One step forward?

[AyJay]

Well, I'm not sure if it is a step forward or one backwards. I'm feeling a little dissapointed. After telling my SO about my CDing she has decided that I don't really want to wear women's clothes, I just want "prettier" clothes. So she has trolled the internet and purchased a dhoti, kurta pyjamas and an arab robe and gown.

I really appreciate her trying to make an effort, but am I being unrealistic in finding it misguided at best? I want to be happy about the gifts and I've said I really love them, but when she said that she would go out and buy heaps of the same I had to almost stop myself from screaming "no!". I told her that we'd see how they went, and suggested I might make myself a kilt. I figure if I make it myself then I can control how it looks and how "manly" or not it needs to be. She started getting a little tetchy so I didn't push the point. What I really wanted to do was drag out one of her gypsy skirts and put it on, showing her what I really wanted to wear.

I've worn sarongs in summer for quite a few years, and she has no problem with that. I also went with her to one of those stores that sell "hippy" or "gypsy" style clothes and bought a few tops that were definitely feminine but easily written off as "hippy". She has never really had a problem with either of those, and I thought it might make her less resistant to the idea of my CDing, however I'm not sure this strategy has worked at all.

Ah well. I guess I'm just going to have to take it slowly and see what eventuates. Right now I'm sitting on the deck with my dhoti wrapped sarong style and my gypsy top.

[AyJay]

Ah heck, now she has found a kilt on ebay. I should learn to keep my mouth shut.

[Karren H]

Ewwww Pretty male clothes just doesn't sound right!!! Un-natural!! hehe Good luck with that, girl!!

Karren

[Calliope]

She's in denial and plans to 'cure' you.

I guess you two are going forward with this, or nowhere. Where you both are at present can't last much longer.

Best wishes to you.

[Glenda58]

This is not good been there done that thing here. Doesn't work she's not excepting that you are a Cross Dresser and is trying to make you wear male cloths. She might even try male looking female cloths like silk boxers it won't work so tell her now before she spends money on things you won't wear.

[AyJay]

She's in denial and plans to 'cure' you.

I guess I may be wanting too much too quickly. I've been able to hide this from her for 17 years, but since I've come out to her I've started to feel that I should be able to be more open about it all. Her only experience previously was sharing a house with a gay drag queen, who was also a heavy drug user and died of a heroin overdose. I'm obviously not gay (although I've fought against that label as well - but that is another story), and I'm probably more straight-laced than my wife when it comes to drugs, and I'm definitely not a drag queen, so she sees that I "don't have a problem" (her words).

She does have a lesbian friend who is in the process of gender reassignment, and my wife was very supportive, and I have no desire to go to that extent, but I think it may be that it is a bit close to the bone and she may be frightened by the ramifications.

Thanks for your responses, I at least know I'm not going through this alone, and that does make the journey easier.

[Kimkandy]

I also went with her to one of those stores that sell "hippy" or "gypsy" style clothes and bought a few tops that were definitely feminine but easily written off as "hippy".

So you're not a CD , but a hippy :eek: man... maybe ask your SO if she wants to drop some :meditate: acid... wow the :hugs: colors, man...

Kim

:dom: :nerd: :nerd: :nerd:

[FOCD]

och aye laddie there's nay thing wrong wit a kilt

[Calliope]

[...] I've been able to hide this from her for 17 years [... ] Her only experience previously was sharing a house with a gay drag queen, who was also a heavy drug user and died of a heroin overdose.

Not a promising start, to be honest.

My guess is her attitude will be 'no way' and 'how could you do this to me.' You've got some dues to pay.

Do you love her more than the crossdressing? I think it'll be be down to brass tacks.

Unless she's a very exceptional woman...

I believe relationships are, in blunt terms, domestic exchanges. What can you offer her (indirectly of course) in return for accepting the 'new you'?

[Kate Simmons]

This is a built-in defense mechanism. In short, she would have you wear ANYTHING but what is specifically designed for a woman to wear. Be careful. Women are people like everyone else. She may have her own agenda for whatever reason to "shape" you into her idea of what a perfect MAN should be. Since you fail to CDing, she has to modify her approach to see if you will modify yours. If you are not happy with that compromise, I see potential trouble on the horizon. It's not the clothes so much as it is her core personality. You have to determine how much of your core being you are willing to give up for this relationship. If you are not happy now with the idea, you certainly won't be later on. It's your choice though, Hon. We have to live with the results of our choices and it's always about choice. good luck.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Casey Morgan]

She does have a lesbian friend who is in the process of gender reassignment, and my wife was very supportive, and I have no desire to go to that extent, but I think it may be that it is a bit close to the bone and she may be frightened by the ramifications.

Does she know you're not looking to transition? You may have to tell her and show her until she feels that.

[Marcie Sexton]

I'm not sure that it would help, but perhaps you could try sitting her down and discussing with her your situation.

Although as my dad once said. "they listen, but don't hear"...

I know personally, I am me as I am...That is Marcie

[Robin Leigh]

Well, I'm not sure if it is a step forward or one backwards. I'm feeling a little dissapointed.

Ah well. I guess I'm just going to have to take it slowly and see what eventuates.
Taking it slowly is definitely the right approach. Coming out to an SO can be a chaotic process while she goes through a whole bunch of feelings about you, her, and gender. Everyone has to digest this in their own way. How long it takes for her to come to terms with it all partially depends on how long you hid it from her... and how well you are both prepared to co-operate to find a new balance.

Letting her direct things for a while won't hurt you, and it can allow her to find a place she's comfortable with in the new male-female dynamic.

I've had GGs that wanted me to get "feminine" men's things, like silky shirts, etc. One girl told me that there is makeup for men. I told her I wasn't interested in men's makeup because it wasn't women's makeup. :)

Hopefully, this will just be a passing phase for your SO on her road to accepting that you CD because you're a CDer. We don't want girly boy things, we want girly girl things. :D


Right now I'm sitting on the deck with my dhoti wrapped sarong style and my gypsy top.
Well you have to admit that's much girlier than the trad Aussie blue singlet & khaki King Gee shorts. :)

A dhoti can be very comfortable, and even sensuous, but it is certainly a man's garment. I haven't worn one for many years, but I do have a nice cotton dhoti or two hiding in the cupboard somewhere. Speaking of Indian garments, an ex girlfriend offered to give me a beautiful sari a couple of years ago, but I declined. I would have just felt too weird wearing it. I couldn't even try it on. :o

:hugs:

Robin

[Sandra]

You really need to tell her other wise you're going to have a load of clothes that you don't really like or want to wear.

Sit her down and talk to her explain that you don't want to transition, but I think after 17 years it's not going to be the CDing thats going to cause the problem, it's you keeping it from her.

[SatinSarah]

taking it slow is right but don't go too far down the wrong path. I think my wife hoped to get me into more feminine drab clothes but I did have to be honest and say its the wearing a bra and feeling like a woman. Thats hard to take so just start with a little more honesty about the bit you enjoy. Just keep the conversation going and make out you are discovering yourself too?