Sweet Jane
11-24-2006, 12:59 PM
I was reading a thread on here about Dressing up in women's clothing is no laughing matter for some and rather than hijack that thread, I'll put my thoughts here.
I was asked to imagine what it must be like to wake up in the morning as a guy with an overwhelming desire to put on a dress.
When I read this line, all I could think of was Groundhog Day the movie, because this is probably how I feel about my crossdressing. For a start it was quite exciting, new and fun, and now it's something I'm cursed with, yet unable to do anything about.
I've been crossdressing more or less for 40 years and the entire time I have been somewhat confused about the whole "ordeal". Early on (in my teens) I thought that maybe I was TS, but now I don't think so, as I do strongly identify with my masculine and frankly wish to be that way. So while I'm not new to crossdressing, I've never been able to "discuss" my crossdressing with anyone, and it's only since joining this forum that I have been able to begin to understand a bit about myself.
Unlike the replies in the other thread, where everyone was quite content I suppose, to wake up as a man wanting to wear a dress, I'd rather not.....yet I do, every day. I can't walk by a shoe shop without checking out the heels, the lingerie dept without desiring a pretty set, the makeup counter without thinking something like "I need a new eyeliner pencil", and the list goes on. The trouble is "me, the man", doesn't really want to be interested in these things, but I can't seem to stop the thoughts, and I can't seem to over ride the urge to act on those thoughts more often than I am happy with.
I know this is a forum to encourage crossdressers and I applaud everyone who is content in their duality, or in their decision to reassign their sex, but I just constantly feel like a dark cloud in a sunny place. I don't get excited about which lipstick, nail polish or eyeshadow is my favorite colour, I don't have a favorite coloured pair of panties and I find it difficult to get excited about shaving my legs......see the thing is regardless of how I'm dressed, I still feel like a man, I agree a "feminine" man at times, but still a man, even when I wear a dress.
So to maybe cut my ramble short, I am wondering if any others are feeling or have felt this way, or am I really some sort of "freak" trapped in my own "Groundhog Day"
I was asked to imagine what it must be like to wake up in the morning as a guy with an overwhelming desire to put on a dress.
When I read this line, all I could think of was Groundhog Day the movie, because this is probably how I feel about my crossdressing. For a start it was quite exciting, new and fun, and now it's something I'm cursed with, yet unable to do anything about.
I've been crossdressing more or less for 40 years and the entire time I have been somewhat confused about the whole "ordeal". Early on (in my teens) I thought that maybe I was TS, but now I don't think so, as I do strongly identify with my masculine and frankly wish to be that way. So while I'm not new to crossdressing, I've never been able to "discuss" my crossdressing with anyone, and it's only since joining this forum that I have been able to begin to understand a bit about myself.
Unlike the replies in the other thread, where everyone was quite content I suppose, to wake up as a man wanting to wear a dress, I'd rather not.....yet I do, every day. I can't walk by a shoe shop without checking out the heels, the lingerie dept without desiring a pretty set, the makeup counter without thinking something like "I need a new eyeliner pencil", and the list goes on. The trouble is "me, the man", doesn't really want to be interested in these things, but I can't seem to stop the thoughts, and I can't seem to over ride the urge to act on those thoughts more often than I am happy with.
I know this is a forum to encourage crossdressers and I applaud everyone who is content in their duality, or in their decision to reassign their sex, but I just constantly feel like a dark cloud in a sunny place. I don't get excited about which lipstick, nail polish or eyeshadow is my favorite colour, I don't have a favorite coloured pair of panties and I find it difficult to get excited about shaving my legs......see the thing is regardless of how I'm dressed, I still feel like a man, I agree a "feminine" man at times, but still a man, even when I wear a dress.
So to maybe cut my ramble short, I am wondering if any others are feeling or have felt this way, or am I really some sort of "freak" trapped in my own "Groundhog Day"