feeling confused

[Aprilrain]

This is just some back ground I am 30, married, I have two kids ones mine the other is a stepchild. Now the problem is I have been having thoughs of living full time as a woman. I have been having thoughts about hormones, surrguries, implants, what could i keep secret and for how long. Though the prospect of becoming a woman excites me at the same time it seems ludicrus. I am 6'1" weigh 170lbs dry! and look like a man. I've been told i'm an attractive man. I am not very effeminate though my wife told me i looked gay today because i was siting with my legs crossed and i had last nights eyeliner and masquera on. To add to my confusion i am becoming more and more attracted to the idea of being with a man sexually. Dressed of course. I have an apointment with a gender theripist or what ever you call them next tuesday. but i guess i would just like to hear from some other girls or guys about their experiances coping with these types of thoughs and feelings.

P.S Day tripper I am envious of your weight! but i can't stop eatting.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi April

You need to ensure you know the difference between what you think you want and what is the right thing for you.
Most everyone has considered the question you raise at some point in their lives.
The answers are only something you will know just dont rush any decision

[Siobhan Marie]

Hi April

You need to ensure you know the difference between what you think you want and what is the right thing for you.
Most everyone has considered the question you raise at some point in their lives.
The answers are only something you will know just dont rush any decision

:iagree: with Shelly, you have to be sure that this is what you want and that its right for you.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[Aprilrain]

I read some stuff online last night that cured any lingering notion that i might want SRS, but that really wasn't a big concern anyway. I don't think i would give up that part of my body even if i did decide to live full time as a woman. I'm too attached to sex to take a chance losing my ability to climax. I also realize that hormones can have an affect on libido so i probably won't go there etheir. I just can't stop thinking about all this stuff. I really hope this gender theripist can help me to work out these emotions.

[Audry]

good for you: I have pondered that inspiration dor years ever since I read about Chirstine Jorganson,, The was a documentary on just last night on the health cannal. about changing over those people go though hell even before the operation,,, your feeling about this has to be really deep seated or they wont do it,,, Lots and lots to go though.
I enjoy the hiding, and sneaking, like some kid that steels from an apple tree
and gets away with it,, the apples some how taste soooo much better,, thats my opinion,,,,,, I would love to be something like Clark kent ,,, Jump into a phone booth and come out as Lois....

CLARK.............POOOOOF,............AUDRY!!!!

[Calliope]

I am not very effeminate though my wife told me i looked gay today because i was siting with my legs crossed and i had last nights eyeliner and masquera on.


Joni Mitchell isn't very 'effeminate,' either; David Crosby compared her to Mussolini and Dylan once said 'well, she's a man.' Whatever. Neither wrote an album like Blue.

The ill-phrased comment your wife made indicates she'll never accept you making a transition. Make sure you are ready to tell her goodbye before you start, should you choose to go foward.




P.S Day tripper I am envious of your weight! but i can't stop eatting.

I admit using tobacco to help me with the late-night munching. That has its own set of hassles - discolored teeth and haggard lower eye area. Right now my priority is body shape, so I've made my choice.



I'm too attached to sex to take a chance losing my ability to climax. I also realize that hormones can have an affect on libido so i probably won't go there etheir.

Shedding that 'sex anytime, everywhere' drive is a part of the fem experience, so, yes, you've got some thinking to do. Personally, I've been really relieved since my drive chilled out (just happened once I started dressing 24/7).

Good luck with the gender therapist. Remember, they got advice not the secret to the universe. Only you have that.

[Scotty]

The ill-phrased comment your wife made indicates she'll never accept you making a transition. Make sure you are ready to tell her goodbye before you start, should you choose to go foward.


I saw that comment in there too, and my first thought was "That was not a good comment"........women don't say that, ESPECIALLY if they are in a relationship with you.


Therapist time I would say...

I was once told the same advice as quoted here, make sure you are either single or ready to kiss everything goodbye.

[Aprilrain]

Thanks for the comments girls. I guess i know i would never transition, but all this thinking about CD TG TS has just been driving me crazy lately. Thanks for letting me ramble. Its funny i really didn't think to much of the gay comment from my wife but it did start a discusion about stereotypes. I have not personaly known any effeminate gay men. the few i've met i would have assumed were hetero had they not told me they were gay. They certainlly weren't wereing last nights eye makeup! as for the therepist I keep telling my self she is not going to have easy answers for me that will absolve me from having to take resposibility for my own decisions, but i really would like that.

[Felix]

I cann't help feelin for ya April and I know what ya mean about stuff going around in ya head. The therapist sounds like a good idea and ya right she won't have the answers for ya you will come to those ya self in time. As for effeminate gay men I know loads of them but none who are trans they are definately effeminate gay men lol. Ya wife might just be pluckin at things cos ya wear make up and cos she is feeling the change in you. She might be more aware than you think but be careful cos it does sound a little like she would not find it easy. It's always easy to talk about this sort of thing but when its in ya face and on ya own door step it's often a different matter...sorry hun speakin from personal experience here. Good luck with the therapist and let us know how it goes. xx Felix :hugs:

[Kimberley]

The therapist is a must in my opinion. I think you have maybe a bit of confusion between gender and sexuality and probably need to read more to help you put things into context.

As for being TS, either you know or you dont. I dont believe people "grow" into this. I do believe they can stop denying themselves who they are but not grow into it.

Transition? You can make a choice to go ahead or not if you are TS (I made that choice not to pursue it and it has been hell. Tomorrow it might change, I dont know.)

Keep questioning, listening to others and most importantly, yourself and your feelings.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Aprilrain]

this s--t is not easy. but i keep asking my self if there were a magical "cure" would i take it ..... wow i can't definativly say yes. I love CDing i feel complete when i'm dressed which isn't to say i need to be dressed to feel complete but i cant go very long with out it. I see the theripist tomarow i will let you all (y'all for you sothern girls and boys) know how it goes.

[Just Plain Kay]

I guess i know i would never transition, but all this thinking about CD TG TS has just been driving me crazy lately.

Best of luck working through it.

I was a lifelong crossdresser, but the major gender confusion you describe didn't really hit me till about six years ago. It was intense and all-encompassing. I can empathize with your pain; there are no easy answers.

Fortunately, age (65) and a maintenance estrogen/spiro regimen leveled things out for me. I know and accept who I am, but it's no longer necessary to consider lifestyle changes.

NOTE: I don't recommend getting old as a cure!

[Kimberley]

Hi again April.
I reread your original post and a couple more concerns popped up.

First, you said your wife commented that you looked gay. I'm not sure what looking gay is but I personally know plenty of gays (of all genders) and they just dont wear a sign on them. I have a couple of ladies across the street who are great people and a couple of guys two doors down. You nor anyone else would know of their sexual orientation unless they told you.

I suspect your wife has a preconceived idea of what being gay is, and it doesnt sound very healthy.

Secondly, being transgendered has zip with sexual orientation. They are distinctly different things. I think both of you need to do some reading here and I suggest "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. I dont agree with everything in the book but for the most part it is very poignant.

Third. You and your wife need to talk about this, with each other and with a therapist. I would also suggest she get involved here with the other GG's. I am sure she is agonizing over this on many levels. She will need support external to your marriage to even attempt to come to terms with it. It could take years or never. If the marriage is worth keeping then get the help wherever you can.

If you want you can PM me.

:hugs:
Kimberley.

[Sporco]

This s--t is not easy. But i keep asking my self if there were a magical "cure" would I take it? ...wow I can't definativly say yes...

I've thought this very question through over and over. For the early part of my life I would have said yes!

But later I asked myself - how many guys go to work, every day, enjoying what they have on under their dull men's clothes? How many guys have the gift of insight into the other side's life? How many guys get to enjoy the feeling of soft & sexy hose covering their legs when they slide into a hot pair of pumps? It's really something don't you think?

I feel blessed to be able to enjoy the good parts of both genders. I wouldn't trade it for anything...

[MarinaTwelve200]

Lets hope that the therapist can can determe if your "desires" are actually "right" for you or are merely a "strong fantasy"---They BOTH feel "real" to the person and need to be worked out. True transsexualisim and the desire to become a woman is usually a life long thing that one does not suddenly begin feel like in adulthood.

I was disturbed by your SO's observation that you "looked Gay" simply because you crossed your legs and had been wearing makeup. How can someone LOOK like they are sexually attracted to other men? Apparently she still dosent know the difference between homosexuality and Crossdressing---That may become a problem , if it is not already. Being Crossedressed is NOT a "gay " look (even though some gays might do it as do hetrosexuals)

[Aprilrain]

though I'm still confused just knowing people are out there who have felt this way takes the edge off. I think i'm just going to enjoy my life today.