question for all (Part 1)

[Mistress_Thorny]

Hi all,

I am wondering how many people here particiapte in the D/s side of life either in wishes, fantasies, or in their every day life.

For the CD's: Is it a desirable thing to be dominated by a GG while dressed? Is it sexual alone if you do participate in it or have wishes or fantasies? Is it needed in your relationship to create a better feeling of feminization? Is the lack of power as forseen by some as a woman desirable?

GG's... If you have experience in this area I would love some imput as well. Is it hard to dominate your CD? What do you gain from it if you do dominate your CD?

Trying to find my footing here so imput is greatly appreciated and if worded badly please forgive me

[AmberTG]

I tend to go both ways, although I don't have a willing partner in both ways, for me the D/S is a seperate issue, a lifelong fetish from puberty, even longer then the CD issue. They intermix, but I don't need either one to be part of the other to enjoy the one, and the CDing is no longer sexual anyway.

[Kate Simmons]

My answer is not no but hell no. I tried D/S for a short while a couple of years ago. What I realized is that I'm master (or mistress) of my own destiny. I have no need to dominate someone or to be submissive to someone. My rationale is based on mutual respect for others and that's something I can work with. I fault no one else if this is their lifestyle but I'm perfectly content with the way things are for me.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[ShortSkirt]

For the CD's: Is it a desirable thing to be dominated by a GG while dressed? Is it sexual alone if you do participate in it or have wishes or fantasies? Is it needed in your relationship to create a better feeling of feminization? Is the lack of power as forseen by some as a woman desirable?


Is it a desirable thing to be dominated by a GG while dressed? Yes. Very much so, but only while dressed.

Is it sexual alone if you do participate in it or have wishes or fantasies? Not completely. There is a certain mental aspect to it. It's a bit hard to explain, but the feeling of being a "woman", goes way beyond anything purely sexual.

Is it needed in your relationship to create a better feeling of feminization? Yes.

Is the lack of power as forseen by some as a woman desirable? Yes.

I could go into greater detail, if that's needed, but I wouldnt want to break any forum rules. Please PM if your looking for more depth to this.

[iwearpanties]

wow i have often wonderd if this question would ever come up. as for this submissve male i like the Dom Female thing and too be dressed yes i enjoy it i think it helps with the mental side for some that are submissives . i wore panties and things before i ever new about Domination and b/d and s/m .. but after a saw my frist Fem - Dom magazine in an adult book store it helped me understand the soft side i had and my submission wants grew espically when dressed in females things so for me yes i enjoy the subbing too a GG as sissy / cd ... i nkow no all cds are into it so please dont flame me for my likes and fetishes:2c:

[Kimberly]

Like some crossdressers, I am very much a submissive person sexually. Being dominated by a partner sexually is very appealing, and is the crook of most of my fantasies.

If you wish to know more, PM me, but I'm not really willing to make public some of these fantasies. ;)

[Avsblues19]

I have never been in a D/s relationship, but I have always wanted to be dominated by a GG. I have always had the fantasy of being caught, by a mother figure, and being punished into wearing women's clothes.

[Blossom]

I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think of being dominated by gg when I am dressed. My journeys toward bdsm and crossdressing probably began about the same time but were yet somehow independent of each other. Being submissive was drawn out of my need to give up power from my day to day life and to please and serve my partner. So at first, it wasn't about me dressing. But the feelings that come over me when I am dressed and being dominated by a gg are just too intense, but it has nothing to do with this perceived lack of female power, really about me giving up control.

[MsJanessa]

:dom: Hi Darling---as you might tell from My photo I'm very dominant---and into the D/s scene almost as much as the TG scene---there is no bigger turn on for Me than to be dressed in femme leather, full makeup, teased wig w/intoxicating perfume and have a sub kneeling at My feet, his/her body trembling with the anticpation of serving Me any way that My capricious whims dictate, no matter how painfull and/or humiliating, My elegantly gloved hand fondling the whip that I'm about to use---but hey, that's just Me:dom:

[Karen Johnson]

The first time I went to bed as Karen I assumed a totally submissive role. As it turns out, my wife was a little put off by this. We've had to find a balance in that area, with me sometimes being a little pushy.

For me, I want to be rode hard and put up wet.

[kaitlin]

Hello Girls, I too can relate to the sub side of my female life. My GF and I have have a large number of leather, metal and nylon restrants. We both enjoy them, both roles! But I can not express how much I enjoy being fully dressed, placed in leather restrants and chained to the bed or just left to sit in a chair for hours, unable to free myself is a STRONG turn on!!! We do take turns, 2 or three times a week. With regular lovin in between. I guess I had better hush, TMI (too much information) Have fun!! and remember where you left the keys. haha Kaitlin

[Kerry Owens]

No....absolutely not. Sub/Dom is not a scene for me or Lawren. This is something we're not interested in, and I'm unwilling to go there, like it's often said...different folks need different strokes.

[nettiereno GG]

Hi,

My adora and I met because of BDSM. I had released my submissive/SO of four years, took about a two year break, and began the interviewing process. I saw adora's ad on CollarMe, and sent a note congratulating her (she was a he in the ad) on finding her Mistress. Duh! It was an old ad, and she had been with the Mistress almost a year. At any rate, we began talking back and forth that night via e mail. I was to interview another sub in Atlantic City, and my sweetie offered to buy me dinner and play me a game of Trivial Pursuit, which we both enjoy. Plus, by this time we were both smitten. Turns out the other boy backed out, we had a magnificent dinner, great game, good conversation. Adora asked to be released from the other Dominant, and we have been together since. We are closing on our "love nest" in mid December. We have been living together part time, and I can't wait till we are 24/7!

Now that I have digressed, the most important part of our BDSM is the service aspect. I love to be served; she loves to serve me! I also take her to Scene friend's homes, and she helps in the kitchen and in cleaning up. At times I have her dress as a French Maid.

My next purchase for her is a harem outfit. We do have a lovely time together, and I thank the Universe each day for bringing her to me. She is the great love of my life, and believe me, at age 53, I have kissed enough frogs to know the difference!

Annette (Mistress Annette!!)

[DanaStrauss]

My dearest wife and I used to participate in the local BDSM scene, and for a few years in private before then.

Anyway, on to your questions:

Is it a desirable thing to be dominated by a GG while dressed? Dressed, undressed, whatever...I love it!

Is it sexual alone if you do participate in it or have wishes or fantasies? On the surface, it's all about sex. But there are also matters of trust building and mutual fantasy fulfillment that help bring partners closer.

Is it needed in your relationship to create a better feeling of feminization? Not at all! In fact, I don't do "gender play" at all. But it does give to that oh-so-wonderful feeling of being wanted that I crave as either gender.

Is the lack of power as forseen by some as a woman desirable? Not really. I don't see passivity as a very desirable trait, so no. I enjoy willingly giving my power over, but that's something totally different.

[Wire Road]

:dom: Hi Darling---as you might tell from My photo I'm very dominant
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - you're kidding, RIGHT??????

[Karren H]

Nope!!!! Slavery went out in the late 1800's if my knowledge of history serves me correct........So I'm my own girl and NO one is going to tell me what to do and where to go......well, except my wife!! hehe

Love Karren

[kerrianna]

For the CD's: Is it a desirable thing to be dominated by a GG while dressed?
"Yes Please Mistress." :blushing:
It's something my SO knows I so want, but she's not naturally dominant so we're playing slowly.


Is it sexual alone if you do participate in it or have wishes or fantasies? Is it needed in your relationship to create a better feeling of feminization?
I originally thought it was just sexual, as I did with all my CDing, but am discovering it's a LOT more than that. It can be very emotional, tapping into something deep, which I find very liberating to the rest of my life. I wouldn't say it was NEEDED.

Is the lack of power as forseen by some as a woman desirable?
The actual lack of power for me is a little more seperated than feeling like a woman. Because I am the "go-to-guy" about a lot of things, it's more about letting go, placing absolute trust in my SO's hands, being vulnerable without worrying how that makes me look.
The feminisation aspect doesn't nec. have to be submissive, but I too have had the fantasy of being caught crossdressing by a dominant woman and forced to dress - I think that may have more to do with the taboo of crossdressing I was brought up with. And THAT is more of a sexual nature I think

We haven't really explored the D/S scene - it's more a curiousity, mainly for me. I'd love to talk more about it privately with anyone that wants to PM me.

:worship: :dom: :blushing:

[Kimberley]

Being TG/TS for me the "submissive" role of female is natural. (I hate that analogy because it is sexist) That doesnt mean totally submissive but it does mean being guided. I have always believed in equality in all parts of life but behind closed doors... take me and lead the way hon!:D

:hugs:
Kimberley.

"rock me slowly, all night long." Cant for the life of me remember the song but I think it was Lionel Ritchie.

[suzy]

Good grief......I must live a very sheltered life.. I had to read on before I understood what D/s meant!:o

But my :2c: worth:

I don't enjoy any of that bondage or submissive stuff. My wife and I have been married for 35 years and we are as happy as one can be as is. We enjoy each other and have no desire to look elsewhere. CD'ing is a major part of our life but that's about as far as we either one want to go...

If it's your thing...more power to you...just not mine.:love:

[melissacd]

Hi,

My adora and I met because of BDSM. I had released my submissive/SO of four years, took about a two year break, and began the interviewing process. I saw adora's ad on CollarMe, and sent a note congratulating her (she was a he in the ad) on finding her Mistress. Duh! It was an old ad, and she had been with the Mistress almost a year. At any rate, we began talking back and forth that night via e mail. I was to interview another sub in Atlantic City, and my sweetie offered to buy me dinner and play me a game of Trivial Pursuit, which we both enjoy. Plus, by this time we were both smitten. Turns out the other boy backed out, we had a magnificent dinner, great game, good conversation. Adora asked to be released from the other Dominant, and we have been together since. We are closing on our "love nest" in mid December. We have been living together part time, and I can't wait till we are 24/7!

Now that I have digressed, the most important part of our BDSM is the service aspect. I love to be served; she loves to serve me! I also take her to Scene friend's homes, and she helps in the kitchen and in cleaning up. At times I have her dress as a French Maid.

My next purchase for her is a harem outfit. We do have a lovely time together, and I thank the Universe each day for bringing her to me. She is the great love of my life, and believe me, at age 53, I have kissed enough frogs to know the difference!

Annette (Mistress Annette!!)

The BDSM, D/s, whatever...thing is something that I have never quite understood. Perhaps it is because I am a very independent person who is not interested in controlling the destinies of others and is not interested in being controlled by anyone. To me cross dressing is about the freedom of expression and not about sexual fantasies. Not to say that I don't have sexual fantasies, just that being a submissive cross dresser is not one of them. I am very much into the whole mutual respect aspect of a relationship.

Now that being said, I was very intrigued by this post because as in other posts that I have read related to D/s I find it interesting that this can be expressed in a way that sounds like two people in love with each other doing things together as if they are equal partners...and yet this is a Dom/Sub partnership....that is what confuses me. How can it be a loving relationship when the whole goal, if I understand this correctly, is submission, humiliation, slavery....whatever.

I mean this post sounds very loving and sweet and if you take the Dom part out of it it sounds like one lover talking about their affections for another and yet it is something else...please enlighten me. I am a very open minded person who just needs to find some way to understand how this works.

Huggs
Melissa

[Kate Simmons]

It's based on needs Melissa. I was into it for awhile. The Dom loves the Sub and vice versa. Each provides for the needs of the other. It's not as crude as many think, though. They are very loving to one another and care for one another greatly. I've never seen such a wide spectrum of feelings until I experienced that. I was more or less an "outsider" but did go to one of the group's monthly meetings and they had a lot of "demos". My problem was I was too impatient. I wanted everything "now". My master saw that as a way to control me and held back. I was too eager, I guess. That's why I almost decked him and that is why I left. Quite honestly I wouldn't have given the lifestyle the dedication it deserved as I simply didn't have the time. It is quite beckoning really and would I return to it? Probably not, as I have other "fish" to fry and another agenda nowadays.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Mistress_Thorny]

Thanks to all who have written both privately and here on this thread.

No details are too much by the way. Just alittle back ground on this question is that I and my SO have never had any problems about the CD aspect in our life. I accept it and encourge it with no reservations. But my rosiegurl needs more than the dressing. she needs to find the mind set as a submissive and I sometimes have trouble accomindating her because of:

1) I fear of going too far and hurting him either emotionally or physicially
2) fear of rejection by him saying...nope.. not going there.
3) I also believe this is very hard for a woman to do to a man that can physically over power you so it is kinda silly in some ways.
4) I am just not knowledgeable enough and may screw things up.

We have had several issues in our relationship over the D/s side of things and most come from frustration at the failures on both of our parts.

SO I am searching for answers here..

what works? what doesn't? Does it require a level of ready made submission on the part of the CD? or is it all forced? How do you force someone that resists?

Thanks in advance

MT

[Angie G]

Not for us my wife and I don't play that but if thats what you like thats fine :hugs:
Angie

[Kate Simmons]

MT, ,, Most of the folks I associated with have been in the lifestyle for years. There is deep love and understanding of each other's needs. They know their partner's limitations and yes, during the demos, I did see them hold back even though it wasn't that obvious to the others. They can see how things are going by the response. They talk to each other and watch body signs and body language. Nothing was forced that I could see. The Sub wanted the discipline. That's all I can say as I just went to that one group meeting but did learn a lot from it.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Tessa Wire]

I must addmit that I have had thoughts, but that is about all, I really don't have anyone to play with to find out if it goes beyond that.

As always Loves :hugs:

[Audry]

I was some-what arosed just reading these threads!!! Even though i had a not so good expireance once ,,, Scared me,,, It was The wrong kind of of person I acted to fast,, Spnking yes... whips and chains no thanks!!!

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

been there done it, not again. felt very strange, and maybe not what i expected it to be. for me being a GG it did feel very strange. think i prefer good ole romance !!:rolleyes:

[TeriAnn]

no way not a chance in H---. I am me I want control over me and not by someonelseDon't like to be in closed in places or even close to being restrained.
No way

[Nike]

"Sometimes you feel like a ****..... sometimes you don't"

[Amy Hepker]

Along with the lists to find what each partner wants there has to be Stop words (safe words) to be used if things are going to far or are not what the person wanted. I think the D/S thing is great, but it needs to be done with someone that is a loving partner or it could get ugly. My SO does not want to play these games as she has been through some bad times herself and cannot do these things to others and difinately does not want them done to her. You have to be on agreeably gounds with this. DON'T force anyone into it that does not feel good about it. It can lead to relationship failure.

[BobbieCD1944]

:iagree: And hopefully will get back to this thread before it 'expires'. And I need to re-read the FAQs about posting links.. ie publications, resourced, etc.

[Laurie_Ann_CD]

If it is from My Fair Lady aspect, I am for it. Then, what is discussed is off the topic.

[Delila]

I am always telling my wife that I am as good as her maid all that I am lacking is the outfit. Funny enough I think she is trying to find me a uniform just so that I will be a better maid.

[Marcie Sexton]

What a girl, I too share some "special times" with my wife, although she did have, as most I suppose do she has pretty well accepted Marcie as her special girl friend. She has even offered to spend a day of out of town shopping with Marcie.

[iwearpanties]

Mistress Th

im not a professinal at this but maybe a little supersie and small steps for each thing or feeling you want you submissive too try maye seeing his reactions too each thing you do. look for reactions and expersions too she if you seek excitment in his/her eyes..if you spank me gental at frsit maybe afert each smack or hit you softly rubb his/her ass before the next one also maybe swisper into her ear sexy things ideas you feel you are giong too try this may also help with the mental and fantsay side of things.. many submissives have fants that the feed of and dream about haveing too go thur

maybe one when he walks into the house or apt make sure they know you in control make him strip at the dor once in and inforce only bra and panty wearing the day or nite no other clothes .. i my case i think all submisives crave too have there fears and limits pushed too the point they fear most maybe you can try it but stop just shy of it and next time punh the limits a little more each time makeing the sub crave you and there wants more

[nettiereno GG]

Hi,

I realize I did not answer your question.

It is no harder to dominate a CD than any other sub. It boils down to the connection between two people.

As to what I get out of it, I do find it can be highly sexual.

Annette

[nettiereno GG]

Well said, Nike.

Annette

[nettiereno GG]

Hi,

Please see my comments beneath various sections of your text below.

"The BDSM, D/s, whatever...thing is something that I have never quite understood. Perhaps it is because I am a very independent person who is not interested in controlling the destinies of others and is not interested in being controlled by anyone. To me cross dressing is about the freedom of expression and not about sexual fantasies. Not to say that I don't have sexual fantasies, just that being a submissive cross dresser is not one of them. I am very much into the whole mutual respect aspect of a relationship."

My adora, in "real life," is someone who would be considered quite independent. Her/his job is that of a high powered executive. I understand that people in these types of positions sometimes wish to let go, assuming a more submissive role.

As to mutual respect, that is there in spades. If you read any of either of our posts, I believe this aspect of our relationship is evident.


"Now that being said, I was very intrigued by this post because as in other posts that I have read related to D/s I find it interesting that this can be expressed in a way that sounds like two people in love with each other doing things together as if they are equal partners...and yet this is a Dom/Sub partnership....that is what confuses me. How can it be a loving relationship when the whole goal, if I understand this correctly, is submission, humiliation, slavery....whatever."

Thank you for noticing! Speaking for myself, I am mad about my sweet adora. While others may play with humiliation, that is not something we do. Life is humiliating enough. LOL. What we do have is a willing exchange of power.

"I mean this post sounds very loving and sweet and if you take the Dom part out of it it sounds like one lover talking about their affections for another and yet it is something else...please enlighten me. I am a very open minded person who just needs to find some way to understand how this works."

Melissa, each D/s relationship is different, based upon the dynamics present. What we do works for us, yet may not work for another couple. Adora's relationship with her last Mistress was not like ours, in that, adora was not her S/O. I think that being in a relationship where people are partners in Vanilla life, as well as in the Scene, brings about a very different dynamic than that of a couple practicing D/s alone.

Again, it is a "willing" exchange of power. I would not enjoy a relationship in which the power had to be wrestled (so to speak) in order to be gained.

I would be happy to answer any questions you might have, if there are any others. Feel free to drop me a line.

Annette

Huggs
Melissa

[nettiereno GG]

Thanks to all who have written both privately and here on this thread.

No details are too much by the way. Just alittle back ground on this question is that I and my SO have never had any problems about the CD aspect in our life. I accept it and encourge it with no reservations. But my rosiegurl needs more than the dressing. she needs to find the mind set as a submissive and I sometimes have trouble accomindating her because of:

1) I fear of going too far and hurting him either emotionally or physicially
2) fear of rejection by him saying...nope.. not going there.
3) I also believe this is very hard for a woman to do to a man that can physically over power you so it is kinda silly in some ways.
4) I am just not knowledgeable enough and may screw things up.

We have had several issues in our relationship over the D/s side of things and most come from frustration at the failures on both of our parts.

SO I am searching for answers here..

what works? what doesn't? Does it require a level of ready made submission on the part of the CD? or is it all forced? How do you force someone that resists?

Thanks in advance

MT

If you fear hurting your partner, in any way, set up safe words, as another also suggested.

If you are in charge, and you are not requesting something that is a hard limit, your sub should not refuse you.

The D/s lifestyle has nothing to do with physically overpowering your partner. I feel it should be a willing exchange of power.

I do not know where you are located, but I would suggest you investigate a BDSM group in your area. You can learn much. You can also get lots of info online. Feel free to write to me with questions, too.

Annette

[rosiegurl]

hi all, thanks for all the replies. I know MT has gotten quite a few PMs regarding this, and some are asking where my head is at in regards to all of this.

would just like to say my mailroom is open to anyone who wishes to discuss it *smiles*

[Marcie Sexton]

Have we ever NO !!!, would I like to try ? YES !!! My biggest reoccuring fantisy is having my wife show me how to properly please the man...Yep thats right, always wondered what it would be like to have my wife please, in her chosen way to please and have me follow suit, of course omitting the obvious...

Just wondering how many of you girls have thought of this perspective...I know that this will never happen, but it does reoccur to me quite often...

[CDtv]

I am wondering how many people here particiapte in the D/s side of life either in wishes, fantasies, or in their every day life.

For the CD's: Is it a desirable thing to be dominated by a GG while dressed? Is it sexual alone if you do participate in it or have wishes or fantasies? Is it needed in your relationship to create a better feeling of feminization? Is the lack of power as forseen by some as a woman desirable?

My Wife and Mistress leads the house and sets the rules and i Love Her very much for it/because of it/ In our case opposites do attract and i am very submissive and She Dominant. i willingly accept my role as the sub in our relationship. my crossdressing is an outcome of our relationship that She has encouraged and supported and i have taken to like a duck to water.

it is not a lifestyle but our style of life. it greatly plays to my fetishes for heels and tight bondage and to the strength of the bond between us. Even though She holds the keys She is the KEY and i will do anything She asks of me in anyway shape or form.

[Seraph]

Hi all,

I am wondering how many people here particiapte in the D/s side of life either in wishes, fantasies, or in their every day life.

For the CD's: Is it a desirable thing to be dominated by a GG while dressed? Is it sexual alone if you do participate in it or have wishes or fantasies? Is it needed in your relationship to create a better feeling of feminization? Is the lack of power as forseen by some as a woman desirable?

GG's... If you have experience in this area I would love some imput as well. Is it hard to dominate your CD? What do you gain from it if you do dominate your CD?

Trying to find my footing here so imput is greatly appreciated and if worded badly please forgive me

Yes, I do fantasize about being a lesbian and making out with another woman. :heehee: