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GypsyKaren
11-28-2006, 05:00 PM
It was hard growing up as a kid in the 50s and 60s, this trannie business I mean. We didn’t have computers, no Internet, no Google to help us look for answers, and you couldn’t go down to the library and look up “feels like a girl.” We were one of the most hidden parts of society back then, and we were alone, so we stayed hidden and lived in shame and fear.

I knew I was a girl before I even knew what a girl was, that’s how long it’s been with me. My earliest childhood memory is of me playing dolls with my best friend Sally, I was 3 years old. I remember thinking that I was just like her, except she had pig tails tied with pink ribbons, and I wanted to have pig tails too. I hated it when we soon moved away, funny how I still think of her.

Growing up was all about trying to be a boy and later a man, but I always failed miserably, and I was sad because I knew I could never be the girl I knew I was. I also felt like I was the biggest freak of nature in the world, and that I was the only person on the planet to be that way…I was so alone, to bad, so sad.

I started dressing when I was 5, it was so innocent then. I was always getting into my mom’s lipstick, sure got yelled at a lot for that. I started dressing seriously and with a purpose when I was 11, in fact it saved my life. I somehow managed to putter along being trans, but other things piled up on me that I finally couldn’t handle anymore…a childhood rape, the constant beatings and abuse from my mother, and then being molested by the one adult I turned to when my mother died, to much for any kid really. Dressing brought me comfort, it made me feel right, and it was the only time I felt peace. Dressing was my sanctuary.

One morning when I was 14, I woke up and new my name was Karen, it picked me. I still felt like a freak, but at least I had a name. I made a tape recording of myself, “My name is Karen, and I am a girl”, and I listened to it over and over. It was my secret way of announcing myself to the world, and then I erased it to make sure no one else would ever hear it. My life revolved around my dressing and the safety it brought me, and I dreamed of living my life as a girl, which I knew could never be. My biggest wish was to be able to go to the coffee shop as the real me and have a cup of coffee, just sit there in a pretty dress and enjoy the day. It was all a pipe dream for me and I knew it could never be, and that made me cry.

A defining moment in my life came in the mail with the January 27, 1970 issue of Look magazine. Steve McQueen was on the cover, and inside was a big story about something I‘d never heard of, transsexuals, and I finally knew what I was. It told about sex change operations to set things right, and there were pictures of a man who became a lady, she looked so pretty, and I wished I could be her. I still felt like a freak, but at I least knew that I wasn’t alone anymore, even though I was. I lived my life, but I wasn’t alive, in fact I lived for many years with the firm decision made that I would kill myself if anyone found out about me, pretty desperate that.

So life went on and I stayed sad, even though I had wonderful kids over the years. I finally found happiness when I met my Kat, she taught me to accept love, something I always felt I didn’t deserve. Two years ago I just stopped in my tracks, I was tired from fighting the good fight, tired of living a secret life, I just couldn’t do it anymore. So I told her the truth, that I was really a woman named Karen. I knew she’d leave me, but instead she took hold of my hand and promised to never let go. She taught me to do my makeup, and she took me out into the world as Karen for the first time, there are no words to describe how that felt to me, the pipe dream came true, because I now live full time as the woman I knew I was.
I’m not saying it was all easy, because it wasn’t, but we never let it get in the way of our love for each other, and our wanting to grow together.

We look all of our lives for answers, instead we should pay more attention to the moments in time that surround us, before they slip away. We think it’s hopeless, when in fact everything is waiting for you around the next corner, you just gotta keep your eyes open so you don’t miss it. I found me a copy of that Look magazine on the internet yesterday, and when it comes I’m going to put on a pretty pink blouse, and my favorite skirt with butterflies on it, and go down to Starbucks and re-read it over that cup of coffee I dreamed about when I was a kid. I’ll think of that little boy, but instead of feeling his sorrow, I’ll embrace in her joy, and I’ll tell her “It’s all right now, you made it.” Funny how things change…

Karen

Lauren B
11-28-2006, 05:40 PM
That was such a cool thing to read:happy: Thanks for sharing that with us.

Calliope
11-28-2006, 05:51 PM
Wow, a lotta ups and downs there for sure. I admire your single-minded honesty, you sound like a pretty tenacious gal. Quite a bit of your history resonates with mine - the media in the early 70s, that childhood inclination to be with the girls. (What an anecdote - the tape recorder bit - lovely!) I didn't suffer any abuse but I ended up with a bummer mate. You're smart and in-touch with who you are - so look out world!

Siobhan Marie
11-28-2006, 05:56 PM
Karen, thank you so much for sharing that, you've put a big lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. Thank you again.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

Stlalice
11-28-2006, 06:05 PM
Karen,

As another child of the 50's and 60's what you write captures the feelings, fear and doubt that we went through feeling that we were alone with our terrible "secret". Like you, it was the early 70's when I finally figured out why it was that I felt so "wrong", so "out of place/step". I was listening to a radio show on K101 in San Francisco when they aired an interview with one of the first post op "out" transwomen - when she described her life and feelings that proverbial light bulb came on and I realized that "this is me". Then came the feeling of "Please God - don't let me be one of those people!". Then came years of denial and dressing in secret. Then a near meltdown with what may have been a suicide attempt - for once I was lucky indeed that I was too drunk to carry through with it successfully. After that came the first tentative steps toward coming out, getting into therapy, transition and getting my life together. Except for when I'm at work I'm full time now as who I really should have been from the start - a lady named Alice. In another 3 to 5 years when I retire I'll complete the process and have SRS - and finally be able to have what my sister described so well as "peace in my own skin". It's been a long journey with a long way to go yet - but at least I have the hope that I'll finally be the person I should have been all along. Hang in there and thanks for sharing. :hugs:

JulieMichelle
11-28-2006, 06:05 PM
Simply THE best thing I've read on this board. Hands down. Thank you for sharing that with us, Karen...

..and congratulations on your coffee.

Hugs,
Julie

princessmichelle
11-28-2006, 08:24 PM
Karen,

Thanks for sharing.

"Princess" Michelle

Sharon
11-28-2006, 08:26 PM
It's amazing how many similarities there are between your's and my stories, Karen, even with the significance of that particular Look Magazine. I too was a child of the era you grew up in, so I suppose there are bound to be many things we share in common, but it's intriguing to see just how alike we are when there were so many years that I felt I was alone in all this. I eventually learned, like you, that it wasn't true, but the years of my ignorance were truly dark years.

You have an attitude and vision that I admire so much. You understand and accept yourself so readily, and you have a wonderful homelife to boot. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

Kelly,R
11-28-2006, 10:16 PM
That was truly inspiring...thank you Karen for letting me know.I CAN relate.:hugs:

Sejd
11-28-2006, 10:32 PM
thanks for sharing your story Karen. Makes me want to post my own story as well. I loved the ending. I actually had a dream the other night where I was doing this slack line (tight rope) thing, which I usually do with my daughter, but in my dream I was in a beautiful skirt, and I could balance just right.
huggs
Sejd

Sarah Smile
11-29-2006, 02:43 AM
Thank you for sharing that with us, Karen. That was beautiful and inspiring. :happy:

Sheila
11-29-2006, 03:51 AM
Karen,

I hope you don't have long to wait to enjoy your coffee

Jess

pocoyo
11-29-2006, 05:06 AM
Wow Karen that was beautiful.
I have a tear rolling down my cheek here. I understand and identify with a lot of what you've said. Especially making that recording of yourself and the fantasy of going out as the real you. (Oh and the discovery of others like yourself).
I'm so glad that you have finally become the girl you always knew you were and that you have got that silly idea of harming yourself out of your head, that is never the answer.
Good on you and your lovely partner.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, touching, courageous and hopeful story.
:love:

deeasheville
11-29-2006, 06:50 AM
I know where your coming from, I was born in 1950 too.
:(

Sophia Rearen
11-29-2006, 09:55 AM
That was beautiful, Karen. You should be proud of yourself.

CaptLex
11-29-2006, 10:23 AM
It's a great story, but also you wrote it so well - I could picture everything as I read it. And I'm a sucker for a happy ending. :D

P.S. Can we clone Kat?

dancinginthedark
11-29-2006, 02:44 PM
Hiya Karen. I sat here reading with tears in my eyes ... even knowing the ending. Like the old TV ads used to say, "You've come a long way baby." :hugs:

So thank you for sharing and giving me a bit more insight into the woman I call friend.

Love,
Mae

PS-Oh the tears? Not sorrow. No way. They are tears of joy because Karen finally broke out of her cacoon. And folks she isn't just flying...she soars.

Sandra
11-29-2006, 03:51 PM
Hiya Karen

Like some of the others I to have tears but the ending makes up for them :hugs:

KrazyKat
11-29-2006, 11:16 PM
:lovestruck: Babe`, I'm as honored today, as I was 14 years ago, that you've allowed me to share my life with you, the one person in my life I know truly loves all of me, body and soul. Thank you for finding the courage to fight your way back to us!!


MOO, MOOO, I love you!! :twirl:

Yes, Mae, these are HAPPY tears rolling down my checks!!

Joy Carter
11-30-2006, 02:06 AM
It would be impossible to say we are the same but so many similarities it's scary. I know I will never go full time but just to know there are others out there like me has been such a relief. I wish you the peace you seek Karen.


:hugs:

Di
11-30-2006, 10:16 AM
Karen, With tears on my cheeks after reading this....I just wanted to say you and Kat are all inspiring ....love you both Di

Tamara Croft
11-30-2006, 10:52 AM
I'm at a loss for words :hugs: You certainly have come a long way :hugs:

Maggie Kay
11-30-2006, 10:54 AM
I am also a child of the fifties and find that your story is very inspiring. My TG issues were so out of focus most of my life but they were there coloring everything that I did or thought. Only in the past few years has it donned on me why I have been so uncomfortable "in my skin." It is really wonderful that you found what it was for you so early. The benefit of having years and years to settle the issues must be fabulous. Thanks so much for posting your story. It give me hope for a better future.

Kay

michelle19845
11-30-2006, 04:01 PM
i'm glad you're happy now,hope things stay good as can ever be with you and kat.thanks for everything you do for me also,you're a great friend !



down the road,
michelle19845

GypsyKaren
11-30-2006, 05:35 PM
I would like to thank all of you for your kind words, it's greatly appreciated and means a lot to me. I owe so much to my Kat, it's because of her that life is good for me now, and it is that.

I guess what I've learned is that life does go on, so you might as well make the most of it, because once time passes you by, it never waits for you to catch up. I've been given my chance to live, and I intend to do just that, as Karen.

Karen