What do you think of chivalry?

[bi_weird]

Mmm so a post in another thread got me thinking. Just for my benefit, I'm curious as to how you guys react when someone (who assumes you're a GG) does something chivalrious for you?
For me, it depends on the person. If it's an elderly chap I tend to think it's sweet and let it slide. Among my peers, though, it's very touch and go. If I don't know the guy well, it almost always annoys me. If I know him well enough to know that he respects me then I'll usually let it go because I don't want to make a fuss, but it'll bother me and I'll wish I could tell him not to.
I tend to feel that the guy is somehow saying I can't do those things on my own. I also find that people who are chivalrious tend to box me in as very feminine more easily. So all in all I try very hard to get guys to not be chivalrious to me.
I've started an informal poll of female friends and I'm finding mixed reactions from something like mine (though more accepting of it) to enjoying the attention most of the time. I'm curious to see how differently you guys react.

[Abraxas]

It's odd but I haven't really experienced any chivalrous behaviour since I was little. Apart from just politeness and social nicety and such, like people holding the door open after they've walked through it, so it doesn't smash into the person behind and stuff. My friends and I all have very casual relationships with each other-- it's very much tackling and being outwardly rude to each other most times. Although when I use my cane my friends open the door for me because it's difficult, especially with heavy doors. And damn near impossible to open a door if I'm carrying something, too. So that's just politeness but not chivalry.

However, were I to experience true chivalry, I think I'd get annoyed. Like 'yes, I am fully capable of pulling out my own chair, thanks,' or whatever. Luckily, even if I am seen as GG I am also seen as pretty rough and tumble, and I think, even though I'm nice and friendly, people are a bit put off by me. It seems to me that people expect me not to like that kind of thing. Or something.

[Charleen]

I'll hold a door open for anyone. It's just polite. I can understand where you're coming from though. The good news(bad news?) is that chivalry is dying. Oh well. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Kieron Andrew]

I'll hold a door open for anyone. It's just polite. I can understand where you're coming from though. The good news(bad news?) is that chivalry is dying. Oh well. Love and xxxx, Lily
chivalry is not dying for all of us i have always been that way and will continue to be so til the day i die

[Charleen]

chivalry is not dying for all of us i have always been that way and will continue to be so til the day i die

You're right buddy. Some of us do keep it alive. It was the way I was raised. It's also called common courtesy and unfortunately that isn't common any more! We do what we can though. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Kieron Andrew]

You're right buddy. Some of us do keep it alive. It was the way I was raised. It's also called common courtesy and unfortunately that isn't common any more! We do what we can though. Love and xxxx, Lily
for me i think it goes alot deeper than the way i was raised, for me i think it was more the way i was born, i was born a gentleman in the wrong era

[CaptLex]

I'm curious as to how you guys react when someone (who assumes you're a GG) does something chivalrious for you?
I think there's a line between common courtesy (as Lily pointed out) and being treated like I'm so delicate I will break. If someone is courteous and polite in holding a door open for me or helping me with a heavy bag, I don't have a problem with it as I would do the same for anyone (male, female, young, old, etc.). However, if someone tries to treat me like a porcelain doll, then I don't put up with it. They may see it as chivalrous, but I see it as condescending. There's chivalry and then there's being made to feel helpless - the first one is fine, the latter is not. :2c:

[Kieron Andrew]

I think there's a line between common courtesy (as Lily pointed out) and being treated like I'm so delicate I will break. If someone is courteous and polite in holding a door open for me or helping me with a heavy bag, I don't have a problem with it as I would do the same for anyone (male, female, young, old, etc.). However, if someone tries to treat me like a porcelain doll, then I don't put up with it. They may see it as chivalrous, but I see it as condescending. There's chivalry and then there's being made to feel helpless - the first one is fine, the latter is not. :2c:
i totally agree! i get it all too much as a wheelchair user let alone when seen as a girl! i hate being treated like a porcelain doll too lol

[Charleen]

Good points guys. The bottom line for me is that I try to treat everyone as I would like to be treated. I try to treat all as human beings. I had no idea about the chair K, but as I said, I wouldn't treat you any differently than anyone else. I work where there is a huge school for the deaf and blind, and in my job I have contact with the kids, actually did a pirate tour on the river for them a while back. Only concessions I made were to speak slower for those that were lip readers, and more descriptive then usual for those that could see. We had a blast! I was dressed out as a pirate and working with the blind, letting them "see" me with their hands was educational for me as well as them.
When it comes to the disabled,(I know that ain't PC), most have no clue. I have seen the porcelain doll approach many times and cringe.
As far as someone who obviously wants to be treated like a man, I oblige. It's called respect! Unfortunately, that is also going by the wayside today. Oh well. We still try to do our best, at least some. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Kimberley]

If I may.

Endrab, I will always hold a door out of courtesy. I have even offered to help load groceries into a car if she is struggling with them and kids etc.

I have also had GG's hold the door for me with comments similar to "I always hold the door for a lady" Huh? I'm in drab? Okay, well maybe the jeans or slacks or whatever might have been a giveaway, but I always feel good when it happens.

I guess I just like an occasional warm fuzzy.

:hugs:

Kimberley

[Julie York]

When everyone stands because someone entered the room...who just entered? The Prime Minister? The Queen?

When someone goes out of their way to move a chair back so someone can sit down....who is it sitting down? The Dictator? A millionaire Uncle with shakey legs?

When someone goes out of their way to open a door for someone.......who is it they are making way for? The Boss? A guy with no arms?

Chivalry is dead because women aren't treated as superiors anymore....or helpless.


But it's a good strategy if you want sex later.


"Oooh he was a real gentleman all night."


:D


(PS Try to come second. I don't know why but they like it. I think it's because they're very competitive and they hate to lose.)

:D :D

[trannie T]

Should a FtM open a door for an MtF?

[Calliope]

Should a FtM open a door for an MtF?

Exactly what is on the other side of the door?

[pocoyo]

Mmm so a post in another thread got me thinking. Just for my benefit, I'm curious as to how you guys react when someone (who assumes you're a GG) does something chivalrious for you?
For me, it depends on the person. If it's an elderly chap I tend to think it's sweet and let it slide. Among my peers, though, it's very touch and go. If I don't know the guy well, it almost always annoys me. If I know him well enough to know that he respects me then I'll usually let it go because I don't want to make a fuss, but it'll bother me and I'll wish I could tell him not to.
I tend to feel that the guy is somehow saying I can't do those things on my own. I also find that people who are chivalrious tend to box me in as very feminine more easily. So all in all I try very hard to get guys to not be chivalrious to me.
I've started an informal poll of female friends and I'm finding mixed reactions from something like mine (though more accepting of it) to enjoying the attention most of the time. I'm curious to see how differently you guys react.

Well people don't really tend to do so much chivalrous things for me but on the occasion that they do (or if someone calls me "love" or "sweetheart" or something) I will feel insulted like "urgh, I'm not a GIRL" but like you, if it's an elderly guy or just a kind guy who thinks they are being nice I kinda just think "oh well, I'll play along 'cos he's just being sweet. Bless"

I'm always polite & helpful to people I meet, and hold the door open etc, for ladies and gents alike so maybe it's all just a matter of politeness to everyone, not necessarily gender. Hmm, saying that, something inside me does tend to feel it's more "important" to do it for ladies (well, and elderly men).

I loved it recently when I got called a gentleman for holding a door open. Yay :happy:


P.S. (Assuming there are no secret rude undertones in TT's post!) Yes of course a FTM should hold open a door for a MTF! I would do so with great gusto and relish :)

[Kieron Andrew]

Should a FtM open a door for an MtF?
but of course, its the mark of a gentleman

[Evert]

I always try to be gentle. Especially to woman, "Ladies first". I only do it when I predict the girl will appreciate it. Some girls seems to think you do it to get into her bed or something.. :straightface:

Chivalry ain't dead and we should keep it alive! :D

[Gabriel]

Some girls seems to think you do it to get into her bed or something.. :straightface:
And what if they turn out to be ftms too (pre-dressup?)... :p

[Evert]

They too deserve chivalry, and yes, they can stay over in my bed too. :p

[janedoe311]

I do hold door open for women more that men but do both. I do that a lot out of habit.

I do not think I ever helped women sit, ie pushed the chair in. Does anyone do that anymore? It was done in “the old days” because of the dresses.

I will most of the time stay seated when people including women enter a room. I know that is rude, because men are supposed to stand up when women enters the room and to shake hands with men or women.

Can not remember if I kissed a woman’s hand in greeting, if anyone does that now. I suppose if I meet royalty I might, not likely in the US, although Prince Charles and what’s her name, did visit my county Of Marin this summer (about a 20 min drive from my home)! I am sure the prince would be impressed if I kissed his hand!

Any other chivalrous things I have not thought of?

[janedoe311]

I always try to be gentle. Especially to woman, "Ladies first". I only do it when I predict the girl will appreciate it. Some girls seems to think you do it to get into her bed or something.. :straightface:

Chivalry ain't dead and we should keep it alive! :D

When I let offered ladies first. I was just being nice, it is a habit and was not rushed myself. Sorry lady if that is a problem for you.

So I agree you have to read the woman to see if it is ok or will offend her.