How far does your SO let you go?

[RobynG]

In my case after she understood why, she set some rules; no shaving, legs ,beard, chest, etc. All I can figure is that makes sure that I stay at home.

Thoughts?

[Timberley]

Hi Robyn,
My SO is pretty good. She hasn't really seen me dressed, and I don't think she cares to. But she seems to put up with my shopping trips, etc. I have shaved my legs for years, (being an avid cyclist helps), but she doesn't want me to shave my chest. She likes the fuzz. She does prefer the man side, but it is nice she somewhat excepts my other side too.
On a recent road trip, she helped/encouraged me to pick up a makeup set. Ended up buying the new Estee Lauder gift set. Wow, I never would have considered spending that much on makeup. But I did have permission. Got to use it for the first time this morning. Unfortunately, it will be off before I leave the house. Maybe she will help me with it on the weekend.

:0)

[melissacd]

Robyn,

Each of our situations is different. The limits that are put in place are things that both you and she have to be a willing party to. If your ultimate objective is to reach a level of dressing where you can go out in the public, get out to cross dresser club meetings, go to cross dresser week-end events, make new friends within the cross dressing community and as a part of that start going out shopping or to restaurants or to a movie as any friends might do, then these limits will most probably in the long run not work.

If you are content to get dressed up only at home and you are okay with hairy arms, legs and a beard then I am sure that these limits are fine.

The fact that you are asking the question suggests that you are not totally fine with it.

I know in my own situation over a period of almost a decade we have gone from her refusal to accept any of it and throwing out all my stuff to where we are at today where I have a complete wardrobe, I shave my arms and legs and chest and face, I go to CD events and I have and meet with CD friends. She now accepts that I am a CD and that that will not change. She wants no part of it and the price that I have had to pay for my staying true to who I am is that we are room mates rather than romantic partners. There is no intimacy anymore and ours is more of partnership of convenience. We stay together right now because it is easier and eventually I see us going our seperate ways when the kids are gone.

The benefit though that I have gotten from finally accepting who I am is that I feel like a whole person now. My health was going down the tubes until a few years ago and now that I am feeling more positive about who I really am I feel so much better and I am less angry with the world, I am enjoying myself so much more, my health is getting better, I am making lots of wonderful friends and I am learning so much about myself.

Now this does not mean to say that life is all rosy now. Far from it. As you will note from previous posts I get into some very deep dark depressions because of how my reltaionship with my wife is unravelling. But this process is not due to me making cross dressing the sole focus of my life, this is not because I do things to make this difficult for her, far from it. The decay of the relationship is in large measure because she cannot, will not deal with the fact that I am a cross dresser and that that part of me will never change.

In fact the relationship was difficult while she struggled with getting to the admission that I could not change that part of me, it was only after she admitted that she now accepted that that was unchangeable that the relationship started to really fall apart because she does not like this realization.

In the end I cannot change how she responds to the world. I can only control me. I can only decide what I can and will do in the context of any given situation and in my case I knew the choice I had to make for myself.

You will figure out the answer to your question when you understand your real (not imagined) needs.

Huggs
Melissa

[Victoria Anne]

Hi Robyn;
I can understand and empathyse with you as my wife has placed similar restrictions on my dressing, there is some compromise perhaps there can be more of a compromise in time for you as there is more understanding of who you are. best wishes

[Bluebird GG]

in the case of Teriann the sky's the limit and the world is her oyster so she can take it as far as her heart's content as long as i can participate like makeup, photo shoots, picking out outfits.:D

[Tessa Wire]

I am very sorry but I do not have a SO, but I would like to think that If I did we would be able to talk about it and as you said set some guidlines.

As always Loves :hugs:

[Sedona]

Hi Robyn, all,

Best of luck. Since I came out to her about 16 months ago, things have gotten to the point where I can get a body wax (complete) two or three times a year without much complaint. I can de-hair my chest/back/arms/brazilian area with little problem, but the legs and arm pits are stickier with her. I can also wear a thong with little protest. She's never seen me dressed any further than this, and I think the next step is for her to see a photograph of me in my clothes. I'm very part-time, so feel little worries about things going slowly.

Would she prefer that I not be a CDer. Yes, absolutely I think, but she's realized that it's not going away, and has made peace with it.

Robyn, your SO needs to know that she is loved, and that she can trust you. Over time, things will get better. I'm a cyclist, so at least can claim that as a partial reason for de-fuzzing. Maybe you can take up biking or swimming? Good for the heart, body, and prospect of CDing I feel.

Hang in there sister.

Best,

[Paula G]

The only thing that my wife asked me not to do was to go out dressed because she's afraid that something would happen to me, otherwise I have no restrictions at this point.

[Angie G]

Robyn about the only thing my wife won't gofor is me in a bra but camis are o.k. I'm working on occasional makeup and earrings :hugs:
Angie









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[Calliope]

All I can figure is that makes sure that I stay at home.


Well, she's got your number, doesn't she? Now you'll never feel really good about your appearance or get the chance to meet anyone who can encourage you. You're on a leash. I'd suggest either break it or, play the game, find one for her so she can join in the 'fun.'

[GG Vanya]

There are no "lets" in our home. I place no restrictions on Trudi simply because I know her desires are the same as mine. We are 100% compatible within the arena of a GG married to and in love with a CD.

Now, should she suddenly have a major melt down of her brain and decide she wants to experience "sex as a real woman with a genetic male"??? :eek:

Not even sure I'd "let" her grab her clothes before I showed her the door! :devil: :D

[Rachel Morley]

My wife MarlaGG is not only accepting she enthusiastically participates in the fun :happy: She has told me as long as I have no plans to transition, take hormones, or want to have SRS she's OK with anything and there are no restrictions because even when I'm fully en femme, she's my wife and she still can see my boy signals no matter what.

[tekla west]

I have trouble with the world "let" in any adult relationship.

[Nigella]

Never thought of asking her, should she not want me to do anything I'm sure she would tell me.

[Sandra]

Never thought of asking her, should she not want me to do anything I'm sure she would tell me.

Correction I would ask you, not tell you, and then sit and talk about it and try to sort it out. But as yet there's nothing I would want you to stop doing. :hugs:

[Joy Carter]

Don't Care....Don't Want To Know....Don't Want To See....But is OK with me going out as long as it's in another town. I don't complain because she has set aside money weekly for my next clothing buy. I predict she will one day accept me as I am. For now she has at least acknowledged my gender duality.:D

[mskilmer]

I feel so lucky ... my SO loves to go out with me en femme and actively supports me.

[Bernadina]

I think the only restriction my wife has said anything about is that I shouldn't go out half dressed. Like just wearing a dress or skirt with bra and breasts unless I'm fully made up with makeup and hair as well.

[Lovely Rita]

Hi Robyn
The only request my wife has made is that I don't overpluck my eyebrows which can effect the way I look in drab. I still pluck but not excessively. As far as going out she is actually pushing for it and has been supportive in everyway. I shave my legs and don't really have body hair so it is not an issue. My wife prefers me smoothe and without body hair.

take care

[Blonde]

My limits are what I have imposed on myself. I will NOT go out in public until I feel I can pass, and do it in such a way as to not embarris myself or my wife.

I feel I am quite lucky to have my wife, as she is very accepting and understanding. (and willing to learn)

[Marcie Sexton]

My wife< GG > has finially come to the point she realizes that I am not some pervert, but a loving husband. She hasn't really put any restrictions, as a matter of fact, last nite I spent over two hours shaving and removing all the hair. She rather enjoys the slick feeling. Plus now she gets into tohelping me develope,
With all things considered, I'd rate her above average and "very" understanding & supportive...She has promised to tell me shen she yhinks I'm ready for the public, or the public is ready for me...Perhaps our biggest hinderance is the area we live in...The bible belt area is very unforgiving and as of yet we have not found any one closeted or otherwise in our area. For me, other than support and encouragement, there are no real restrictions...well maybe two...one is stay out of "her" makeup, and two wear my own clothes, which we both have lot of...
:hugs:

[Teddie]

Anything goes. And, she has fun with it.

[scarlett]

My wife is a bit strange with it . She Is adamant that I cannot wear fem clothes or make up around her and wants me to keep a full beard. However she has little or no problem with my pierced ears, plucked eyebrows, shaving my legs, seeing me with rollers in my below shoulder length hair, with I wear pulled back with a barrette. Doesn't mind me getting pedicures as long as there is no bright color. Could be worse.

[Kristen Kelly]

My GF has and does go out with the girls to dinner and dancing. She prefers that I do not go out in the daytime, out with her to the mall dressed (trying on a fur in public made her shake her head in disbelief}, the day I start accepting the offers I get from the guys she is out of here and she says she is not a lesbian, so no signs of affection while dressed. Things and lines are always changing since I told her in July, while we both have become more comfortable with my dressing she thinks I go out to often {2-3 times a week}, but in the beginning panties we ok but nail polish on the toes, to fem.

[Staci]

My wife allows me to wear almost anything. She helps me pick out blouses, skirts, panties, (just bought me 3 new bras). She helps me so my make-up looks like it is suppose to. (I tend to put on too much). There are really only two main rules. One, don't go out of the house dressed as a woman. That one is not hard as I don't want to go out. Two, she does not want to see me with a wig on. She knows that I have 2 of them as she helped pick the styles. For some reason seeing me in the wig would be too much. I think I am very lucky as I can have my fun dressing up and get expert advice.

[Calliope]

My wife is a bit strange with it . She Is adamant that I cannot wear fem clothes or make up around her and wants me to keep a full beard.[...] Could be worse.

Well, you could be also doing 50 push-ups each morning before breakfast.

Sounds like bootcamp to me.

Er, except you'd be shaven.

[scarlett]

Hmmm if boot camp would let me run around in rollers and plucked eyebrows and shave my legs it might not be SO bad !

[Tiana]

i have worn long silky nighties for 30 years now in bed and all of my married life. my wife says she would find it strange now if i didn't. i also fully dress up usually on saturday evenings, so i am very lucky but she does not want to go out with me so i do not go out dressed but i cannot complain x

[Penny]

Well, I still have my jewels and no breast implants (my choice too by the way). Aside from that, I shave my entire body including arms and hands, pluck my eyebrows and beard so as to look completely like a woman.

[Carol A]

I dress everyday and more or less live in fem. My wife doesn't treat me any different except she puts her foot down and said NO to going out. You have to understand we live in a rual area now and everybody knows everybody. Now before we moved to the country and we were members of Tri-Ess her and I would go out together all the time. Oh to bring back the good old days.

[Karren H]

Mine lets me live under the same roof......which I thought would not happen if I were discovered....and no lawyers were enriched in the process!!! And as long as I keep my crossdressing out of her face she's a happy girl.....were both happy girls..

Karren