Just met a CD

[ggconfused]

I just met someone who I think is amazing. He is sweet, smart, fun, all the things I know I want to find in someone. Prior to him, I have always dated the typical frat boy/guys' guy (for lack of a better description). The sensitive side is very new to me. He told me that he enjoys wearing women's clothing. I am trying to be very open minded but am having a difficult time because he keeps making jokes about it, or so they appear to be jokes. The problem is that the more I get to know him, the more I like him, but the more comfortable he feels making comments about shopping for dresses. I really like him and want it to work out, if possible, but I am not sure how to deal with this. I am by no means a prude, but this is far away from the sexual/dating world I am used to.

I guess what I am asking is: if he has been upfront about this from the very beginning (not years into a relationship), do I have any right to ask him to not be so blazen about it? Am I allowed to feel overwhelmed and scared, or because he was honest early on, have I put myself in a position that since I knew what I was getting into, I can't be feeling this way?

Please, I would love to hear thoughts from both GGs and CDs as I am so confused and having such a difficult time getting my head around this.

[AyJay]

Your feelings are as important as his. You need to find your place in the relationship just as he will. Be open about your feelings and discuss them with him, who knows, he may be pushing hard to see what the limits are going to be. I can well understand your fear of the unknown, but unless you talk about it it will remain unknown.

[Janelle Young]

Hello Confused,

Welcome to the forum. I believe you have every right to feel a bit overwhelmed. If you feel that way then yes, by all means ask this person to tone down her talk. Let her know this is all new to you and a bit slower is more to your liking for now. This is not an easy thing for a lot of GG's to deal with. A lot of them can not deal with it at all. It is nice to see that you are trying to learn and deal with something that is new to you.

[Sophia Rearen]

Yes, you have the right to ask him/her not to be so blazen about it. You are allowed to feel overwelmed and scared. He/she, also has rights. Joking about it can be a good thing though. Sometimes it's good to laugh at ones self. I often use humor when the situations are stressful. It's just my nature. Why don't you sit him/her down and have a conversation about how you feel? He's/she's lucky to have found someone as accepting as you. If he's/she's smart, he/she will listen. Tell him/her, "it's ok, just don't go nuts". Early on in a relationship things naturally move quickly, why should this be any different?

[Noel Chimes]

Perhaps it is time to sit down and lay all the cards on the table. Although you are trying to be openminded, you still have some reservations. I'm sure that if he is as sensitive and caring as you say he is, I'm sure that he will understand your feelings.

[Brianna Lovely]

I'll just jump right in here and ask the question.
Do you like or love this PERSON?
Because, that's what he/she is, a person, with habits, fears, desires, needs, dreams and emotions, just like anyone else.

It's just my opinion, but I think most CDs are more of a whole person than the average male, someone to be treasured, perhaps.

I'm sure the GGs will give you some wonderful insites, listen to them, for they speak from their hearts.

[Janelle Marshall]

My first response to all your questions is YES! You have the right to feel any way you want to feel about his crossdressing and to ask any questions that you have AND to ask him to sit down and really talk with you about his desires and yours. It sounds like he is in the "testing the waters" stage and is trying to use humor to defuse the issue a bit. Actually I feel crossdressing should be handled with a LOT of humor. To his credit he is trying to be upfront with you. You do have the right to discuss this with him on your own terms. His opening up to you does not take any rights from you at all, but from his viewpoint may put the ball in your court so to speak. You have the right to ask for what you want. If that means for him to slow down in this then be just as upfront as he has been. Talk, talk, talk. Ask questions. You are obviously trying to learn about his desire to crossdress and all of us here commend you for that. You must have feelings for him or you wouldn't be here. I wish you the very best and hope you find happiness and peace. Good luck! Keep us posted.
Janelle

[Penny]

Making light of it could very well be his way difusing what he hopes will not turn into a bad situation. You have every right to feel confused and scared.
The best thing to do is to have an open and honest discussion about the crossdressing. Ask every concievable question that concerns you. As a general rule, CD's are much more caring and sensitive. Remember, he is probably just as confused and scared as you are. No time like the present to end the signals and get to some serious discussion. Mutal respect for each others feelings is paramount so discuss feelings and concerns.
Good luck!

:hugs:

Penny

[ggconfused]

Thank you so much.

It is all new to me. This is the beginning of a relationship and I know I should be filled with excitement and good-anxiety, but I am scared I am missing the good stuff because I am so concerned with this.

I really do like him and want to understand and be supportive. I am scared that bringing it up will only make him shut down and not talk about it.

From what he has told me, aside from the joking, this appears to be new to him ,too. I know that I can't do this alone.

Unfortunately, unlike all my previous dating issues, this is NOT one I can discuss with my friends.

Again, thank you so much for your insight.

[Sienna Skye]

Although he was upfront from the beginning (A very admirable thing), you have every right to ask him to tone it down a bit, and not be so blazen about it. I feel I'd be pretty accurate in saying it is every crossdressers dream to find a woman who doesn't run away as soon as they find out a guy they have an interest in also enjoys wearing girls clothing. I congratulate you on joining this site in order to gain knowledge and understanding. That to me shows you are special. My advise is to keep communicating with him. Let him know how you feel. If he pushes his dressing beyond what you are comfortable with, you have every right to walk away. I really hope things work out for both of you. I am married to a wonderful lady, but she has never been very comfortable about my dressing. I admire your boyfriend for telling you now. It's something I regret I didn't do before I got married over 20 years ago. Hope this helps a little, Sienna

[Sarah-Anne]

Perhaps it is time to sit down and lay all the cards on the table. Although you are trying to be openminded, you still have some reservations. I'm sure that if he is as sensitive and caring as you say he is, I'm sure that he will understand your feelings.

However, at the same time, she must understand his feelings. When a relationship is in its infancy (which I gather from the original post this relationship is), it is inappropriate to ask someone to act differently.

He has been open with you, for which you should thank him. You should sit down and discuss exactly how he feels about CDing, including how often he does it, when he does it, why he does it and how "far" he goes (e.g. is it just underwear or does he go all the way with wigs etc). Then you need to decide if you are alright with that. In my opinion, one cannot go asking brand new partners to make compromises. Of course, I do not know either of you, and maybe he is not a serious crossdresser and is happy to give it up!

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I'm sure that you are in a turmoil, here you are dating someone who has alot of the special qualities that you admire in a guy, and it turns out that there is this twist in the tail.

I don't know how you should feel, but I'd say if this guy is as caring and sensitive as you say, then you should have a big heart to heart. Talk to him about things like, how far does he wish to take his crossdressing?, and see if the limits he puts on this activity are something that you can live with....really, I'd just talk and talk about it, what you can accept, what you may be able to accept one day, and things that you just could never accept as long as you live.

You have a great chance to get everything out on the table and discussed, many of s wish that we were in the same boat.

And don't dispair, we all are just regular people and this is our wee quirk...I'm sure there are some pretty wierd quirks out there, so I don't feel this one is sooooo bad (yet to some people it is...go figure). Anyway, have fun, enjoy your life and fall in love....

[ggconfused]

I am not interested in asking him to give it up. I am just very confused. I don't know if this is normal for a GG to feel the first time she hears about it. The best way to describe my feelings are that I am in such conflict between how I feel about him and what I am used to in my life. Yes, it is in its infancy and I would never ask him to change. However, if I met a guy who told me upfront he didn't want to have children, I would need to know how serious he felt about it so that I can act accordingly.

The bottom line is that I really like him. For lack of a better explanation, he turns me on just being him (dressed and acting like a guy), I need to know what turns him on and whether I can be a part of it.

I really appreciate everyone being so supportive of me. I am trying here. Normally, I run away from beginning (my own fear of commitment), but for some reason that I am working on figuring out, he seems to be worth it. Do I wish it were not an issue? Yes, it would make it easier. But it is and I am really trying to get through it as well as possible.

[BobbieCD1944]

Yes, it is in its infancy and I would never ask him to change. However, if I met a guy who told me upfront he didn't want to have children, I would need to know how serious he felt about it so that I can act accordingly.

I have a counselor friend that says there are 4 things people should considered when thinking about a relationship:

Sexuality - tastes, frequency, etc.
Children - Yes or no, how to raise them, how many
Money - How to handle it, how much to spend
Spirituality - Congruency of beliefs

Any huge disagreement with these probably mean a relationship is doomed.

The beginnings of any relationship can be overwhelming. I tend to celebrate and wish the best for those who find out and deal with these things in the beginning. Of course, I'm just an old f**t idealist.

I'd say be open with him, but slow and gentle.. so to speak.

[Kristen Kelly]

Welcome Confused to our family. Feel free to add me to your Yahoo messenger KristenKelly77 (that’s the same Invite to all the girls) I love to chat, I'm a good ear that won't put you down. I told my GG Gs all about my dressing this year and maybe able to talk to you about some her isues and maybe why She acts this way.
If I'm home the computer Is always on, and if I am not at my desk get back to you shortly.

[bredalee25]

Hi confussed, The first thing you need to do is talk to him and explain you're feelings in a nice way. Also you need to ask yourself could I accept it if he wanted to bring his dressing into your sexlife. You have plenty of friends to be here more than willing to help you through this difficult time in your relationship.

ttfn

[Glenda58]

Confused there's a GG forum at you should post this thread on the GGs there could give you more incite. We CDs would love to find someone like you who doesn't run out the door when they first find out about us. You have questions and fears it's alright to go slow. Tell him/her to slow down while you get your feelings figured out. This is not something that you can take lightly it will take a lot of time and effort if you decide to stay with him/her.:love:

[Calliope]

Since, as you noted, he's just starting to test the CD waters, he probably has no idea at this point in his development where his dressing is gonna go. That's OK, the relationship is new, too, and no one knows where it's gonna be down the line, either. That said, there is usually an initial CD euphoria (pink haze) associated with the first open expressions of TGism. You can count on a lot of dressing, I would guess. (It will tone down in time, especially if he's out in his community.) Should that scare you off? No, you haven't tried it and, who knows, maybe this kind of guy is going to be great for you. CDs are exceptional people. You're lucky, really. (And so is he!) Should you ask him to limit his CDing? Hmmm, should he ask you to keep your weight steady? Tomorrow never knows, baby.

[TeriAnn]

In my experience it is a wonderful thing when you can finally come out to the one you love and let them knowhow you feel and what you like to do. I told my wife of 6 years (at the time), we had just returned from a trip to Florida. All the way home I tried to tell her but was afraid of how she might react.
So when we got home I sat her down and told her I was a crossdresser, of course there was the shock of hearing this, so I knew I had to give her time to process everything I had told her. After A few days I gently ask her about her feelings of what I had told her a few days before, lo and behold she told me she was fine with my cding. You could have knocked me over with a feather, I was so dum founded I didn't know what to say but I love you for excepting my cding.We went out the next day and she bought me a new skirt and I bought her a new pair of heels. We have a very loving relationship and she helps me with every thing that I do. She sets no restrictions on my cding and I can dress pretty much like I want. Most times she picks it out for me anyway. Her name is BlueBird and she is on the GG forum drop her a pm and ask her how she feels.I am TeriAnn

[ggconfused]

I am going to join the GG forum and hope that I can get more validation on my feelings. You are all amazing people and it is comforting to know that the guy I am falling for is in the same category.

I promise to keep everyone updated on the situation and will stop by if I have more questions.

Thank you.

[DonnaT]

Seems to me that you've read a some of the posts on this forum, as you seem to have the terminology (gg, cd, etc.) down pretty quickly.


You said
From what he has told me, aside from the joking, this appears to be new to him ,too.

I'm on several other forums, and I'm not too familier with other instances where a CD, who is "new" to this, is so open with a new girlfriend. Commendable, to say the least, but suspicious to me. Passed experience tells me that for someone to be so open so soon, they have been at the CDing a while, and have experienced rejection later in the relationship because of it, and thus have decided to be up front sooner than later.

As for the apparent joking, it appears he's testing you to see how tolerant/accepting you may be. Probably a result of past rejections as well.

So, now's the time to have a heart-to-heart talk.

You may want to know how often he dresses up.
Does he go out dressed. If so, where to.
Are you interested in meeting some of his CDing frineds, if any.
Was he honest with you about this being new to him.
Where does he see this CDing going. More frequently, etc.
Does he have any pictures, and would you be intersted in seeing them.
What do you think about seeing him dressed enfemme.

[ggconfused]

I have been reading the postings which is how I know the terminology. When he told me, I was more intrigued and curious about what it meant, so I went looking on the internet. As time as passed, my intrigue and curiosity has turned to fear and confusion. I went from not knowing him and thinking we could be friends and this is just one of his fetishes, to really beginning to fall for him and wondering how I can handle it. We have not had sex yet, I am petrified. This is the first time a guy has not tried to sleep with me right away. So, on top of the obvious issues I am having, I am also dealing with my own personal feelings of rejection. I am trying to understand him but at the same time, I keep having to remember that I AM THE GIRL here and that I have my own issues. I keep wondering if he isn't attracted to me; if I am not enough of a woman for him; if he can only get off when he is wearing my clothes (and by that I mean my=women's). It is very hard not to internalize these feelings. In addition, I really like him, a great GUY, and am very confident in my sexuality and know that I am not attracted to women. How can I possibly be attracted to a man in women's clothing? I don't want to be a man and I don't want to play that role. Is that where this is headed?

[ggconfused]

One more question about all of this:

Is there a difference in a crossdresser and a transvestite? He has made joking comments about being a tranny and I laugh them off with the same weird feeling as the rest of the jokes.

[Sweet Jane]

How can I possibly be attracted to a man in women's clothing? I don't want to be a man and I don't want to play that role. Is that where this is headed?


Hi
for the first part of your question, I don't know the answer....I can only hope that by telling you he doesnt want to be a 24/7 CDer. Now that may put a spanner in the works, but this is one of those things you have to talk long and hard with him about...me?, I don't even want to be an infrequent crossdresser, but I am.

now as for the next part...I don't want my wife to take the mans role as that would make me uncomfortable too. I don't think I'd even want to be seen dressed by my wife, but as she only knows about my wearing underwear, I think it may shock her to see me as I appear on this site.

I don't think you're headed down the road to gender swapping, however you must get your beaus' thoughts on where he wants to go with his crossdressing. If he wants to live as a lady, then maybe that's not what you are after, if he wants to dabble in a bit of "dress up", then maybe you could live with that.

We're a complex bunch, ranging from the TS through to the merely curious, and some like me, the relucant crossdresser...anyway, good luck

[Penny]

One more question about all of this:

Is there a difference in a crossdresser and a transvestite? He has made joking comments about being a tranny and I laugh them off with the same weird feeling as the rest of the jokes.
Crossdresser is a soft way to say one likes to wear clothes of the opposite sex. In actuality, crossdresser and transvestite are one in the same. They encompass those who may wear only one article to those who wear all.
The mental health people have tried to lable transvestism as a mental disorder and studied it with little success mainly because it is not a disorder.
Nevertheless, it has provided many with a steady income and as a result, it has a negitive conotation. It is as much a part of a persons psychy as any other developed or inherited trait.
For most of us, we developed the need to wear woman's clothes just prior to puberty. I doubt seriously that this is new to your crossdresser.

[DeniseNJ]

He is probably scared too, his jokes of being a cd or TV is his was of hiding the fact that he is affraid of your rejection. He/she is studing your responses to his pun. Ask him out right r u gay do you like women? good luck!!

[Shannon CD]

I'd like to take a moment to caution all of us CDs on speculating things like how long he/she has been dressing. It may very well be that he has just recently (and that could be a general term) started.

I say this because we run the risk of putting doubt into the back of Confused's mind that may lead her to believe that he/she is less than truthful.

Let me give you an example from my last relationship. About a month after I started dating my last GF I could tell she was getting serious so I decided to be completely honest with her regarding all aspects of my CDing; how long I'd been dressing, why I felt I started dressing, that I was completely straight, how it affected me sexually, and where I felt safe in public dressed and why.

She decided to ask some of her friends and they opted to tell her what I "really meant". They told her things like "60% of crossdressers are gay", which caused her to doubt me, especially since I told her that I felt more comfortable going out dressed to gay clubs then to regular clubs (I felt that I would probably not be beaten to a pulp at a gay club and I could politely turn down any advances).

The fact is that I was completely honest with her, but outside influences caused her to mis-trust what I had told her. That seed eventually destroyed our relationship (there were other issues, as well, but she always used her friends "interpretations" of the truth).

So, again, please let her see the good and honest side of us, which is predominant, and not give her any reason to doubt.

[kathy gg]

Okay.....I hate being the first gg to respond to your post.

THis is how I feel about thist stuff......in alot of ways I do think that if a woman places herself in a position of being aware and educating herself and also making sure to ask lots of questions and such AT THE START...ultimatly you are responsible for alot more than the woman who finds out later. The woman who finds out later is given sort of a *get angry* card because she was not given the choice.....where as the woman who goes into this knowing is expected to sort of roll with the flow.

All I can say is this....ultimatly this will always be a part of him, a part of your relationship, and you need to find out what his level of *t-ness* is. I mean there are big jumps between doing this as a weekend recreational thing and those who HAVE to or NEED to do this everyday for their well being or alter their body. You have to figure out what level you are willing to jump to if per chance he grows with this in time.

Please know my thoughts are not meant to discourage you, frankly I think that being in a relationship with THE RIGHT crossdresser can be more fullfilling, more exciting, and be a huge plus.

I know that is heady stuff to be thinking about, espiclaly in the dating stage. Both of you sound fairly young, I would take one day at a time and not over analyze things to much for a while.

[ggconfused]

Thanks. I don't doubt him nor think he is lying about how long he has been doing it. Frankly, that doesn't matter to me. There are plenty of this I learned when I became sexually active and I would NEVER want to be judged for how often or long I have been doing them. I asked if he was gay and he said no. I asked if he wanted to be a woman and he said no. Mind you, I asked all these things before I thought we would be anything more than friends. Now we are clearly more than friends and I have been open with him about my past and am happy he is open with me. However, although I have had my fair share of experiences, I divulged them and then let it go. He knows what I have done and although he has met many of the guys, I would never rub it in his face. I have no interest in seeing if it scares him away nor testing him as to his reaction. I know myself well enough to know that if I really wan't interested, I would not have lasted even this long, as short as it has been so far. So, when does the testing stop? When does he realize I am not going anywhere, not now? When does he stop and say, "I like you and I know this must be freaking you out a little bit. Let's talk about it." When does it stop being about his rejection fears and about how he seems to purposely be trying to scare me away? It feels like he is pushing the limits and jokes to see how much I can handle. I am a big girl and if I am not ok with it, I will say so. When does the testing stop?

[Theresa(TGirl)]

I can kinda understand what your saying, you like him cause he's sensitive and understanding towards you, but you tend to be a little "put-off" by his CD boldness. Am I right?

If so, then what you are feeling is what I'd consider to be perfectly normal, able to accept it, but unable to deal with the "jokingness" aboout it.

[ggconfused]

Exactly. Everything I like about him seems to come from the one thing I am having a hard time getting my head around. I couldn't have said it better. Thanks!

[Chiana]

We have not had sex yet, I am petrified. This is the first time a guy has not tried to sleep with me right away. So, on top of the obvious issues I am having, I am also dealing with my own personal feelings of rejection.

My ex-SO had similar thoughts. I guess I was not aggressive, in this respect, as her previous boy friends. It was totally not her fault. I thought she was attractive and appealing. I just did not want to take another chance at rejection at that time. So I held back.

[kerrianna]

Hi ggconfused, you've had some good insights already here so I don't have too much to add, except he sounds like a wonderful guy and you sound like you have fallen for him. I commend you on your willingness to figure this out now.

I don't know how old you are, but I remember when I was young and falling in love there was a lot of anxiety about everything. Looking back I can't say I did much that could be called rational :heehee: .

I am guilty of using humour too much even today when I'm nervous about talking about something, even tho my SO and I have been together 22 years. She still calls me up on it - it's part of who I am and how I deal with the world.

All I can say is if you really think he's special then let yourself go - explore everything together and build on the trust you two obviously have started on. Encourage him to express himself naturally and try to do the same yourself - tune into yourself about how different things make you feel, and try to communicate what really doesn't work for you (and remember nothing's written in stone - we all change). He could well be as confused as you. There is a HUGE range of CDers on this site alone - from infrequent fetish to fully Transgendered. And people change all the time. It sounds to me like he's just exploring and playing, and speaking as a sweet sensitive guy (hey! that's what my GG friends call me :happy: ) one of the great things about CDing is exploring your sensitivity and creativity, not to mention gaining empathy for your partner. :hugs:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

well all ur feelings are natural confused. i was in same postion four months ago. ( although id been seeing b/f for nearly 2 years ) !! ur head is spinning @ mo, it does help reading posts on the forum, and i see u were gonna join GG forum, which is a good idea. its early days for u, and u need ALOT of answers to ur questions. take a deep breath, and gather as much info as u can, to undertsand the c/d side of the bloke .:hugs: being on here will help u undertsnad more hun :love:

[steffie39]

Hi ggconfused,

I know at first there were times I joked about my CDing to my wife as I thought it helped eased the tension for me. However, I found sometimes my wife was not in the right frame of mind for these jokes but other times she was OK. My wife got me my very first femme things too; so if my wife is like this then other GG's who didn't help their SO originally with dressing are bound to be like this too.

I found this out though about my wife ONLY after communicating with her. You CAN have a happy, healthy relationship with a CD but it requires constant communication and also COMPROMISE on both sides. CDing is something neither side asks for but you deal with it the best way you can each and every day. Good luck!

:hugs:

Steffie

[Penny Lane]

Hi "Confused"

You have had a lot of replies to your initial post, all contain excellent advice. You are perfectly entitled to feel the way you do, I would have been surprised if you hadn't.

I came out to my wife of 33 years before we were intimate/married, and it has not all been plain sailing by any means, but few relationships are as smooth as a baby's bum anyway. We have something special and always will, crossdressing is not, well, shouldn't be anyway, the main thing in a loving and sharing relationship.

I remember feeling great fear that I would be rejected, heart pounding in my ears etc. and lose a person who was becoming very special. Being young at the time I had very little knowledge of others being in the same boat and was dealing with my own feelings of being the "only freak" in the world with this problem. To try to explain this desire to another was very difficult, at least today there is the internet and sites such as this. You can become better informed at the outset than my generation.

Your b/f has placed a great deal of trust in you by being so honest and up front, he's laid his innermost secret out for another to view. He obviously feels you are special which you have shown by being here. As has been said you must communicate, and in a serious way too. Like others I use humour to deflect uncomfortable situations, which I know sometimes drives my wife bonkers, so get him to be calm and level with you.

You are an equal partner in your relationship and it is vital you are comfortable with all aspects of your b/f. You will not have all the answers up front, as you don't know all the questions yet. He has, in all probability not "made advances" out of respect for you (most cd'ers hold women in higher regard than other men) not out of wanting to take your rightful place in the relationship. I think you will find the overwhelming majority of cd/ers are heterosexual, I think, although I could be wrong, that Drag Queens tend to be gay as they are portraying a caricature of women, whereas most cd/ers just want to look like your ordinary woman in the street.

Having these tendencies is a lot more common than you would think, apparently anything up to 30% of the male population has this urge to varying degrees.

On behalf of all of us here and most importantly your b/f, THANKYOU. Thanks for being strong enough to find out more and to ask questions, keep on like this and you won't go far wrong.

Good luck to you both, may what ever the furure hold for you make you both happy in the long term :love:

Penny xx

[Kate Simmons]

Simply put, the ball is in his court. See what he does with it. Give him some space and the time to really be himself. Making light of things is probably his way of reassuring you he likes you as a woman. I think if you give it time, you can find out just how much CDing really means to him. Don't encourage him just see what he does with it. Don't be fooled though.The potential problem I see, is that the majority of guys who CD are more concerned with their own wants and needs as their femme self. This is a self perpetuating entity and has nothing to do with a loved one or SO. So, you need to establish, just by observing first just how important this "woman" is to him. So many women get frustrated and question themselves in this situation. How important YOU are to him is what matters and how far is he willing to go to show and maintain his feelings for you?If you can handle the fact that time and attention is paid to this "woman" that should be going to you, you may be okay but he has to realize you have wants and needs also. Just give it some time, Hon.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[kittypw GG]

ggconfused,
What you are feeling is normal and appropriate. It is scary when you start looking into this whole thing, you find out that it is more compicated than you thought. You need to keep that edge. The only one who knows where or how far that this will go is him. It is not a good feeling that he has all of that power, it leaves you feeling a little vulnerable and confused.

I agree with Kathy that being involved with the "right" CD is not a bad thing. Analyze them as an individual. Does he have the traits you admire in an individual like being honest, is he balanced, is he a good friend, does he have addiction problems, is he a good communicator etc. If he does not hold all of the traits you would want in a man then the CD part will make that all the worse.

The most important thing here is for you to not move into the role of enabler and become his cd fantasy and give up everthing that you desire in a relationship. Many of us do this and end up disapearing in the cd relationship. After a while it becomes overwhelming and eventually makes you put on the brakes which confuses the cd because he never gets saturated with the crossdressing like some spouses do. Your desire to participate will probably never match his desire to crossdress. This is where his traits as an indivdual will be important. He will have to have the ability to comprimise and communicate to your satisfaction as well.

You have every right to be happy and fullfilled in any relationship that you venture into. Ask more questions and take things slow.
Come join us in the gg section. There is a great group of women there with lots of love and advice to give. Take care :hugs: Kitty

[cindybarnes]

Hi Confused,

You have gotten some great advise already here aready, but almost every situation is a little differernt. One thing for sure is that by trying to work this out early on is the best thing !
My first thought about your bf's joking is that maybe its his way of getting your official approval of his dressing without being blunt ?
I say next time he jokes about a certian dress or something call him on it,,, have a reply ready like,,, ok so lets see you in it ! :) That may be the step to some deeper conversations on the subject.
Thats just my first impression of why he may be joking but not had a serious talk with you about it ?
Good luck to you both

Cindy

[ggconfused]

I am going to try to wrap my head around everything that everyone has told me and do my best to talk to him about it. I don't think I can counter his joking with a request to see him in a dress because I am still not sure how I will react. I know I won't be sure until it happens but I do care about him and the last thing I want to do is make him feel more vulnerable and then walk out. Not that I am saying I will run, but there is that fear. Maybe if we talk about it and I get to know him more, my feelings for him can overcome the fears and confusion I am feeling.

His respect for me as a woman seems to be a double edged sword. On the one hand he doesn't want to rush me into sex but on the other, I am a human being and do have my needs. So, I guess I will wait until he is ready but keep in mind that I can't wait forever, nor should I.

Thank you so much for all your support.

[Kate Simmons]

The GG's here have a good support group, Hon. You may want to accept their invitation to join it. Also, any of us CD's here are more than willing to give you our viewpoints based on our experience. In the final analysis, you need to make your own decision but it helps to know you have friends and are not alone in this.Some of the best are here. I can personally attest to that.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[MsJanessa]

Hi Hon---since everybody and her sister has chimed in on the subject I guess I will too. My take on the matter really depends on how you feel personally about Cding---if you never had any thoughts on the matter, positive or negative prior to meeting your sweetie, then I wouldn't make any kind of decision just yet---wait and see how things shake out with your feelings on the issue--after all if you haven't even had sex yet so there is no hurry. If, on the other hand, you feel VERY uneasy about transvestism but really like this guy and think you can change him or that the CDing will "go away", you are deluding yourself---it never goes away---40+ years of experience have taught me that---the best he can do is suppress or sublimate it, but it will raise its lovely head again, eventually. If you are in this catagory, its best not to get any further involved with him---it will only lead to unhappiness for both of you. Finally you might be in that catagory of GG that really likes CDing and for whom it is a turn-on---if you were there I don't think you would have started this thread. I'm assuming you are in the first catagory---really don't know how you feel about it. If you look at "dressing" as a negative trait, don't want to see him dressed or have sex with him while dressed, then probably you should forget any thoughts of being romantically involved with this guy---it will only make both of you unhappy---if you think you might like to share in this part of his life, then try it and see how it goes. My advice is to talk to him, tell him you would like to hang out with him when and while he dresses---and then do it. If the vibes are good then, then go for it---if you are uneasy and/or uncomfortable with it, then both of you should find someone who you are more compatible with. Good Luck PS you indicated some frustration with not having sex yet----I'm not sure what the reason is, but perhaps you should let him know(if you haven't already) Many CDers are very shy about that kind of thing---also you could bring the subject up while he is dressed(assuming you want that) He would probably be more receptive to it then. On the other hand if that's a total turn off for you then you really should end the relationship and save both of you further heartbreak. xo J

[ggconfused]

I never thought about it before. The only experiences I have ever had were at the movies where there was a drag queen. So, all I know about crossdressing is what I saw, a parody of a woman. I am not at all against it and as I told him when I first found out, to each his own. Unfortunately, that was before anything developed. I am not trying to change him nor want to keep him from doing something that he likes. I keep hearing a lot about compromise and that I need to understand this is not going to go away and it will rear its head again. What I don't understand is where the line of compromise is drawn. I know this sounds strange and a little background may be in order. I am emotionally tough. I don't know when I became like this, from my childhood or broken hearts along the way, but I am. It takes a lot of trust for me to open up and even more for me to commit. I have been in love two times and both times I had my heart broken. So, for me, giving up my single and 'fun' life is a very big deal. I usually make it about 2 months and I am out the door, just as the 'conversation' is about to surface. Now, it has been longer than 2 months and although the conversation is a way off, I am not at all ready to put on my running shoes. This is precisely why I am trying to get a grip on all of this, he is different than the rest and I don't want to sprint out the door. But, when the conversation does come up about not being with anyone else, as I know it will, where is the compromise? If I am going to go against all my fears and be only with him, which has not happened yet because we are still early on, what is he giving up for me? I am giving up a relationship I have had with someone for more than two years. A relationship that, although very unhealthy, is quite satisfying late on a Saturday night. I am giving up being single. I am giving up other guys. I am giving up being petrified and keeping a wall up. Like I said, I would NEVER consider asking him to change, nor would I want him to change. I don't want him to pretend and suppress these desires, it is who he is. What I do want is a little understanding that he is not the only one going through this. I want him to know that while he is consumed with his fears of rejection, he is missing the obvious, I haven't gone anymore, nor am I planning on it. I keep hearing a lot about acceptance of the crossdresser, I have yet to hear how the crossdresser has taken a moment to put him/herself in the gg's shoes. When does that come? Are there stages and I am in the first? What is next?

[sharifemme]

Ggconfused....

Welcome to the group. I understand your feelings and appreciate your honesty. As a transgender person myself, I have made many mistakes in my relationship with my wife concerning TG matters. I'll share three of them with you.

The first mistake I made was not to tell her for over 30 years. That was 30 years of dishonesty on my part. It also meant that there were 30 years of deception in who I was because I could not share my inner person with her. All she got to know of me was a shadow.

Second mistake - I told her about Shari and let her have a choice about whether to accept me or not. She said she would try but I pushed her too fast and hard trying out new experiences, etc. She got the impression it was the most important thing in my life. She thought she was playing second fiddle to Shari.

Third mistake - When she would ask me to tone it down or set lower limits, I took it as rejection and stopped sharing with her because I felt she didn't want to know or didn't care about that part of me.

What's my point? Well, If you love this person and you can communicate about TG issues, your relationship, etc., you are ahead of the game because you know from the start. You have the advantage of having a partner who was honest about the deepest part of her soul. In the end, if you can communicate and understand each other, you have a good chance. If you have major doubts or any feelings of disgust, you might want to weigh the future carefully. In the end , we all have to make our own decisions and take their consequences. Good luck and God Bless you.

Shari

[Dixie Darling]

Check your private message here in the forum.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[DonnaT]

When does the testing stop?
I imagine it will only stop when you two have had a serious discussion about everything.

I hear what your saying about wanting to stay in the relationship, but at some point, if you don't have that talk soon, you are probably going to get very tired (even more so than you already are) of his joking, and instead of talking calmly, may end up arguing.

I get the feeling you definitely don't want that to occur.

Seems to me you know what you want to say to him, and hashing it out here is not getting it done.

If necessary, write it all down so you don't forget what you want to say, or want to ask.

Note that he may not have all the answers, not all of us do. And try not to get him to make promises that he may not be able to keep.

[myMichelle]

Aside from echoing the comments of many of the girls here, I would definitely encourage you to talk to the other GG's about all of your feelings/emotions. Somehow, no matter how well-meaning, I just don't think a crossdresser will be able to give you the insight you seek. For the true insight, I think you need to talk to another GG...Someone who has been there and wrestled with the same feelings and walked down the same path you now find yourself on.

You seem like a wonderful, open-minded girl. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope that you are able to talk with your partner about all of your fears and frustrations...and, BTW, it is wonderful that he has been so open from the begining. Sadly, crossdressers are not all this open. I encourage you to sieze this openness and keep the lines of communication open.

[Bernice]

Dear Confused,

You've gotten some excellent advice here, and there seems little I can add. Crossdressing is not that uncommon, but acceptance is.

I don't think it is at all unusual that you don't know exactly how you feel. But as time goes by, perhaps you will realize that you have some choice in how you feel about this, i.e. you can decide to accept it and move on towards a loving relationship, or decide to reject it and move on in another way.

I find myself troubled by your revelation that you find an unhealthy sexual relationship to be satisfying. If you consider this rationally, you will end the unhealthy sexual relationship regardless of what else you do.

Perhaps your CD "partner to be" wants to know if you will respect him in the morning. Actually, in this day and age, do you not owe him 6 months of chasity while being tested for HIV? Do you know what love is?

I remember how driven I was to have sex as early and as often as possible. But when I first met my SO of 30+ years, I was compelled to make a go of chasity until marriage. I also - promptly, and as gently as possible - let another close g/f (#1) know that I had intentions to settle down with someone else (#2). I was glad for all of us that g/f #1 and I had not been intimate.

After two months sleeping through the nights together, mostly in the nude, chasity went out the window one evening, but I think #2 and I were both better prepared for the moment, having made a genuine committment prior to that point. Of course, this included airing out our feelings about crossdressing, as best we could. Then again, we were "engaged" for 17 months - unheard of in the 1970's, and back then very few thought we would make it, but so far, we have, and we still want to.

[VtVicky]

Hi Confused,

You wrote: "I keep hearing a lot about acceptance of the crossdresser, I have yet to hear how the crossdresser has taken a moment to put him/herself in the gg's shoes. When does that come? Are there stages and I am in the first? What is next?"

My response is BINGO!!!

Most of us have been dealing with this all of our lives alone in one way or another. When we finally find someone to share it with we tend to go over board real fast. Dealing with a newly out CD can be a bit like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. We may be careful in some ways, but in other ways our long pent up emotions are trying to burst out. In the midst of all this it is very easy to forget that our SO's are human's too. They have lives and histories that are quite independent from our CD issues.

The nature of this forum, naturally, is the focus on the CD related issues, but nothing exists in a vacuum. You have a life and set of experiences that you bring to this relatinship. Although it is tempting to let the CDing issues dominate the relationship just because it is so unusual and upsetting, you are exactly correct to try to include your feelings in the equation.

I applaud your efforts to educate yourself in this situation. I would encourage you to encourage HIM to get educated as well. He needs to get on this forum and read what some of the other CDs and their SO's have experienced. Until I joined, I could only guess what the SO's were thinking. This forum has been a godsend of information regarding the other side of the equation for me.

I live in snow country. One of the things you learn real fast up here is that when the road gets slippery you must slow down. And just because the next 1/4 mile is straight, does not mean it is safe to speed up. All kinds of obstacles can pop up. Dealing with CDing in a relationship is similar. Slow down, and even when things seem to be going well, continue going slowly until the traction in the relationship is pretty solid.

Good luck. And never lose sight of the fact that you are an equal partner in the relationship.

[Michelia]

Why the rush? Try to enjoy what you have as it goes. If it does not work out that is OK. That happens.

GG confused - I agree with almost all said so far so I will not duplicate. I can tell you a bit about my GG. She will not tell you herself because she will never go on the internet for something like this. She believes each couple makes their own little world that is particular to just them and it is no one elses business. Relationships come in all forms. I started CDing after being together. She was never interested in learning about CDing. But she is very open-minded and flexible and we always told each other everything. We were already happy. So this could have been a terrible threat to our happiness. Instead, after her initial surprise and concern, she has taken Michelia as her girl. She leads the way for her in many ways. I am a latin american macho guy too and I make sure I give her all the things she needs from me. And I always know what they are because she makes it plain and simple what her needs are. She has placed no restrictions on me whatsoever and encourages me when I falter. She has given me the courage to take CDing to a level I could have never achieved by myself. I have only made two promises to her. I told her I was not gay. I told her I will never alter my body. I know I can live up to these commitments as I am the happiest girl/guy that ever lived. If she would be willing to post here she would tell you she has never been happier and she has never loved so intensely as now, after years of being together.

I know my GG is exceptional. I treasure the ground she walks on. I know how incredibly lucky I am. But your relationship could have the same potential. Forget about what you are giving up for your CDer and what he may be giving up for you. Do not keep score. You have it all wrong! And if my special lady ever told me she would give up a unhealthy relationship for me, I would be very very hurt and offended. It just does not sound to me like you are giving up a lot. Go ahead and stay single all your life? Dating the same type of guys you have always dated? Look at what you could GAIN! The more you give and love your CDer, the more you love you may get back. More than you ever dreamed of. The key is to communicate and keep it all in a healthy balance. Do not worry about setting limits so early on. See where it all takes you. Let it happen. This is the only way you will know what will work for you or not and maybe find someplace for the two of you you never knew existed. Create your own little world and forget about all the conventions.

And one more little bit: If things do not work out, why not try another CD? There are some very wonderful people on this site looking for someone just like you.

[Sheila]

Slightly :OT: ,
having read the responses to GGconfused I applaud you all the respsonses you have given her, they have been ovewhelmingly wonderful and not a qusetionable comment among them.


sometimes goddamitt you lot make me so proud to be a member here


:hugs: to you all

Jess

P.S I have not been ignoring this thread and have responded by PM to ggconfused, but you all said it far better than I could have

[LittleBlackDress]

Michelia's post (#50, at the bottom of page two) was absolutely beautiful and we should all aspire to have that type of life philosophy. Her response was posted as I was crafting my reply below and I'm almost ashamed to follow up her exquisitely written reply with my own meandering thoughts.
However, I know that not every crossdresser's significant other (S.O.) is as fortunate to have the clarity of thought that Michelia's SO has. I considered deleting my reply because... really... what more is there to say? But I realize that there may be some of you out there still saying, "That is wonderful, but how do I get to that place from where I'm standing?" You may want to reach the destination Michelia wrote about with your boyfriend/husband/SO, but the two of you may not be on the same track as one another or even travelling at the same rate.
She's absolutely right that compromise is not about keeping score. However, for those who are trying to reach the same destination via different routes and through different obstacles (mental/spiritual/etc), compromise may be an invaluable tool to reach your final destination.
If this sounds like your situation, I offer a few thoughts...


I am not trying to change him nor want to keep him from doing something that he likes. I keep hearing a lot about compromise and that I need to understand this is not going to go away and it will rear its head again. What I don't understand is where the line of compromise is drawn. I know this sounds strange and a little background may be in order. I am emotionally tough. I don't know when I became like this, from my childhood or broken hearts along the way, but I am. It takes a lot of trust for me to open up and even more for me to commit. I have been in love two times and both times I had my heart broken. So, for me, giving up my single and 'fun' life is a very big deal. I usually make it about 2 months and I am out the door, just as the 'conversation' is about to surface. Now, it has been longer than 2 months and although the conversation is a way off, I am not at all ready to put on my running shoes. This is precisely why I am trying to get a grip on all of this, he is different than the rest and I don't want to sprint out the door. But, when the conversation does come up about not being with anyone else, as I know it will, where is the compromise? If I am going to go against all my fears and be only with him, which has not happened yet because we are still early on, what is he giving up for me? I am giving up a relationship I have had with someone for more than two years. A relationship that, although very unhealthy, is quite satisfying late on a Saturday night. I am giving up being single. I am giving up other guys. I am giving up being petrified and keeping a wall up. Like I said, I would NEVER consider asking him to change, nor would I want him to change. I don't want him to pretend and suppress these desires, it is who he is. What I do want is a little understanding that he is not the only one going through this. I want him to know that while he is consumed with his fears of rejection, he is missing the obvious, I haven't gone anymore, nor am I planning on it. I keep hearing a lot about acceptance of the crossdresser, I have yet to hear how the crossdresser has taken a moment to put him/herself in the gg's shoes. When does that come? Are there stages and I am in the first? What is next?

You have said a lot in this little bit, and hopefully I can share some new insight.

Let me start right in by saying that the point of compromise will be at the point where his desires meet your limit of acceptance. You clearly accept the dressing, but, from what I hear you saying, your limit of acceptance stops short of seeing him dressed. That's where one of your points of fear begins. So, I would recommend setting that as the limit for now. Doing this may be very helpful in alleviating some of your anxiety. Can this point of compromise change? Absolutely! Down the road you may want to further incorporate this side of him into your life together. The 'point of compromise' can be fluid. That being said, here's something that will hopefully put you at ease... though you feel scared and uncertain about everything, you are now the "gatekeeper." You are the one in control of how much or how little is openly shared within the relationship and at what pace. And let me say that a healthy relationship is certainly not about who is in control. But this initial limit should help you catch up with your fears so that you can overcome them.

Now, here's HIS compromise...
There's a good chance that he wants to share this with you beyond your 'accepting as long as you don't have to see it,' hence, the persistent jokes. Now that he has your acceptance (and trust me, he is aware he has it), joking is a way to share it with you without the pressure/uncertainty/fear of dressing for you for the first time. It's the "foreplay" so-to-speak. The jokes are his invitation to you to share this with him. He keeps inviting you in, hoping one of those times you'll accept his invitation to take the next step with him and actually see him wearing something. You stated that you are not ready for that, so his compromise will be that he will have to decide if dressing alone is acceptable for now... or until you are ready to share it with him... or for as long as the two of you are dating/together. This is for you to decide for the time being. Keep in mind, compromise is not for you or him to do alone, it's all about treading this new ground together.
(A little tip though... if you ever reach the point that you are ready to open the gates a little and to see him wearing something, buy him something that you would want to see him in that you think may look good on him
(i.e. does he have great legs? Buy him a cute mini-skirt!) This way, you have a good idea of what to expect, and you will be introducing this side of him to yourself at your own pace.)

BUT... beyond all this... I think the undercurrent of much of this is the two of you HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET! It's a motif woven through many of your postings. Here's my theory... correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you have a history of dating guys that had no problem getting right down to the business of having sex. That's all well and good for guys who exist at a very 'basic needs' level. Often those relationships tend to be one sided (his) and shallow, and it's not uncommon for them to be unhealthy. From what I've learned from this forum is that crossdressers tend to operate on a higher emotional level. Often this means waiting to have sex until a solid emotional connection has been established. You may very well have reached that point in your relationship with him, but there seems to be a cloud of doubt/fear obscuring it.
Communicating (as many others have suggested), and most importantly, establishing your first 'point of compromise' (the limit of what you can accept for now), is vital to reaching your goal of having sex with him.

Also obstructing the path to having sex are a few other internal questions you have expressed in a post earlier on....


I keep wondering if he isn't attracted to me; if I am not enough of a woman for him; if he can only get off when he is wearing my clothes (and by that I mean my=women's). It is very hard not to internalize these feelings. In addition, I really like him, a great GUY, and am very confident in my sexuality and know that I am not attracted to women. How can I possibly be attracted to a man in women's clothing? I don't want to be a man and I don't want to play that role. Is that where this is headed?

His dressing in no way, shape, or from should translate to your adequacy (or perceived inadequacy) as a woman. It's not about what you do or don't do... who you are or what you think you may be lacking. It could be as simple as the feeling of freedom one has when wearing a skirt, or the exhilaration of doing something that goes against society's norms, or how sensual silk or lace feels against your skin. It could also be a deeper issue of gender association or identity. But the bottom line is... it's not you.
He already confirmed he's not gay... he shared his secret with you... the smart money says he's attracted to you and most likely wants to have sex with you.
This leads to the last question I hear you asking, which relates to how his dressing affects your life in the bedroom.
Again... to start off, set the parameters of what you're comfortable with. He will have to tell you what he wants and whether or not your limits are acceptable to him. Then let the relationship grow from there.

Crossdressing is not something to fear, in the bedroom or out.
Simply put, everyone on this planet has varied lifestyle and/or sexual preferences. This is just one of the many possible preferences any two people have to negotiate in order to find harmony.
Relax. Communicate. But most importantly... be yourself.

All the best!

[Kelsy]

Hi gg confused

You have gotten alot of wonderful responses and advise here. You may even be experiencing information overload! But this is mainly true, most CDs love women infact they adore women so much so they wish to emulated them. There are no other men that understand and are sensitive to woman quite like a CD. That being said there is no relationship that will survive with Cd as the center. Love, Trust, Paitience, understanding with bit of chemistry has to be the core attributes. The fact is that in most cases CDs are programed early in life but it is this very programing that makes your man what he is and it is those things that attracted you to him in the first place. I hope everything works out for you two.

Jennifer

[Lisa Golightly]

1. The humour is created by fear of rejection. Your lucky you've found someone who is still worried about what others think... as such you have the basic components for compromise. I myself am now so jaded with 'normality' I tend to offer no alternatives.

2. The 'chat' about shopping is a blending of 'tranny euphoria' a state of mind where reality gives way to fantasy where pent up dreams take hold and the mis-reading that you are 'fine and dandy' with the scenario.

The solutions....

Well one... You lie and say everything is fine and dandy and things progressively get more messy for you.

Two... You say, 'hey! You may be into this, but I'm here by proxy'. This enables you to introduce your needs and he can mention his hopes. If you can formulate a treaty then you can muddle through. Don't expect to get the full truth on the first sitting... It will come in dribs and drabs.

My personal experience is that if you really do have issues then get out now... You'll do no favours for each other in the long run. May sound harsh, but having been there... It is a terrible thing to behold when the war ends and all that is left is wasteland...

On a more cheery note... Love supposedly conquers all. Good luck :)

[ggconfused]

Thank you all very much for all your support. I am going to give it a try but at my own pace. I want to get to know him better before I delve deeper into his fetish, or whatever you would call it. I promise to keep everyone posted.

As to my unhealthy relationships, yes, I know I should end them. As many woman have found, it is not always easy to balance a strong and healthy relationship with an equally strong desire to have a career. I have spent a lot of time working on my professional life and little time on developing personal relationships, so to speak. I have been in love twice, and they were both the most amazing and gut wrenching experiences. I want to fall in love again, but I don't date for sport. I never have and I really don't think I ever will. I usually know if it is there or not, and proceed accordingly. Thus, my presence on this forum. I met someone and didn't run away because I think he is pretty incredible. Unfortunately, he there is a huge bump in the road, but I am going to try to maneuver myself over it, without permanent injuries along the way.

What I have realized is that I have spent my whole life pushing other people's limits, pushing to see just how far I can get and what their breaking points are. I guess it is time I push my own.

Wish me luck, I know I am going to need it!

[Sheila]

Good luck hun and remember we are here if you need us don't be a stranger

Jess

[Sophia Rearen]

You're an incredible woman. I wish you well on your journey.

[ggconfused]

One more thing. To all of you who tell me that if I have issues with this, I should get out now to save everyone's feelings, I couldn't disagree more. I have been in many healthy and UNhealthy relationships, but the one thing they ALL have in common, I didn't know until I gave it a try.

In this situation - at best, I find someone that I can share my life with, in a way that works for both of us. At worst, I have learned a lot more about myself and will come out a much better person for it.

Sometimes, the end result is not necessarily the goal, it's the experience of opening your eyes and realizing there are so many other ways to see the world. I can't promise I am going to like what I see, but I know I am going to keep my eyes open and try to take as much in as I can.

Besides, isn't this what dating is all about? Finding out about someone and deciding if your lives can mesh? I'll never know if mine can mesh without giving it a shot.

[Michelia]

Little Black Dress's post filled so many of the gaps I knew I wanted to say but did not know quite how. She is so very smart and insightful. I am very happy she decided to continue with her reply for I have learned something more as well.

I just wanted to add that my GG and I have not reached this point without a lot of work and time invested in our relationship and mutual understanding. Yes, there is magic to my lady, but she has had to spend a lot of time talking and trying to understand me and overcoming her fears. I, in turn, have had to struggle to control my runaway CDing, give her the attention she needs and reassure her that she, and not Michelia, is the most important girl in my life. I have also had to spend much time trying to understand her point of view and fears. I do have some limits I failed to comment on. CDing related internet use is prohibited except for moderate use of this glorious website. And even this benefit came as result of patient compromising. I am not to ever crossdress outside of our home without her being with me. I am not to contact other crossdressers without her knowledge and consent. If we ever get in trouble from public exposure and/or dressing in public, or meet hostility or difficult situations, I am to completely let her control the situation and I should not interfere. And there are a host of others too lengthy for this post. I realize they are broad and loose limitations easily met, but they are limitations nonetheless.

[kerrianna]

One more thing. To all of you who tell me that if I have issues with this, I should get out now to save everyone's feelings, I couldn't disagree more. I have been in many healthy and UNhealthy relationships, but the one thing they ALL have in common, I didn't know until I gave it a try.

In this situation - at best, I find someone that I can share my life with, in a way that works for both of us. At worst, I have learned a lot more about myself and will come out a much better person for it.

Sometimes, the end result is not necessarily the goal, it's the experience of opening your eyes and realizing there are so many other ways to see the world. I can't promise I am going to like what I see, but I know I am going to keep my eyes open and try to take as much in as I can.

Besides, isn't this what dating is all about? Finding out about someone and deciding if your lives can mesh? I'll never know if mine can mesh without giving it a shot.

Good girl! You sound like a smart cookie. No wonder he's fallen for you. Hope things work out - please keep us posted. :itsok:

And Michelia thanks for sharing your limits - it's interesting to see how it actually works with others. :love:

[Tamara Croft]

Wow, I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been said, but I just wanted to add, that this has been one of the best threads I've read for a while, it really shows how many members on this forum do care and I want to thank you all for that :hugs: It's threads like these that remind me the good outweighs the bad :)