grs shame

[princessmichelle]

Hi,

Could someone -maybe me- ever really become the opposite sex?

I'm on this forum because I wish I was the opposite gender, and have since at least age 12 (about which I posted elsewhere on this section).

As much as I want to be the opposite gender, I'm not. Some women say that because I didn't have a childhood as female that grs would make me an impostor. To put it another way, post-op MtF transexuals who "pass" have said that they still fear discovery by natal women.

In daydreaming about grs, these feelings that I'd be a fraud have stopped me cold. I'm not saying that it's the only thing stopping me from grs, but the feeling that I would have to hide my male past from genetic born women is a big fear.

Thoughts?

"Princess" Michelle

[Scotty]

That's why counseling is required along the way to that step.

I gave serious thought about this last night, I have to undo 38 years of "Programming", and that's hard......

That's also why there is a year required 24/7 in femme....

You could start to see a counselor about this, it's required if you do plan to transition.

I'm rather looking forward to doing this myself.

[Calliope]

Some women say that because I didn't have a childhood as female that grs would make me an impostor.

Harsh talk, there. You'd be better off talking to people on this forum, for sure! That said, I don't believe anyone hands a doctor a bag of money and becomes a woman in return. I think one has to accept that they are a TG or TS and once you're fine with that, then go about being (feeling) the best you can be. Of course, some women will never accept us - they probably didn't consider us 'real men' back in the dark ages, either, deadend, so don't let 'em mess your mind around. What's 'real'? Sounds like a language game to me.

[princessmichelle]

Hi,

You have helped me to clarify my concern: that living as an "out" transwoman would be socially isolating, but that living as a transwoman in "stealth" would feel dishonest.

Daytripper: as I originally framed my question I think you are right, but I think I mis-framed it.

Scottie: I'm glad you brought up the RLT: that's precisely when I would most feel like a fraud.

The most simple and dramatic example is if I wanted to go to a multi-person single gender space, like joining a gym. (I'd be laughed at and out of place in the male, but I can certainly understand why the women wouldn't want me in their space either).

But the more disturbing feelings are about single gender conversations (eg: "Hey Michelle, let's reminisce about our teen years.") and that would be a problem forever. :(

pm

[Calliope]

[...] living as an "out" transwoman would be socially isolating [...] But the more disturbing feelings are about single gender conversations (eg: "Hey Michelle, let's reminisce about our teen years.") and that would be a problem forever.


It really depends on where you live and what you expect. I don't pass that often and my kids call me daddy - and, where I live, almost everyone in the neighborhood, especially parents of my kids' friends, accept me quite well, even treat me like another 'mom.'

My best pal and stepbrother will always see me as his stepbrother, however I appear. We got decades of history and I can appreciate his view. No problem, I don't wanna deny my entire past.

You sound not ready - and, hey, that's totally cool.

[Joy Carter]

Michelle I'd take you at face value if we met and that would be fine with you wouldn't it ? I'd not care a wit where you come from or who you were unless you wanted to share that with me. As far as being dishonest with someone about you being TS, I fail to see the importance of anyone esle knowing.

Just My :2c:

[Kimkandy]

But the more disturbing feelings are about single gender conversations (eg: "Hey Michelle, let's reminisce about our teen years.") and that would be a problem forever. :(

Well you could say you where a :cool: tomboy in your teen years then tell them about your teens :devil: neglecting to mention that you where a guy... not sure how well that would work out as I don't know much about your teen years.

Alternativly just lie and makeup a story... about when you where a :cheer: teenage girl...

Kim

:dom: :lovestruck: :luvu: :love:

[Kimberley]

What I am seeing here is some gender dysphoria and that is good because you are asking the right questions about your own feelings, and in the end it is ALL about your feelings.

Counselling is a must. As for RLT only when you are ready and desire it because that is when you will live as your gender dictates. Surgery is not the answer only the end (if you want it). There are a lot of non op transwomen out there.

Keep questioning girl. That is why we are here, to help guide through our own experiences and knowledge.

:hugs:
Kimberley.

[Audry]

You go gurl;; sometimes it can be a strong temptation. i use to wish I could get it done (real bad} that was before it be so well known and less doctors preforming it,, but know that i am a lot older i'm glad that i had'nt done it,,
I never had enought money anyway.....
dont go off half cocked... ooops Pardom the bun.

[Lisa Golightly]

You either know and are, or you don't and aren't. Medical issues apart, if you are then nothing will deter you from the path. If you aren't then fantasy is outweighed by fear.

[Shelly Preston]

You either know and are, or you don't and aren't. Medical issues apart, if you are then nothing will deter you from the path. If you aren't then fantasy is outweighed by fear.

Lisa is correct in her assessment, but for some its a decision that only becomes clear with the passage of time.

This is too important to rush anything.

Only you can really know if its right for you.

[Felix]

Hi Princess I gotta agree with Shelly on this one don't rush anything and definately talk to someone to clarify ya feelings xx Felix :hugs:

[princessmichelle]

Hi all,

Thanks so much!

Of course I won't transition any time soon, and probably never will. But the fact that it is a persistent fantasy of mine is scary. I will of course continue to talk about it with a therapist, and as many other people as I can.

"Princess" Michelle

[AmberTG]

Princessmichelle,I have felt the same way as you do for all my life, it can really confuse the issues. I've gotten away from that feeling for the most part, within the last year by talking regularly to my therapist who was the first person to explain to me that gender identity and genetic sexual identity are two seperate issues and are not always lined up the same way. This was a new concept for me, of course, for many years I thought I was the only one in the world who felt the way that I did, way before the internet. When I was a young child, TVs still had all tubes in them and there was no such thing as a scientific calculator. Transgender was an unknown concept, guys who wanted to be girls had a physiciatric condition that needed to be treated, much like manic depression.
We've come a long ways from then, thank God.
The issues behind gender disphoria are a lot more complex than just "I have a Y chromosome so I'll always be a guy no matter what I do".

[cutechloe]

I hear what you said about the 'iimposter' comment. I guess that women are just as prone to programming as we are. What I mean is that some people have very rigid definitions of what a man/woman is and how a man/woman should behave/think. It seems to largely have been a result of upbringing (from what I've seen), and impossible for them to shake, because they are right after all!!!!
This is why they can never accept us, or gay men/women or anything that doesn't fit exactly into their world view. It's kinda sad actually, there was a girl in one of my classes last semester who kept making loud comments of this nature about a range of subjects... weird. Actually it's right up there with kids who vote Republican just because their parents do, without a second thought (I know a few of those sadly).

Just an observation.

[GypsyKaren]

Harsh talk, there. You'd be better off talking to people on this forum, for sure! That said, I don't believe anyone hands a doctor a bag of money and becomes a woman in return. I think one has to accept that they are a TG or TS and once you're fine with that, then go about being (feeling) the best you can be. Of course, some women will never accept us - they probably didn't consider us 'real men' back in the dark ages, either, deadend, so don't let 'em mess your mind around. What's 'real'? Sounds like a language game to me.

I think this is very well put, it takes a lot more than a credit card and a scalpel to be a woman. That being said, why even worry about such things? I don't care how others perceive me, it's how I perceive myself that matters. To me it's pointless to try and control other's thoughts, people are going to think what they want. Whether you have SRS or not, you're still the same person inside, that's all I want people to see.

Karen

[janedoe311]

Hormones can be stopped, not bad side effects except a problem with fertility if they you were getting them for a while.
Facial feminization is not “reversible” but will not leave you impassable as a man.
Electrolysis is not a problem as a man
After GRS there is about a 50% chance you will not have orgasms. And of course you loose your ability to have children.

GRS is not reversible, for all intent and purposes.

So please take your time and get help.