What road am I on?

[natasha]

As I have stated several times, I always knew something was there but never acted on it. Well as I have been actively cd'ing for a little over a year, buying clothes, shoes, wigs, makeup etc.... I cant seem to get enough of it!! One would seem to think at 42, happilly(sp) raising a family that one would be happy in who they were. Now that I am finding "Natasha" I cant wait until the times I can feel as her. Its to the point of painted toes, longer finger nails, panties daily, plucking eyebrows, fully shaved, and finding every moment to at least partially dress. I even get depressed when I cant dress or have to go several days without shaving. The latest is now bi thoughts and desires!! (The wife doesnt know about the thoughts, but does the rest)

I know everyone travels down a different road, with different scenery but I think I am not the only one who has been there before. Any thoughts....... the fork to the right or the left?

[FOCD]

Yogi Berra said it best

" when you get to a fork in the road, take it"

[Calliope]

One would seem to think at 42, happilly(sp) raising a family that one would be happy in who they were.

Never heard of a midlife crisis?

42 raising a family seems to me exactly the time to reinvent oneself and bust out.

Pretty well my case.

[Jenna1561]

I agree with Daytripper. I CD'd all my life, off and on, but at 42 (just like you Natasha) the urges became stronger. When people ask me about things such as losing my beard, thinning eyebrows, nicer skin - I say "Midlife Crisis - and it's cheaper than a Porsche."


Jenna

[Kate Simmons]

Well, you are not in OZ, dear, so it's not the yellow brick road. I think you may be on "The Pink Highway"heading towards a new "adventure".:happy: Ericka/Rich

[AmberTG]

Hey Jenna, can I steal that excuse? It sounds like a good one for people who have to ask the questions.

[Teresa Amina]

Midlife crisis is such a cliche! Sounds petty put that way, when what's happening is profound. You can hide from yourself only so long but you're still in there, and it seems a common experience for a large number of us that by the time the fourties or fifties roll around the walls carefully built up over decades crumble and the inner self must be realised. Your road is Adventure, destination Destiny.

[Kate Simmons]

True enough Teresa. Once we get a foothold on who we are, the sky (or universe) is the limit.We have freedom of choice (it's always about choice) and in control of our own destiny.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Charleen]

Go with the flow darlin', go with flow.

[princessmichelle]

Natasha,

If it makes you feel any better, I am just a couple years younger and I'm asking what road I'm on too. I really wish I was female, but feel like transition is insane....

Good luck.

"Princess" Michelle

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Many of us are probagly non-op ts. Don't want surgery or hormones but have these strong feelings. I can attest that they just get stronger with age.

[gennee]

I started CDing only last year at age 56. I never had the desire as a youngster but, quite possibly, it was buried deep inside. I was ready to bust out and so happy I did. I wear panties , paint my toenails, go out in public as often as possible, and look for some way to encourage others.

Just enjoy it, Natasha. I understand the feeling that you are going through. You will find what's comfortable to you.

Gennee

:gorgeous:

[Aprilrain]

I know how you feel you described me to a T. (what a wierd expression) I'm 30 and dressing has recently gone to a new level IE. makeup, wigs, heels, longer nails, keeping legs shaved, wanting to go out in public. I also have been having stronger bi feelings and urges, Idont know if that has anything to do with CDing maybe i'd feel that way if i didn't CD. The best I could come up with was to seek conceling from a qualified gender theripist. I see her for the first time 11/28. I know that lieing to my self and others didn't work. At this point really the only thing that causes me stress is the strong Bi urges because i am married. I treat these thoughts the same as if i were thinking about another woman, I can't go there. the problem is i find myself fantasizing about being with a CDer while i'm having sex with my wife.

good luck xxoo's April

[Casey Morgan]

Just keep following the road signs marked "Natasha". They'll get you to where you're going.

Not every experience you have on your journey stays with you forever We go through phases just like everybody else. Some things are great fun at first but they become less important over time. And not everything is what it appears to be at first. For example, and I'm not saying this is true in your case, some of the girls have thought they were bisexual when in reality those thoughts were just part of expressing their female side. You know when you're fantasizing in male mode, but have you learned to tell the difference yet between true desires and fantasies in female mode?

The idea here isn't to get to the end as quickly as possible, it's to get as good an understanding of yourself as you can. Relax and remember to enjoy the ride.

[Karren H]

Not the same one I'm on.........I'm on the "straight" and narrow path!! hehehe

Love Karren

[JeanneF]

Many of us are probagly non-op ts. Don't want surgery or hormones but have these strong feelings. I can attest that they just get stronger with age.

There's an old joke..."what's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual? Two years."

I'm only 27, but I've been experiencing a simliar rise in my level of dressing over the past year or so. I'm not sure what road I'm heading down either, because I keep thinking more and more seriously about the idea of transitioning, but at the same time, I really do like the life that I've built for myself and I'm not sure if I want to risk it.

[Nikki A.]

It seems that the older we get, we seem to lose some of the macho inhibitions that we have and we just finally say the hell with what others think. I know that at least for myself I have accepted that this is a part of me and that I need to express it in some way.
How far or how fast depends on or situation regarding work and family. If I were single and with no responsibilities and a job that would be more accepting I might be more open and overt. Alas I must stay closeted and let out Nikki only at home and special occasions.

[Scotty]

"Searching" just said it exactly, for me anyway.

I want to transition as far as possible without disrupting my childs life.....

So for now, that means breasts, thighs, female like body - the rest will have to wait a couple of years...

And I agree, at 41 I really don't care what anyone thinks, except my boss :D

[natasha]

Thank you for the wonderful replies!!! Yes, I'm still confused but I know I'm not the only one out there who has questions about themselves. I guess maybe I've had it bottled up for so long that now that I have acted on my dressing desires the feelings and emotions are just going wild. If the opportunity were there when growing up I am sure I would have started dressing many years ago, but considering I grew up in an all male household the realistic chances were slim to none. For as long as I can remember I always looked at how nicely a woman was dressed and always wondered how it would be to look that beautiful. The bi thoughts have been there for a while, and truthfully I dont know if I would ever act on them, but they are still there none the less.

Who knows where the road will lead, and if you already knew where you were going, the blind corners would'nt be so exciting. I do know though I thouroghly(sp) enjoy where I am at now, and would not change a thing (other than being able to naturally be endowed with a better female look)

Thankfully the wife knows and accepts my dressing. In fact when she called earlier today to find out how my day was going, I told her I left work early today too which she asked if I would do the ironing and of course to take the opportunity to get dressed appropriately. She said I deserved it!!!:heehee:

[Diana West]

It sounds like you have a lovely wife and family. Why lose it?
I'm sorry but this is one thing I'm traditional about. Whether you're bi or not, you've made a committment. And she's standing by you.
I know some people feel you must be true to yourself. But it sounds like you are. Your family is important to you. More important than dressing. Why risk your family on something you're not sure about?
Until you are definitely certain what your thoughts are on the subject, don't risk it.
Maybe this feeling/desire will pass. Maybe it won't.

[JoAnnDallas]

Mid life crisis...............not there yet and I'm 59. Does that mean I'm going to live to be 100???????