Clocked at a store by clerk

[Joanie B]

Hi,
I went shopping tonight at a local food store about 9:30pm en femme. I was a little over dressed, which may not have helped my passability...sigh.

Anyway, I had no problems when asking for help finding things. However, at the checkout lane, the clerk called me sir, when telling me how much I owed. I corrected him by saying "ma'am", and then resumed the conversation. No more sir or ma'am was used, although we talked a bit more about how to use the debit/credit machine.....

Overall, he was not rude, but I was upset that even tho I was obviously dressed as a female, he did not have the professionalism to call me Ma'am no matter if he did read me...


How have others of you dealt with this situation?

1) Should I have made more of an issue about it with the clerk?

2) Should I have spoken to the manager on duty?

3) Should i have called from home, after I had a chance to cool down?

4) Should I write a short letter of complaint to the store manager?

5) Other ideas?

Thanks for your input. I was upset at the time, but now I am just outraged/indignant/hurt.

Joanie

[Calliope]

I think correcting him once - short & sweet - is all that the situation merited. You did good. Now drop it.

[trannie T]

The clerk identified you as male and spoke to you as a male. It may have been inadvertent. He was corrected and did not call you 'sir' again. Don't get your panties in a bunch over it.

[Kieron Andrew]

you told him the correct pronoun.....he stopped using 'male pronouns'......problem solved, end of story

[RachelDenise]

One and done. Even though it cut to the bone, let it drop, otherwise you won't be very welcome back there in the future.

[sweeting]

hi joanie you handled it very well roll with the punches

[Phyliss]

"Overall, he was not rude, but I was upset that even tho I was obviously dressed as a female, he did not have the professionalism to call me Ma'am no matter if he did read me..."

The key word here is "professionalism" ...... remember, you're in a convience store, and the average level of "professionalism" isn't very high.

Lesson learned here. Go on with life.

[ErikaLeigh]

You could have been sarcastic and called him maam. :D

[steffie39]

You were right to correct him. After this if he would to have used sir again, then you could have asked to speak to his superior.

[Charleen]

LET IT GO! As has been said, it was a "Stop & Rob" for gosh sakes!

[carolinewalker_2000]

I have to agree with the others; you made your point, now drop it. I am afraid that this sort of thing just goes with our territory.

[Stephenie S]

To answer your questions:
No, no, no, no, and no.

Steph

[veronicaM]

to jump on top of the pile.......<grin>
I agree with everyone
Forget about it,
IT's DONE! OVER! Finished ........

[Penny]

Personally, I would have congratulated him because that is what I am.
I also would have asked him how he knew. Buts that's me. If it is imperative that you be addressed as a woman, become one. Otherwise, live with it. I don't advertise my gender while in drag anymore but when confronted, I don't deny it either.

[Karren H]

Doesn't sound like a problem to me......

Karren

[vbcdgrl]

I would just let it be. At least the clerk didn't yell out "hey, everyone, look, a guy wearing women's clothes".

Vikki

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

my thought is "don't be so precious"....you were a "sir" presenting as a "ma.am"...he's been trained to call a man "sir". He saw a man and followed his procedure, next time he may call you maam

[Diana West]

You could have been sarcastic and called him maam. :D

Exactly what I was going to say!

Or you could have said, "Smile when you call me sir!"

[pocoyo]

I know how you feel. It just feels so rude and thoughtless sometimes when people call you the wrong pronoun, especially if you are presenting in a certain way. I don't know you so I don't know how you identify, but depending on your particular attitude and/or type of TGism that could be why it hurts so much, (as opposed to some CDers who may not mind being a man).

I'm FTM. When I'm at work and customers say things like "give the money to the lady", even though they are probably just trying to be polite, I feel those same feelings that you did - upset, outraged, indignant, hurt. I feel like "I'm not wearing girly clothes, make up or looking pretty, I have my hair styled like a boy, I have no breast shape showing, I have furry, boyish arms and boyish features, I'm (to me) blatantly a boy, WHY are you referring to me as a female???! If I WANTED to be called a 'lady' I would have make up on, look pretty and have a generally more girly appearance."

I think you did the right thing in just correcting him then leaving it at that for now. Also, you say he was not rude in general... well maybe the wrong pronoun just slipped out by accident, or he felt awkward and didn't know what to call you.
Try not to be too hurt, people that don't understand are bound to get it wrong sometimes. :hugs:

[Edit: P.S. I too have considered using the wrong pronoun back so they can see how it feels but have never had enough nerve (or spite?) lol!]

[Jesse69]

Why don't you show us a pic of yourself so we can see how passable you are?

I'm from Chicago too... and I've seen cds at Jewel's.

[SherriePall]

Could be we're all making a big deal over nothing. I worked in a busy deli once and you're going like crazy waiting on customers and you get used to calling out one gender or the other because you have a string of, let's say, men. You're sirring all over the place (It's worse in the military when I was in because most of the officers I dealt with were men) and then all of a sudden you have a woman come to the counter and you say, "Sir." It may not have been a reading of your true gender. It could have been a tired, overworked, near-the-end of his day shirt clerk whose mind was lagging behind
Therefore, the simple correction was all that was needed. Since he didn't used any more gender pronouns, it could be that he was totally embarrassed about the whole incident. I know I have been.

[JoAnnDallas]

I look at this not different when those times I have been called "Mam" or "Ladies" from a waitress while in male mode. Being ex-military, I don't know how many times, I have heard a female officer refered to as "SIR". LOL Sometimes, it is a unconceinse response. He may even not realized he made the mistake when you corrected him. So let it go and don't worry about it.

[KimberlyS]

Hi Joanie, I may take some flack about this, but I am going to reply like my wife would about this. And do not take it as an attack but something to think about. When my wife first said things like the following they were defiantly a strike out at me in anger and confusion. But after I thought about them for a while it did make me look at my CDing in a different view. And the context of the following is you are a married, heterosexual CDer that only dresses very part time.

So what is your problem with being call a he? The clerk was courteous to you was he not? You are a he, are you not? Yes you may not look much like the society norm for a guy, but you are a guy, a he. And this person for what ever reason picked up up as a he. Maybe you do not pass like you think you do? Why do you want to call yourself a she anyway when you are a guy? Do you want to change your sex? Are you trying to hide something since you want to be called a she and use a womans name?

Like I said this is just something for you to think about. My answers will be different from your answers and different from other CDers answers. I know when I thought about these type of questions that my wife spit out to me in anger, they made me take a serious look at what I wanted out of my CDing, and what it was to me. And now that I have been able to give them some type of definition and discussed them with my wife, things have been much better between us. She still does not like my CDing, but she can handle it better and I am less confused about myself.

Happy Shopping

KimberlyS-CD

[TxKimberly]

You were treated with respect ant that is what matters the most. We are all so deeply involved in this that it may be hard to remember that not everyone is aware of the proper etiquette when dealing with us.
Yes, it is obvious to US and we think it is common sense, but maybe it is not as clear as we think it is. Come to think of it, I don't know that I would have known what was proper when I was in my teens even though I had been cross dressing since about 5.
He didn't laugh, he didn't yell "Oh my, your a man!" at the top of his lungs. All in all I think the encounter went exactly the way it should have. He made a mistake, possibly out of ignorance, you corrected/educated him, and life went on.
By the way, congrats on having the courage to shop dressed. I've only done it a couple of times and always in the company of others.

Yet Another Kim


Hi Joanie, I may take some flack about this, but I am going to reply like my wife would about this. And do not take it as an attack but something to think about. When my wife first said things like the following they were defiantly a strike out at me in anger and confusion. But after I thought about them for a while it did make me look at my CDing in a different view. And the context of the following is you are a married, heterosexual CDer that only dresses very part time.

So what is your problem with being call a he? The clerk was courteous to you was he not? You are a he, are you not? Yes you may not look much like the society norm for a guy, but you are a guy, a he. And this person for what ever reason picked up up as a he. Maybe you do not pass like you think you do? Why do you want to call yourself a she anyway when you are a guy? Do you want to change your sex? Are you trying to hide something since you want to be called a she and use a womans name?

Like I said this is just something for you to think about. My answers will be different from your answers and different from other CDers answers. I know when I thought about these type of questions that my wife spit out to me in anger, they made me take a serious look at what I wanted out of my CDing, and what it was to me. And now that I have been able to give them some type of definition and discussed them with my wife, things have been much better between us. She still does not like my CDing, but she can handle it better and I am less confused about myself.

Happy Shopping

KimberlyS-CD

[LittleBlackDress]

Agreed...
I don't think this is an issue of rude intent as much as it is an education issue. This very well may have been the first time this person encountered and a CD. I can imagine the pressure that must have been building up in this person's head as he started his sentence... and leading up the the choice he was going to have to make... "sir or ma'am?...sir or ma'am?..."
Then... "Damn! Wrong one."

I'm not defending this clerk because I wasn't there... I don't know him... and I certainly didn't see the incident firsthand.

BUT... as cross dressing is not universally seen, understood or accepted, it is our responsibility to educate. Anyone who dresses in public... you are our embassadors. And my hat is off to you (as I only dress in private).

Don't be offended. Until dressing is socially understood and accepted, people just simply won't know what the proper etiquette is.

So go forth and teach with aplomb!

[KimberlyS]

Thank you TxKimberly and LittleBlackDress for pointing out what I failed but should have pointed out. Most of society does see us a Guys wearing womans clothes when we are made when in public or talked about in conversations. And the thought of having a dual gender person, middle gender person, gender spectrum, or what ever you want to label yourself or TG's in general, is not even possible for most of the general public. Most of the public only thinks Male or Female defined by your body.

IMHO, we have lots of education to do not only for the general public but also the medical and mental health communities to get them out of the Bi-physical sex and gender are the same thing thinking.

I am really surprised I did not receive any flack on this.... Is everyone still thinking on it, or just too mad at me to reply?

I would also be interested in some of the GG's views.

KimberlyS-CD