can bring. So we bottle it up and try to find other avenues to express different aspects of ourselves, when we think it's safer.

A think a lot of this bottling up stuff leads males in particular to easily practise obsessive behaviour, whether it's CDing, drinking, watching sports, working on cars, whatever - we guys do tend to overdo just about everything. Males are NOT about balance, not the way we're brought up in this society. That's not to excuse your SO's behaviour - he does sound a bit compulsive about it.

One thing my SO (who just read this) and I were discussing is how individuals handle change, esp. change that goes against society's norms. We find it's hit and miss, you don't really know what you're doing all the time, you just know that you want to be doing something different. Sometimes the euphoria takes over too, when you discover you CAN do something different, and you do get obsessed with the new thing.

It's possible your SO is entranced :hypnotized: by the different feelings and possibilities CDing has opened for him.

It's also possible that, like me, he's going through the Male Menopause thing where who knows who's piloting the ship? :titanic:

I know I can't expect my SO to not be confused when I am confused myself. We just take it day to day and roll with the swells (some of which hit broadside because there doesn't seem to be anyone piloting the ship! :shocked: )

Well I think that there is something to the male menopause thing. We are all searching for our authentic self. My hubby is 45 and I am 47. I guess that I thought that at this stage of the game that I would be more mellowed and comfortable with things. Well I am with myself but there is a constant struggle with my hubby. He spent a lot of his life drinking and I suppose that now that he is sober for a couple of years that he is just starting to grow. I don't know if he will catch up with me in time though.

I spent my twenties as a single parent who put myself through college. I got a job in a meto area in a large health care organization which isn't ever boring. I make a good wage and am at the top of my game so to speak. I am a very confident person and I am finding that my husband's struggles are really wearing on me. He expects so much of me beyond reason really in my opinion. I struggled to buy my own home, I put my son through college and started to enjoy life alone. This is when I met my hubby. I really am trying to understand what is going on with him and this need to crossdress. I have really enjoyed it at times when I am not being pressured to participate. I just don't want my whole life to revolve around something that really is not my gig. I wish that things could be easy. I really don't care if our current society accepts crossdressing or not. What I do care about is that there is balance in my life and little conflict. I would be ok with the crossdressing as long as it did not consume me or overshadow what I find important in life. I am afraid that we are just not there and I worry that we will never be. :sad:

I fail miserable when communicating my feelings to him. I think that we speak totally different languages. I don't know if that barrier will ever be breached but I envy couples that have found a comfort level with all of this. As soon as someone comes up with the ultimate answers for a happy balanced life please do include me will ya? Would be happy to be let in on the secret.
:hugs: Kitty