She's starting to come around

[rachel_rachel]

Well sort of,
My wife let me dress last weekend just gone, (sent the boy away) And i absolutly loved it!!!!!!!!11
She is starting to come around, i don't think she'll ever accept it though, just tolerate. (that's all i need)

She did say that she does'nt like it but what can she do about it? So she is letting me dress.WWWWWWHHHHHHHOOOOOO HHHHHHHOOOOOOO

[Tristen Cox]

Tolerant is a good thing. I'm very happy for you Rachel. Enjoy the limelight :)



Love
Tristen

[michelle essex]

Congratulations Rachael. Enjoy!
My wife also tolerant, does help with clothes and make-up from time to time.

As the song goes 'I am what I am'.

[rachel_rachel]

She helped me with some of my clothes, won't do the make up thing though.
and won't let me go out dressed. Oh well, you can't win them all.

[ChristineRenee]

Be willing to do stuff for her to show your appreciation. Not that it's worked for me yet (:p ) but I keep hoping that this will raise the bar from just being tolerant to best bud girlfriend status.

Using all the feminine wiles I can muster up to ultimately win her over to my side.;)

Love,
Christine Renee

[Trinity_cat]

That is good news Rachel. Make the most of it

[Wendy me]

small steps we have heard of wifes/girlfreinds that change their minds..........let her get a little more cofmy ...............wish it was me

[Ashleigh]

Small steps is correct. Just remember, keep the balance in your relationship. You have time on your side. Just take it slow. It works!

[Krissi]

Tolerance is a great thing. My wife tolerates and is into helping me dress, buy clothes, but is against me going out. Though she is warming to the idea of a Halloween adventure. Not all of us can have the kind of wife that swishes us through the mall, and not many of us are the kind of girls that can do that, but having a wife that isn't fighting you about it is a wonderful thing. Good luck, and tolerence has been known to lead to acceptance ;)

[rachel_rachel]

This is starting to get good,
Now sex when dressed, i think "she's" turning her on.
the sex feels different, a good sort of different too.
I could get used to this, but with kids, it's a bit hard, my 6 year old saw mw in my nightie this morning and started to ask questions.
What should i do there? Any advice?

[Sharon]

If anything is going to turn your wife's tolerance off again is you being seen by your child. I suppose there are instances when young children are able to comprehend seeing their father in nighties, but none that I've ever heard of. You should either get a lock on your bedroom door and use it, or confine your dressing to times when the child is out of the house.
You should ask yourself which is more important to you: your dressing or your children. Until your child is older and able to comprehend everything, I would be more careful to protect him or her. And you should also realize that children have this innate characteristic to just blurt things out to friends and acquaintances. There is a possibility that they could be ostracized or worse if they inadvertently revealed your secret. I would hope that you wouldn't want this to happen.
In short -- just be a little more careful and don't push things too far and too fast.

[ChristineRenee]

What Sharon said Rachel. It's good advice and I don't even have kids. But if I did, I wouldn't want to expose (excuse the pun) them to this part of yourself until they were older and able to think through their feelings and emotions about it.

Plus, as Sharon also pointed out, it risks damaging the tolerance that your wife has exhibited towards your CD'ing too and the last thing you want is emotional backlash coming your way.

Just remember to be discreet and not "push the envelope" here too fast and too soon. Time is on your side on this.;)

Just my 2 cents worth.

Love,
Christine Renee

[rachel_rachel]

Yeah thanks, i've thought about all of that. At the moment we are able to just get him out of the room and it is made easier by the door being on her side of the bed. (wife's) He did ask what it was and i think i got out of it ok by saying it was my bed singlet.


Rachel

[miss_x_elvira]

one its good (good! it's ****ing great) she lets you and two its good she honest with you about it

atleast she tolerates it and with time hopfully she'll enjoy it enough to help you properly, or even better let you out

as for the kid situation, i'm no expert and never will be (kids eeeww!), but i think you should be honest and straight forward as possible and get the little taker to understand as early as possible about dadies little dress ups, but then the wife wouldn't see it that way, she'll want to hide it from the kid probably

you'd be surprised how much kids can understand

like other have said slow and easy

[Heelwearer2002]

Hi Rachel, my advise is that.. i had told my partner of my CD needs, scared at what her reaction would be, to my amazement very comforting aftew things were discussed that "no i have no wish of leaving her or no i'm not gay but enjoy some of the things society belives as femme, etc etc". that was some 4-5years ago, recently i have gone from the few times a month to dressing 50% of hometime, again slowly & not pushing to hard has gotten me this far. i can say that since telling her she has come around to it more & there is less tension between us (from me beacuse of my need to dress or wear my heels), yes it has made us both closer. but my advise is as most others will agree slowly & in time you will see her come around. it's all a big thing for her at the start, keep in mind she needs the time to understand her feelings to the idea, just as we have all asked ourselves why is it that we dress, then coming to terms with our own thoughts/answers "if any". as in my case i know i don't wish to be a woman but i love to dress, i'm not gay, i love the way girly things make me feel? but i still dont know why i do this..

anyways i rambled long enough
bye all

[rachel_rachel]

Heelwearer2002, were we seperated at birth?

anyway, there is no way that i will letting my little secert out, might have said a few times in jest about it, but that's it, at my former job.
We used to have fun tormenting appretices, and we'd ask if they ever wore their sister's clothes,(quite funny) anyhow back to the subject, my missues is the only other person who knows ans that's the way i want it to be too,
i'm too much of a public face in certain areas.

My wife had a dream last night, she said she came home and found in bed with another woman and that i kicked her and the kids out. My response was if i could be a man and a woman at once and have sex with myself, i would'nt be working for a living!!!

Why would i need to stray, i have all i need in the one body.


Rachel.

[racquel]

Slow and steady,pamper her,do all the housework when dressed,never let your child see you.
Pamper her,do all the housework.
Pamper her.
You will have a long happy life. :D

[miss_x_elvira]

[QUOTE=


Why would i need to stray, i have all i need in the one body.


Rachel.[/QUOTE]

amen sista..!

[Celeste GG]

I'm thinkin she's more than tolerating it, it your having sex in a nighitie ;)
Kids are easy. I just told mine that it's dress ups for a party I'm going to, or a show that dady is doing. Or something. But it might make show and tell when school goes back interesting!

However be cautious, because when in a partnership, dressing is not just for you it is for both of you. I don't blame her for the makeup but. I find crossdressers very cute, but makeup gets all over the pillows and sheets. Yuck! Then you get smugged lipstick and panda eyes, not the best look.

Maybe she will come out with you to a Melbourne t'girls night. I would like to encourage SO/s to come along.

Celeste

[Heelwearer2002]

Raunchy Rachel... maybe we we were seperated..hehe
and may i say, you look just gorgeous in your avatar.my girl is also the only one who knows of my dressing & heels. sweetie, i do understand what you mean about a public image, was in one in my former job in melb a few years ago, but now living on the south coast NSW it is even more risky living in a small town with a pop7000 & working in the public eye here also.. :o . what i had read somewhere on the net & i say to her these days is "don't worry about me leaving u for another girl cos the other girl is the girl that lives within me".. it looks like she is coming around, that she is engaging in sexual activities with you while your dressed. but do remember about keeping balance as she did really fall in love with that side of you, but is also growing to love your femme persona.

Take care & stay in touch babes
Heelwearer

[Lily_gg]

Just a word of caution to add to what Heelwearer said: whilst some wives will be reassured to hear that their husband has no intentions of running off with another girl because that girl lives inside him, others will panic at this comment.

The reason is that what they could hear is "I'm going to become a woman fulltime". Depending on how they see themselves, their husband becoming a fulltime woman would therefore finish the relationship, and so this comment, whilst it is meant to reassure, could panic instead.

In fact, it's entirely possible that this is what Rachel's wife's dream was all about - her subconscious expressing concern that he will 'leave her for another woman' by becoming that woman, thus 'taking away' her husband.

Just wanted to throw in my two cents, because one of my earlier thoughts was 'what if he wants to become a woman fulltime, what does that mean for us?', and my conclusion so far has been that we'd become very good friends, but no longer lovers, because he (once he was a she) couldn't give me what I want&need from a partner. :o (moot point at the moment anyway - he's planning on staying all man, my favourite toy is safe :D)

But, if your reassuring comments are working for your partner, hurrah, just remember to keep telling her - we women need to hear things over and over and over, especially if they're nice things :p

[ChristineRenee]

small steps we have heard of wifes/girlfreinds that change their minds..........let her get a little more cofmy ...............wish it was meWho and where are these gg's anyway? I need them to talk to my wyff! If tolerance can lead to acceptance then let's get on with it I say. Life is too short as it is.;)

Love,
Christine Renee

[Heelwearer2002]

Lilly,, well said, i wasn't thinking those thoughts, am new to chatting about my feelings here otherwise would have explained this also. i can very much see how it can be misinterperated by the opposite partner.

thankyou for carrying on where i had left off
Heelwearer

[ChristineRenee]

Just a word of caution to add to what Heelwearer said: whilst some wives will be reassured to hear that their husband has no intentions of running off with another girl because that girl lives inside him, others will panic at this comment.

The reason is that what they could hear is "I'm going to become a woman fulltime". Depending on how they see themselves, their husband becoming a fulltime woman would therefore finish the relationship, and so this comment, whilst it is meant to reassure, could panic instead.

In fact, it's entirely possible that this is what Rachel's wife's dream was all about - her subconscious expressing concern that he will 'leave her for another woman' by becoming that woman, thus 'taking away' her husband.

Just wanted to throw in my two cents, because one of my earlier thoughts was 'what if he wants to become a woman fulltime, what does that mean for us?', and my conclusion so far has been that we'd become very good friends, but no longer lovers, because he (once he was a she) couldn't give me what I want&need from a partner. :o (moot point at the moment anyway - he's planning on staying all man, my favourite toy is safe :D)

But, if your reassuring comments are working for your partner, hurrah, just remember to keep telling her - we women need to hear things over and over and over, especially if they're nice things :pAgreed. I imagine a gg's biggest fear is that she will "lose" her husband permanently to that "other woman" that is inside of him. Even though I re-assure my wife that I love her and that HRT is not going to lead automatically to SRS, I'm sure that somewhere in the corners of her mind lies the fear that SRS is going to be inevitable for me. And for us that definitely would finish the marriage, I know.

I'm not doing HRT to hurt her or cause a rift in the marriage. I'm doing it because it is necessary and vital to who I am. To try and deny that, and to forego this therapy, would not stengthen the marriage anyway. After all, I have been a CD for 41 years now, but married to her for only 10 of those years...and she has known of me being a CD...and now a TG...all along the way. It is about supporting another person that you loved enough to make a commitment to share your life with exclusively, unconditionally, and not trying to protect an image or facade, even to the extent of trying to keep an access to an external body part intact.

I especially agree with your last comment Lily. Yes...we "women" do need to keep hearing nice things over, and over again. Don't we?;)


Love,
Christine Renee

[Lily_gg]

It is about supporting another person that you loved enough to make a commitment to share your life with exclusively, unconditionally
And this is where it all comes unstuck in some cases - when (if ever) does SRS lead to that person no longer being the person you made the commitment to? Even with the most unconditional love possible for a human being there are a few fundamental conditions (e.g. don't hurt me), it's just the way we all are, and for a lot of women, their husband remaining a man will be one of those conditions :o

To expand on the 'gg fear of losing man to the woman inside of him' point: this is why some SOs will suddenly react very badly, just when you thought it was going well - something will trigger her to explode, e.g. you spending lots of money on girlie things for yourself (but none on her, maybe even telling her you can't afford to take her out), you spending lots of time being all girlie, but not spending equal quality time with her, and so on. So, if your girl seems to be in a mood with you, think about whether you're guilty of these things, and to apologise, bring her flowers, lavish her with attention, buy her something skimpy and girlie that you physically can't wear (and tell her that she's the only girl in your relationship who could ever look good in something like that), and most importantly, spend time with her, telling her she's the most gorgeous woman you've ever met. If she's not in a mood, then :), make sure she stays that way by making sure you balance the time & money you spend with/on your two girls - you and her ;)

[ChristineRenee]

And this is where it all comes unstuck in some cases - when (if ever) does SRS lead to that person no longer being the person you made the commitment to? Even with the most unconditional love possible for a human being there are a few fundamental conditions (e.g. don't hurt me), it's just the way we all are, and for a lot of women, their husband remaining a man will be one of those conditions :o

To expand on the 'gg fear of losing man to the woman inside of him' point: this is why some SOs will suddenly react very badly, just when you thought it was going well - something will trigger her to explode, e.g. you spending lots of money on girlie things for yourself (but none on her, maybe even telling her you can't afford to take her out), you spending lots of time being all girlie, but not spending equal quality time with her, and so on. So, if your girl seems to be in a mood with you, think about whether you're guilty of these things, and to apologise, bring her flowers, lavish her with attention, buy her something skimpy and girlie that you physically can't wear (and tell her that she's the only girl in your relationship who could ever look good in something like that), and most importantly, spend time with her, telling her she's the most gorgeous woman you've ever met. If she's not in a mood, then :), make sure she stays that way by making sure you balance the time & money you spend with/on your two girls - you and her ;)OMG Lily...I think we are of the same mind here!;)

Everything you said in your reply I would have to both acknowledge and agree with. My wife and I had virtually the same discussion this weekend. I had approached her about wanting to join Tri-Ess once we get down to Florida. Either the Tampa or Orlando chapter. I also asked her if she would be willing to attend meetings from time to time to familiar herself with the organization and the people there. Almost surprisingly to me, she was agreeable to me joining and even her attending meetings on occasion. Her big concern was that I don't get down there and throw myself into CD'ing on a 24/7 basis. I assured her that if I was a Tri-Ess member and had the opportunity to both meet and interact with "my own kind", that I might be less inclined to spend excessve amounts of time on CD'ing. I told her that the reason I have been doing it so much lately is probably because for so many years I was deep in the closet with no one to talk to this about or have as emotional support.

I have been aware in the past that when my wife was "cool" to me, that it was because I had been neglecting her needs. Not to use CD'ing as an excuse, but it can be an addictive activity that is largely narcissistic in it's very nature, and self-indulgent in it's application. I recognize the need to balance it out and give my wife the attention that she demands...yes..you heard me right there...demands. My wife is a bigtime attention seeker. More often than not, whenever I am involved in any activity that interests me but doesn't involve her, and it doesn't even have to be CD'ing, she feels the need to divert my attention away from that activity to pay attention, my UNDIVIDED attention mind you, to her. Perhaps this is why I am somewhat self-indulgent or let's use that word here, SELFISH (there, I said it), because I can't seem to enjoy any time for myself without her wanting to interrupt it.

I don't understand this neediness on her part. I don't interrupt her alone time by constantly interrupting what she is doing, so why does she do this to me. I mean really now...fair is fair, right?

So yes Lily, I agree with you. A balance is in order. I need to have my alone time and so does she, and we both need to spend more time together. It is all about respecting your partner and being sensitive to their needs. But it can't be all one way on either side of the ledger or the selfishness is going to rear it's ugly head and divide us as a marital unit.


Love,
Christine Renee

[rachel_rachel]

Thanks to Lily,it's good to get a females opinoin, Christine, and everyone else for your words of wisdom,
As i metioned earlier, i have no need to stray, or do i have any intention of becoming a woman, (would love to but, crossdressing is tempory, and gender reassinment is permenant, so i'll take the cross dressing option thanks.)

She has kind of accepted that there is no way i'll stop, so she just let's me go, as long as the kid/s don't see.


Rachel

[Lily_gg]

I don't understand this neediness on her part. I don't interrupt her alone time by constantly interrupting what she is doing, so why does she do this to me. I mean really now...fair is fair, right?
At a wild guess, it could be because she felt/feels that you're keeping yourself at a distance from her. If there was ever a "before she knew" time with the two of you, she probably spent that time unsure of your exact feelings about her, because she could feel that something wasn't quite right, but couldn't put her finger on it. Since the time when you told her/she found out, she may still be feeling the residual effects of that prior insecurity - she'll want to feel like she's always on your mind, because you probably occupy a good deal of her thoughts, but maybe she feels like you're perfectly happy to get on with your life without her?

Just some random thoughts, it could also be any number of things from her formative years etc etc

[ChristineRenee]

At a wild guess, it could be because she felt/feels that you're keeping yourself at a distance from her. If there was ever a "before she knew" time with the two of you, she probably spent that time unsure of your exact feelings about her, because she could feel that something wasn't quite right, but couldn't put her finger on it. Since the time when you told her/she found out, she may still be feeling the residual effects of that prior insecurity - she'll want to feel like she's always on your mind, because you probably occupy a good deal of her thoughts, but maybe she feels like you're perfectly happy to get on with your life without her?

Just some random thoughts, it could also be any number of things from her formative years etc etcOh no doubt Lily. My wife has had self-esteem issues going back to her childhood. She was an overweight child (a chub-chub as she likes to say) and I know that was tough on her upbringing. I have been married to her for 10 years now and we have been together for 11. I have never made her weight an issue. Last year she lost weight (50 lbs.) and went from 235lbs to 185 lbs. She is 5' 6 1/2" tall. I am 5' 8" tall and 180 lbs. She has since gained all of that weight back. I have not said anything about it but I really don't understand it because she spent a lot of money and time on this diet program to change her eating habits for good and now she is back to square 1 again.:(

I told my wife about my CD'ing while we were still dating and before we even got engaged. While not being "thrilled" about it, she seemed to be at least tolerant of it. To put it on an acceptance scale of 1-10, with 1 being unable to accept it and 10 being best bud girlfriends, I would have to say that my wife started out as 3 back in 1993 when we were dating and has progressed, but plateaued, at 6 today. Obviously, I have been trying to get her at a 9-10 level. I still have hope. Problem is the combination of her own lack of self-esteem and body image loathing and resenting, I believe, Christine. I feel that she looks at Christine as "unfair competition" in our relationship. I have never CD'ed in her clothes as I have always had my own. I'm a 16W dress size and my wife is like a 22-24. I know that that bugs her too. While she would like to be more feminine, despite the weight issue, she just doesn't have it. I know she also resents the fact that Christine is more feminine looking and acting than she is. One too many women in the relationship, if you know what I mean. I (Christine) am who I am. I can't change that. I think when she married me she thought that this was something I would no longer need and would just give it up. I think she finally realizes now that being a CD, and now a TG, is a forever existence. Or perhaps she thought she could "change" me and now realizes she can't. Of course, me being on HRT doesn't make this situation any easier either. I have reassured her that I have no intention to go on to SRS but I think in the back of her mind that she is fearful that even though I say that and my intention is clear, that it will be inevitable and that would effectively end our marriage right then and there.

So this is where we are at at the present time. I recently retired and my wife retires in June from her teaching job. We purchased a new home last fall in Lakeland, Florida and are planning to move there permanently in July. We are currently renting the place out now until we make the move. We are both looking forward to the move. My mother-in-law lives down there full-time and is in poor health so my wife wants to be down there to help her out. Her older sister and brother-in-law just recently purchased a home as well in Ocala. They are both teachers too and will be retiring in June also and moving down there. They will snowbird it though as they plan to keep a residence here in Michigan as well.

Anyway, we talked this weekend about my spending time on the computer a lot (on this site especially) and her concern about the amount of time I spend CD'ing. She was agreeable to me joining Tri-Ess once we get settled down in Florida, and has even agreed to attend some meetings with me once I get established with it. Her only concern is that I'm going to spent an inordinate amount of my time on CD'ing down there too. I told her that if I got to join Tri-Ess that maybe I wouldn't feel the need to spend so much time on CD'ing. I love this site and the internet friends I have made here and would very much like to be part of a group in Florida to finally meet other people who are like me. I have spent the last 41 years as a CD and this would be the first time I would be able to meet in person others who are like me and have similar backgrounds and stories to share. This is such a large part of my life and who I really am and I tried (again) to convey that to my wife in our talk this weekend. While I believe that she does understand this need I have, I still think deep down that she resents it and looks at it like something that is going to take away time from us spending our retirement together.

Well that's the current status of things with us Lily. Any comments you, or any of you other gg's or T-girls who are reading this, have on suggestions on how I can make things better from my side of the ledger on this subject would be welcome and appreciated.

I know this was rather long-winded, but thanks for listening and letting me express my feelings on this subject matter.

Love,
Christine Renee